Deconstruction (772 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.12 on 76 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2006-10-10 10:50:42 EDT
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This post is officially part of UberMadness!. Click here for more information on the rules and restrictions. |
Entry 1
When I saw this dumbass title, I was like "wtf, r u c-reus!"Deconstruction? What the hell does that even mean? I don't think I've ever heard anyone use the word "deconstruction" or "deconstruct." I finished high school and spent the better part of a decade in college, and I'm fairly certain I know what "construction" means. I know what "destruction" means. But, "deconstruction?" Surely it's made up...
So, I looked it up on m-w.com (Merriam and Webster).
deconstruction
One entry found for deconstruction.
Main Entry: de·con·struc·tion
Pronunciation: "dE-k&n-'str&k-sh&n
Function: noun
Etymology: French déconstruction, from dé- de- + construction
1 : a philosophical or critical method which asserts that meanings, metaphysical constructs, and hierarchical oppositions (as between key terms in a philosophical or literary work) are always rendered unstable by their dependence on ultimately arbitrary signifiers; also : an instance of the use of this method <a deconstruction of the nature-culture opposition in Rousseau's work>
2 : the analytic examination of something (as a theory) often in order to reveal its inadequacy
And it was the same on dictionary.com.
Based on these definitions, I've drawn the conclusion that the UM committee member who chose this title is a boring nerd. Did you REALLY want to see a post about this? Have you collected all the 50 state quarters? Have you watched all 7 seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Already formed your toe jam into models of George Takei? Got nothing left to do?
I realize that it's partly the fault of the English language. I mean for Christ's sake, there's construction (to make something), destruction (to unmake something), reconstruction (to remake something), self-destruction (something messages do after they deliver themselves to Ethan Hunt) and the subject of this fucking post (to gently disassemble for purposes of analysis). What a pussy fucking word!!!! DECONSTRUCTION?!%#%*()_!& LBLAOBLABLABOLABLOBALA!
Why not "destruction?" That would've been something. So many ideas! I could've done some sort of tasteless hurricane Katrina spoof, or possibly something involving a bomb. Bombs are exciting. But "deconstruction" sucked the creativity right out of my ass hole. I at least expected to get a title that sparked more in my head than my 9th grade English teacher talking about color motifs in The Scarlet Letter.
Of course, I guess I have to blame myself. A good writer will probably be able to do wonders with this title. That's why I have complete faith in my opponent to wipe the floor with my ass. It just didn't do it for me.
NOT FORFEITING. Just pissed that this title sucks. Judge me, uber. Judge me.
- VS -
Entry 2
Think class. Carefully cultivated, double distilled, deliberately understated class. Think polished mahogany and artful downlighting and gleaming whiskey glasses on the walnut bartop. The only possibly vulgar thing in the room is the large screen TV that takes up one whole wall, and even that, by dint of careful positioning and gleaming timber surrounds, manages not to impose itself too much on the decor.One of the two old, old men sitting in the leather armchairs points a remote control at the TV and the lights dim as the screen flickers to life. He takes a carefully calculated sip of his whiskey - enough to show evident enjoyment, not so much that he appears boorish or too enthusiastic. His companion nods in mute approval of this perfectly executed display of taste and refinement and follows suit.
"What are we watching tonight, Amos?"
"Something new. I have high hopes of this director - he's said to work in mysterious ways."
"Sounds promising. Have we seen anything by him before?"
"No, he's been working in live productions. He's only recently moved to cinema."
"Intriguing. What's this one called?"
"'Dianne Roberts.'"
____________________
Dianne - Di to her friends, Dianne only to her parents, and Dee to her lovers - was born in a train. This story was told to so many relatives and family friends when she was small that, by the time she was seven, she had a firm picture in her head of being dragged out of a coal scuttle and wrapped in an engineer's blanket. If she'd known the train was just the subway from Highgate she would have been fiercely disappointed. She found out when she was ten, and she was.
Sketch in a normal childhood, color it with pastels and spray the paper with whatever scent takes you back - fresh cut grass, baking bread, your mother's perfume on the rare occasions when she dressed up and you were left with a sitter for the evening. No trauma, not even repressed. No tragedies beyond those of the unfed hamster or the schoolyard taunts - nothing out of the ordinary.
____________________
"Either this director is very, very subtle, or..."
"Or there's no underlying theme whatsoever."
"There seems to be a lot of pink. Perhaps the use of color is significant?"
"I don't think so. I believe pink is a normal color for small girls to surround themselves with."
"Ahhh. The color of innocence and hope... perhaps as the movie progresses the pink will darken as her darker nature reveals itself."
"Perhaps, Jensen."
___________________
Dianne fell in love for the first time when she was twelve, and again at twelve and a half, and again at her thirteenth birthday party. It was the painful, sleepless kind of love that never results in anything so crude as actual conversation with the beloved party, but it was love nonetheless. Of course it's normal but it always feels like it's never happened to anyone before. She grew out of these crushes by fifteen, but always remembered them with the pain of nostalgia; the kind that doesn't actually hurt.
____________________
"What did we miss?"
"What makes you think we missed anything?"
"Well, there has to be trauma. Without trauma there can be no conflict and without conflict, no story."
"That's the formula, sure enough."
"Even conflict with self is something to be treasured, or conflict with surroundings... but this just has nothing."
"Also, much less pink."
"I'd noticed that myself. Do you still think it has significance?"
"I'm beginning to fear that it doesn't."
______________________
School, college, work, travel, marriage, children, divorce.
_______________________
"Aha! Conflict at last!"
"Indeed. But it doesn't seem... I don't know. Linked. He wasn't like her father or anything."
"I know what you mean. It just all seems so frightfully random and unconnected."
"She doesn't even drink too much."
"Alcoholism is always an interesting storyline."
"Perhaps it's coming. She drank a glass of wine four scenes ago. It may have been a foreshadowing."
"Let's hope so."
_______________________
When her youngest child left home, Dianne - Di to her friends and Dee to her lovers, and never Dianne anymore because her parents had passed away in an accident on a driving tour of Scotland - began a familiar, comfortable relationship with an old friend. It wasn't passionate or fiery. It was like wearing a pair of old shoes. It was just what they both wanted.
________________________
"No recollections of childhood abuses on the death of her parents. I find that mightily disappointing."
"As do I, Amos. And this new relationship doesn't appear to be heading anywhere near a sociopathic showdown."
"There's still time."
_______________________
Dianne Roberts passed away at the age of seventy-three, holding her oldest grandchild's hand. Her belongings were divided up between her family in a civilized and respectful manner and her old friend went into a nursing home to outlive her by fifteen years and die in his sleep on Christmas Eve.
_________________________
"That's it?"
"That's it, apparently."
"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm frankly appalled. There was no theme at all."
"No. Just apparently random events happening one after another."
"Who did you say the director was?"
"He's just listed as I Am."
"Let's avoid his work from now on. He's got no idea what he's doing."
Entry 1:
BadAssJulie
Bellebrown
bob
CaptainThorns
chipolatte
Cracked_out_cali
EchoBoxing
extacy_red
GodtheFather
indoninja
IntangibleHands
JulsInsane
justagirl27
lechuza
PeterTheGreat
polyamorousaj
Sepsis
SPECIALk
supadupapupa
yhywstudios
16 eligible votes (20 total) *
Entry 2:
Amontillado
Anansie
Antioxident
awesome_face
Axolotl
Bigmike
Bizdorph
BLITZKREIG_BOB
charminglybeef
Chroniclysm
Circe
coley
Confuzitron
Coyote
Crystle
Davros
DrogoRoch
DudeThatsBOSH
FunnyAsCancer
ghola
GodChicken
goferforhire
gravitas
helbling
Hirilnara
HotWillie
Impassive-Digressive
intellismartness
Jack_McCallum
jgreening
JMG114
joedaddy
JoeyG
JonnyX
lolabelly
LT
Magicaddict
MandaPanda
Orgasmatron
peckerhead
rad1101
redskieslookfake
Sacrilicious
scourge
sicosemen
simple_catalyst
Siren
sparkle_pink
St_Jimmy
Stagger_Lee
stevie_says
The_taste_of_Monkeys
thorpe
TigerLilly
51 eligible votes (54 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2006-10-13 05:57:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
hehehehehehe
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-12 15:01:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"When I saw this dumbass title, I was like 'wtf, r u c-reus!'"
---
That locked up my vote for #2 right there.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-10-12 12:50:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
#2 was entertaining. I pictured Amos & Jensen as Statler & Waldorf from the Muppet Show. I think that may have made 2 seem better than it was, but it was entertaining anyway.
Submitted by Hirilnara (user info) at 2006-10-12 11:38:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
For an entry... even if it was a little...odd.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-12 11:04:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What a shitpile. I flipped a coin, and in the bad way.
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-10-12 09:50:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-10-11 23:39:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I enjoyed the lack of rape and molestation here.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2006-10-11 22:48:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2006-10-11 19:14:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1, you had your day in court. Entry 2 wrote, played by the rules and put in a good effort... good enough for me. P.S. Entry 2 only vaguely made use of the title. So what?
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-10-11 16:57:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by IntangibleHands (user info) at 2006-10-11 14:14:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-10-11 13:19:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
picture...sorry
deconstruction is a great title though. you just have no creativity maybe?
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2006-10-11 12:27:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-10-11 12:21:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by intellismartness (user info) at 2006-10-11 10:11:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And for fucks sakes, quit complaining about a lack of double spacing on quotes.
Geez.
Submitted by intellismartness (user info) at 2006-10-11 10:09:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think entry 2 actually managed to use the title. Somehow.
...
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2006-10-11 08:25:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i hate when quotes arent double spaced but just cant vote for 1.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-11 08:06:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is the worst round ever.
Submitted by LT (user info) at 2006-10-11 07:01:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You get my vote simply because entry 1 was fucking awful. Repeat. You get my vote by no means through your own merit.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-10-11 06:54:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
#2 As I have been forced to sit through films that seem to have no point other than to pay for some actors new fucking house.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2006-10-11 05:52:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I loved the passion of #1.
Submitted by justagirl27 (user info) at 2006-10-11 01:24:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i am sorry, but how can i not vote for a yoda dog??
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-11 01:21:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Skimmed the second one. Wasn't gonna vote for 1.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-11 01:19:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wtf just happened here?
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-10-11 00:57:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 assured #2 of winning without anyone bothering to read the story.
This contest is mostly a fucking joke.
Who will be crowned Uberclown?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-10-10 22:51:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2006-10-10 22:26:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
someone should've done an ad deconstruction..those are fun
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-10-10 22:23:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2006-10-10 21:37:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ah the second one looked nerdy
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-10-10 21:26:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Author 1: The point is to make something based off very little. Buh bye.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-10-10 21:13:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-10-10 20:51:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I would have voted for #1, but I didn't.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-10-10 19:49:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Poor doggy
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-10-10 19:38:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2006-10-10 19:18:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
As much as I empathise with Author 1... they were right... Author 2 took the title and did something reasonable (if a bit bland for my tastes) with it.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-10-10 19:08:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-10-10 18:04:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entry 1's pic kinda reminded me of the post I got disqualified for last UberMadness.
Submitted by PeterTheGreat (user info) at 2006-10-10 17:59:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-10 17:49:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
As I said on an earlier one...
For fucks sake.
Even I complain about titles, but I at least DO SOMETHING with them...
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-10-10 16:55:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Better stories could've come from this title.
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2006-10-10 16:27:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
for the dog alone
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2006-10-10 16:07:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2006-10-10 15:51:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Bah...
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-10-10 15:36:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-10 15:19:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
See, #2 didn't _need_ to use the word in their entry, because the whole post was a 'deconstruction'.
That would have been enough to win it right there.
Fortunately for you, Author #1 is a total pussy who is too stupid to be creative.
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-10-10 14:07:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-10-10 13:55:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-10-10 13:42:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-10-10 13:29:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-10 13:18:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1, bitching about Um titles has been done, many times.
Entry 2, not sure I liked it, but the effort was there.
-Dave
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-10-10 13:02:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you whiny, uninspired bitch, entry 1. Fuck you.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-10-10 12:54:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2006-10-10 12:42:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 for its honesty
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-10-10 12:36:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't even care that #2 had the format of a math textbook, when I read the first sentence of #1, I knew it was going to be a stupid UM rant post.
Submitted by yhywstudios (user info) at 2006-10-10 12:19:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-10-10 12:01:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by lolabelly (user info) at 2006-10-10 11:56:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bizdorph (user info) at 2006-10-10 11:53:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ARGH.
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2006-10-10 11:45:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff, number two.
Brilliant use of the title, and a very simple but effective style.
Man, I really liked that.
Submitted by helbling (user info) at 2006-10-10 11:22:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll admit to not reading #2 before voting for it - much as I like animals, a pic of a cute dog in a costume isn't going to swing it when the opponent obviously put effort in.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-10 11:19:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The formatting in #2 was horrific.
Everything about #1 was horrific.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-10-10 11:17:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
now to actually vote
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-10-10 11:17:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i almost wanted to vote for #1, because it made me laugh, but i couldn't quite get it done.
my title was worse than this, just to let you know author 1.
note to committee: single word titles are fucking worthless, please discontinue their use in the future.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-10-10 11:16:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by GodtheFather (user info) at 2006-10-10 11:12:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2006-10-10 11:08:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice try at irony from author 1, worked well, but I thought the idea behind #2 was excellent. Real life isn't a movie, never has been, and never will be.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-10 11:04:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
YODA DOG
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-10 11:01:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dear Author #1,
Fuck you.
--Bob
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-10-10 10:59:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Author 2 did something different, and did it well. People like Author 1 might not understand how the title fits in, but then, Author 1 is obviously a mouth-breathing idiot.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-10-10 10:58:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-10-10 10:57:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-10 10:56:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
These were both awful, but at least #1 referred to the title.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-10-10 10:56:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-10-10 10:53:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-10-10 10:53:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry one, I really wanted to vote for you because of your well delivered rant, but I just couldn't. Kudos to you though for getting it off your chest.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-10 10:51:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Better - but not amazing