The Minor Accomplishments of RomiusTexis. (403 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: 0.05 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <romiustexis.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2006-10-12 02:14:02 EDT
The Minor Accomplishments of RomiusTexis.
I am listening to Keith and the Girl on my I-pod and washing dishes. The dishes are actually large metal trays covered with bits of baked on bread.
Baked-on dough will not come off easy. One has to let it soak for several hours and then take a scouring pad to it.
I apply myself to the task and begin with forceful elbowed jerks to the pans followed by splashes of hot water to rinse. The banging and rinsing of pots and pans in a sink located at the back of this bakery makes it a bit difficult for me to hear you calling for assistance sometimes.
"Excuse me!" "Excuse me!!" "Excuse ME!!!"
At first all I hear are the pans banging against stainless steal sinks, but soon it dawns on me that someone is yelling. Yelling. And I mean YELLING at me at the top of their lungs. It the yelling voice of a child no more than 6 years old. And if you have ever had the unfortunate experience of being a parent then you know the freakishly large lung capacity that human offspring have.
This little fucker is standing there and facing me with his hand on his hip muttering "it's about time" and asking me for his goddamn "free cookie."
I am not ashamed to tell you my reaction. At least the reaction in my head.
"You little fucker. I am gonna strangle you. I am gonna watch you as your last breath leaves your body, then I am going to cut that lifeless body into portions to ingest in front of your sibling. Then I will shit you out with a dysenteric force and compel your brother that willing accomplice to eat your remains as shit."
But instead all I did was look around for his parents in the hopes that I could give them a look that says "Is that really necessary? Couldn't you learn that child some manners?"
But in my world even this small amount of satisfaction will not come. Instead I just meekly hand over the cookie failing to give the miniature tyrant his napkin. He views my restrained philanthropy with the native unimaginative curiosity of his age, operating only at Level 1 (Pre-Conventional) on Kolberg's Moral theory of development.
Obedience and punishment orientation
Self-interest orientation
Psychology 101 is not very helpful to me at this point in my life. I don't need tips to help me understand the ego-centric nature of childhood wants.
I only want tips on getting the balls needed to killing the personification of those childhood wants.
I understand fully now how people crack. When interviewed the friends and family members of serial killers always trot out the same hollow cliches. Like...
"He seemed like a pretty smart guy."
Just smart enough to to be aware of my growing and total frustration with life. And my complete lack of ability to persuade hot chicks to fuck me. I was once asked, "What's it like to be you?"
Now you know. Imagine if you will a man with no discernible talents or skills who winces at even the slightest tug from inertia.
"Poke that little fuckers eye out!" Shouted out my ghosts of evolutionary past. But I abstained. And because of that abstention I am ashamed. And too pathetic for words.
User Reviews
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-12-10 12:53:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
weird. i like it
Submitted by jfreakman (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:42:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Know what it's like to have to smile when all you wanna do is scream.
But seriously though, doesn't everybody?
blah.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-12 16:43:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Here's MY reaction:
Shut the fuck up, grocery boy. It's your job to hand out cookies, and you better hand them out with a smile. Customers pay good money to shop there, so the least you can do is do your job while you still HAVE a job, because believe me, the good people at Wal-mart are looking to put all you UFCW dillholes out of a job.
Don't like it? Get another job.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-12 08:00:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You gotta love stainless steal sinks.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2006-10-12 05:13:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wait, what did you accomplish now?
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2006-10-12 03:59:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
or you can actually wipe your ass with half the cookies and not tell them and laugh on the inside.....
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2006-10-12 03:57:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
jsut tell them you randomly wiped your ass with about half of the cookies.... then tell them to choose carefully
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2006-10-12 02:53:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Extremely minor.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-12 02:45:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You work with kids eh?
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-10-12 02:20:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate bitchy children.