Cingular Wireless Sucks or How My Cat Saved Me $125 (2173 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.36 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JMG114 (View user info) at 2006-10-11 16:39:53 EDT
When AT&T sold its wireless division off to Cingular, I went along for the ride. When it came time to renew my contract, I figured I'd stay with Cingular. Why change what works? I needed some more anytime minutes, though, and Cingular was more than willing to sell me 500 more for a bit steeper a price. $59.99/month, to be precise. Whatever. Service was service.
Last weekend, my cat knocked my Cingular phone from the coffee table where it had been charging. The display cracked and looked vaguely like someone had spilled black ink and blood all over the LCD screen. That would not do, so I brought it to my friendly neighborhood Cingular store.
"Hi. I need to replace my phone. My cat broke it."
The Cingular representative, a rotund fellow who looked as if he had been custom-cut to sell me cell phone products and services asked, "Do you have phone insurance? A new phone will be free today if you have phone insurance."
"They have phone insurance?"
"Yes."
"Oh. Yes, then."
"Liar."
My contract with Cingular expires in August 2007, about ten months away. Clearly, I could not make do with a cracked cell phone until then. I had to fess up. I had to come clean.
"Very well. What options do I have?"
"You'll need a new cell phone, sir."
"Okay. I'll take one."
He pointed out a cell phone that was about the size of a small dog. "This one here has Blackberry, Bluetooth, Internet, GPS, PDA, ABC, T&A, and a little Philips-head screwdriver to screw things with."
I raised an eyebrow. "I can screw things just fine on my own. Plus, I never really use wireless Internet, GPS, PDAs, or anything else like that. I just want something that rings when a call comes in."
He pointed to a phone at the end of the row marked, "Sooper Bargin!" in black permanent ink.
"How much for that one?" I asked.
"$189."
I didn't much feel like paying more than Cingular's $175 contract cancellation rape fee for a new phone. Grumbling at my cat for putting me into such a predicament, I asked, "Are there any other options?"
"Yeah. We have slightly used phones that I might be able to grab from the warehouse. They'll probably be around $50. I can grab one for you tomorrow."
"Sounds good. I'll be in tomorrow."
Satisfied, I returned the next day. The warehouse phone, as it turns out, cost closer to $100. That's when I wondered if it would be cheaper to switch carriers altogether, despite Cingular's $175 contract termination anal rape fee.
Thanks to the good folks at T-Mobile, I calculated that, by August 2007, I'd actually save $125 by switching to their plan, even including Cingular's anal horse rape fee of $175.
The choice was clear.
Now I "get more." Cingular can "get bent."
Thank you, cat.
As the T-Mobile reps wrapped up the deal, they asked, "Would you like phone insurance on that, sir?"
"No thanks."
What the hell. Maybe my cat will serendipitously save me more next week.
Google image search for Cingular Rape:
User Reviews
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2006-11-02 02:52:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i use cingular... never had a problem
but i do underdtand their anal rape charge... fucking ridiculous.
damnit, i shoudl be asleep.
Submitted by DonSturgeon2003 (user info) at 2006-11-02 02:37:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice story. Truly entertaining.
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2006-10-17 08:24:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have always hood bad things about Cingular. I use t-mobile and I have replaced 3 broken phones so far and not paid one red cent. Go figure.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-10-13 20:43:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just spent 60 dollars on text messages in one week... I'm such a stupid teenager... kill me.
Anyway, the next round's finally started. You're in; check it out.
Submitted by maf54 (user info) at 2006-10-12 19:37:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You could have used a Cingular go phone and just put your old sim chip in. A go phone is a prepaid Cingular phone. Cingular stores don't sell them so their salespeople usually won't tell you that. They sell for as low as $29. It's too bad you didn't consult Ubersite first.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-10-12 14:52:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Frighteningly bold, exceptionally average!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-12 14:48:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ne wanna woona
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2006-10-12 14:38:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
O-Qua Tangin Wann
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-10-12 12:39:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
nice.
I like my T-mobile.
I also use thier wireless data card for internet access on my laptop. Works nicely, at a decent price. I can link up to wireless networks, or go through cell towers when no network is available. Slower bandwidth, but certainly adequate.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-10-12 10:32:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-12 08:45:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Reminds me of something the best man at my wedding did...
He has a little dog (Maltese, I think) and takes that thing EVERYWHERE with him. Spoils it rotten. So much, in fact, that he had a water dish and food dish on the floor of his pickup cab, so the dog could sit back there and eat/drink while he was driving around.
Phone call comes in one day while he's on the road...he sets the phone on the armrest between the front seats when the call's phone.
Cue big pothole in road.
PLOP! Phone fell right in the dog's water dish, so not only did it get a bath, but ALSO the dog promptly proceeded to fit the entire thing in its mouth and give it a few good chews.
There are some things that phone insurance just doesn't cover...
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-10-12 07:02:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
those are some sweet butt cheeks
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-10-12 00:55:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cingular blows. I've had their service for a few years now and I almost changed last year, but I wanted to get a RAZR which was only available through their network.
Submitted by jfreakman (user info) at 2006-10-11 22:05:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate all phone companies, but Cingular and First Cell (AllTel) seem to suck more than the others. I have horrible phone stories too!!!!1!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:19:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
jeez and people accuse ME of phoning it in.
P.S - August 2008 - England, wedding, you and the lovely ice cream rapist up for it?
You've got nearly 2 years to save up!
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:13:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
T-Mobile sponsor Bayern Munich, you neo-Nazi bastard.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-10-11 20:54:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good title, story and execution.
Love you Jared!
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2006-10-11 20:02:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Major +2 from a guy that left his brand new LG camera phone on the roof of his car two years ago and drove away. Do you have any idea how dumb a person looks driving around a parking lot, screaming at his wife "CALL IT! CALL IT AGAIN!"
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-11 20:01:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2006-10-11 19:15:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, I can call you for free!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-11 19:13:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Step aside, everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. Dear
Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
-- Homer Simpson
Bart the Lover
Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2006-10-11 18:43:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Everyone's got a phone horror story.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-10-11 18:05:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-10-11 18:04:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ugh. I know how this feels.
I went into to get a new phone from Verizon because the one that I have is kinda stupid and doesn't ring when I get phonecalls and I get voicemails months after people leave them for me. They said that the phone would be free, if I had my Mom come in and sign a contract for 2 more years of service with them. What the fuck? I asked if I could get one without signing the contract, and they said no.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-10-11 17:37:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-11 17:36:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW MUTHAFUCKA
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2006-10-11 17:01:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmm, pink porky rose...
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-10-11 16:59:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmmm, interesting spin on cats earning their keep.
My cat has but one chore, catch and kill any errant bug that gets into my apartment. She's rather undependable but she does break things a lot so thanks for the idea.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-11 16:58:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have T-Mobile, basic service, and it's great.
Oh, and +2 for this...
The Cingular representative, a rotund fellow who looked as if he had been custom-cut to sell me cell phone products and services...
Submitted by Sandecki (user info) at 2006-10-11 16:57:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 con cingular
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-11 16:56:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A few years back a friend of mine dropped his phone into a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch while he was talking to his girlfriend. Made the mistake of telling the Phone People™ that when trying to get it fixed. Got the whole 'phone insurance' spiel (schpiel? kryzspeelzewski?) too.
Wound up buying a new one, but he held on to the old one because it smelled like the cereal.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-11 16:49:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
w00t.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-10-11 16:46:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll consider myself amused.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-10-11 16:43:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I went through the same shit when my neighbour's dog decided my phone was a suitable chewy toy.