Universal Loathing (892 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.35 on 97 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2006-10-09 20:00:25 EDT
 |
This post is officially part of UberMadness!. Click here for more information on the rules and restrictions. |
Entry 1
- VS -
Entry 2
At 9:26AM on Tuesday, November 14th 2006, a voice came from the sky.Wall Street traders with coffee in their hands, magazine editors, network executives, struggling actors, and their assorted urban compatriots stopped in their tracks an instant after the voice in the sky began to speak. It was loud, deep, and clear as a bell.
"I am come. I am your Lord and almighty master."
People on every street corner looked into the overcast sky. Traffic stopped. A woman somewhere said, "Oh my God!" Some people asked, "What was that?" Whispers spread quickly, uptown to downtown to Harlem. Had everyone heard it? Even the mayor had stepped outside of Public School 102, where he had been talking to underprivileged fourth graders about local government.
For ten minutes, a light tension blanketed the city. Maybe it was just some freak occurrence. Maybe it was just thunder. Maybe they had all imagined it at the same time; a peculiar coincidence that their grandchildren would be reading about on snopes.com.
The voice silenced any doubt, speaking again, "I am come. I return to my creation to judge all of my beloved children."
Increasingly loud thunder followed the words. Like ants encountering a fire, everyone ran from where they stood. Most screamed as they smashed into each other, bloodying the pavement. People jumped out of buildings. This had to be it. Apocalypse. Armageddon. God collecting his due. Many sank to their knees and crossed themselves. Many others lost control of their bowels right then and there. Cars were deserted, the doors left open. Police sirens blazed. Glass shattered.
Two hundred, thirty-three miles away, the President of the United States received a phone call. Rather, his Secretary of Defense received a phone call from a Colonel Nestor in New York City. The Secretary of Defense, whose closet pastime was wondering how he could become President himself, handed the phone to his boss.
"Yes, Colonel Nestor, what is it?" the President asked from behind his desk in the oval office.
"Sir, we have a code-5 situation in New York City. People are reporting a voice from the sky, sounding like it's quoting scripture."
The President, having never practiced for such an event, was at a loss. "I'm sorry, you said people are hearing voices?"
"Yes, Mr. President. A loud voice that everyone can hear. It's nothing of ours, and we think it could be the precursor to an attack."
"You heard it yourself?" asked the President.
Colonel Nestor took a moment to reply. "Y-yes, Mr. President. It sounded . . .forgive me, sir."
"Sounded like what?"
Another hesitation. "It sounded like the voice of God, sir."
"What?"
National airspace was cleared and the President was on Air Force One a half-hour later. Media reports streamed in. The President watched CNN, was on the phone with NORAD, and listened to an aide all at once.
Apparently, the voice was first heard within a 174-mile radius with an epicenter in midtown Manhattan. While the President was en route, it had repeated variations of its last phrase eight times, each time louder, but still just as clear. The Pope himself called, asking if he could fly to America. News stations around the world went live to New York City.
When the President stepped off of the plane in New York, the voice said, "The time is come. I will speak to my beloved children and judge them on this day." It was reportedly heard as far inland as Chicago. The joint chiefs had to admit that the voice's origins remained a mystery, but that it did not seem to indicate an imminent attack. By all accounts, it seemed to be the real thing. It was decided that the President attempt communication with the voice. The Pope was on the phone again, begging to be the first to address it.
A national curfew was imposed. Tanks patrolled the streets and fighter jets soared through the skies. Surrounded by a cadre of elite military personnel, the President stood in the middle of Times Square just as the voice boomed again:
"I am Lord, Master, and Creator."
The President, armed with a megaphone, spoke up to the cloudy sky. "I am the President of the United States of America. May I humbly request your purpose?"
There was silence for ten minutes. Then, the voice replied, "I am the Mighty One, everlasting and Holiest of Holies. I am come."
Tens of thousands of people across the globe, it was later said, chose that moment to take their lives. Chruches, synagogues, mosques, cathedrals, and shrines were filled to overflowing. People huddled together. They fell to their knees. They beat their breasts and chanted, "Mercy!" over and over. Many cried. The President kneeled, and his soldiers followed suit.
"I am but a humble servant," the President choked back tears, "I will do as you command."
There was one person who, watching the television like everyone else, was not frightened. He sat comfortably in a black, faux-leather chair in front of his computer in the basement of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. He was a graduate student studying the reflection, amplification, and manipulation of radio signals over long distances. His name was Gregor de Lauro, and he wore a tight-lipped smirk.
He watched as the President kneeled before the TV cameras of the world. No one knew what or when the voice would speak next. No one, save Gregor. He waited several minutes, then brought a little black microphone to his lips. The microphone was connected to a small, metallic blue box. He flipped a black switch on the box and said, "Stand, o man of the west. I am come to liberate my beloved children, pass judgement on transgressors, and spread universal love across my world as a beacon to the universe I so adore."
A minute later, most of the United States and Canada heard the voice from the sky say, "Stand, o man of the west. I am come to liberate my children, pass judgement on transgressors, and spread universal love across my world as a beacon to the universe I so adore."
The President shakily stood. He beat his breast and said, "We are yours to command, o Lord of Hosts, Creator and Benefactor of humanity."
Gregor leaned back in his chair and smiled. Behind him, his girlfriend and fellow graduate student Emily Tilstein squeezed his shoulder. She whispered into his ear, "Care for a blowjob, 'God'?"
Gregor closed his eyes and sighed. Emily slid around to his front and unzipped his torn jeans.
Over the next few days, people rarely slept. Instead, they prayed, watched television, or cried. Many combined the three. The President was set up in a command bunker in Times Square. All civilian air traffic remained grounded, for fear of offending the Almighty. No one went to work. Indeed, entire skyscrapers sat empty. Global financial markets ground to a halt. Everyone waited on the next words from the sky.
In his basement lab, Gregor said to Emily, "Boost the device. We're going global."
"Seriously?"
"Playtime is over. It's time to spread some of that universal love."
Emily turned a dial on the little machine. She flipped the switch and nodded at Gregor. He spoke into the microphone again. "My most beloved children: today begins my reign on Earth. My kingdom shall be a city without walls."
He glanced at Emily, then continued, "All who keep or bear arms shall lay them down or else suffer my great wrath. All soldiers and warlords shall disarm. Everywhere. Within one week. Do not attempt to deceive your creator. I have spoken."
Emily flipped the black switch again, then asked, "You think it'll work? You're just a voice, after all. It's not like you can really punish them or even know if they're obeying you."
Gregor placed the microphone onto his desk as if it was a holy relic. "Of course it'll work. They're so desperate for answers that they'll believe anything. I didn't create this." He pointed to the TV, where the President was repeatedly bowing to the sky. "They did. They all did. And this is just the beginning."
A news report flowed in about entire armies in Africa throwing their weapons into massive holes. Then, many of the world's governments began discussing the feasibility of eliminating their extraneous weapons. Many in the military opposed such a scheme. "To do so would leave America helpless in case of a foreign attack!" they warned. "What if this 'God' isn't real? Wouldn't He want us to defend ourselves?"
There were also many in the international community who doubted. They appeared on news shows saying, "Why did he speak first in America, and only in English? Everyone's assuming that this 'God' is a Judeo-Christian deity! Where does that leave Buddhists, Hindus, and Shintos, among others?" In counterpoint, there were those who said that the voice from the sky had not singled out a single religion, referring to all of humanity as, "beloved children."
The leaders of Venezuela, North Korea, and Iran denounced the entire affair as an exploitative and provocative fabrication by the United States. They warned that any further attempts to broadcast the voice of "God" into their airspace would be considered an act of war.
A week later, massive earthquakes rocked Venezuela, North Korea, and Iran. Millions were feared dead, and tens of millions went without electricity or running water.
Gregor watched the footage over and over. "Holy shit," he thought, "I didn't do that. What a useful coincidence."
At the appointed time, the President again addressed the voice in the sky. Gregor was ready. The President said, "O God Almighty! Ruler of the universe! We have done our very best to accommodate your request. Your powers, demonstrated against rogue states, are not in question. Please give us further instructions on how to grow closer to your divine radiance."
Gregor replied, "The consumption of meat is offensive to my holiness. Henceforth, no one shall consume the flesh of another creature. I am the all-powerful."
The "vegetarian proclamation," as it came to be known, was easily managed, despite the grumbling of cattle ranchers, the meat industry, fast-food chains, and people who liked meat. "God told us in the bible that we had dominion over the animals, didn't he?" they asked, "So now what else can and can't we do? How many more revised rules are there going to be?"
As it turns out, the rules had just begun.
"The murdering of others offends the divine presence. There will be an end to capital punishment everywhere."
"The rich are to give their riches to the poor."
"Food shall be given out for free. No more are prices to be laid for that which is essential to the life I bestow."
"Governments shall no longer collect taxes from my children. I am the giver of universal love."
People were growing angry at this sky-speaking entity, the purported God. The billions of prayers shouted to the sky went unanswered. Those who had lived their entire lives outside of the deity's new rules found themselves adrift and grappling with their new reality. Entire supermarket chains, Fortune 500 companies, and farmers went out of business. The government teetered on collapse.
People began wearing t-shirts that said, "God is a hippie. I hate hippies," and, "My God is a meat-eater." Some began carrying weapons and eating meat again. Many realized that they escaped divine retribution in spite of daring such things. What kind of a God was a God who couldn't back up his words with action?
Still, Gregor was unworried. "This is exactly how I figured it would go," he said to Emily over vegetarian sushi dinner, "They all claim to want peace, but what they really want is war. They claim to love their brothers and sisters, but they secretly place themselves above them. They say that they want universal love, but all they're really after is—"
"Universal loathing?" Emily asked.
Gregor leaned in and kissed her forehead. "The experiment's almost over. It's time for divine retribution."
"Tonight?" Emily raised her eyebrows. Gregor didn't answer. He walked over to his machine, flipped the switch, and spoke into the microphone.
"O, blasphemers and doubters of the Almighty! Your very lord comes to dwell amongst thee, and still ye sin in my mighty eyes. The time for peace is over. Now comes judgment!"
Gregor wasn't outside, but if he was, he'd have wondered why the overhead clouds considerably darkened. Daytime soon became darkest night. People stopped what they were doing. Again, they quaked in fear.
Gregor indicated towards two pairs of soundproof headphones on a lab table. Emily put a pair on her boyfriend and another pair on herself. The news played the faces of frightened people in New York, Boston, Washington, London, Istanbul, Bangkok, Beijing, and Tokyo as Gregor readied the final piece of his plan.
He turned a dial on his device labeled, "frequency" up to its very highest limits, tilting an indicator needle into a zone marked, "danger." His right index finger lightly caressed the switch. He looked at Emily. She smiled. They were ready. He flipped the switch.
Nothing happened.
He flipped it off and back on. Nothing.
"What the—?" he began, as the sound of heavy, echoed footsteps played simultaneously over news stations across the globe.
Gregor banged on the top of his device with a closed fist, then picked it up and shook it. "What the hell?" he yelled, the sound of mighty footsteps growing louder over the airwaves. Emily stopped watching him and turned to the news, where an eerie white glow shone on the faces of billions of transfixed people.
"Gregor . . ." she choked.
Gregor wasn't listening. He broke the machine open and looked inside. "Son of a bitch!" he muttered, "It's the beta circuit! Looks like it was never connected before I sealed it up and—"
That moment, Gregor realized that the machine could never have worked if the beta circuit hadn't been connected. Not once. Not ever. It was simply impossible. How then, or who then, had—
Some said that the great, white form was Kalki the horseman. Others said that it looked more like Fenrir the wolf. Still others said that it resembled many-armed Shiva, Kali, or a bearded man on a pale horse.
A moment later, no one said anything.
Entry 1:
Antioxident
AsshOly
BadAssJulie
darko
DuiTicket
EchoBoxing
GodtheFather
kimmy02721
Method
nyxmar
Phallic_Cymbals
polyamorousaj
Sepsis
Soley_Trinity
12 eligible votes (14 total) *
Entry 2:
Amontillado
awesome_face
Axolotl
BananaPhone
beeltea
Bellebrown
Bigmike
BLITZKREIG_BOB
Bubba2341
CaptainThorns
Chroniclysm
coley
Confuzitron
Coyote
Cracked_out_cali
Crystle
Davros
domenad
DrogoRoch
DudeThatsBOSH
FunnyAsCancer
Genko
ghola
goferforhire
gravitas
Hirilnara
HotWillie
Impassive-Digressive
indoninja
intellismartness
Jack_McCallum
Jeanneee
jgreening
JMG114
joedaddy
JoeyG
JonnyX
justagirl27
kaos-king
Life101
littledan
loki
LT
Magicaddict
MandaPanda
munkeypants
Orgasmatron
peckerhead
Pentameter
phuzzygish
rad1101
redskieslookfake
Sacrilicious
Saffron
satchel
scourge
Serious_Melvin
Shaun_Rocks
sicosemen
simple_catalyst
Siren
sparkle_pink
SPECIALk
St_Jimmy
Stagger_Lee
stevie_says
strwbryfanatic
SullyThePirate
supadupapupa
The_taste_of_Monkeys
thedominator
thorpe
68 eligible votes (72 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-13 11:25:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-10-12 22:22:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-10-12 09:45:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh wow
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-10-12 09:01:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2006-10-12 01:22:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Didn't read it but only a pic doesn't deserve the vote...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-12 01:15:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Another easy choice.
The fuck is up with people this round?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:42:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Hirilnara (user info) at 2006-10-11 20:02:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A good story - I enjoyed reading it!
Submitted by GodtheFather (user info) at 2006-10-11 17:48:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-10-11 15:04:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What the fucking fuck?
I didn't read entry 2, but I promise that I will eventually.
Make some kind of fucking effort, author 1. Good God.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-11 13:34:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2006-10-11 13:01:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-10-11 11:52:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2006-10-11 11:38:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
haha
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2006-10-11 09:04:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-10-11 08:51:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2006-10-11 05:27:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll be honest. Im so deeply offended by that first pic - that 2 gets my vote (and I didnt even read it).
I know its not what I should have done, but that story would have had to be REALLY, REALLY bad for me to want to vote for contestant number one over it.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-10-11 03:16:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-10-11 03:12:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-10-09 22:00:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
How come on almost every matchup one of the contestants is punting?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I tried, and wrote a story that probably would have beaten 90% of the entries so far in this round, and I got my ass kicked.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-10-11 03:06:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that picture cracked me up. entry two better win though.
Submitted by intellismartness (user info) at 2006-10-11 02:59:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Excellent idea for the title number 2.
Go home number 1.
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2006-10-11 01:35:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Entry 1: Thanks for the chuckle but you basically withdrew. Entry 2: dynamite with a kick ass ending. Keep it up!
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-10-10 21:42:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BananaPhone (user info) at 2006-10-10 21:06:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Auto-win global apocalypse!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-10-10 21:06:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ok I read it, I think it took too long to get to the point but I wasn't in pain from the experience
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-10-10 20:30:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
why enter seriously
now I feel guilty for not reading #2
oh FINE
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2006-10-10 19:08:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2006-10-10 17:19:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Number one was amazing, but two clinched it.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2006-10-10 14:31:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you, #2, for trying.
#1: die in a fire.
Submitted by Saffron (user info) at 2006-10-10 13:48:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-10-10 13:30:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If the text on that picture is original, I wish I had voted for Entry 1.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-10-10 12:50:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wanted to vote for Entry 1 after seeing it but alas was disappointed by the good quality of number 2.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-10-10 11:33:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i smiled at #1
i'm in a decent mood today.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-10-10 10:43:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hated the sentiment in number 2, but I'm fucked if I am going to vote for someone who obviously doesn't want to be in the competition.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-10-10 09:50:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn you Beta circuit!!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-10 09:05:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No explanation needed for MY vote.
Author #2, FANTASTIC job with the title. Just superb.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-10 07:30:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Author 2, you had a good idea, not executed to the best ends.
For some reason this ""Holy shit," he thought, "I didn't do that. What a useful coincidence." "
really irritated the crap out of me.
Still it was you or nothing.
-Dave
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-10 06:38:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Wish I had the balls to vote for 1.
Submitted by LT (user info) at 2006-10-10 05:11:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Loved entry 2. Obviously gets the vote over entry one, but was also well written and interesting.
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2006-10-10 04:14:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-10-10 04:00:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-10-10 03:56:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Only because 1 was utter crap.
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-10-10 03:25:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Why the fuck do people in the entry 1 spot keep giving up? Especially against miserable entry 2s.
2, I liked your concept at first, but not the ten thousand suicides in religious buildings. That's just moronic. Most religions believe suicide is a one-way ticket to hell. And why kill yourself right before armaggeddon?
I'm not even going to go into the grammatical problems I had with this entry.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-10 02:21:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-10-10 01:11:57 (#)
Ranking: 0
i really want to say something nasty about #1 but...i find myself just starting to write my own submission
i hope the blue label holds out or else i...........
============
YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-10 02:17:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1 is method, I think.
2 was very good. I liked it :) good job
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-10-10 01:24:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Do I even have to explain why I'm going for #2?
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-10-10 01:11:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i really want to say something nasty about #1 but...i find myself just starting to write my own submission
i hope the blue label holds out or else i...........
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-10-10 01:11:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHAHA
Submitted by thedominator (user info) at 2006-10-10 00:34:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-10-10 00:14:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by nyxmar (user info) at 2006-10-10 00:13:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Life101 (user info) at 2006-10-10 00:02:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
only one ubersite would 1 get a vote
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-10-09 23:58:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-10-09 23:50:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-10-09 22:56:56 (#)
Ranking: -2
again, who is for single elimination?
WORD
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-10-09 23:49:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#2 Finally a halfway decent entry.
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-10-09 23:46:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entry 2 is the best of UM4 so far. I am glad I read it despite the forfeit.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2006-10-09 23:40:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahaha
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-10-09 23:17:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
After reading #2, it's probably better that author #1 didn't even bother.
#2, Kicker of all ass!
Submitted by justagirl27 (user info) at 2006-10-09 23:00:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
one of my favorites so far
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-10-09 22:56:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
again, who is for single elimination?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-09 22:17:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Didn't read entry 2, sorry.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-10-09 22:06:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#1 - You weren't even original in your forfeit.
#2 - I just had an orgasm to this story. Thank you.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-10-09 22:03:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Auto-#2.
Dear Christ, I hope entry 1 was ETS again. "Strategy," my ass.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-10-09 22:00:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How come on almost every matchup one of the contestants is punting?
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-10-09 21:39:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2006-10-09 21:31:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Some people are squirrel-handed.
Gregor is a weird name.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2006-10-09 21:27:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was a forfeit, right?
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-10-09 21:26:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2006-10-09 21:08:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-09 21:07:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Looks like the Arsehole Vote is gaining momentum.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-09 21:02:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#2 had a few iffy points but was overall a VERY fun read, and it covered a lot of bases.
Too bad the author did all that work against a douchebag.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:58:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HOW many forfiets this round?
HOLY FUCK!
Now I will take a moment and do Author #2 the courtesy of reading his or her entry.
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:54:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
one of these was too long. i don't remember which one.
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:52:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:50:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DuiTicket (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:43:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
??? bad picture but i really really dislike the second story.... going to vote for the first one out of spite
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:40:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Really enjoyed entry two. Well done.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:40:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:34:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
That picture will make me smile all day.
=====================
I think I remember seeing another such picture on Uber. Some person was in a wheelchair, and it was referring to an advertisement which began with "Not going anywhere?"
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:39:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
badass
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:34:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That picture will make me smile all day.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:31:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh boy...
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:30:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:24:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry one reminded me of my youth. Entry two didn't.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:21:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Crimeny...
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:21:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think Uber universally loathes Author 1. Therefore, they win my vote. Even though #2 was a pretty decent story.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:20:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Are there a load of peeps giving up here or what?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:17:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 2 was alright. "We Can Get Them For You Wholesale" was better.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:11:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:08:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
DEBONKED!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:11:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahahahahahaahah
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:11:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
When I see posts like these, I want to forfeit.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:11:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy fuck did #1 make me laugh.
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:10:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What is the deal with small pictures this round?
#2, very good story and pacing. I enjoyed.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:08:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DEBONKED!
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:07:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So fucked up. I love it.
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:06:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Man, I'm glad #1 was just a picture. I really didn't feel like reading all of #2.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:06:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wonderful, just wonderful.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:03:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No effort and not original number 1.