Grueberfest '06 Round 2 - "Your Funeral, My Trial" (468 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.36 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JoeyG <joe_green_2006.at.yahoo.co.uk> (View user info) at 2006-10-10 23:26:59 EDT
I stood back and watched as the preist began to scatter the first few handfuls of dirt onto the coffin. The words he spoke were irrelevant. I had done this so many times now, that they simply washed over me, as easy as the blood had been hosed from the pavement. Hell, I could have carried out the service myself.
I'm still not sure which part was the bigger thrill - The fleeting glance at a lifeless corpse as I ran from the scene, or the devilishly satisfying feeling of seeing them interred, as I stood among the unwitting congregation.
The moment of the kill had such an adrenaline rush, but you never have time to savour the moment. Standing among the grieving family, seeing the pain and torment in those mourning faces - Now, that was something that could be relished! Hearing the pitiful sobs and tears that were shed over the life that was taken so prematurely was like Mozart to my morbid soul.
The first few had been selected at random. A knife flashing into the gut of a suited man, as a large crowd departed from an underground tube station. Lacing a school water fountain with poison. It was all part of my tribute to the random order of chaos.
But as it turned out, the suited man had been a serial fraudster. Instead of an innocent school child ingesting the sweet surprise of cyanide, a teacher had taken the bait. A music teacher, who was later revealed as having groomed several young students into lewd sexual acts.
I wasn't out to wreak vigilante style justice. I was out to cause pain and sorrow. Misery was my goal, and it could not be aroused through the killing of those that no-one cared about.
I set about planning my next few kills, and took the time to select people that would be sorely missed.
Catherine, the high school beauty queen and straight A student. A large lump of sharp flint to the back of the neck had done the trick, as I had followed her home one evening after netball practice.
Little Dougie, the handicapped heartthrob that the ladies would dote over at the old folks home. Thanks to his brittle bone condition, the ice pick went through the cap of his skull like a carving knife through a pit of grease.
Watching the bereaved community come together to mourn these tragedies was exquisite. Torment untold would pour down the faces of relatives and well-wishers in rivulets of salty anguish. It was perfect, a joy to behold. So much pleasure from other people's pain, and my sordid self would gorge on the notion of the near departed.
But alas, a satanic soul is never satisfied, its cravings never quenched. It seeks perversity and bloodshed, and its thirst is ever present. Like a wild dog, who senses meat is just around the corner. It is a hunger that can not be cured, and its appetite grows with every feast it savours. Flesh is only flesh, but the sweet, sweet sense of innocence is a far tastier treat to devour.
I can no longer stop what has been set in motion. The order of chaos is a beast best left satisfied. I am enslaven to that which has set me free from reality, but never will I be free from my burden.
This, is my trial. I will not fail to reach my verdict.
User Reviews
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-10-11 18:46:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-10-11 13:51:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You're a good writer. This has potential to be a great piece if you elaborate.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-10-11 13:35:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-11 09:10:32 (#)
Ranking: 1
Good, but not your best - it needed more plot
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Agreed. I wish I had more time to run with this, as I had more of a plot in mind. But I knew the deadline was coming, and ending up posting this at 3 am, Brit time, whilst nursing the last of a bottle of JD.
C'est la vie.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-10-11 13:19:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-11 12:02:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1.5, though...good concept, ok execution.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-11 12:02:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'd say that maybe some of this was a bit flat because you weren't sure how to handle the title, but I do think you've got an interesting concept here. I think I'd have rather seen you focus on the first half of the story - having the narrator really get into how he decided to put his plans into action, and slowly learning that his attempts at chaos were actually ordered enough to rid the world of criminals. That sort of thing might really grate on a man like this, no?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-11 10:11:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-11 09:10:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good, but not your best - it needed more plot.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-10-11 02:35:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry dude, I didn't read it.
I'm just giving you a +2 before I bail for a while.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-10-11 00:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-10-11 00:16:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hmmm. It didn't feel like you tried too hard on this one. I like the idea of the killer finding out his victims were bad, and therefore getting no satisfaction out of the murders, though.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-10 23:48:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This. Was. AWESOME.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-10-10 23:36:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-10-10 23:36:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate to say it dude, I just felt this was okay. It lacked something that made me connect with the speaker. If I don't connect, I don't feel the story as it's meant to be told.
+0.5