Awesome Face tries to have sex with a 47 year old!!! (797 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.52 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by awesomeface (View user info) at 2006-10-09 17:58:03 EDT
It was a long and unsuccessful stakeout but it was definitely worth it. It was about two and a half hours per Awesome Face Time.
To calculate Awesome Face time use this simple equation.
Amount of actual time spent + how much fun it was (awesomeness) = Awesome Face Time.
How much fun it was (awesomeness) is always the variable X. In this equation X always equals 0. So it's really just how long you were there. Plus you have to factor in the fact that there is no Awesome Face Time.
But you are not here for Awesome Face Time. You are here to figure out how I had attempts to make love to a 47 year old woman.
Last night was my friend Chris's last night in town. He was soon being shipped off to Afghanistan so we wanted to get him laid. We sat in a parking lot adjacent to a Burger King parking lot where a few of my friends worked. We thought for a good half hour on girls we could get Chris to have sex with.
Then finally, my friend Brian who worked at the adjacent Burger King had a great idea.
We had always suspected that the manager of the Burger King had a thing for younger guys. She was 47 and not half bad looking. She would often grab some of the employee's asses and tell them they were cute. She had no boyfriend or husband and always seemed horny.
Thankfully for Chris, she didn't know him or me. The Burger King was closed and she was the only one left in the store. She was supposed to have left by 11:00 but no dice. She was still inside doing something. We had positions all around the Burger King set up. We had people staking out in cars and my buddy Luke and I positioned behind some bushes across the street.
This small row of bushes was quite tricky to get through. Luke was the first one to try and cross. His leg got caught so he jumped forward to try and get out. This caused him to do a flip and land on his ass. I sat and laughed at his misfortune and said to myself.
"Ahhh hah! I can cross these bushes without quarrel!"
I then proceeded to do the exact same thing Luke did and land on my ass. I brushed myself off and we stared at the Burger King for almost two hours waiting for the manager to come out.
All the while Chris was sitting by the front door smoking cigarettes waiting for her to come out and strike up a conversation.
12:30 came by and we started to get bored and we had to pee. Brian hops behind a car and starts to relieve himself. But to Brian's horror he looks down and sees two streams of urine. In my genius I had decided to take a piss in between his legs. Brian was too afraid to move and had a little stake out trying not to get peed on.
After that laugh we returned to our positions when Chris got a call. A special lady friend of his wanted him to come over. So he unfortunately took his leave to get laid elsewhere.
"God damn!" Luke snapped. "Now what?"
"I'll go." I said nonchalantly. Before anybody could agree or disagree I was standing by the front door. 12:40 rolled around and she still hadn't come out. We figured she thought we were trying to mug her or something.
Minutes later she finally came out. I was sitting on the curb with a cig in my mouth and she says.
"Hey what are you doing out here?"
"Just hanging around." I said. "My friends were being lame."
"Oh so you go to the high school over there?"
"Yeah I do. I'm about to graduate. But hey how long do they make you stay in there?"
"Oh forever."
"That sucks, but hey let me ask you a question."
"Shoot."
"How old are you?"
"Really old."
"Can I take a guess?"
"Sure."
"35?" I said knowing she was 47.
"No I'm older."
"Well what's your name?"
"Janet." She said even though I knew her name was Gail. "What's yours?"
"Mi...Chris." I lied. "Well Janet, I am kind of in to older women. Do you think we could you know...get together?"
"Oh I'm married." She lied again.
"You sure about that?"
"Oh yeah...I better get going...he's probably waiting for me."
"You sure you don't want to have sex?"
"Yeah, I'm sure." She said like an 18 year didn't just ask her for sex. "You have a good night though." She said before walking away to her car.
It was a valiant effort, but I was shot down.
I was really hoping it would have worked too because she was older than my Mom.
Oh well...there is always next weekend.
User Reviews
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2006-11-23 23:23:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Story is pointless ITS SHIT
Submitted by MausMan (user info) at 2006-11-23 23:12:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AHHAhaHAHAHhahfdsajghsdkjghsadkghsdaghsdjgbsda
Oh Mike, you cannot sleeps with the older wimons. They are too powerful for u.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-10-26 17:34:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-10-09 19:57:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
She clearly has no taste.
Submitted by jade_digitalmedia (user info) at 2006-10-10 11:26:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the effort but maybe next time bring her flowers and beer.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-10 08:55:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-10-09 19:07:42 (#)
Ranking: 1
Big fucking deal. I have sex with a 47 year old all the time...even if I'm alone.
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*snickers*
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-10-10 08:03:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-10-09 19:07:57 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-10-09 18:43:39 (#)
Ranking: 1
What made me smile is that you think women are idiots. :)
___
They aren't?
Because the intelligent ones work the night shift at Burger King when they should be 3 years from retirement...
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-10-10 06:45:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had sex with a 29 year old when I was 18. It left me literally scarred. Good times.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-10-09 22:59:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-10-09 19:07:42 (#)
Ranking: 1
Big fucking deal. I have sex with a 47 year old all the time...even if I'm alone.
________________
You fucking younguns don't know ANYTHING!!!!!
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-10-09 22:53:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"35?" I said knowing she was 47.
_______
smooth.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-10-09 22:51:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait a minute, you were trying to nail a 47 year old woman?!
BEEFY!!! http://www.ubersite.com/m/94161
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-09 22:17:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, THAT was gonna work...
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2006-10-09 22:04:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
for the little bit on awesomeface time alone...
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-10-09 22:02:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-10-09 21:55:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
-
No Comment?
ITS ALWAYS NO COMMENT
KAOS IS PLAYING MIND GAMES WIHT ME!!!!
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-10-09 21:55:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:42:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow Facie you are one smooth operator. S-M-O-O-V.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:14:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what the hell man if they are comin at you , means they want somthin ,more better you look after them and care for them ,than they end up on the streets uh?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-10-09 19:57:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She clearly has no taste.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-10-09 19:53:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a jailbait whore who can't score. :)
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2006-10-09 19:39:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I was really hoping it would have worked too because she was older than my Mom."-Awesome
A friend of mine was seeing a 40 year old for a while, he showed me a picture of her and my only response was "Her implants look lovely", he seemed shocked that I could tell. It was at that moment I realised she was banging him because he was easy and an idiot. Gotta love the retarded guys, they make for good stories, but give the rest of you a bad name.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-09 19:39:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Twas a valiant effort.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-10-09 19:08:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahaa... this is too full of hilarity!
Oh, the misguidedness of youth!
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-10-09 19:07:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-10-09 18:43:39 (#)
Ranking: 1
What made me smile is that you think women are idiots. :)
___
They aren't?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-10-09 19:07:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Big fucking deal. I have sex with a 47 year old all the time...even if I'm alone.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-10-09 18:43:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What made me smile is that you think women are idiots. :)
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-10-09 18:38:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What's the appeal of older women?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-09 18:26:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HA
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-10-09 18:22:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great.
Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2006-10-09 18:13:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-09 18:08:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
With a little more polish and a little more shine, you can turn that approach into a successful play for some cougar quim.
+2 for being direct.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Outstanding.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-09 18:08:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
With a little more polish and a little more shine, you can turn that approach into a successful play for some cougar quim.
+2 for being direct.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-09 18:05:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
a 47-year old what? kumquat?
I just like saying 'kumquat'.
KUMQUAT
KUMQUAT
KUMQUAT
KUMQUAT
KUMQUAT
KUMQUAT
KUMQUAT
KUMQUAT
KUMQUAT
BABY FUCK ME IN MY KUMQUAT