Rise or Fall (612 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.16 on 65 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2006-10-10 02:50:16 EDT
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Entry 1
"Thunder or lightning?" Melissa asked as she flipped through the pages of a National Geographic."Um, lightning," Paul answered.
"Day or night?"
"Definitely night."
"Summer or...."
"Melissa, I really need to finish grading these essays, all right? Can we finish this later?"
She had a habit of doing that...flipping through the pages of a magazine and asking him questions while he was trying to work. Sometimes it made him so angry, he wished he were heartless enough to hit her. His rage smoldered and simmered deep within him, and he restrained it with every cell in his body.
"Why do you have to be that way?" she asked.
"Oh, you mean, why do I have to work?"
Paul hated when Melissa's lower jaw would quiver - her eyes would get all red, and she'd start sniffling. In the five years of their relationship, he never saw her cry. As she stood there, in the doorway, he saw the beginning of a tear in her eye.
"I'm fucking leaving," she said.
In a frenzy, she grabbed her purse, keys and coat, and slammed the door so hard behind her that the molding he had just put up the weekend before cracked right off of the wall.
He muttered, "Psycho," to himself as he continued grading.
Since he would be alone for the rest of the afternoon, Paul decided he would relax by sitting at the big bay window which looked out onto the street. Ever since he was a child, he loved to watch the world move around him, wishing that he could be a part of the frenzy of life. Now, he was old enough to swim with the current, yet he still felt as though he was being left behind.
Cars drove past, and Paul made mental notes of the colors and makes. He became caught in the rhythm, hypnotized by the sound the tires made on the pavement. As he sat there watching traffic flow, he noticed a rabbit dart out into the road.
Paul held his breath.
When he was eleven, he and his brother, Andrew, found a rabbit whose leg had been injured. Together, they decided they were going to nurse it back to health and set it free in the woods. His brother built a makeshift cage and Paul filled it with straw. Every night, before Paul went to bed, he would check on the rabbit to make sure it was all right.
After a few weeks, Paul and Andy decided that the rabbit was well enough to set free. Paul opened the cage and pulled the rabbit out, but the rabbit bucked and broke free from his grip. The rabbit zipped around the side of their house, where he skittered into traffic because his leg was not fully healed.
The rabbit did not make it across the road.
Paul loved that rabbit. He had cared for it, fed it and gave it attention so that it would survive, and in the end, it didn't matter. He could not save it.
For days, he cried, and on most of those days he didn't even eat. His mother was worried, but his father was angered by his behavior. As Paul pushed his peas around on his plate, his father stared at him from across the table.
"Son," he said in a stern voice, "You have to let it go."
"No!" Paul shouted. He got up from the table and ran into his room, where he laid on his bed and sobbed until he fell asleep.
The next morning, Paul's father woke him up before the sun rose. "We're going to the beach," he said.
"Now?"
"Yes, now."
When they arrived at the beach, Paul's father said, "I want you to look at where the shoreline is now."
Paul looked out to where the water met the sand. He pointed and said, "It's down there."
"All right. Now, when the water starts creeping closer to us, I want you to stop it. Do you think you can do it?" his father asked.
"I don't know. I guess I can try," Paul said.
Hours later, Paul dug his feet into the sand and tried with all of his strength to stop the water. He built a damn, which was quickly flooded. He ran into the surf, flailing against the waves in an effort to beat them back.
"I...I can't do it, Dad," he said with tears in his eyes.
His father kneeled down in front of him, and took Paul's hands in his, and said, "There are some things in this world, no matter how hard you try, that you can stop. You can fight, you can use all of your strength, but in the end, the flow of life is going to win. Don't be sad, Paul. Sometimes, the only thing you can do is go with the rising and falling of the waves. Choose your battles. Make changes where you can. I want you to remember this day for the rest of your life, and I want you to remember that today was the day when you learned to let go."
The sound of a horn roused him from his reverie. For the first time in a long time, he felt the uncontrollable urge to scream, to smash the walls and to let the tears he had been holding back for so long finally flow. He thought of his father on that day at the beach, and how he wanted nothing for his son but to be able to live a happy life.
So far, Paul felt as though he had failed. The list of broken promises was longer than he cared to admit, and it was all because he taken the easy path in life. All of the dreams he had were forsaken for a 401(k), a Mercury Milan and a woman who he didn't love anymore, and probably never even loved at all.
He knew Melissa would be home soon. She could never stay away for too long, because she always told Paul that her greatest fear was coming back to an empty house. The fact was, even when he was there, the house was always empty. There would be tears, embraces and sex on the floor. Melissa would cook dinner, open a bottle of wine and promise not to bother him while he was working. Paul would hold her and promise he wouldn't get angry over little things.
And they'd do it all over again the next week.
As he took his seat back at his desk, he heard a car door slam. With a heavy sigh, he prepared himself for the onslaught of emotion that he would have to endure.
Melissa walked in and quietly closed the door behind her. Paul expected a passionate hug and teary eyes, but he was met with a cold stare and a stoic expression.
"Hi Melissa," he said.
Without saying a word, she dropped her coat on the couch, sat down and curled up with a magazine.
"Melissa, I...."
"Don't say anything, Paul. I know where this is headed. I thought about it a lot, and I think that we shouldn't be together anymore."
He wasn't surprised. In fact, he was quite relieved. "I was thinking the same thing."
"I'm not really in the mood to talk about it right now. We'll sort everything out later," she said.
"Yeah."
"I mean, we can only fight windmills for so long, right?"
"Yeah, I just...."
"Paul?" she asked.
"Yeah?"
"Waves - rising or falling?" she asked.
With dark eyes and a half smile, he said, "Crashing."
- VS -
Entry 2
Fuck 21. Your 21st birthday is supposed to be some big milestone. That's what they told me. All those years leading up to it - I couldn't fucking wait! It was supposed to be the end-all be-all of birthdays! You go out to the bars, everyone finds out it's your 21st and even the people you've never met before celebrate it with you! People you've never known before and you will never know again come over and buy you drinks and tell you congratulations. It's the time of your life!Bullshit.
I went out at midnight on my 21st. The first bar I went to didn't card me. The most anticlimactic moment of my life.
That was just the beginning though.
After a few other boring as shit bar visits - where no one said a damn thing by the way - I went home.
When I woke up the next morning, I convinced myself that the last night was a fluke but tonight would be the memory maker. My brother took me out to one of his favorite bars. My brother is a regular boozer, so when we walked in, I expected a greeting that would make Norm sound like the designated driver. But that's what I get for having expectations. My brother didn't have a friend in the bar and the bartenders sure as hell didn't know his name.
What other delusions have I been fed?
That was a few years ago now and I haven't thought about it much since then. But my little brother is turning 21 this weekend. Will it be the same experience for him? Is he going to come home not know what to believe anymore? I know he's been anticipating this the same way I was. That incredible desire to want to go to a party or a bar without having to worry about cops showing up.
But that is just more bullshit. The cops never show up after you're 21.
That secret desire you have to get caught. Just so you can show them your authentic 21 year old I.D. - but it never happens. Any party you go to after you're 21 won't get busted. It's just how things work.
Drinking experiences aren't the only thing affected by a 21st birthday. Optimistic sayings now turn incredibly pessimistic.
People still say "you have your whole life ahead of you" after you're 21. But instead of meaning "You can do whatever you want" it means "until you are put out of your misery by death."
A few days before my birthday, someone told me "the grass is greener on the other side." Meaning life is easier after you turn 21.
He was wrong.
As of right now, I can't afford college loans because I'm falling behind on my rent. I can't make rent because I have to pay alimony to my wife. We were barely married a month before the divorce.
Something has finally made sense to me though; the reason our drinking age is 21. It's because you realize life is just one let down after another, and you need to start drink yourself stupid to avoid depression.
Happy 21st birthday? Not a chance.
Entry 1:
Acarnis
Amontillado
Axolotl
BadAssJulie
BLITZKREIG_BOB
CaptainThorns
charminglybeef
coley
Cracked_out_cali
Crystle
Davros
DonkeyOnTheEdge
DrogoRoch
FunnyAsCancer
ghola
goferforhire
gravitas
Hirilnara
HotWillie
Impassive-Digressive
indoninja
Jack_McCallum
jgreening
JMG114
joedaddy
JoeyG
JonnyX
justagirl27
kaos-king
littledan
loki
LT
MandaPanda
munkeypants
Orgasmatron
Pentameter
polyamorousaj
rad1101
redskieslookfake
Sacrilicious
sicosemen
simple_catalyst
Soley_Trinity
sparkle_pink
SPECIALk
Stagger_Lee
stevie_says
supadupapupa
The_taste_of_Monkeys
yhywstudios
47 eligible votes (50 total) *
Entry 2:
AsshOly
CRazyTALk
drgoatcabin
EchoBoxing
intellismartness
KindaLikeJesus
kybernetikum
Magicaddict
satchel
Shaun_Rocks
St_Jimmy
10 eligible votes (11 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-13 11:31:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-13 11:24:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-13 09:08:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
1 had a good narration, and I genuinely liked it. Good description of a clingly, emotionally dysfunctional relationship, nice last lines. Two was just too nihilistic and insipid, I feel like I'd read it dozens of times before.
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2006-10-13 01:34:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
bleargh
Submitted by drgoatcabin (user info) at 2006-10-12 13:24:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
damn good story #2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-12 12:50:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great job #1. Way to expand and narrow down the scope of the story as you worked through it.
Submitted by Hirilnara (user info) at 2006-10-12 09:04:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I loved the imagery of the waves, and the story was well written too.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2006-10-12 04:34:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:51:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by kybernetikum (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:42:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:28:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:19:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-10-11 13:50:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
mourning something and realizing that you cannot prevent it are not mutually exclusive
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2006-10-11 09:02:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent...
Submitted by intellismartness (user info) at 2006-10-11 07:16:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So depressing.
Submitted by justagirl27 (user info) at 2006-10-11 01:01:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-10-10 22:54:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Had to go with #2 since my first legal alcohol purchase wasn't carded either.
Plus my 21 was a big let down.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2006-10-10 22:19:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2006-10-10 22:19:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really liked 1
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-10-10 21:58:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by KindaLikeJesus (user info) at 2006-10-10 21:34:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-10-10 21:25:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think entry two would have been a fantastic intro to a story. but there was no story.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-10-10 21:19:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2006-10-10 20:08:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Boo hoo, number two. I turned 21 in the middle of a fucking desert 6,000 miles away from home.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-10 19:06:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Both were pretty meh, but #1 was slightly less 'meh'.
Maybe a smidge less.
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2006-10-10 18:15:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-10-10 16:18:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think that entry 2 would have been pretty good if it were fleshed out more.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-10-10 15:49:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2006-10-10 15:12:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Number one was so damned cheesy -- it was like Velveeta in Kraft Dinner.
But you know, sometimes that sounds kinda good; especially when compared to, well...
Dog snot?
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-10-10 15:05:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-10 14:32:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jesus Christ, Author #2, I hate to be a dick, but what the hell was this? It isn't a story, it's just... well, I don't know what the hell it is. And how does it connect with the title?
As for #1, the protagonist's shifts between dreamy and borderline homicidal were nothing short of bizarre, but I must give you credit for the bit with the dad and the little boy at the sea-side. That was a wonderful bit.
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-10-10 13:57:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i'm voting for 2 because it sucks more.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-10 13:56:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Better written, better use of the title, better grammar, oh and better everything.
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2006-10-10 12:31:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-10-10 12:27:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting...
#1 - This was quite good. A very simple look into a very simple life. The writing flowed very naturally and the characters were 3-dimensional.
#2 - A very good monologue on our perspectives from youth. My 21st b-Day sucked. However, I don't know how well you tied in the title.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-10-10 11:53:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
#1 Was well written and set off alarms in my own head.
#2 Meh, I haven't been checked for ID since I was 16 and if you don't have real friends to have a party with on your 21st then you really need to get away from the computer.
Submitted by yhywstudios (user info) at 2006-10-10 10:30:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by CRazyTALk (user info) at 2006-10-10 10:28:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Acarnis (user info) at 2006-10-10 10:20:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I wasn't carded on my 21st birthday either. However, the author for #2 doesn't understand what the "grass is greener on the other side" quote means.
Submitted by Acarnis (user info) at 2006-10-10 10:17:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-10 09:56:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
#1
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-10 09:45:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Read Entry 2 first.
Cut yourself some more, crybaby.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-10-10 09:38:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry one suffered from cliches and too much telling. It was obvious that Paul loved the rabbit before you even said, "Paul loved that rabbit."
The character of Melissa was underdeveloped at best. When she was first introduced, I thought she was a little kid. Maybe that's what you were going for. Also, Paul and Melissa's last exchange bothered me. I knew someone who would do that, who would make an event as serious as a break-up into something symbolic ("Waves - crashing or falling?"). It made me feel like I was living in a book.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-10-10 09:18:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
one just didnt do much for me.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-10-10 09:04:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
depress much?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-10-10 08:53:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-10 08:48:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Entry 1 was a little fractured in my opinion, but the ending tying in with the earlier point was nice.
Entry 2 didn't seem to really tie in with the title and didn't appeal to me. Maybe it is because I am not an American.
#1 for me.
-Dave
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-10-10 06:16:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-10 06:10:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Didn't like this at all - but just better than 2.
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2006-10-10 04:21:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#2 was more over. I got angry at the main character. #1 was just another reasonable piece of writing.
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-10-10 04:15:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2006-10-10 04:11:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-10-10 04:04:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wow entry two really really blew
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-10-10 04:01:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-10-10 03:52:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Um...rant?
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-10 03:35:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
not bad, author one
author two...?
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-10-10 03:34:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Back to the dregs.
#1 was okay, which wins in this case.
Submitted by LT (user info) at 2006-10-10 03:32:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good stuff, better than entry two, could identify with it more.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-10-10 03:29:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2006-10-10 03:24:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
For my 18th birthday (18's the legal age in Alberta), I got a wicked bad earache.
That was a shitty birthday.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-10-10 03:06:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In Alberta, we can drink when we're 18.
GOOD TIMES.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2006-10-10 03:03:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-10-10 02:56:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
had a picture
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-10 02:54:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-10-10 02:51:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Crashing