As I Lay Dying (11): Ancient of Days (mild nsfw) (779 hits)
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Rating: 1.04 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Axolotl || ltoloxA (View user info) at 2006-10-16 13:46:33 EDT
******THE EXODUS WORLD: DEPARTED MAY 15 1996 19:23*****
******THE KINGDOM OF GOD: ENTERED --- -- ---- --:-- (No linear time in Kingdom of God)*******
The sky was dark and streaked with golden clouds, brushstrokes hanging in the darkness. Adam's eyeballs hurt, and he couldn't handle the strain of looking around. Bile hung bitterly in his throat; Adam gazed into the abyss above him.
How long Adam lay there he would never know, but he was prostrate on his back for what must have been hours, still, calm, motionless. The sky was unchanging above him, with not even the rotation of the earth to shake the vaults of Heaven. The sun did not change its position high and hazy in the cloudy sky, and Adam wondered what kind of world this was, so old that the planets had stopped rotating.
Adam grabbed a fistful of dirt and pulled himself to his feet, and at once the memories of Elizabeth's death came rushing back, and he vomited onto the dusty ground, tears spilling onto the soil. He choked and sobbed, clutching his garments and hair, face red with anger and hatred.
Getting control of his heart, Adam looked around him to see a bizarre landscape. He was in a stone-and-dirt courtyard of what appeared to be a totally razed building, a castle of some sort. Beyond the remaining foundations and few surviving walls a forest of dead stumps lay before a vast wasteland.
Was this the world of Heaven he had seen only days ago with Lord Enoch? Adam studied his surroundings, and the evil sky, and wondered if this was some other part of the Kingdom of God.
"Adam," called a voice in the wilderness.
Adam started and stood up quickly, nausea rushing to his temples. "Who is it? I'm—I'm armed!"
"Do not be afraid," said the voice. It was female and soft, and as Adam furiously whirled around, he saw a robed angel with long light hair looking at him. She was young and old at the same time, both wise beyond her youthful appearance and extremely beautiful. "I am Aretea, and I'm a friend of Enoch's, and yours."
"Enoch," Adam spat. "Enoch sent me here to die, and he sent Elizabeth here to die. Where is this?"
Aretea pointed at the horizon, and Adam looked. A distant pinprick of light heralded the City of God, and Adam's vision telescoped by some strange power, and he saw hundreds of miles away the towers and spires of the great fortress of El, the Authority.
"You must face Virgil again," Aretea said.
"I won't," Adam said. "What's the use if we're both dead anyway?"
"Your fate was chosen at birth," Aretea said calmly. "It's unavoidable. You have powers now that can rival the strongest angel, but neither you nor I know what or where they are. One day you may discover them...more better you do it here, than they get on the street uh?"
"Elizabeth..." Adam muttered.
"I'm here to train you for your battle with Virgil," Aretea said, her tone a little sharper. "Put everything else out of your mind, and listen."
Adam sat back, his nostrils flared. "If I lose, I die...and if I win, I'm a prisoner of the Authority."
Aretea said nothing for a long unblinking moment. "My job is to train you, Enoch himself charged me with the duty," she said slowly. "This is a duty for you as well. This is the end of a rebellion that's lasted six thousand years...Virgil's death can bring the rebels down. He is their savior...and you are ours."
Adam sighed, not knowing what to say.
"Virgil has been in the company of the demon Sophopyron for months, and he considers himself a hardened criminal with no escape from bondage with the demon," Aretea said succinctly. "And that's essentially true. He regards you and the Authority with disdain, and wants to kill you as an example. Sophopyron has poisoned his mind."
"So what can I do?" Adam asked.
"Listen. You caught him off guard by coming back from a hard hit—you're versatile, Adam, it takes a lot to shock you. We'll practice coming up after a fall and striking back, okay?"
And so the training began. Aretea attacked Adam with her fists, slamming her open palms into the side of his head and his chest, knocking him over and screaming for him to get back up within seconds.
They must have done it for hours, Aretea's attacks becoming more brutal as time went on, striking nerve clusters in his solar plexus, making him shed tears of blood and retch as her dainty fists broke his ribs.
"You've done well, Adam," Aretea said after Adam stood mindlessly to his feet for the thousandth time. "Let me reward you..."
Aretea jabbed the base of Adam's neck, and he convulsed, falling into the dirt surrounding him...
Adam awoke to find his injuries gone, healed by Aretea's power during the night—only the time never changed in this world. Aretea was standing by him, as if no time had elapsed whatsoever.
"It's time," Aretea said.
"Already?"
"Angels are coming to transport you to the fight. There is a battle in another world. You must go with them and ready yourself, I have prepared you all I could for this. Virgil's in a world of oppression and control right now, preparing for combat," Aretea said.
"The world of demons?" Adam asked.
Aretea looked shiftily around and sighed. "The world of demons is one of uncommon freedom...anyway, go with them."
"Where are they taking me?"
"They're taking you to Elizabeth's world," Aretea said gently. "To Elizabeth's country, a place called America."
As if on cue, three angels appeared from thin air, their particles hissing from the gaps in the atoms of another world. They were tall and broad, naked and with spears and shields. Aretea slipped a sword into Adam's hands.
"Come," the angels said, taking Adam's hand and pulling him through the space in the worlds.
If he lost, he died. It wasn't that bad of a prospect now that Adam considered it, his mind wiped clean for one glorious moment that he hung in limbo in the abyss. He would be with his mother, and Elizabeth.
But if he won...he was nothing but a pawn anyway, a piece moved around by giants and powers beyond his worthless human recognition. The combat was nothing if he won, for he was doomed either way. He would be executed, or even worse, a prisoner in the dark City of God for the rest of his inhuman life.
"We're here," the captain of the angels said.
Adam looked out. A green sign hung over a broad swamp, and the air was foul to his pristine nostrils. In a strange but familiar dialect, the sign read, "New Jersey Turnpike. South, Newark. North, GWB."
"America," Adam whispered.
******THE KINGDOM OF GOD: DEPARTED --- -- ---- --:-- (No linear time in Kingdom of God)*******
******OUR WORLD: ENTERED NOVEMBER 2 2006 14:18*******
User Reviews
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-12-18 16:29:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-10-25 14:04:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MouthSore (user info) at 2006-10-21 00:26:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-16 23:37:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-16 23:29:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-10-16 22:48:51 (#)
Ranking: 1
WEakest one yhet, but stilll decent. if the nexzt one doesn't end with angles blowingup new jersey in every universe in the multiverse and erradicating all those have ever inhabited it, i'm going to be pissed.
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Violence will be done in the Meadowlands...glad you're reading them though, tahnks. I didn't want to put too much action into this one, but I guess it backfired a it.
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Hey man, that's what you get for listening to me. Sorry.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-10-16 23:36:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's a cool picture. I love crazy, imaginative art.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-16 23:29:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-10-16 22:48:51 (#)
Ranking: 1
WEakest one yhet, but stilll decent. if the nexzt one doesn't end with angles blowingup new jersey in every universe in the multiverse and erradicating all those have ever inhabited it, i'm going to be pissed.
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Violence will be done in the Meadowlands...glad you're reading them though, tahnks. I didn't want to put too much action into this one, but I guess it backfired a it.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-10-16 22:48:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
WEakest one yhet, but stilll decent. if the nexzt one doesn't end with angles blowingup new jersey in every universe in the multiverse and erradicating all those have ever inhabited it, i'm going to be pissed.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-16 21:06:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think it still needs more detail, more incentive to care about Adam. There were glimpses of it here and there.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-10-16 19:03:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A little short and less detailed than your last few posts. But still good.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-16 17:30:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2006-10-16 16:54:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
This had no flow whatsoever. He realizes within five minutes that the sun is not moving across the sky? The "training" begins with no lead-in dialogue or context? The idea could be cool, but honestly this wasn't great.
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Have to disagree with you there.
he was prostrate on his back for what must have been hours, still, calm, motionless. The sky was unchanging above him, with not even the rotation of the earth to shake the vaults of Heaven.
Aretea said nothing for a long unblinking moment. "My job is to train you, Enoch himself charged me with the duty," she said slowly. "This is a duty for you as well. This is the end of a rebellion that's lasted six thousand years...Virgil's death can bring the rebels down. He is their savior...and you are ours."
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2006-10-16 16:54:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This had no flow whatsoever. He realizes within five minutes that the sun is not moving across the sky? The "training" begins with no lead-in dialogue or context? The idea could be cool, but honestly this wasn't great.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-10-16 16:44:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
not your best
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-16 16:08:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-10-16 14:31:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
really, tho, this deserves higher than .33
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Eh. Alters are inevitable.
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-10-16 14:31:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
really, tho, this deserves higher than .33
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-10-16 14:14:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Weak syntax, a bit overwritten.
Worth reading.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-16 14:08:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-10-16 14:02:41 (#)
Ranking: 1
One day you may discover them...more better you do it here, than they get on the street uh?"
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yeah, i caught that too.
it also doesnt make sense that she only spent a night preparing adam.
you said this series is 20 parts, no? how is it that if the fight is *now* youre going to stretch it out for nine more installations?
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There was no flow of linear time, so she spent ages preparing him, but only one window of consciousness, so to speak. I know about the parts, it goes a bit longer.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-16 14:07:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-16 13:50:26 (#)
Ranking: 0
One day you may discover them...more better you do it here, than they get on the street uh?"
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you dipshit, this is a serious writers forum you cant do shit like that
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Serious writers forum? I never would have noticed!
I put that line in all of my series, somewhere in each one...
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-10-16 14:02:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
One day you may discover them...more better you do it here, than they get on the street uh?"
--
yeah, i caught that too.
it also doesnt make sense that she only spent a night preparing adam.
you said this series is 20 parts, no? how is it that if the fight is *now* youre going to stretch it out for nine more installations?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-16 13:50:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
One day you may discover them...more better you do it here, than they get on the street uh?"
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you dipshit, this is a serious writers forum you cant do shit like that
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-16 13:46:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Repost.