Safe Passage (713 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.13 on 70 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2006-10-12 16:51:11 EDT
 |
This post is officially part of UberMadness!. Click here for more information on the rules and restrictions. |
Entry 1
I awoke to the sight of a finely dressed chaplain sitting at the end of my bed. The brown oak leaf on his collar gave off the distinct smell of a Major."Hello son." He said nodding.
"Good morning sir." I was able to release from my exhausted lungs.
"How are you today?"
"As good as can be with four holes in my back and a 5.45 round for dessert."
"You have endured a lot lately young man. What is your name?"
"Charlie Donaldson. Everyone calls me Private D."
"Well Charlie, I normally wouldn't visit you since your dog tags say no preference, but that just seems to be the popular thing these days. Would you like to talk to me?"
"Yes sir."
"That's good, what would you like to talk about?" His alleviating voice was a comfort. A comfort I hadn't received in a long while. What came next was a conversation I would remember the rest of my life.
"Well sir, I am a lonely man and I haven't talked to anybody in a few days. I want you to tell me about god."
"Well Charlie, god is everywhere. He is an almighty creator who works for the betterment of mankind. We are his children and he loves all of us. Be good to yourself and others, this will lead to a happy life. That's about all anybody really needs to know about god. Things would be much simpler that way."
"But what about being raised from the dead, splitting the sea, turning water to wine, and all that hocus pocus?" The chaplain smiled at the question and let out a muffled laugh. At the time it almost looked as if I had upset him.
"If the Pope had asked me that, I would respond that god is almighty and can do anything he wants. If he wanted something good to happen then it would happen. Likewise if he wanted something bad to happen then it would happen because god said so. I would say that because it is my job to agree with the Holy Bible and comply with god's awesome power."
"Well since the Pope isn't around, tell me what you think."
"Well since brave Charlie here has asked me, I would tell him to take religion for what it is worth and some guy with a stick can part an entire sea as well as I could. Do not pay attention to the struggles that are involved with religion. No man should wage war in the name of his god or ask for forgiveness when he makes mistakes. We are all humans, not gods. I, as a religious figure tell all those under me to use the message Christianity tells."
"What is that message sir?"
"That message is be nice...be benevolent and you will get what you deserve."
"What about heaven and hell?"
"I would like to believe that there is no hell, but just in case. I have safe passage." The chaplain pointed to the silver cross on his collar. The chaplain let out a smile and I laughed with him.
"Well sir since you gave me a lesson in religion today can I tell you something about common sense?"
"Go ahead Charlie, I'm here to listen."
"You spoke of "safe passage" and if there is anything I have learned in my 20 years of existence, it's that nothing is guaranteed, nowhere is safe but there are safer places. I live my life everyday thinking that I may end up in hell for the things I have done. But let's say I led my life like you and I lived by the cross. I know just as well as you if God exist or not. So I guess in the end, nobody can provide safe passage to heaven. Not even god."
"You are a smart kid Charlie, but what you fail to realize is that there is only one difference between our philosophies. I wear a cross and you don't. I have done all I can for you, so I must take my leave." The chaplain stood from his chair and rested his hand on the door knob.
"Sir...safe passage...in all your travels."
"You too son." The door shut and once again I was surrounded by silence. That day I had a blessing from a good man. He hoped that I would be ok, and so did I.
That...not even god could give.
- VS -
Entry 2
(10 bytes) [text/uberhtml]Entry 1:
ahumblefool
Amontillado
Antioxident
august_sobriquet
awesome_face
Axolotl
bart
Bellebrown
Bigmike
BLITZKREIG_BOB
Bubba2341
CaptainThorns
Chroniclysm
Cracked_out_cali
DrogoRoch
Exodus
Foolproof
FunnyAsCancer
Genko
ghola
GodtheFather
goferforhire
helbling
Hirilnara
HotWillie
intellismartness
Jack_McCallum
jgreening
JMG114
JoeyG
JonnyX
JulsInsane
justagirl27
Kre8rix
Magicaddict
MandaPanda
NerfHerder
Orgasmatron
peckerhead
rad1101
redskieslookfake
Sacrilicious
satchel
Sepsis
Serious_Melvin
sicosemen
Sinistral
Snark
sparkle_pink
SPECIALk
St_Jimmy
Stagger_Lee
stevie_says
Targa
The_taste_of_Monkeys
thorpe
yhywstudios
54 eligible votes (57 total) *
Entry 2:
AsshOly
BadAssJulie
Davros
EchoBoxing
HighVoltage900
Maltese
Method
polyamorousaj
Wiggles
9 eligible votes (9 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-10-13 14:40:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah people, this was me.
I win!!!
If anybody has any actual feedback on how I can improve(other than the 4 actual reviews) it would be much appreciated.
Submitted by GodtheFather (user info) at 2006-10-13 11:32:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by intellismartness (user info) at 2006-10-13 11:24:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
As much as I'd ordinarily not want to, it was actually written better than entry 2.
If you'd come up against a real entry, I would've voted against you.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-13 11:23:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-13 11:00:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-10-13 10:32:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-10-13 10:07:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-10-13 10:05:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this is a fucking joke, surely!
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-10-13 09:11:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by yhywstudios (user info) at 2006-10-13 09:06:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Hirilnara (user info) at 2006-10-13 07:11:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by helbling (user info) at 2006-10-13 05:31:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2006-10-13 04:53:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Is it me, or is it obvious that ubermadness is dying a death?
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-10-13 04:46:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice, I don't normally like the religious stuff but this was different and didn't force views.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-13 04:14:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Better than a forfeit.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-10-13 03:38:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by justagirl27 (user info) at 2006-10-13 01:34:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2006-10-13 01:32:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-10-13 00:47:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2006-10-13 00:40:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-10-13 00:04:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-10-12 23:33:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Exodus (user info) at 2006-10-12 23:28:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
at this rape *I* could have won this competition....
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-10-12 22:37:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2006-10-12 22:31:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
CORNY ALERT
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-10-12 22:04:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-10-12 22:00:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-10-12 21:30:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-10-12 21:29:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2006-10-12 21:13:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Targa (user info) at 2006-10-12 20:46:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-12 20:38:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2006-10-12 20:27:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Entry 1: I'm voting for you because your opponent forfeited and I like your style of writing. That being said, I had some problems with the post in general.
"What came next was a conversation I would remember the rest of my life" ... sets the stage for some profound revelation, which for me, did not come.
I am sure that YOU had a profound experience or that you and this man really connected -- or you felt a lot of positive energy from this enlightened man. Great! It's just that this didn't make it through to me. I may stand corrected after reading other reviews.
To end on a positive note, the piece was very well written. My suggestion for what it's worth is to abandon religion for subsequent matches in this contest. Best of luck to you :-)
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-10-12 20:24:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-12 20:23:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-12 20:20:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-10-12 20:19:11 (#)
Ranking: -2
this is the best day ever. 5 straight forfeits. this contest sucks so much dick.
--------
Um...you know the forfeits all go up at the same time, don't you?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-12 20:20:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
didn't read it yet, voting against the forfeit
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-10-12 20:19:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this is the best day ever. 5 straight forfeits. this contest sucks so much dick.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-10-12 20:14:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-12 20:08:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-10-12 20:05:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2006-10-12 20:04:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
God Damn did anyone in this round actually go up against anyone else?
By the way, what round is this anyway?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-12 19:49:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/94370 The truth is out.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-10-12 19:37:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-10-12 19:16:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-10-12 19:05:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-12 18:29:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FORFEIT IS KRAZYKEWZILLA LOL!!!1!
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-10-12 18:26:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
stop forfeiting!
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-10-12 18:18:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-10-12 18:14:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-10-12 18:11:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-10-12 18:07:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:55:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Could have been longer, and explored the emotions more, but much better than a forfeit.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:53:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I found the priest rather obnoxious, and I think that it could have been a lot more powerful. Still, it was a good effort.
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:53:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:49:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:33:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
These forfeits really do a disservice to the other entry.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:31:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:29:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:29:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:27:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck I meant to vote for the submission.
Sorry.
-Dave
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:26:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad and although the title was leaning in that direction I would have liked to have seen a non religious theme.
-Dave
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:25:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
And you.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:18:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmmm...
I read #1 and thought, 'meh.'
I went back and read it again, and it is actually a a decent piece.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:18:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by august_sobriquet (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:18:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:17:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:13:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WIGGLES = STINKY
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2006-10-12 17:03:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment