The Last Shot (857 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.48 on 80 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2006-10-09 16:20:22 EDT
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Entry 1
.The year could be this one, at a time unknown. The location will of course be classified, as will the reasoning, if any proper reasoning actually exists. There will be a team of high ranking men, but only one man. The lone man will use his thumb to press a button that will end humanity as we know it.
..
The current conditions outside are overcast with a chance of thunderstorms later in the evening. I still get out of bed, get dressed, and head to work in spite of this. It doesn't matter if every intuition in me is telling me to just stay in bed and recuperate after last night's party: I've got a duty to perform.
.
The man is sweating profusely. He is a man of percentages. He knows he's going to listen to the slightly larger percentage in his head that tells him to do his job and press the button. Being raised in the military gave him a strict state of mind, a desire to perform when called upon and an uncanny ability to follow orders. But the percentage this time is smaller than what he's normally used to.
..
I climb into my car and start it up, but that's it. I have no urge to switch the gear from park to anything. Good god, I'm tired. The blast from the horn jolts me awake after my head slowly pressed into it. I nodded off to the thoughts of my father's farm of all things; he's a sheep herder; I was literally counting sheep.
.
There's something in his head this time around that he's not familiar with; something most of us know as uncertainty. Naturally, he'd been instructed and trained to the greatest extent on how to perform this operation; however, naturally, no one had ever carried out such an operation of this magnitude before. Was that really what was bugging him though? Was it the size of the weapon or was it what the weapon could do?
..
Eventually I hit the road feeling extremely hung-over. I've never felt so drained in my entire life; or that's at least what I, as a proper purveyor of alcohol, tell myself. The traffic is really busy today, more so than usual. I'm going to have to really push to make it in on time.
.
It's almost time to execute the plan; almost too late for the man to back down, or at least sort things out in his head. He doesn't have the confidence he's used to; something could go terribly wrong. The thought lingers in his mind as his superior briefs him again about procedures for the sixth time. Something will go terribly wrong, whether he has anything to do with it or not.
..
Cars are inching down the main street in town. This is just awful, I tell myself, as I switch through radio stations. Every one is worse than the last until I finally find one playing Rage Against The Machine's "Bulls on Parade", which I instinctively turn up and start bobbing my head to. A sudden rush of adrenaline hits me and I get the wise idea to turn onto a side street: I need to move.
.
It's go time. The man takes one last look at his superiors, gives a slight nod, and presses the button. The nuclear warhead fires successfully at the intended target and the man soon finds a steady hand grasping his shoulder in congratulations. Everyone is smiling, as if they accomplished some feat; the man realises he is not joining in with them. His hand is still gripping the edge of the control panel and is shaking uncontrollably.
..
I pull the wheel sharply to the right and slam on the accelerator to head down a small residential street. Looking back on the traffic I just evaded, I yell out to them: "so long, suckers!" At the same time a car had just backed out onto the street in front of me while I was looking away; it's too late to stop now, but I slam on the brake anyway.
.
The bomb was one thousand times stronger than the one dropped on Hiroshima. The result of its impact was unimaginably large; visible from outer-space. The man watched it all unfold wide-eyed on the screen with the live video feed. The explosion could be described as everything from "magnificent" to "horrific". It was a first for humanity; possibly a last too.
..
My front end ploughed into the driver-side door of the blue Honda Civic. I made eye contact with the young woman just before we collided; she looked terrified; I'm more than certain I did too. My airbag shot into my face and the hood of my car popped up into the air. I lost sight of her, but all I cared about at that moment was if she was okay.
.
Thousands upon thousands would be dead already, and the wave hadn't even started to spread across the terrain yet. The man finally figured out what it was that was running through his head, but he couldn't make sense of it until after the fact: he would soon become the biggest murderer in the history of the world apart from God himself.
..
I checked myself over and felt that I could move, which was exactly what I planned on doing regardless. Falling out of my car, I crawl over to hers. There's a remarkable pain in my left leg, but despite this I brace myself on her car and pull myself up enough to look in her window. She isn't moving.
.
The man falls to his knees. He can't believe what he's just done. What's worse is the looming fear in his head that the worst is yet to come. This time the percentages in his head tell him, matter-of-factly, that he's fucked.
..
I fall back down on the ground and start hyperventilating uncontrollably. I've killed her. I'm a fucking murderer.
...
Almost in unison the man and I whisper to ourselves: "what have I done?"
..
I shouldn't have had the last shot at the bar last night. It's entirely my fault.
.
The man had just fired off the last shot for humanity, doing us in: we're all fucked now.
- VS -
Entry 2
Some say that the soul knows when it is going to depart from this world. The people that die young are the ones that live life to the fullest—every day is an adventure until one day, at the ripe age of twenty-six, their soul knows that the time of departure has arrived. Their death is quick and painless—a car crash, an unexplainable terrorist attack, or a murder. Usually this is a result of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.The people that are content to plod through life are usually the ones that die at the age of ninety-eight in a nursing home. Their souls know that they have time to stop and smell the roses.
Suicides are a completely different story. Have you ever been at a place where people have killed themselves? There is an eerie, uneasy feeling that leaves a bitter taste in my mouth every single time. It is like the departed's soul is lingering about, causing an overwhelming feeling of loss and confusion. Tradition states that a murdered person's soul will wander the earth until the end of time until it rights the wrong of their death. But if the soul belongs to the person that pulled the trigger, where does the soul go? Perhaps this is why limbo was named.
As a medical examiner in the so-called murder capital of America, I see a lot of gruesome deaths. When I first started working in this field, it was the screaming from grief-stricken family members that bothered me the most. Their wails are the most recognizable. It was only after I encountered my first suicide victim (victim of what? choice?) that I discovered something even more eerie than a screaming mother...
...silence.
There was no family and no friends mourning the death of this person. It was just me and the suicide in a lonely house with that overpowering bitter taste in my mouth. Part of me preferred it this way—it gave me time to reflect.
Death is a funny thing. There are so many familiar components to every fatality, regardless of the cause. Perhaps the funniest thing is the battle between the soul and the body at the final moment before the thread of life is severed. It is this battle that causes the hand that holds the gun to tremble, the struggle of the hanged man, the last breath drawn before the woman hits the freezing waters two hundred feet below the bridge.
It is the soul's last shot at life.
Entry 1:
Amontillado
Chroniclysm
darko
Davros
FunnyAsCancer
gravitas
Hirilnara
HotWillie
intellismartness
jgreening
JonnyX
JulsInsane
justagirl27
kimmy02721
lechuza
Magicaddict
morontian
NerfHerder
Orgasmatron
phuzzygish
rad1101
redskieslookfake
Sacrilicious
satchel
scourge
Serious_Melvin
sicosemen
simple_catalyst
sparkle_pink
SPECIALk
St_Jimmy
Stagger_Lee
stevie_says
strwbryfanatic
The_Yellow_Dart
32 eligible votes (35 total) *
Entry 2:
Axolotl
BadAssJulie
BananaPhone
Bigmike
BLITZKREIG_BOB
bob
Bubba2341
CaptainThorns
coley
ConorJS
Coyote
Cracked_out_cali
Crystle
DrogoRoch
EchoBoxing
ELG
Genko
ghola
goferforhire
Impassive-Digressive
indoninja
Jack_McCallum
JMG114
joedaddy
JoeyG
kaos-king
littledan
loki
LT
MandaPanda
natedawg
Pentameter
polyamorousaj
Sepsis
Shaun_Rocks
Siren
Soley_Trinity
supadupapupa
The_taste_of_Monkeys
UnderOathMeal
39 eligible votes (40 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-10-13 12:15:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Good show, Yellow.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-13 11:04:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-10-12 15:29:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I liked entry 1, but entry 2 just blew me away. It actually made me feel very, very lonely.
Wow.
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2006-10-12 01:02:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not sure why exactly, #2 just struck a chord
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-12 00:52:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
#1, I like that you took a chance with your presentation.
#2, I'd loved to have seen what this looked like after being drawn out and developed a bit more.
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2006-10-11 14:17:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2006-10-11 11:04:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Hirilnara (user info) at 2006-10-11 10:00:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked both of these, though 1 left me thinking a little more about it afterwards.
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2006-10-11 08:43:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
those dots annoyed the hell out of me but i just didnt like #2. sigh.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-10-11 02:41:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-10-10 21:34:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-10-10 21:24:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-10-10 21:01:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2006-10-10 16:46:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The last paragraph did it for me.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2006-10-10 14:14:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I suspect that the author 2 was perhaps nervous about going against author 1. And for good reason.
Author 1, congratulations on the fantastic writing.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-10-10 13:29:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by natedawg (user info) at 2006-10-10 12:14:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-10-10 11:36:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
blah blah blah, something something. neither one grabbed me as being either fantastic OR horrid.
Submitted by intellismartness (user info) at 2006-10-10 11:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Number two shouldve put more into it, number one was solid.
Otherwise good stuff.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-10-10 10:11:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-10-10 10:05:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought that both were good. The ending of #1 just seemed a bit weak to me so the vote goes with #2 and the picture made me laugh.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-10 07:02:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Pretty tough choice.
#1 was well written. The two stories running together worked well. I would have liked a little more seperation between the two stories. (Italics or bold might have come in useful here Bart).
#2 I liked the descriptive quality of this piece, but you just got me involved and it was over.
Number 1 for me.
-Dave
Submitted by LT (user info) at 2006-10-10 06:26:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Both good.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-10 06:14:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Interesting
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-10-10 04:18:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastic. Absolutely fantastic.
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2006-10-10 03:49:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
tough call, as I think they're both real good, if lacking a true connection with title. anyway, I'm just posting a review now and I'll come back and vote, not that my vote counts anway. I read the first and didn't like it at the start, but the more I read, the more I liked it. also, I was reading it expecting the two stories to intersect and trying to figure out what that intersection point might be, and found I was actually glad that they didn't. as for the second, I think some people will call it pseudo-deep, but I think there was actually something there, something tangible, something you don't often see in ubermadness, or on this website at all, for that matter. which one is it going to be? I'll have to sleep on it...
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-10-10 02:32:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Entry 1 was kind of boring, but Entry 2 was good. I love a good inner monologue like that.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2006-10-10 00:40:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-10 00:39:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry, I thought entry one was awkward and hard to read.
I liked entry 2.
Short n sweet might just be where it's at at this point in the game.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-10-10 00:15:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-10-10 00:02:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-10-09 23:16:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-10-09 23:12:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2006-10-09 23:06:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
they where both good, but #1 was better
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-10-09 22:06:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Some of you people are so hung up on "formatting" that you make me ill....
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-10-09 21:58:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-10-09 21:31:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2006-10-09 21:24:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-10-09 21:17:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was very hard...
#1 - I found this to be a well conceived idea, placing global genocide next to an accidental vehicular death. However, without any proper names, it made it somewhat difficult to keep track of what was going on. Overall, a very solid entry.
#2 - This was a beautiful entry, proving that length doesn't have to equal quality every time. You captured a very human essence in this piece, and I'm very pleased to have read it. You manage to slide past #1 to get the vote.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:52:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
These both kinda sucked. Entry two had tails.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:21:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The voice and the overall feel of #2 really appealed to me, but it needed more if it was going to get the vote.
Submitted by BananaPhone (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:02:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:00:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked entry 1 very much.
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2006-10-09 19:56:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2006-10-09 19:50:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good thinking behond #1. #2 was philosophical, but didn't go far enough.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2006-10-09 19:30:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2006-10-09 19:29:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I just couldn't stand the formatting for entry one. It didn't work for me at all.
The content for entry two wasn't particularly riveting, but at least it was readable.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-09 19:20:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh. Double meh.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-10-09 19:12:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Mmm. Potential.
#1 - I liked the back and forth, but for future reference, Ubersite's periods are very tiny. I had to squint to see in between pararaphs. Consider another symbol if you ever write like this again.
I understood the similarities between the two stories, but I think the "last shot" reference with the car driver was more pungeant than the bomb one. Perhaps you could have left it at that.
#2 - You were writing well, if with a somewhat contrived subject matter (suicide ghostliness)...but it was way too short. I felt nothing.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-10-09 19:06:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-10-09 19:06:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was a tough vote. The lack of any substantial dialogue in either entry also made this one difficult.
Each line in entry 2 read as if written by a deep thinker, and was well-written. Each line in entry one showed keen understanding of how the end of the world can be two very different things. Entry one also seemed vaguely formulaic while entry two didn't really concoct an engaging story, much less a story at all. Given that, it was about as long as it needed to be.
Toughy.
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2006-10-09 18:42:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-09 18:30:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
didn't like either.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-10-09 18:24:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-10-09 18:12:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck you author 1. author 2 may be a fag but at least he's not an asshole.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-10-09 18:11:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-10-09 18:04:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
By the way, there have been plenty of atmospheric nuclear tests well in excess of a thousand times the Hiroshima yield. We almost got there on our very first thermonuclear try.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2006-10-09 17:59:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I liked it I think.
Submitted by justagirl27 (user info) at 2006-10-09 17:57:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-10-09 17:54:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Both of these were incredibly bad. Entry Two wins, for being shorter.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-10-09 17:43:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
These were both very good. Tough call, but I thought #1 was a bit more creative.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-09 17:40:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*clap clap clap clap*
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-10-09 17:36:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#1 - interesting idea, but I had a really really hard time following.
#2 - at first I thought this was too short, but you manages to do ok. I ended up reading it twice and enjoyed it more the second time.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-10-09 17:13:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
,
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-09 16:56:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jesus Christ, I've read longer installments in the continuing adventures of Bazooka Joe.
Normally I'd pass on something like #2, but the scattershot writing in #1 bugged me, and the last line did it in, so I'll vote for the writer who seemed more committed, which is #2.
If author #1 did NOT intend that last line to be a 'Aww fuckit, whatever," then I missed it.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-09 16:52:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I loved Entry 2. Concise, clear, and short enough to hold interes.t
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-09 16:48:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I've printed this off and peed on the stack.
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2006-10-09 16:46:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-10-09 16:43:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Better picture
Submitted by ELG (user info) at 2006-10-09 16:36:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Short but sweet, muc prefered.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2006-10-09 16:36:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1 is a good story.
I just had one of those moments where a word doesn't make any sense. Story. What the hell.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-10-09 16:31:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought 1 was wonderful. 2 wasn't bad either, though I do wish it had been longer.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-09 16:29:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i can tell ya right now, Author 1, you're gonna get a crapload of grief over your formatting...but at least you tried to tell a story.
#2 was...okay. Just that.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-09 16:29:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Both stories were kind of disjointed, but I felt #2 was less so.
Plus the picture was cool, in a sick kind of way.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-10-09 16:29:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2006-10-09 16:27:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry two was heading in the right direction, but it just sort of stopped. It needed one more shot at life.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-10-09 16:26:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 was poorly written. I imagine it to have been composed by a 4 year old with little or no grasp on the english language.
#2 was well written. Unfortunately it wasn't a story at all. To start with I thought it was loki, but i'm fairly certain she could pull off more than that.
I'm still going with #2, because at least that author is literate.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-09 16:26:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've noticed round 2 stories are overall shorter and a bit more well written.
And it's a good thing.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-10-09 16:24:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
At least they weren't both about guns. Good takes on the title.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-10-09 16:22:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment