The World That Is (334 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.75 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DuiTicket (View user info) at 2006-10-14 00:48:49 EDT
The sun rose unappreciated like always as people grudgingly embraced the sunlight and
their alarm clocks. Life goes by everyday as people wake to their coffee and jobs. The life of
imprisonment is taught early on as kids wake up early for school with the false hope that when
they are done with school, life will be filled with happiness and freedom. The world is so caught
up with their life that they failed to notice something as the sun rose. In the distance a small
figure is quickly rising towards the sun and as it reached closer to the sun, the figure collapsed
into the ocean unnoticed. As the figure slowly sank, a school teacher is busily herding her
students to school, the grocer is busily stocking his goods, and a ski jet passed by the figure
without notice.
Just a few miles away from the sinking figure, Mark was the only one that saw the figure
sank and pay notice. For a few moments of Mark's life, time went by slowly as he wondered what
the figure could have been. The alarm clock rang suddenly and broke Mark's train of thought as
the annoying buzz sound rang. Mark's mind warped back into reality as he remembered today was mid-
terms for his Mythology class. For some reason Mark seem to dislike Mythology. The whole concept
of myths, legends, gods, and light vs. darkness seem too impossible to believe. Mark was an
earthly guy that believed in education more than anything else. The only reason Mark was taking
the class was that it was the only class left open and he needed credits.
Mark quickly finished his morning routines and started dressing for school, while
staring at the mirror Mark was terribly disgusted by himself. The figure in the mirror was
showing a gauntly man of a no importance. It seemed to him that everyone in the world is born
lucky except for him. Mark is constantly reminded of his failure as a human being every time he
see people, how normal they are, he is jealous of how other people can find friends they can
relate to, and most of all he yearns for a chance to develop a normal social relationship with
anyone. The only thing that Mark is proud of though is his ring that he got from his father.
Mark's father quickly disappeared when Mark turned five and Mark was left at an orphanage shortly
as his mother died within a year of his father's disappearance. There wasn't much Mark remembered
of them, the only thing that he really remembered was that his father was a priest and his mother
was bed ridden throughout his childhood. The ring was a simple gold band and the words "Class B"
inscribed on it. For some reason Mark always found solace in the ring, it made him feel unique in
a way.
During the walk to school from his apartment, Mark felt something was weird. For a second
he thought someone was wearing a flowing crimson cape with chain armor. He looked exactly like a
soldier from the medieval centuries with the kite shield and the broad sword. Mark snapped back
into reality after a while and kept on walking to school. It couldn't be possible for someone to
walk around dressed like a footman from the 15th century. If they did they were probably part of
a club doing a reenactment or something. Life has been weird for Mark lately after his twentieth-
birthday. There have been visions lately, that didn't match reality. Mark has been seeing people
from different time periods in broad daylight, and it seemed like he is the only one that notice
these people.
User Reviews
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2006-10-15 07:35:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it, but was left wanting more to the story, or perhaps a sequel.
Foodman, how can you criticize grammatical errors when you say "There's a few problems?" I think you meant, "there ARE a few problems." "There is" indicates ONE. You named several.
Submitted by foodman (user info) at 2006-10-15 07:01:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I like it, but there's a few problems:
1- It's a bit disjointed. There seems to be no mian idea to the piece.
2- It seems like it's the first part of a series, but that isn't indicated anywhere.
3- There are a lot of grammatical errors.
+1 for the potential it shows.
Submitted by piezod (user info) at 2006-10-14 08:07:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really liked the line "people grudgingly embraced the sunlight and their alarm clocks"
Killer man..
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-10-14 01:05:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Repost it and fix the format. It was very good, but you are unhappy, and if you want to fix it, then go for it. I won't tell anyone and it's 1:15 on a friday, everyone is either out or sleeping.
Submitted by DuiTicket (user info) at 2006-10-14 00:49:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
awww i mess up the format...... : (