The Courtship and Marriage of ETS (554 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -1.27 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Maltese (View user info) at 2006-10-16 17:51:49 EDT
Brad stood there at the 9/11 Truth Convention as his jaw dropped and he gazed into the most beautiful pair of eyes he had ever seen. He looked above the vixen's eyes at the long, curly strands of brown hair that flowed above them.
That's right. Michael Moore.
Brad approached Michael like a deer in headlights, cautiously avoiding to step on any cracks in the pavement of the convention's basement, since cracks are known to harbor surveillance cameras.
As porno music inexplicably began pouring out of the large speakers behind them, Brad spoke first.
"H-hi...", he said. "I'm... Brad. What's your name, Osama-mama?"
Michael replied with no answer and unbuttoned his pants. It was time.
Brad bent over on the ground as Michael plunged his tower into Brad's Ground Zero. Everyone else at the convention starting masturbating as well. The room became so filled up with cum that the wall of the building broke, and one thousand basement nerds were carried on a cumwave through the sprawling urban regions of Indiana. As they all ate strawberry ice cream with sprinkles, Osama bin Laden came up behind them in his UFO.
"DIRKA DIRKA JIHAD, ME OSAMA REALLY MAD, I WANT ICE CREAM REALLY BAD, DIRKA DIRKA JIHAD!!!1!", cried Osama, as he gained upon the Truthseekers, still riding their cumwave to a destination unknown. Suddenly, Al Gore and Godzilla fused together, creating Gorezilla. Gorezilla then opened up his rectum and the Truthseekers rode their cumwave into Gorezilla's goatse cavern.
Brad and Michael weren't so lucky. They had missed and were now hanging from Gorezilla's perineum, holding on for dear life.
"Michael, if we don't survive this, I want you to know... I love you", cried Brad.
Then Michael vomited on Brad's penis and they had perverse nethersex under Gorezilla's naughty bits. Then, in mid-coitus, a cruise missile picked them up.
"LOLWTFBBQ", exclaimed Brad, as Keanu Reeves turned to face them.
"I am the captain of this cruise missile, sent by the Canadian government to crash into the Pentagon. I'm also the reincarnation of Adolf Hitler AND Barry Bonds." Keanu gulped a baby's brain from a Mason jar and threw it out the window, depressurizing the cabin, causing snakes to flow in. A king cobra clamped down upon Brad's peehole.
"DAMMIT!!!", screamed Brad, "I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THESE MOTHERFUCKIN' SNAKES ON THIS MOTHERFUCKIN' CANADIAN CRUISE MISSILE!!!" Suddenly, one of the snakes transformed into Mr. Rogers, who had snakes for arms.
"Hi, I'm Mr. Rogers With Snakes For Arms!", said Mr. Rogers With Snakes For Arms. "I can't play dice or have children! Therefore, I will grant you one wish!"
"I wish, I wish, to use this ride, to take us home until next time", they both exclaimed. They then found themselves in Brad's bedroom. They got gay-married in Norway and became World Champions of Turtle. However, practice was often difficult as every game of Turtle Brad and Michael played usually devolved into rough hairy anal sex.
Their first child was born on September 11, 2007. They named him Macaca. His first word was "jihad".
And that's how Elmo saved Christmas. Good night, everyone!
User Reviews
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2007-02-07 14:43:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2007-02-07 14:39:18 (#)
Ranking: -2
Using your alter to boost your rating is bad form.
Submitted by exposed (user info) at 2007-02-03 16:24:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by blackeyedbitch (user info) at 2007-01-25 14:01:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-22 19:06:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-10-22 18:30:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow...just...no.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-16 19:52:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
College graduate?
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-10-16 19:37:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Not good. Hate to say it, but honesty must be acted upon.
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2006-10-16 19:36:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
YOU SUCK
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-10-16 19:21:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2006-10-16 18:39:17 (#)
Ranking: -2
South Park did a much better ETS parody
++++++
agreed
Submitted by GodtheFather (user info) at 2006-10-16 18:52:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha, elmo
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2006-10-16 18:39:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
South Park did a much better ETS parody
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-10-16 18:20:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I wasn't gonna rate this.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-10-16 18:16:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I can see a tiny bit of ability underneath the layers of cocksuckery.
Why not enter the uber protection program, and start over with a brand new identity?
You've done it before. Do it again, only this time learn from your mistakes.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-16 18:04:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You have no wit or talent.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-16 17:59:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
boringggg