Count the Stars (657 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.21 on 69 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2006-10-12 16:51:10 EDT
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Entry 1
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Entry 2
Long ago, in a land far away was the Kingdom of Akran. It was governed by twin brothers, Abbus and Darin, who had ruled the Kingdom for many years, since the death of their father. Their Mother had died while giving birth and the twin Princes had been taken from her stomach in her death throes. This had caused the court many problems as tradition dictated that the eldest son of the King would gain the throne. The brothers were put through many tests, none of which could separate them and it was decided that they would rule together.That, however, is a tale for another dawn.
Suffice to say, the twin princes ruled well and fairly and the Kingdom of Akran, despite their lack of a "King", had experienced a long period of peace and prosperity combined with good relationships with the people of the Kingdom's that surrounded them.
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It was nightfall in Akran and the gates to the city were about to be locked down when a rider approached from the West.
"A visitor from the Mortagh court approaches. He is alone and seeks an audience with the Princes."
The message was conveyed to the Princes and by the time of the arrival of the visitor, food and ale had been prepared.
The people of Mortagh were good friends of Akran despite their obvious differences. They were of a dark skin and lived on the edges of the Great Western Desert, a very barren area. They rode upon hump backed horses, which were capable of travelling long distances without having to stop for water. They were expert craftsmen and often traded with Akran.
The messenger entered the court, clad in the traditional emerald green robes of Mortagh. He bowed low before the Princes and held out a scroll, which was taken by Darin. He read it aloud to his brother and the assembled court.
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"My friends of Akran, I approach you looking for help in a most serious matter.
For many years our people have grazed our cattle over the Black Mountains to the north of our land. An area much different to our land. We have always enjoyed a good friendship with our northern neighbours, but this has changed some seven moons ago.
At that time the King died leaving no heir. The man who seized power is a violent man with no consideration for treaties of the past. He refuses to allow us over the mountains to graze our cattle unless we pay a high price.
We sent our warriors to him and he summoned the grey wolves to stand in their path. We have tried to negotiate and come away with one option.
He tells us that if there is a challenge he cannot overcome, then he will grant us safe passage through the mountains.
We sent our fiercest gladiator and he defeated him in combat. Our greatest minds have not been able to arrive at a challenge that outwits him. We have arrived at an impasse.
Our cattle are becoming weak from lack of food and if they do not survive, then my people will go hungry.
If there is anything you can do to aid us, we would be forever in your debt.
Your ally, Farooq of Mortagh."
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The Princes sent the messenger to rest and retired to their chambers with their closest advisors. The night was spent in discussion about a solution. Many ideas were brought up and quickly discarded and as dawn approached the Princes were beginning to despair of finding an answer.
"I may have an idea that could succeed", Li Chang spoke for the first time.
The Princes instantly paid attention to one of their Father's most trusted advisors. He had travelled many miles over the great oceans and seen many things. Despite his advanced age, he was still one of the most intelligent men in the Kingdom.
"It will rely upon the vanity of the new ruler", he continued "and, of course, that he can be trusted to honour his word."
"Tell us your idea and we will decide what can be done" , said Darin.
As Li Chang explained his theory, the court listened intently, the appeal of the plan growing as they heard the details.
"Very well", said Darin, "We shall try your method. I shall ride back with the messenger to Mortagh to deliver the plans to King Farooq. If it fails or if he goes back on his word, Abbus will bring our armies and we will unite to defeat this evil ruler."
"Now we must rest".
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The following evening, after a feast to sustain them on the journey, the Prince Darin, his bodyguards and the messenger left for the long ride west to Mortagh. It had been decided to travel by night to avoid the heat of the day.
"We will send word back by the new moon", said Darin, "whatever the result."
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The journey took five nights, with the travellers resting as best they could in the burning heat of the day. They were welcomed by King Farooq and sent to rest in the cool confines of his dwelling. It was agreed that Darin would issue the challenge and a messenger was despatched to organise a meeting.
He returned the following morning and the date was set for two nights hence at sundown.
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At the appointed hour, Darin approached the mountain passage for his meeting.
He was greeted by a man with long dark hair and very pale skin, who spoke with a very strong accent.
"I am Verdek, ruler of the Northern territories. I understand you have a challenge for me."
"I do."
"You have not yet succeeded and you shall not. Challenge me and be gone from my sight."
"I will trust that you are a man of your word and that, should you fail, you will grant the people safe passage through these mountains."
Verdeck nodded.
"I challenge you to number the lights in the night sky."
Verdeck laughed, "You wish me to count? Why do you not challenge me? Go and my answer will be with you shortly."
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He sat in a cave in the mountains, a fire burning in front of him, a wolf skin wrapped around his shoulders. He began to count only to find that they appeared and vanished as the clouds drifted across the night sky.
Again and again he began, only to lose count as his view was obscured. As the dawn approached he retreated to the back of the cave and slept.
For five nights he continued to try and every time dawn came before he had accomplished his task.
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At dusk on the sixth night Darin and Farooq rode back to the pass, where they were dismissed by Verdeck.
"I will succeed. Leave me."
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The following day, the cattle were taken through the mountains and passed without challenge.
Darin explained to Farooq, what was to be done.
"He shall never be able to defeat this challenge. Yet I believe that he will never concede defeat. While he is trying he will be unable to stop your passage through the mountains. If he tries to stop you again we will send our armies to assist you in his defeat."
With that Darin took his leave and began the long journey back to his home.
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Now it is almost time to take our leave of Akran and the Twin Princess. Before we do there are some things that need to be cleared up.
King Farooq and the people of Mortagh continued to drive their cattle through the mountains without any confrontation with Verdeck. It was reported for many years, that he could be heard by people travelling through the mountains by night, screaming and cursing at the night sky.
The people of Akran continued to enjoy their peaceful and prosperous lives and for many years when someone was given a job to do that had no end in sight, it was said that they were being made to "Count the Stars".
Entry 1:
BadAssJulie
EchoBoxing
forthewin
laika
Maltese
Method
polyamorousaj
Wiggles
yhywstudios
9 eligible votes (9 total) *
Entry 2:
Amontillado
Antioxident
AsshOly
awesome_face
Axolotl
bart
Bellebrown
Bigmike
BLITZKREIG_BOB
bob
Bubba2341
CaptainThorns
Chroniclysm
Confuzitron
Coyote
Cracked_out_cali
Davros
DonovanMD
DrogoRoch
Exodus
FunnyAsCancer
Genko
ghola
goferforhire
helbling
Hirilnara
HotWillie
intellismartness
Jack_Burton
Jack_McCallum
jgreening
JMG114
JoeyG
JonnyX
justagirl27
Kre8rix
Magicaddict
MandaPanda
NerfHerder
Orgasmatron
peckerhead
rad1101
redskieslookfake
Sacrilicious
satchel
Sepsis
Serious_Melvin
sicosemen
Snark
sparkle_pink
SPECIALk
Stagger_Lee
stevie_says
The_taste_of_Monkeys
thorpe
52 eligible votes (55 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2006-10-13 19:11:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I enjoyed entry two... an easy decision.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-13 18:10:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the votes people.
It was a bit of a rush job, which showed, but my work schedule last week was brutal.
Thanks again.
-Dave
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-13 11:14:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by intellismartness (user info) at 2006-10-13 11:13:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It was better than forfeit :(.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-13 10:54:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No explanation needed for my vote.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-10-13 10:32:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-10-13 10:03:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
are you SHITTING me?!
Submitted by Hirilnara (user info) at 2006-10-13 06:53:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by yhywstudios (user info) at 2006-10-13 05:17:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by helbling (user info) at 2006-10-13 05:15:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2006-10-13 04:57:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-10-13 04:18:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
mmm I can't say that I loved it, but I can't say that It was awful terrible.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-13 04:05:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hmm
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-10-13 03:50:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Did a good job of going into the realms of fantasy with a title like this.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2006-10-13 03:36:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-10-13 03:36:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
DU ÄR INTE BRA!
DU ÄR DUMMA!
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-10-13 02:07:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2006-10-12 19:57:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
Dammit I wish I had made it back in time to be in this...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Me too. You're an awesome writer.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-10-13 02:06:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2006-10-13 01:45:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by justagirl27 (user info) at 2006-10-13 01:32:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by laika (user info) at 2006-10-13 01:21:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
forfeit wins since it wasted less of my not so precious time.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-10-13 01:13:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like to go against the crowd.
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2006-10-13 01:04:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-10-13 00:06:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-10-12 23:34:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-10-12 23:34:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would have killed for this title. Except I'm too lazy. So instead I'll vote for Entry 2, which was appealingly written. This is how it's done, people... didn't try too much, just told a simple story, well.
Submitted by Exodus (user info) at 2006-10-12 23:19:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
# 2 just because they tried and 1 didnt....
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-10-12 22:38:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-10-12 21:58:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-12 20:39:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-10-12 20:24:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-12 20:22:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-10-12 20:19:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-12 20:15:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
didn't read it yet, voting against the forfeit
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-10-12 20:14:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
WOOO!
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-12 20:04:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-10-12 20:01:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2006-10-12 19:57:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dammit I wish I had made it back in time to be in this...
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-12 19:49:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/94370 The truth is out.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-10-12 19:47:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2006-10-12 19:41:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I forgot to say that I laughed for about 10 minutes at the name 'Farooq'. I wish that was my name. That'd be so ultimate sweet.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2006-10-12 19:40:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-10-12 19:19:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-10-12 19:06:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-10-12 19:02:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-12 18:26:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entry, cuz dat be how I roll, nigga.
AHAHAHAHAAAA I love being me.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-10-12 18:16:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2006-10-12 18:15:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
2 was funny..i don't think it was meant to be though..
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-10-12 18:13:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-10-12 18:09:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-10-12 18:06:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-10-12 18:02:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:52:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good effort, and better than a forfeit.
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:49:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:48:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:36:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice story. Shame it had to be up against a forfeit.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:36:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:36:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
To the point.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:34:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:32:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:31:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:30:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_Burton (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:30:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:29:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Here's the thing. I have nothing against fantasy, but if you are going to introduce us to a whole new world, you REALLY have to grab the readers at the start because sooner or later you have to start spewing names and place names and backstory galore, and if you don't hook 'em, you loose 'em. I wasn't quite lost, but I wasn't entirely hooked either.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:22:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:17:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:12:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:11:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
FUNKY FAROOQ!!!!
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:02:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment