Official Lyrics The Prodigal by Dustin Kensrue of Thrice (6075 hits)
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Submitted by Axolotl || ltoloxA (View user info) at 2006-10-14 19:13:39 EDT
Time to explore the neuroses of a 16-year-old, Uber!
Two of my last posts involved spiders assaulting my penis, and I've received comments referring to my "phobia of spidres chomping my unit."
A Pulse and a Shriek - http://www.ubersite.com/m/94233 My grueberfest entry, short and violent. Based off a true story of my life.
The importance of keeping spiders away from your penis - http://www.ubersite.com/m/93224 Semi-true story.
I can't handle spiders. The truth is, if I see a spider outside, I have to go back in. I see spider fortresses everywhere, and have dreams about them attacking me. Ever since I can remember, I've had a severe fear of spiders. I love going outside in the rain, both because I see the rain as romantic, and there is no chance of any spiderwebs. My severe arachnophobia gives me panic attacks where I can't breathe and suffer a fight-or-flight reaction.
Of course, my friends find this hilarious, and about three weeks ago my friend Tom took me to his basement to show me his pet tarantula, only to find an empty cage. After quickly retreating from the basement, I found there was no spider to begin with ;( weep.
Why am I so concerned with spiders and other bugs...?
Well, to hell with it, this story doesn't involve spiders, but it has a similar point. This post, unlike all my others, is a totally true story.
Back in the good old days a summer many years ago, I was sitting up early in the morning with my mom, who was making waffles. We talked about stuff I can't remember, and when she placed the waffles down in front of me, she left me to put on the syrup myself.
I grabbed the sticky plastic Aunt Jemima bottle, and overturned it. Its mouth had so much dried-up syrup around the opening, we never bothered to close it.
I squeezed the bottle, fully expecting golden syrup to gush out upon my waffle.
Instead I got ants.
About three huge, black ants, emerged from the syrup bottle down onto my waffle, stuck in the syrup. The worst part was that all the ants inside the bottle (about twelve of the little buggers) were still alive. They had crawled into the open bottle in search of sweet maple syrup, but had not drowned in the fluid. They now proceeded to crawl all over my waffle and my plate, probably praising their little ant gods that they had survived the Adventure of the Syrup Bottle.
I screamed and stumbled away from the table like the petrified little eight-year-old that I was. My mother, unaware of the uninvited guests now leaving tiny, sticky footprints all over the table, also was startled to see all the insects pulling themselves free from the bottle.
She removed the ants to the outside where they belonged, with me still standing as rigid as a rock in the corner, trembling and staring into nothingness. My mother came back in and fixed me another waffle; I couldn't eat it. Come to think of it, if someone placed a waffle in front of me now, after I had just seen gigantic, inch-long ants crawl all over my first waffle, I still wouldn't eat it.
That really traumatized me. I mean, in the life changing way. I developed a stutter and wouldn't eat waffles for several years. Something else I developed was a major phobia of all insects.
I was thinking of that old, painful experience, because I had a similar experience this very day. I've been working part-time at a liquor store for the last two weeks, so when they asked me to take the trash out of the dumpster out back, that was the first time I was doing it.
All I had to do was to transfer two garbage bags into a shopping cart and bring them out front for the garbagemen to pick up. A simple enough task.
I got the cart, tooled it around back, and opened the dumpster. Inside were two plastic bins, which I opened. Inside each was a garbage bag, and one of the most disgusting and disturbing things I've seen in my life.
Maggots. Maggots crawling in and out of the garbage, writhing in sickening piles at the bottom of the bin. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's maggots.
Maggots and me do not get along. I have an allergic reaction to maggots. That reaction is vomiting. I throw up when I see them.
My boss Jason (who's a nice guy) peeked his head out to ask how I was doing.
"It's all maggots!" I said, my head reeling from nausea and revulsion as I stepped back from the dumpster.
"Yeah," Jason replied. "Some of the stock boys wear gloves for that."
So he gave me thick, Christmassy gloves and told me to get to work on the trash.
I gathered the moral fiber to stand up to these beasts of Satan, and seized the bag. I lifted it up and threw it into the cart, not looking at the piles of maggots on the bottom of the bin.
Now I fear Hell. The fear that my immortal soul would be in contact with these unholy, monstrous bloodsuckers is too much for me to bear. These are the lowest of the low, the basest creatures in the animal kingdom! To be called a maggot is an insult. While pushing that cart out front, I remembered the scene in Full Metal Jacket when the drill sergeant calls his soldiers worthless maggots, and realize that that's a pretty harsh expression.
Not only that, but just the day before, I had watched a program on TV about...yes, maggots! I got through about ten minutes worth of footage of maggots pulled out of squirrels and cows and legs and eyeballs before I had to switch channels.
I return to the dumpster, and realize the second bag broke. Great. Another brick in the wall, to use Pink Floyd's expression. Another brick of pain and suffering and maggots in my once-innocent life. I had got along fine without maggots.
I managed to keep my stomach contents inside me as I removed the second bag with a shudder and some twitching. Looking back on it several hours later, what was there really to be worried about? Then I remember: maggots burrow under your skin and feed off your muscle fiber. Not good.
That's a legitimate reason to worry. Definitely a step down from a couple ants in the syrup bottle.
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While searching for Thrice lyrics, I found that Dustin Kensrue's "Prodigal" is mysteriously absent. As a service to all fans, I'm putting their lyrics out onto Google.
If you're a Thrice fan finding this page, sorry for the spiders, it's a long story. Enjoy the lyrics.
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I woke one morning
Found you staring down at me
And you said "Father, please"
"Let my take my share"
And you took your money
And you took my heart and turned your back on me
And you hit the town
And you hit the bottle hard
And you spent all your money
On brothels, beds and bars
Before you know it your broken times get hard
But I still stand here waiting with my eyes fixed on the road
I hold back tears and wonder if you're ever coming home
Don't you know, son, that I love you
And I don't care where you've been
So please come home
And now you've hit bottom
All those open doors are shut
And your hungry stomach's tied in knots
But I know what you're thinking
That you troubled me enough
Nothing could ever separate you from my love
But I still stand here waiting with my eyes fixed on the road
I hold back tears and wonder if you're ever coming home
Don't you know, son, that I love you
And I don't care where you've been
And I'll be right here waiting
'Til you come around the bend
And I'll run to you and hold you tight
And won't let go again
So please come home
Please come home
Just know, son, that I love you
And I don't care where you've been
Please come home
=================
Thrice, Dustin Kensrue, The Prodigal, Prodigal, AZLyrics, official lyrics, Ursus Veritas, Ursus Veritas Lyrics, Blood and Wine, Lyricsfreak, Dustin Kensrue Lyrics, Kensrue of Thrice, Official lyrics, Water is Poison thrice prodigal lyrics
Calvin and hobbes last cartoon (not actually the last cartoon, just a clever fraud) pills ritalin hobbes disappears, becomes a toy
User Reviews
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-10-16 08:51:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-14 21:31:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
Lindey Lohyan?
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i love it when you're drunk....
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-16 08:22:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-15 22:59:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
I have left my best (awful) attempts at constructive crit in your last As I Lay Dying Post.
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Thanks, Stagger. I'm posting one today that's a bit less action, so to say. I see your point.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-15 22:59:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have left my best (awful) attempts at constructive crit in your last As I Lay Dying Post.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-15 22:50:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-10-15 15:08:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ive said it before and I shall say it again until the ill educated slavering hordes finally learn it: Bugs are a very specific type of insect of the order Hemiptera. LEARN CURSE YOU! LEARN!!!
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COR BLIMEY I LOV BUGS DEM A ARE ALL DEM APPLES IN MY WORM!S!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-15 22:49:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by WatchMyStep (user info) at 2006-10-15 20:44:04 (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
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Interesting point.
Submitted by WatchMyStep (user info) at 2006-10-15 20:44:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-10-15 15:08:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ive said it before and I shall say it again until the ill educated slavering hordes finally learn it: Bugs are a very specific type of insect of the order Hemiptera. LEARN CURSE YOU! LEARN!!!
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-10-15 12:35:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-15 12:08:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-10-15 04:18:23 (#)
Ranking: 0
ca plane pour moi
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D'accord.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-10-15 07:20:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Emo will always get a -2 from me.
Submitted by Still-Life (user info) at 2006-10-15 04:40:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2006-10-14 21:38:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for Thrice.
+1 for ants in bottles. Everything is better when it comes from a bottle.
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-4 for Thrice.
-ants in a bottle couldn't save it.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-10-15 04:18:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ca plane pour moi
Submitted by Targa (user info) at 2006-10-15 01:38:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, I read it. Here's your 2.
Submitted by Targa (user info) at 2006-10-15 01:37:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
... I scrolled through without reading... but this Calvin and Hobbes makes me very sad.
I was going to negative 2 you... but I can't.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-15 01:02:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2006-10-14 21:38:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for Thrice.
+1 for ants in bottles. Everything is better when it comes from a bottle.
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agreed
Submitted by Arizhel (user info) at 2006-10-15 00:51:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 disgusting bug stories.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-14 21:52:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-14 21:31:53 (#)
Ranking: 0
YOU ARE ALL SELF-CENTERED
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OMG BREAKING NEWS LOLLLLLLERSKATES
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-14 21:39:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I believe Sacrilicious posted that same Calvin and Hobbes cartoon at some point, or someone did, probably an APW...then there was much discussion and debate about its legitimacy as the final panel...
also I am horribly disturbed by your ants/syrup/waffle story
and the maggots
Ugh.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2006-10-14 21:38:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for Thrice.
+1 for ants in bottles. Everything is better when it comes from a bottle.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-14 21:31:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
YOU ARE ALL SELF-CENTERED
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-14 21:31:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-14 21:20:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read this but wanted Ax to know that his little test to see who is self-centered enough to search their name has produced at least one result: me.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-14 21:29:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-14 21:20:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read this but wanted Ax to know that his little test to see who is self-centered enough to search their name has produced at least one result: me.
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Har har self-centeredness.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-14 21:20:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read this but wanted Ax to know that his little test to see who is self-centered enough to search their name has produced at least one result: me.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-14 21:01:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 me
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-14 20:03:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-14 20:01:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-14 19:43:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
Test #1:
Shitfuck tigerlilly method badassmofo maltese shlongy bart polyamorousaj blitzkreig_bob orgasmatron ghola redskieslookfake scourge highvoltage900 simple_catalyst gravitas phallic_cymbals w_y_a_y_s_t_r_m berty phuzzygish davros merlina jack_mccallum snark thecaes bart polyamorousaj forthewin bigmike inion_de_true electrictoothsyndrome underoathmeal gingerly cinderblock foolproof coley darko kaos-king sacrilicious badassjulie christpuncher
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What kind of sick game is this?
Hate wasps. Like bees.
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mwahahaha. just a game.
Bees and wasps annoy me, but I'm not too scared of them. Same with butterflies, fireflies, ladybugs and other harmless things.
Going to see The Departed tonight, heard it got brilliant reviews.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-14 20:01:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-14 19:43:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
Test #1:
Shitfuck tigerlilly method badassmofo maltese shlongy bart polyamorousaj blitzkreig_bob orgasmatron ghola redskieslookfake scourge highvoltage900 simple_catalyst gravitas phallic_cymbals w_y_a_y_s_t_r_m berty phuzzygish davros merlina jack_mccallum snark thecaes bart polyamorousaj forthewin bigmike inion_de_true electrictoothsyndrome underoathmeal gingerly cinderblock foolproof coley darko kaos-king sacrilicious badassjulie christpuncher
--
What kind of sick game is this?
Hate wasps. Like bees.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-14 19:57:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-10-14 19:53:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
Correction - maggots will eat live flesh, but only if a fly lays its eggs there.
Sleep well!
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awwww....
Remind me never to enlist in the army if we're invading somewhere tropical. Send me to Siberia, or something.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-14 19:56:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-10-14 19:49:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Maggots do not feed on live tissue - carrion or dead flesh only. You don't have to worry about them eating you. They are nasty though, I'll give you that.
Also, spiders are connected with death and decay in the subconscious mind (and often in the conscious mind as well), so your crippling fear of them is probably indicative of a deep-seated fear and denial of your own mortality. Or maybe it's the ants in the syrup thing, who knows.
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I know that I probably don't have to worry about maggots burying into me in the middle of the night, but they're still disgusting.
Spiders = death? I can see the connection there, but I'd have to disagree. I'm very in-tune with death, and I mean that in the non-goth/emo way.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-10-14 19:53:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Correction - maggots will eat live flesh, but only if a fly lays its eggs there.
Sleep well!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-10-14 19:49:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Maggots do not feed on live tissue - carrion or dead flesh only. You don't have to worry about them eating you. They are nasty though, I'll give you that.
Also, spiders are connected with death and decay in the subconscious mind (and often in the conscious mind as well), so your crippling fear of them is probably indicative of a deep-seated fear and denial of your own mortality. Or maybe it's the ants in the syrup thing, who knows.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-14 19:43:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Test #1:
Shitfuck tigerlilly method badassmofo maltese shlongy bart polyamorousaj blitzkreig_bob orgasmatron ghola redskieslookfake scourge highvoltage900 simple_catalyst gravitas phallic_cymbals w_y_a_y_s_t_r_m berty phuzzygish davros merlina jack_mccallum snark thecaes bart polyamorousaj forthewin bigmike inion_de_true electrictoothsyndrome underoathmeal gingerly cinderblock foolproof coley darko kaos-king sacrilicious badassjulie christpuncher
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-14 19:13:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The title had nothing to do with half of this post, I realize that.