Insidious (1740 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.21 on 160 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2006-10-07 11:20:17 EDT
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This post is officially part of UberMadness!. Click here for more information on the rules and restrictions. |
Entry 1
"No other group in American history has received the kind of prejudice we have to deal with today!"The anger in the ample living room escalated, spewing steam and ash like a volcano ready to erupt.
"We don't have to take this anymore!"
The lava rose to the top of the brim, peaking out to survey the destruction it would cause were it to be let upon the unsuspecting world.
"This is supposed to be the land of the free!"
Just spilling over, the lava began to make its way down the mountain. Slowly, the mountain itself began to tremble at the awesome force it had contained for long and shuddered at the thought that it might be escaping.
"It is," I said calmly, the first person to not use an exclamatory tone and the first to jolt the three other occupants of the room into submission. "Listen to yourselves," I said in a slightly more agitated tone, "you're playing right into their stereotypes."
My left and right eyes focused on the person to my left.
"Adil," I said to the man in focus, "have you not found prosperity and honor, the very things you sought in this country? Look at all of the pleasant trinkets here in your living room. Surely this kind of prosperity would not be yours had you stayed in Saudi Arabia."
My attention stayed partly with Adil but also encompassed the rest of the company in Adil's living room.
"And the rest of you are just as well off. Habib, the jacket you wear and the shoes protecting your feet are no longer made of corn husks and substandard leather. Here, you wear only the finest of textiles."
The young man's neck drooped, sagging so his ears nearly rested upon his shoulders.
"And Samir, you have found a lovely woman to share your life with here. I can think of nothing more paramount that one could possibly want in life."
"Thank you, Wafai," Adil said to me as he stood and rested his hand on my shoulder. "Your voice of reason sometimes I think is the only thing to keep the rest of us from taking too much from this land of plenty which has given us all so much. Perhaps it is better if we adjourn for tonight."
I stood to look Adil in the eye and bid the group adieu but the other two remained motionless and seated on the couch across from where I had been sitting.
"Are you two not leaving as well?" I asked, feeling as if I was being thrown out for calming these men down from their fervor.
A glance was exchanged between Samir and Habib on the couch as if to decide who would speak.
"We merely have a matter of business to discuss with Adil," Samir said. "It will take but a moment. I look forward to seeing you next week, Wafai." Samir nodded his head in approval and glanced at me as if demanding I leave at once.
I finally realized it was not my place to stay where I was not wanted. I had planned to bring up the incident next week, but now was not the time.
-
At our meeting time next week, I decided not to directly bring up the issue but poke around for at least an explanation. I was greeted like any other week, the members of our little group standing at my arrival, offering their hands and smiles to me as brothers rather than the evictors I scurried from last week. I took their hands and returned their smiles in the pretense of brotherhood, thinking perhaps the anomaly from last week would not be repeated again.
The meeting progressed as normal. We discussed family life, coping with any minor atrocities committed against us merely because of our religion and the like until Adil's wife left at 8:45 for her weekly bridge club meeting three houses down. Adil watched her leave much closer than normal. As soon as she shut the door, I found out why.
Three gazes were all glowering at me, waiting for a reaction I knew not how to give as of yet. Adil spoke.
"Wafai," Adil addressed me, "I am sorry for the confusion of last week. It must have seemed like we kicked you out merely so that we could continue talking without you."
"No, no," I said, "but it was quite peculiar. Do you mind telling me now what the meaning was behind all of that chicanery?"
"Actually," Adil spoke, inching himself closer to me and farther out of his seat, hushing his voice so even Habib and Samir had to lean forward to hear, "we have planned a drastic action."
Habib and Samir inched back into the recesses of their couch, as they had already heard the explanation due to me.
"A drastic action," I queried. "Whatever are you fellows referring to?" I became nervous. My eyes could not focus on any one thing in the room. They darted from the family pictures on Adil's mantle to the prayer rug stuffed in the corner.
My instructor at the FBI Academy had told me I would have literally a one percent chance of being placed in an actual terrorist group. The FBI were making no mistakes again after those Arab scum took down two of our most glorious symbols of capitalism. Never again would that happen. Slowly, agents had been introduced into small Islamic groups to monitor their activity. How I longed to be in the other 99 percent.
"The terrorists who crashed planes into the World Trade Center five years ago were heroes, true," Adil spoke with a gleam of malice in his eye, "but they were also stupid. I value a martyr as much as the next Muslim, but if there is one thing that America has taught me it is that one's life is worth so much more than just one act of violence."
"Adil..." I started, trying to sway him from the path he had already taken steps down. I suspected it would be unsuccessful, but there wasn't much else I could say in my state of shock.
"Wafai," he said, extending his hand, "are you with us?"
The ironic "with us or against us" ultimatum used by George W. Bush so many times flashed through my memory. I thought it ironic these small-time terrorists were using the same ideology to frighten me into their plan. I, of course, knew what my answer had to be to live at least a little longer.
"I am with you," I said, folding my hands over those of Adil, "but you must tell me what sort of felony I have committed myself to."
Adil removed his hands from mine, a sly smile appearing across his face. He looked at Habib and Samir on the couch, who seemed to have the same silly smile on their faces.
"We will first strike at the very organization that seeks to destroy our brothers-in-arms across the globe. Every day they hunt us down like animals all in the name of liberty and security. For the stars and stripes they kill," Adil said, "or so they claim. We shall first strike the Federal Bureau of Investigation's Headquarters in Washington D.C."
-
"S-sir," I spoke panic-stricken into a public telephone three blocks from my apartment. "Sir I think we have a situation here in Georgetown."
A weathered male voice on the other end sounded unsympathetic to my situation, as if he had heard the same thing plenty of times before.
"First, your badge number, son. Then your clearance code and operating number. Then I transfer you to your supervisor. What are you, fresh out of the Academy?"
I gave the worn speaker my codes and was passed through the appropriate channels to my handler.
"Sergeant Eidam," the end of the telephone said to my ear. I pressed it against my skin, the receiver still cold from the night air. I composed myself and tried to let the shock of the meeting wear off but I couldn't shake it. This was the first contact I had initiated with my handler and I wanted to at least appear professional."
"Sergeant this is Quilted Chicken. We have a situation here in Georgetown. My infiltration group has moved into level three hostility."
Silence filled the receiver.
"Sir," I said, "they're going to hit FBI HQ."
At this point I had talked more to the air than I had to my handler and wondered if he was still there.
"Sir?" I tentatively whispered into the phone.
"Those insidious bastards," I heard Sergeant Eidam cursing in the background. "Quilted Chicken this is Sergeant Eidam," he said as though he had been on top of the situation the entire time. "Is there an execution date as of yet?"
"Yes sir," I replied. "They plan to hit the building a week from today around 9:45 P.M., sir."
"Fine, just fine," the sergeant said, "Quilted Chicken, check back in with me at 1700 hours the day before the attack to confirm the details."
Before I could reply, the receiver clicked and I was alone again in the fight against terrorism.
-
Next week came much slower than normal. Maybe it was the fact that I slept much less than normal or perhaps it was the feeling of doubt lodged in my gut. Early in the week I just wanted to get the damn thing over with and move on to the next job. But as the days passed, I longed to be anywhere else with any other job.
As I arrived at Adil's house, the mood was cheerless and somber. The rest of the group was already there, laying out their prayer mats. I did the same. We recited portions of the Qur'an, each of us detecting the nerves in the others' quaking tones. But none of us scared enough to admit it.
After we had finished the last Sura, we silently rolled up our prayer mats, stored them in the corner of Adil's living room, hiked to Adil's 1999 Honda Accord and got in, each of our eyes focusing to the front with not an inch of deviation.
Deep in thought, Adil turned the key in the ignition and felt the car rumble to a start. He put the car in drive and carefully pulled onto the street.
"Brothers," Adil said, finally breaking our silence and some of the tension, "it is with great honor that I share these moments with you. Through thick and thin we have been and I believe this will only strengthen the bond between us."
Pausing for a moment, Adil added, "...and between us and Allah as well."
Nods of agreement filled the car, including mine. Adil continued to speak.
"This blow to the FBI may not be big enough to topple the organization. But they are now finding out how to fight cells such as ours. They have to do it on the smallest of levels. It is a wise strategy. But if we continue to outfox them at every turn, honor will be ours!"
The nodding continued. I realized my heart was noticeably pounding. By looking at my chest, you could see the material of my clothing move with every beat, even with the bulletproof vest I had adorned that morn. And with every admission of blood in my heart, I wondered if agents would swoop out of nowhere to apprehend these villains. With every departure I was disappointed.
And still, Adil continued to speak on behalf of the rest of us, perhaps to reassure himself he was doing the right thing or perhaps he knew the rest of us were too scared to make a peep.
Suddenly the speech stopped.
So did the car.
Three doors opened.
Mine did not.
Three doors closed. I looked outside my car window and could see nothing but the clothes of my companions, each facing one another in a triangle.
I smiled. The agents are here! Finally! I thought about opening my door as well to help the FBI agents detain the criminals and gain the glory I deserved. I heard no shots or yelling but put my hand on the handle for when the time came.
"Get out," said Adil's voice, muffled by the door in between us. "Get out," he said again, with more volume and intensity. "I said get out of my fucking car, Wafai."
I did as I was told and came face to face with three extremely pissed brothers. I looked around me and saw the exact opposite of what I expected. Instead of the well-paved streets of D.C., quaint trees alongside the road and the majestic flags of our nation past and present on FBI Headquarters, I saw a dingy landscape fill my view.
The car had stopped at a riverbank, that of the Potomac. Its muddy shores and grimy stream had never seemed so dark.
"Are we setting the bomb off by the riverside?" I asked, gesturing to our muddy surroundings.
Habib and Samir started to hint at a chuckle but were silenced by Adil.
"No," Adil said. "Setting off a bomb in the FBI would cause too much unwanted attention. Were you, by chance, listening to the little speech I made in the car?"
"Sure," I said, attempting to muster up a little enthusiasm.
"Well you boys at the FBI aren't too smart, are you then?" Adil pulled out a handgun and pointed it at my chest.
"Woah, Adil," I said. "What are you talking about with the 'you boys at the FBI?' You're crazy, man."
"Crazy is better than stupid," he said. "So you boys at the FBI think that while you can go after tiny cells of terrorist organizations that we can not do the same? It's not exactly a secret that the FBI was inserting operatives into predominantly Muslim groups, Wafai. All we had to do was meet and wait until a new guy moved into the neighborhood and wanted to start meeting with us. Painfully obvious, you naive American simpleton."
"What - no, Adil you've got it all wrong."
Fire erupted from the barrel of the gun once, twice, three times into my chest as I fell to the ground. Each bullet engulfed by the standard-issue vest I had worn to protect myself from stray bullets from the FBI agents I knew could do me no good now.
"Maybe next time, don't advertise your battle scheme, you clueless, insidious snake."
With that, Adil raised the barrel to rest in between my eyes and squeezed.
- VS -
Entry 2
Entry 1:
Ally788
Amontillado
AsshOly
Axolotl
BananaPhone
Bigmike
Bizdorph
Bob_Dole
Bubba2341
CaptainThorns
charminglybeef
Confuzitron
ConorJS
consuelo212
Coyote
Cracked_out_cali
Crystle
Davros
DonkeyOnTheEdge
ELG
extacy_red
FunnyAsCancer
gAGGLE
ghola
goferforhire
gravitas
Hirilnara
HotWillie
ilikesteak
intellismartness
Jack_McCallum
jfreakman
jgreening
JMG114
joedaddy
JoeyG
kaos-king
lechuza
Life101
littledan
loki
LT
Magicaddict
Maltese
MandaPanda
morontian
NerfHerder
Nonentity
rad1101
Razor
ripple
rob_berg
Samo
satchel
scourge
Sepsis
Serious_Melvin
Shaun_Rocks
simple_catalyst
Siren
sparkle_pink
St_Jimmy
Stagger_Lee
stevie_says
strwbryfanatic
Targa
The_Yellow_Dart
thedominator
whiskey_jack
Wiggles
WingedFoote
62 eligible votes (71 total) *
Entry 2:
absolutes
BadAssJulie
beeltea
BLITZKREIG_BOB
bob
c1ndy
coley
darko
DrogoRoch
Ducky
EchoBoxing
electrictoothsyndrome
forthewin
FuckTheArmy
Genko
GnarlsBarkley
Gunslinger
Impassive-Digressive
indoninja
JonnyX
justagirl27
kimmy02721
kybernetikum
Method
nyxmar
Orgasmatron
phuzzygish
PokeyMen
polyamorousaj
redskieslookfake
Sacrilicious
Saffron
sealclubber
sicosemen
smemma
Soley_Trinity
SPECIALk
Spuds002
STIXS
supadupapupa
The_taste_of_Monkeys
thorpe
tlozoot
UnderOathMeal
yhywstudios
42 eligible votes (45 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-10-14 02:11:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed ETS' spirited defence of my post, that everyone who voted for the first one were "assholes".
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-10-14 01:21:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats to Nerfherder, a thoroughly deserved win. To people who thought I didn't try, piss of, this took hours and hours. I don't think you're aware of just how long mspaints take to do. To people who thought the substance was crap, you're absolutely right. I got the idea for the first frame and started, and didn't realised just how amazingly limited the concept was. Though I still think the last two panels are funny.
I would have voted for Nerfherder's if this wasn't my entry.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-12 00:12:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Against my better judgment, #2 is getting my WTF Vote this round.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2006-10-11 10:31:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2006-10-11 08:28:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wtf entry 2....
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-10-10 21:22:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hope I get to play the winner of this match in the losers' bracket for round three.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-10-10 21:15:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
goddamn suck ass post.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2006-10-10 20:22:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2006-10-10 16:15:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Funny is hard, and that really wasn't very funny.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-10-10 10:24:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2006-10-10 08:40:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-10-10 07:19:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't like Number 1 I'm really bored of the whole terrorist thing. I mean how likely is the death of one FBI guy going to affect the government? Especially as they will know exactly who killed him and it would justify their need to insert operatives into these 'possible' cells.
I am voting for number two as the nob on the block made me smile, a bit.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-10 06:22:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Only because I really disliked the tone of 1.
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2006-10-10 04:36:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't know, number 1 kinda bored the shite out of me. At least #2 was kinda funny!
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-10-10 04:05:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Heh.
Even though the time, effort and crafting put into 1 was waaay more intense than 2, 2 just plain made me smile.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-10-10 02:32:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by jfreakman (user info) at 2006-10-10 01:40:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-09 21:21:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-10-09 19:23:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-10-09 17:44:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-10-09 17:04:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by tlozoot (user info) at 2006-10-09 16:01:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2006-10-09 15:36:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-10-09 15:32:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by PokeyMen (user info) at 2006-10-09 14:53:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2006-10-09 14:52:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What the hell was number 2 doing in here?
I guess we just received the latest shipment from the Crap Factory.
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2006-10-09 14:27:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-10-09 14:03:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-10-09 13:58:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Auth #1: Typically, people don't focus each eye separatly. There are several other wierdness like this in your story. Also, the lava analogy was terribly done.
Auth #2: the best I can say is that it seems that #1 tried.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-09 13:45:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Couple of things wrong with number #1, first of which being - 3 suspects, on their way to blow up the J. Edgar Hoover Building, and there is no surveillance? They just merrily drive all over Virginia, unsupervised?
Unlikely.
Then, they kill an FBI agent, and think nobody's gonna notice, even when they know they are under surveillance?
Hmm.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2006-10-09 10:28:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#2 was very creative, I must say. Although, #1 was just a hair better in my opinion.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-10-09 10:17:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i was not very fond of #1, so i looked to #2 for something better. i said to myself, "a visual presentation!! perhaps there is some humor to be had here, some fun and gripping stuff for a monday morning." i was disappointed.
#1, rife with errors though it is, gets my vote, though i should have just stayed home from the polls altogether.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-09 09:30:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#1, no contest.
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2006-10-09 05:10:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
#1 was formulaic, but was still pretty good. #2 was a poor attempt at humour.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-10-09 04:48:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-10-09 00:30:55 (#)
Ranking: 0
I agree with ets here also (can't imagine).
I am trying to vote on every one of these. I couldn't vote for number two because I just didn't think it was funny or interesting or anything. I'm not saying it's a piece of shit, I'm saying that it didn't appeal to me.
That and the whole blow me thing at the end. How does anybody expect to get a vote by telling the audience to "blow me"? Even if it was sarcasm, It didn't really interest me.
------------------------------------
If you look carefully it's an asterisk, from the top of the post next to the title. I think the "blow me" referred to people who might get pissed off at the interpretation of the title, rather than everybody who read it.
Submitted by justagirl27 (user info) at 2006-10-09 00:50:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-10-09 00:30:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I agree with ets here also (can't imagine).
I am trying to vote on every one of these. I couldn't vote for number two because I just didn't think it was funny or interesting or anything. I'm not saying it's a piece of shit, I'm saying that it didn't appeal to me.
That and the whole blow me thing at the end. How does anybody expect to get a vote by telling the audience to "blow me"? Even if it was sarcasm, It didn't really interest me.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-10-08 23:16:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-10-08 15:11:32 (#)
Ranking: -2
What a bunch of dumbasses most of you are. I swear to god, many of you wouldn't know your head from your asshole. In fact, your asshole probably has more sense.
-------
IN FACT YOU COULD MAKE THE POINT THAT ANYBODY WHO VOTED FOR ENTRY ONE WERE QUITE "ASSHOLY".
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-10-08 23:00:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-10-08 15:11:32 (#)
Ranking: -2
Anyone who voted for #1 is a fucking idiot. I hold you personally responsible for ALL the shitty, noviciate fiction entries in UM.
Fucking idiots. Pull your heads out of your assholes.
"DURRRR...well it wasn't good, but I'll vote for it because you "tried"."
...as if posting a picture means you didn't try.
What a bunch of dumbasses most of you are. I swear to god, many of you wouldn't know your head from your asshole. In fact, your asshole probably has more sense.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
In all fairness man, with two being so completely unfunny - I don't want to see him make another cartoon for the next round. The "Inside IOUs" thing is brilliant, and he royally screwed up the many possibilities he had with it. I can't vote for something like that.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-08 22:29:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Good points, ETS.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-08 22:26:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The first one was fairly good in the beginning, but began to fall apart during the end. The last line was entirely fucked, and there were some major grammatical and other errors.
On the OTHER hand, #2 was such an unfunny piece of shit I'm really hoping it's not leading the rank. Only one way to find out.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-10-08 21:01:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is one of those times that I KINDA agree with ETS...
The characterization in #1 was painful. However, I don't think the author tried to paint the individuals as "villains" necessarily. I'm really not sure. Jaysis, some of the FBI agent's line were bad, though.
Honestly, I just found the story to be better constructed and tied in more to the title than entry 2. I wish the author for #2 hadn't fallen asleep a quarter of the way through their post - it really could have been gold with some more thought and effort.
Submitted by BananaPhone (user info) at 2006-10-08 20:48:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, I forgot.
CRIPPLE FIGHT!!!
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-10-08 20:44:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Um...
#1 - A relatively good story, if not a little heavy on the propaganda. I wouldn't have used the title word twice in the tale, seemed a bit forced. Perhaps some people saw that end coming, but I gave it a 50/50 chance on how you were going to conclude it. You played the beginning well enough that it left enough open to guess.
#2 - I'm not entirely sure what you were going for here. This COULD have been fucking hysterical had you extended it longer. Seems to me you got bored halfway through or something. It started out really good then just spiraled down. And I'll be honest, that last little "blow me" didn't help.
Vote goes to #1.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-10-08 20:38:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What most of you aren't understanding yet is that number two is awesome.
Submitted by BananaPhone (user info) at 2006-10-08 20:21:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dammit. Why are the good people up against the good people, and the shit-tacular people up against each other? That way one of these idiots gets to go on.
#1 was as exicting as some suitably humiliating metaphor I'll think of later, and the opening paragraph was downright painfull.
#2 was pure unadulterated shit-cakes. If you are going to compete in UM, at least write something.
Yes, someone did piss in my cornflakes this morning. And if I find out who it was, Ima gut him like a fish.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-08 19:00:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You know, ETS is fighting for #2 so badly, makes me wonder if it's him.
You know, his opponent writes soemthing that someone might mistake for him if they don't pay attention, and ETS does something that isn't in his MO.
And then when they're put out there, his own piece gets ripped to shit, and he gets pissed and starts flaming the first.
Makes sense to me.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-08 18:47:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-10-08 15:11:32 (#)
Ranking: -2
Anyone who voted for #1 is a fucking idiot. I hold you personally responsible for ALL the shitty, noviciate fiction entries in UM.
Fucking idiots. Pull your heads out of your assholes.
"DURRRR...well it wasn't good, but I'll vote for it because you "tried"."
...as if posting a picture means you didn't try.
What a bunch of dumbasses most of you are. I swear to god, many of you wouldn't know your head from your asshole. In fact, your asshole probably has more sense.
---------
I voted for 1 because 2 didn't even have anything to do with the title.
Submitted by sealclubber (user info) at 2006-10-08 16:46:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-10-08 16:35:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Pretty good. I thought that maybe one of the other arabs was an FBI agent too and that he would leave the others to be gunned down in some police ambush. Close, no cigar.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-10-08 16:09:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-10-08 15:52:12 (#)
Ranking: -2
BLAH blah blah.....
---------------
Because the people who need it most are too fucking stupid to understand it.
And yes, fiction, if based on historical events, or even just mentioning historical events, needs to be accurate. But even besides all that, the story was written like a fucking 13 year old with limited life experience and the limited worldview of an adolescent.
***************
RIGHT!! Shakespeare had EVERY fact straight in Julius Caesar, Macbeth, and every other historical
event he fictionalized. HORSESHIT!!! The world doesn't dance to your tune, buddy.
And when you get Jay his beer, bring me one.....
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-08 16:02:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey Brad, how's about you shut the fuck up like a good cabin boy and fetch me a fucking beer, Mkay?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-08 16:01:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I did not want to vote for #1.
For the LIFE of me I didn't want to vote for #1.
But #2 was so damned bad, I had to.
The problems with #1 started with "My left and right eyes focused on the person to my left."
It gained steam with "I had planned to bring up the incident next week, but now was not the time."
It boiled over with "we have planned a drastic action."
And I finally gave up after " Sergeant Eidam, the end of the telephone said to my ear."
Fucking christ, whoever wrote this was trying so fucking hard to write in some cliche "arabic tone" that they fucked everything up.
I've got four freaking Kuwaiti's in my hotel right now, devout Muslim, and none of them talk anything like this. ANYTHING. Christ on high...
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-10-08 15:52:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-10-08 15:26:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-10-08 15:11:32 (#)
Ranking: -2
Anyone who voted for #1 is a fucking idiot. I hold you personally responsible for ALL the shitty, noviciate fiction entries in UM.
Fucking idiots. Pull your heads out of your assholes.
"DURRRR...well it wasn't good, but I'll vote for it because you "tried"."
...as if posting a picture means you didn't try.
What a bunch of dumbasses most of you are. I swear to god, many of you wouldn't know your head from your asshole. In fact, your asshole probably has more sense.
________________________
"Lighten up, Francis."
IT WAS FICTION!! It doesn't have to be historically correct, nor does it need to satisfy
your whims or opinions. Since you know how stupid we are, why don't you post a step by step
guide, "How To Be As Smart As ETS."
---------------
Because the people who need it most are too fucking stupid to understand it.
And yes, fiction, if based on historical events, or even just mentioning historical events, needs to be accurate. But even besides all that, the story was written like a fucking 13 year old with limited life experience and the limited worldview of an adolescent.
Submitted by Ally788 (user info) at 2006-10-08 15:50:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-10-08 15:33:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
#1 Decent, reminded me a bit of the Showtime mini-series "Sleeper Cell". Not that you ripped it off or anything, it just had the same principle of FBI agent planted in a terrorist cell. I liked the fact that the terrorists flipped things at the end.
#2 Meh.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-10-08 15:26:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-10-08 15:11:32 (#)
Ranking: -2
Anyone who voted for #1 is a fucking idiot. I hold you personally responsible for ALL the shitty, noviciate fiction entries in UM.
Fucking idiots. Pull your heads out of your assholes.
"DURRRR...well it wasn't good, but I'll vote for it because you "tried"."
...as if posting a picture means you didn't try.
What a bunch of dumbasses most of you are. I swear to god, many of you wouldn't know your head from your asshole. In fact, your asshole probably has more sense.
________________________
"Lighten up, Francis."
IT WAS FICTION!! It doesn't have to be historically correct, nor does it need to satisfy
your whims or opinions. Since you know how stupid we are, why don't you post a step by step
guide, "How To Be As Smart As ETS."
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-10-08 15:19:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I've been reading some of the reviews and all I can say is this...
Those of you who think that entry #1 was well-written need to go back and finish middle school, because that's the writing level at which #1 is written.
Seriously, read it again.
This is the kind of shit a FRESHMAN high school teacher would hang their head on, lamenting "why me?" as they attempted to grade it.
Author #2, you haven't much room to gloat either. Your entry wasn't funny in the least. You simply lucked out by being up against a story that the roughly 40% of uber users with a modicum of good judgement and taste in writing ability will see through.
In short, you both suck major ass.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-10-08 15:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Anyone who voted for #1 is a fucking idiot. I hold you personally responsible for ALL the shitty, noviciate fiction entries in UM.
Fucking idiots. Pull your heads out of your assholes.
"DURRRR...well it wasn't good, but I'll vote for it because you "tried"."
...as if posting a picture means you didn't try.
What a bunch of dumbasses most of you are. I swear to god, many of you wouldn't know your head from your asshole. In fact, your asshole probably has more sense.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-10-08 15:06:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Now I vote
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-10-08 15:05:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Entry 1: Oh my god. Just fuck off. Cliche, crappy stories about terrorism are a copout. I haven't enough words for how ignorant your worldview is. You clearly haven't a clue what's really going on. If you wanted to weave an interesting story about terrorism, you could have at LEAST tried to take the other part, give an accurate explanation of what terrorists might be thinking. First in a long list of fuckups in your post is this: "The terrorists who crashed planes into the World Trade Center five years ago were heroes, true..."
So-called 'terrorists' wouldn't refer to themselves as 'terrorists'. They would refer to themselves as martyrs only.
Plus, 9/11 was an inside fucking job, so this is neither accurate fictionally or nonfictionally.
Entry 2: What a piece of crap also. But you win by default.
Submitted by nyxmar (user info) at 2006-10-08 14:54:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Im tired of muslim, american, terrorist,you against me, with us or against stuff
Submitted by Bizdorph (user info) at 2006-10-08 14:38:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by yhywstudios (user info) at 2006-10-08 12:44:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-10-08 11:19:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-10-08 00:08:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
... but I have a knack for misinterpreting stories, so take my comment w/ a grain of salt.
---------------------------------------
I was almost ready to argue with you some more, but I really don't want to be defending that writing.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-10-08 11:18:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-10-08 10:29:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Samo (user info) at 2006-10-08 10:19:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2003-09-17 00:37:25 (#)
Ranking: -2
I had hoped that ubersite would help cleanse the world of illiteracy. Now I can see that I have failed.
-
Submitted by Targa (user info) at 2006-10-08 09:46:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I really did like Entry 2, and Entry 1 wasn't that well-written.
But the first one was still better.
My only question: how did the narrator of Entry 1 manage to write this in the past tense, if the story ends with him dead? (Oh. Right. Stories are allowed to do that.)
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-10-08 08:45:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Author 2 had this 24 - 23 now Author 1 has it 35 - 25.
Submitted by Samo (user info) at 2006-10-08 08:37:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"My left and right eyes focused on the person to my left."
I don't think it was taking itself very seriously...
Submitted by Samo (user info) at 2006-10-08 08:33:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-10-08 08:29:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry one's characters read like the very stereotypes from which I think it was trying to distance itself. It was extremely predictable and its cliches were simply that: cliche. Still, as the more serious of the two writers here, I feel compelled for vote for it.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-10-08 06:46:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahaha filename.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-08 05:50:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Author 1 the story was well written, but seemed very similar in theme to something I have read recently, possibly an entry from last UM. I can't exactly recall what.
Author 2, inventive use of the title and I liked how it started. If there had been a little more to it you would have got my vote.
Close call.
-Dave
Submitted by LT (user info) at 2006-10-08 05:25:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Once again, voting for entry 1 as entry 2 was shit. This time, entry 1 was actually good though. Shame it had no competition.
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-10-08 05:05:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
meh, thrice convoluted, but i just wasnt into the cartoonness. honestly, this was like voting in the 2004 election.
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2006-10-08 04:13:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Serious_Melvin seems to know an awful lot about how terrorists operate, if you get my drift...
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2006-10-08 04:13:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Serious_Melvin seems to know an awful lot about how terrorist operate, if you get my drift...
Submitted by intellismartness (user info) at 2006-10-08 04:12:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, right. Well, I don't regret my decision.
----
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-07 17:16:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-10-07 15:14:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-07 13:54:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
WTF do IOUs have to do with INSIDIOUS?
Insidious = Inside IOUS
============
either they're a genious or an idiot, and I'm the other.
Submitted by intellismartness (user info) at 2006-10-08 04:09:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's not even for the style of number two that I voted for number one.
Number one, you need to make some things a bit clearer, it was a bit metaphorically whitewashed, I did get a little lost sometimes and had to go back and reread to make sure the lava wasn't going to kill them all once the speech was finished. Maybe it's just my short attention span.
Number two, yes, I can see why you might've thought it wouldn have been funnier. Next time try actually making the jokes funny, or pick something that at least has to do with the title beyond the filename.
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2006-10-08 04:07:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the comic was funny and all, but not that funny, and it would've needed to be pretty funny to beat a strong first entry. that was my line of thinking, not that it matters, anyway...
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-10-08 03:12:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Saffron (user info) at 2006-10-08 02:19:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
From Entry 1 : "My left and right eyes focused on the person to my left. " At this point I was hoping that the group was a bunch of mutants and this guy was a chameleon. No such luck.
Submitted by consuelo212 (user info) at 2006-10-08 01:40:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2006-10-08 01:38:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-10-08 01:31:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-10-08 01:25:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
eh.
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2006-10-08 00:16:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-10-08 00:08:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
... but I have a knack for misinterpreting stories, so take my comment w/ a grain of salt.
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-10-08 00:07:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-10-07 23:54:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-10-07 23:31:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
Thinking about it more, I have a few issues with Entry 1. It portrays the terrorists as being so smart, but they gave away _everything_ about their "operation" just so they could trick somebody in the FBI? That's pretty weak. And I think I agree with the lava comments below. But my initial comment about it being well-written was not completely wrong. It was actually written in a way that kept me interested in the story, which isn't always easy. I still would have voted for it, but I'm not shocked that the other entry is getting lots of votes.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm pretty sure they say that the whole FBI attack they were planning was just a test to see if the main character was a rat or not. The dialogue was still miserable though.
----
I understand that part of it, but they still they still let their 'plans' (which turned out to be fake) get on the record. As if that wasn't enough, they're going to be in a load of trouble when an FBI agent is found to be missing. If they knew the guy was an FBI agent, they probably could have told him that the meetings were private and they weren't looking for more participants.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-10-07 23:59:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
no, blow ME!
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-10-07 23:54:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-10-07 23:31:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
Thinking about it more, I have a few issues with Entry 1. It portrays the terrorists as being so smart, but they gave away _everything_ about their "operation" just so they could trick somebody in the FBI? That's pretty weak. And I think I agree with the lava comments below. But my initial comment about it being well-written was not completely wrong. It was actually written in a way that kept me interested in the story, which isn't always easy. I still would have voted for it, but I'm not shocked that the other entry is getting lots of votes.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm pretty sure they say that the whole FBI attack they were planning was just a test to see if the main character was a rat or not. The dialogue was still miserable though.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-07 23:48:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 2 had nothing to do with the title and you fucking knew it.
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-10-07 23:31:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thinking about it more, I have a few issues with Entry 1. It portrays the terrorists as being so smart, but they gave away _everything_ about their "operation" just so they could trick somebody in the FBI? That's pretty weak. And I think I agree with the lava comments below. But my initial comment about it being well-written was not completely wrong. It was actually written in a way that kept me interested in the story, which isn't always easy. I still would have voted for it, but I'm not shocked that the other entry is getting lots of votes.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-10-07 22:36:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-10-07 15:03:00 (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, I just realized Bubba learned to format.
Boy, will he be PISSED if he loses this one.
_____________
At least dumb ass Bubba posts SOMETHING, ya fuckin' retard!!!!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-07 22:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Neither of these really did anything for me. The volcano imagery at the beginning of #1 was WAY too heavy-handed, but Author #1 did have a few nice touches in there even if the ending was practically written in neon.
That, and #2 blew, and it blew hard.
Submitted by FuckTheArmy (user info) at 2006-10-07 22:02:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Both are shit. Entry two was less offensive.
I can't stand by insidious racist shit like entry 1.
Submitted by ELG (user info) at 2006-10-07 21:35:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-10-07 21:10:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Maroons. Imbezzles.
:-/
Submitted by smemma (user info) at 2006-10-07 21:00:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-07 20:48:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2006-10-07 20:42:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Because when the rest of us get that, we're only 8 days old and get spiked milk.
Submitted by gAGGLE (user info) at 2006-10-07 20:21:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-07 20:03:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-10-07 17:27:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-07 17:16:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-10-07 15:14:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-07 13:54:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
WTF do IOUs have to do with INSIDIOUS?
Insidious = Inside IOUS
============
either they're a genious or an idiot, and I'm the other.
--
No, it is I whom am the genius!
========
this -2 is for me spelling genius with an O.
FUCKING IDIOT
*shoots self*
Submitted by Hirilnara (user info) at 2006-10-07 19:57:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The bit with the volcano at the beginning threw me off a little, but after that I found it much easier to read.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-10-07 19:50:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2006-10-07 19:39:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry one wasn't a bad piece of writing, but I laughed my ass off at "IOU Israel".
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2006-10-07 19:08:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2006-10-07 19:00:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
bad
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-10-07 18:29:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahahaha
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-07 18:16:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 = cop-out.
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-10-07 17:30:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2006-10-07 17:29:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This wasn't an easy decision. Neither were great. I think it's the final blow me that won me over.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-10-07 17:27:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-07 17:16:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-10-07 15:14:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-07 13:54:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
WTF do IOUs have to do with INSIDIOUS?
Insidious = Inside IOUS
============
either they're a genious or an idiot, and I'm the other.
--
No, it is I whom am the genius!
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-07 17:16:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-10-07 15:14:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-07 13:54:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
WTF do IOUs have to do with INSIDIOUS?
Insidious = Inside IOUS
============
either they're a genious or an idiot, and I'm the other.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-07 17:13:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Goddammit I dont know
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-10-07 17:03:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I watched The Departed last night and now I have a soft spot for people getting shot in the face. I thought two was clever, though, if it means anything to you.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-10-07 16:28:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
16 people voted for U2's Vertigo tour?
What?
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-10-07 16:27:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yee haw.
Submitted by Life101 (user info) at 2006-10-07 16:22:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-07 16:08:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't want to get in to all the things I didn't like about the first one, because that would ruin the smile that number two gave me.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-10-07 15:22:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2006-10-07 15:18:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It made me laugh, and I couldn't really get into number one after this line: "The anger in the ample living room escalated, spewing steam and ash like a volcano ready to erupt" because it made me laugh too, but not in the same way.
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2006-10-07 15:17:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2006-10-07 15:14:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-10-07 15:14:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-07 13:54:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
WTF do IOUs have to do with INSIDIOUS?
Insidious = Inside IOUS
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-10-07 15:10:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Number two made me laugh.
Number one confused me for a bit, but I actually got into it.
Rock and roll.
OH MAN THAT FART SMELLS!
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-10-07 15:03:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, I just realized Bubba learned to format.
Boy, will he be PISSED if he loses this one.
Submitted by kybernetikum (user info) at 2006-10-07 15:01:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-10-07 14:49:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
that's a wild goose chase over here at nakatomi plaza
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-07 14:47:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Nonentity (user info) at 2006-10-07 14:34:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-10-07 14:18:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-10-07 14:12:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well I guess I was wrong when I said it wouldn't be close.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-07 13:55:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Better pictures.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-07 13:54:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WTF do IOUs have to do with INSIDIOUS?
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-10-07 13:41:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I skipped the entire first round because I assumed the entries would be better a bit later in the competition.
My mistake.
I'll stop by in early 2008 when the final rounds are underway.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-10-07 13:29:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-10-07 13:29:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I really don't care.
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2006-10-07 13:12:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope #2 is not winning, but this IS ubersite, land of the stupid
Submitted by thedominator (user info) at 2006-10-07 13:11:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-10-07 13:10:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1 was incredibly well-written. I don't think this will even be close.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-10-07 13:00:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
One of these should have been a normal post.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-10-07 12:50:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-10-07 12:41:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Decent story, a little too predictable and some of the dialogue is god awful.
"Whatever are you fellows referring to?"
Submitted by Gunslinger (user info) at 2006-10-07 12:32:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Clever! hahaha
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-10-07 12:26:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't think either made a great use of the title. The "glorious symbols of capitalism" and other lines in Entry One didn't scan too well, but Entry Two fell just short of actually being funny.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2006-10-07 12:24:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have no justification for this.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-10-07 12:03:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2006-10-07 12:02:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-10-07 12:00:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Tough choice. Entry 1, whilst a little predictable, was well executed. Entry 2 was very clever. But I'm gonna have to go with number 1.
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2006-10-07 11:54:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-10-07 11:47:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Author #1- A lot of the dialogue didn't seem believable to me. Like the line which included your title wouldn't really be spoken like that. Some of your word choices were rather awkward. It seems like a solid effort, though.
#2- Could have been so much more, but you made clever use of the title and I was amused.
Insidious is one of my favorite words.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-10-07 11:41:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-10-07 11:33:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Um...
This matchup is similar to the other Round 2 one so far, in that the writers I think will go for the first one and the "personalities" (aka Egoists) will go for the second one. Except this time the first one doesn't suck.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-10-07 11:29:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This could have been a really really good title to work with. But you both came up with utter shite.
#1, After reading, "The anger in the ample living room escalated," I had to force myself to keep reading. What the hell is an ample living room?
At least you gave it a shot though. Just work on your word choice. Or be literate. That'd help.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-10-07 11:24:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No, blow me.
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2006-10-07 11:22:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the blow me at the end says it all...
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-07 11:22:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment