Understanding What EMS Crews REALLY Thinks Of A Call (1065 hits)
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Submitted by Vagabond (View user info) at 2006-10-13 16:51:33 EDT
After a few years in EMS, speaking in medical jargon becomes second nature. While we're initially told to speak that way so that we can be as accurate and effective as possible, sometimes we do it just so you don't know how serious (or stupid) your condition is.
Paramedic's and EMT's are also highly cynical, sarcastic people. (It's a required trait, otherwise you go fucking insane after 3 months of field work.) Along with the normal medical jargon, we tend to have adopted our own acronyms. These acronyms are unofficial and for the most part, unprofessional. We use them in the field so that we can communicate things to each other that we don't want the patient to know*. For the most part, these acronyms are just us being smartasses about the situation. If you don't like it, come do my job for a few weeks and you'll understand why this is necessary.
*it may sound mean, but it's really not a good idea to say "this guys smoking rock" or "he's gonna die" right in front of the patient. And it is important to convey this to your partner in case they're too stupid to pick it up. Most patients freak out if you just spill out what's up to them. You have to go about telling them with kid gloves, but during the time you're gently informing them of the situation? You and your partner need to be on the same page with what's up and treating the patient. In most cases, every second does count.
Unofficial EMS Termsl
There are thousands of acronyms. I'm only going to list the ones I actually use at work.
BWS - Beached Whale Syndrome
400lbs + fell and call 911 because they need us to pick them up.
CHAOS - Chief Has Arrived On Scene
I'm sorry. Nothing gets better when a fire chief, police Lt. or EMS field supervisor arrives. All it does is complicate shit.
PUHA - Pick Up, Haul Ass
There isn't shit you can do for this guy in the field. The only thing you can do is pick the guy up, shove him in the truck and fucking floor it to the hospital.
LASGLH - Lights and Sirens, Go Like Hell
Same as PUHA
FDGB - Fall Down, Go Boom
BOHICA - Bend Over Here It Comes Again
When you get fucked into working a house fire 5 minutes before you're supposed to be off duty.
DRT - Dead Right There
PITA - Pain In The Ass
"hey, do you want to get some PITA after this?" Patient is being an annoying shit.
DRTTTT - Dead Right There, There, There and There
yeah, you're in pieces all over the accident scene.
CATS - Cut All To Shit
Stabbing victims, Car wrecks where glass cuts you up, etc.
CC - Crispy Criter
Burn patient.
LOL - Little Old Lady
They're adorable.
LLOL - Lonely Little Old Lady
They're annoying. They call 911 because they're lonely and want someone to chat with. I feel for them, but c'mon.
FORD - Found On Road Dead
Guess
BTFOM - Beats The Fuck Out Of Me
I have no fucking clue what is wrong with this patient.
GOMFA - Get Out Of Fucking Ambulance
GOMER - Get Out Of My Emergency Room
CTD - Circling The Drain
Self explanatory. This patient is fucked.
IBM - Incredible Barfing Man
Self-explanatory.
EIB - Elvis In Building
Someone had a massive MI while taking a shit.
GSH - Giant Sweat Hog
take a guess
HIF - Hysterical Italian Family (interchangable with Irish)
self-explanatory
CYA - Cover Your Ass
Patient refused a really obviously needed treatment? Document the refusal like a motherfucker, otherwise your ticket's gonna get yanked when the patient codes due to the lack of treatment
SHPOS - Sub Human Piece Of Shit
This is what I think about any patient who punches me, grabs my ass or beats the holy living fuck out of me or my partner.
PST - Positive Samsonite Tendencies.
The patient met you at the door with a suitcase packed. If a patient is able to pack a suitcase, they can drive themselves to the fucking ER instead of tying up a rig for over an hour.
MAGGOT - Medically Able, Go Get Other Transportation
See PST
WNL - officially, this means "within normal limits" in smartass sense? it means "we never looked"
PCL - Pre-Code Looking
"um... i think he's gonna code out on us"
MUH - Messed Up Heart
Very technical diagnosis.
ART - Assuming Room Temperature
dead
CC - Cancel Christmas
dead
FONS - Failure Of Natural Selection
dead because the patient was a total dumbass waste of air.
TBC - Total Body Crunch
Only time I used this was after I saw a guy who'd been crushed by an elevator (yes, he's dead)
Positive DORF scale - During a car wreck, if the airbag doesn't go off, people often get slammed against the steerng wheel so hard that they end up with the name of their car (if on the center of the steering wheel) stamped into their chest. If you hit this hard, it's very much a serious accident (significant mechanism of injury) and you were probably going 45+ on impact.
Hamburger Helper
What happens when you wear shorts and get in a motorcycle accident? Road Rash is a really ugly, painful thing.
HAZMAT teams = glow worms
Pharmacuetically Gifted = junkies
Trans-occipital Implants = Gunshot wound
Terminal Deceleration Syndrome = car wreck
Burn N' Return
Taking someone to and from chemotherapy
Ambusneak
Shutting down all lights and sirens a block away from your destination. Usually done so that a psych patient that's going to be forcibly commited doesn't know you're coming.
Gravitational Shift
When you start getting "man down" calls back-to-back-to-back (man down is when the bums fall over drunk)
Whacker
Anyone in PD, Fire or EMS that scans radio frequencies constantly, carries more shit than batman on their belt, and has about 20 decals for whatever they're part of on their car.
Whacker Lights
A whacker that has unofficial (and often illegal) lights and sirens installed in their personal vehicle.
Urban Outdoorsman
Homeless guy
Windshield Taste Test
Car wreck where the victim nails the windshield unrestrained.
Giving the "Q" Sign
Someone laying unconcious with their tongue hanging out of their mouth.
Code Surfing
Riding the stretcher into the ER while performing CPR
Stretcher-Surfing
When you drop the stretcher all the way down and use it like a skate board in a hospital parking lot. Couple of weeks ago my partner fell flat on his face doing this. It was awesome.
Corpseekers
People who show up at a call hoping to see a dead body.
Concrete Poisoning
What a jumper dies from
Charlie Carrots
Stroke patients
Two Dude Syndrome
Victim beat up. Typically describes his assailants by saying "two dudes beat the shit out of me!!!"
Airborne Ranger
Suicide by fall
BA Bingo
Yes, we make bets on what a drunks Blood Alcohol Level will come out to be.
Diesel Zone
The area to the right rear of the ambulance when it's in high idle. The highly toxic diesel exhaust fumes will make you dizzy and naseauted. Rookies always stand there and can't figure out why the hell they feel like fainting.
EMS Wedgie
The condition that occurs when you're "helped" (with a firm grip on the belt, accompanied by lifting action) while carrying a patient down a flight of stairs.
Docklings
A whole bunch of baby interns or residents following an attending physician.
User Reviews
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-10-16 23:10:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I rather liked this
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-10-16 19:03:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
your only hope is to post a picture of yourself holding a sign saying negative two die.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-16 18:52:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
no one cares
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-10-16 18:46:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No one gives a shit, urbane.
Submitted by Wrightcopy (user info) at 2006-10-16 14:26:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"ambusneak" was my favorite
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-16 09:46:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2006-10-16 00:20:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:)
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-16 00:08:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2006-10-14 22:50:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was interesting. Boo for anyone who -2d this
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-10-14 14:01:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I've seen better.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-10-14 13:50:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting.
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-10-14 09:08:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hey, not at work = not neglecting duties.
we get downtime too
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2006-10-14 04:34:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love the morbid humor that comes from people in very serous occupations.
Banga
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-10-14 02:40:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm just glad that someone died while you were neglecting your duties and writing this.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-10-14 01:18:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by SilentRenegade (user info) at 2006-10-14 01:16:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
sweet
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-10-14 00:49:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
correction, EMT student with an ALS unit.
I've had a shitload of third riders. Watch out for the torture. If you turn around too long? They'll leave you on a call or something. It's a shitload of fun for the normal people on the rig... pisses off the third riders.
I tried to sell my third rider into slavery 2 months ago. The little shit was convinced he knew what everything was and had seen everything because he'd done 40 hours of ride time. Then he interrupted me giving report to a doctor to tell him utter bullshit.
tip: don't ever interrupt report
don't touch anything in the truck without expressed consent from the medics who's truck it is
don't fucking touch the patient without expressed consent either
if you don't follow those rules? you will find yourself left on the side of a highway (did that to one guy), dumped in a trash can (done to another), or smacked in the head and unwelcome back in the truck (did that too)
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-10-14 00:45:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
watch, the clinicals won't be all that clinical. BLS has limited skills. In the ER, there are very few treatments past vitals that BLS can perform. It's mostly observation time. ALS does clinicals due to needing to place at least 3 tubes, work several cardiac codes, start a shitload of lines, and blah blah it's like a 2 page list.
It's not what florida requires you to do. It's what National Registry States require. Florida is National Registry so it conforms to the same standards as every other National Registry state.
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-10-14 00:42:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i don't know who the hell urbane is.
you're in for a rude awakening when you ride as an EMT student with a BLS unit. There is no way in hell I or any sane medic would let a EMT student do anything more than put a nasal cannula on a patinet.
see the CYA acronym. In the field, you watch your ass. You don't let an unlicensed EMT student work on your patient if you want to keep your ticket.
Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2006-10-13 22:49:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-10-13 21:37:26 (#)
Ranking: 0
that's kinda normal. Kaelic probably has a lot to. Maybe he'll sleep with you
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Tempting but no, you look rather cute in your helmet even though it's a profile shot. But alas I am doomed to a life of celibacy. So don't sweat it. Just write some good stories of your adventures with a little embelishment of course and I will be very happy. Again sorry for the -2 earlier. You were right, I was wrong. Frame this, cause it's a first and last! :)
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2006-10-13 22:46:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So word on the street is that you are urbane. If so, why, god, why?
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2006-10-13 21:46:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In Florida, EMT-B's are required to do 60 hours of emergency room clinicals, and 80 hours ride along clinicals. You ride with an ALS unit, so yes, I'm pretty sure they are clinicals. I guess not every place does it the same way.
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-10-13 21:37:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that's kinda normal. Kaelic probably has a lot to. Maybe he'll sleep with you
Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2006-10-13 21:15:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Will you sleep with me? I think with all that training you must have some sort of sexual edge....
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-10-13 20:48:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
um... wait.
EMT-B's don't have clinicals. There's ride time but clinical time is strictly a paramedic thing and, once in a while, a intermediate thing (not for national registry though)
you sure you meant EMT? EMT's just do time where they're the third riders on an ambulance... strictly to observe, not to touch. I saw in your posts you're from Florida. That's a national registry state.... so if you're in EMT training there is no way you're going to do clinicals. You sure you don't mean your practical and written tests? or just the class? EMT-B's don't do clinical hospital time
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-10-13 20:44:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm going to be a total whacker and answer Kaelic's question in full
the laundry list that we're all too proud to share is:
- NR-EMT Basic
obtained: 10/99
- NR-EMT Intermediate
obtained: 6/2000
- EMT-Paramedic
obtained 08/01
- Fire Academy of Stow
Graduated: 12/01
Firefighter/Paramedic
- American Heart Assoc. CPR - Healthcare Provider
04/98 - Present
- American Heart Assoc. CPR - Instructor
10/02 - Present
- Emergency Medical Dispatch
certified 05/03
- PALS/PEPP (pediatric advanced life support)
10/05
- Traumatic Brain Injury Management
BIM certified: 11/02
- ABLS - Burn Life Support
certified 12/02
- OSHA 1910, 120 Level
HAZMAT Tech
- Department Of Homeland Security
Weapons of Mass Destruction for Emergency Personnel
Operations/Incident Commander
- Department Of Homeland Security
Weapons of Mass Destruction for Emergency Personnel
Decontamination Specialist
- IS-00100 National Incident Command System
Incident Command Staff Certification
certified: 12/02
- IS-00700 National Incident Management System: Mass Casualty Incident Command
NIMS-MCI certification
certified: 11/02
Formerly instructor of HAZMAT and Scene Safety classes at Stow Fire Academy. I still teach an EMT-Basic course at a community college on the side and occasionally a CPR course.
I've worked private ems, on an engine for a fire department on a rescue for a fire department. I've always worked in cities so i admit, i lack knowledge in rural emergencies
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-10-13 20:33:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
where did you do the fire academny? I used to teach the hazmat course at the one in my area. That was like 3 years ago though. Are you looking to be on an engine? rescue? ladder? Do you just want to be an EMT or do you want to do medic school too?
What department is sponsoring sending you to the fire academy? City? Rural? What's the call volume?
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-10-13 20:29:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
blue helmets were because it was a drill and nobody was in turnout gear except for the people who had to enter the building to evacuate people from the fake disaster.
blue helmets come out as part of MCI triage team gear. I had the stupid vest on too but it pissed me off and kept getting caught on stuff. Incident Command for MCI's whips out the blue gay helmets and the bullshit vests.
that stupid helmet didn't fit no matter what i did. it kept slipping over my eyes. on the write up's we did for homeland security one of my big things was that we should've been wearing our own helmets. they at least fit us and adjusting it because we can't see just fucks us up in real life.
oh, and i also said that PD shouldn't have let an SUV drive into the decon tent. Because apparently, that wasn't an obvious thing.
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-10-13 20:25:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Paramedic. my license is firefighter/paramedic
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2006-10-13 18:59:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, are you fire/rescue or just EMS? I see you wearing a blue helmet (which is sometimes what they made medicics wear). Also, EMT or Paramedic?
I just got out of fire school, about to start my clinicals for EMT. Cool stuff, very amusing.
Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2006-10-13 18:43:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:14:59 (#)
Ranking: 0
check again, i didn't post twice in a day. the other post was yesterday at like 8pm
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Have a +2 then for my ignorance. The days do seem to run together, I blame the mescaline.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-10-13 18:21:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really enjoyed this.
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-10-13 18:03:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah, it is all over the net. ems forums everyone trades terms like candy.they aren't all defined the same. all ems uses these types of terms. i listed only the ones i specifically use and the definition of them where i work
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:51:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, but this shit is all over the net...
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:50:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF I READ ALL THAT!!!!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:36:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<3
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:35:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I will never give you shit for confusing the hell out of me in reviews of my posts again. or whatever
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:34:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
......?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:33:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do again what you did today for no reason at all, and I will embarass the holy fuck out of you in public.
If you continue this on here or the other place that you opened your mouth, I'll assume you want me to go for the gold.
Try me.
Submitted by Kassim_Mukhtar (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:26:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow, don't submit something if it's not good retard dickhead
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:23:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF IM NOT READING ALL THAT
but +2 for what I did read
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:17:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fun AND educational!
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:16:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BOHICA - Bend Over Here It Comes Again
When you get fucked into working a house fire 5 minutes before you're supposed to be off duty.
This is funny as hell.
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:14:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
check again, i didn't post twice in a day. the other post was yesterday at like 8pm
Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:12:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Some of these were funny but you get the -2 because you posted twice in one day. No one gets to do that and keep +2's.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:11:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:05:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-13 16:57:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
I could think of a few people here who could use some concrete poisoning
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Amen to that!
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Look at how professional we sound now.
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:08:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you get paid WAY more as a nurse.
3 levels of EMS
EMT-Basic
EMT-Intermediate
EMT-Paramedic
Basic, you don't want to stay there too long but you have to start out there. The general feeling about intermediates is "what? too pussy to be a medic?"
paramedics are referred to as para-gods. Most think they're too good to speak to basic's and intermediates. I'm a paramedic but i try not to be a cunt like that. Everyone's got a use.
be a nurse.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:07:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"EIB - Elvis In Building
Someone had a massive MI while taking a shit. "
I highly doubt that the masses understand that MI is Myocardial Infarction (Heart attack)
remember, you're supposed to translate for us non medical people.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:05:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-13 16:57:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
I could think of a few people here who could use some concrete poisoning
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Amen to that!
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-13 17:04:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuckin awesome. I'm going into nursing but think fairly often that working as an EMS/EMT would be an appealing change..we'll see down the road. I'm not sure if I could handle it..I THINK I could, but who knows?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-13 16:57:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I could think of a few people here who could use some concrete poisoning.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-10-13 16:57:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like your style!!!
Keep it up, amigo.
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-10-13 16:54:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i forgot about "hispanic panic"
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-13 16:52:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAZMAT teams = glow worms
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Dude, you rule. Stay here, please.