Home Invasion (743 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1 on 55 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Please don't feed the OATHMEAL (View user info) at 2006-10-17 13:50:31 EDT
Buzz was awoken by the sound of gravel crunching under the feet of apparent tresspassers just outside his home.
"What the..." he started, before crawling out of bed and heading down the corridor to where his mother was enjoying a fresh bowl of Honey Comb.
"Hey what's going on out there, mom?" he asked.
"Well, I'm not sure dear. I'll send someone outside to investigate."
Just as soon as Buzz' mother reached the servant's room, a deluge of foamy, pungent fluid burst into their abode. In a flash Buzz' mother was swept up by a tidal wave of the stuff, tossing her to and fro inside their humble home. Shocked and now acting on instinct, Buzz retreated to the rear annals of his residence and found solace in a corner, next to 3 of his brothers.
The smell was awful. Whatever was infiltrating their home was obviously caustic and *very* dangerous. The fumes alone eminating from the fluid were enough to make Buzz' tiny stomach turn.
A good ways down the corridor Buzz could see his father writhing in agony as the ever-increasing level of death-foam enveloped him and within seconds, left him a motionless carcass. Buzz was watching his family die right before his eyes, and he remained completely helpless.
He looked to his right and saw his brothers, still wrapped tightly in their swaddling clothes. They were barely old enough to communicate yet surely their lives would be briskly taken from them by this unexplained onslaught.
Buzz had to do something.
The fluid was seeping through the crevices surrounding him and Buzz knew his time was short. He brought his brothers near to him and held them close. He reluctantly brought his head down and, tearing into them using his mouth alone, Buzz instantly killed all three of his brothers.
Buzz was now alone. He watched the mucousy, bubbling fluid creep closer to him. Finally, in an act of Thanatos-driven revelry, he lept forward, sacrificing himself to the all-consuming sea of destruction.
===============
"I think we got 'em all," Roger said.
"Good. Sons of bitches," came Derrick's reply.
They threw their respective cans of Raid Wasp and Hornet Killer in the trash receptacle near the garage and got back to their Saturday chores.
User Reviews
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-10-27 13:49:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/95020#2202073
banning attempt
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-10-20 08:01:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
trash receptacle
================
It's called a 'bin', dickend.
Submitted by ScarfaceMN (user info) at 2006-10-18 09:23:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by fclo002 (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:03:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastic storytelling.
~fclo002 Approved Post~
Submitted by coontstretcher (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:02:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
I approve.
Submitted by smemma (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:00:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant!
------------------------------------------
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:18:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
FoolPoo in case you're a *complete* idiot (which you are), I'm used my alters in anticipation of the assured arrival of a few key naysayers (method, jonnybuttsex, sicosemen and yourself).
So whine all you want. This is a mere act of defense.
If it weren't for the 100% probability of my posts being shat upon by a few consistent cockfaces, I wouldn't have to resort to such childish measures.
Now kindly fuck off.
------------------------------------------
Wow, I was going to give you a 0 and few pointers about the story, which wasn't too terrible. A little polish and what not could make it pretty good...
Then you had to pull the shit detailed above.
"Brilliant"? "Fantastic Storytelling"? Are you for-fucking-real? Who the fuck pats themselves on the back like that? Is your ego that fucking fragile? Are you that pathetic that you have to pretend to be other people and applaud your own work just so you feel worthwhile?
And I love the excuse of "If it weren't for the 100% probability of my posts being shat upon by a few consistent cockfaces, I wouldn't have to resort to such childish measures." Wow... that's a new level of... damn... let me try to comprehend this... So, you feel so hurt by some fuck-wads you've never met that you have to concoct some other fuck-wads who don't really exist to defend your fuck-wad self? My, oh, my... I need an asprin.
You need to unplug the fucking router and stay off the internet for a while. You're getting too fucking wrapped up in WHAT IS NOT EVEN REAL.
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2006-10-18 07:12:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-17 22:21:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
Kettle talking to the pot below.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-10-17 21:42:54 (#)
Ranking: -2
Fag with no friends below.
___________________
I'm... actually... with... Shlongy... on this one. Please go away.
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2006-10-18 04:31:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
So a 40 something, balding, failed rockstar, internet Jew doesn't want to be my friend? Thank fuck for that.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-17 23:46:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's not even entertaining anymore, ya know?
It's like the waterhead kid hitting his head against the window of the bus.
The first 40-50 times he does it, it's funny, and after that, you almost hope the helmet breaks so he damages his brain and ends his shitty life.
Submitted by BadSamaritan87 (user info) at 2006-10-17 22:27:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Nay, fuckhead.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-17 22:21:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Kettle talking to the pot below.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-10-17 21:42:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fag with no friends below.
Submitted by Cinderblock (user info) at 2006-10-17 21:39:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You know, I think someone did...
Submitted by The_Mighty_Badger (user info) at 2006-10-17 21:38:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Did someone say something about alters?
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2006-10-17 21:37:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-17 20:18:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I finally read all the reviews...
Bret is justifying poofing his own posts with his alters so that the rating isn't as bad, making him look better?
HOLY FUCKING HELL MAN, I'M A PATHETIC INTERNET FUCKER AND EVEN I AM DEPRESSED FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE ZERO SOCIAL SKILLS IN THE REAL WORLD, AND HAVE TO RESORT TO GETTING ASSRAPED ON THE INTERNET FOR ATTENTION...
Christ, Bret, *I*... *ME*... One of the most loathed people in the history of Uber feels SORRY for your life.
Sorry man, but that's fucking pathetic.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-10-17 19:53:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2006-10-17 18:38:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked this, I did wonder where you were going with the whole killing his brothers with his mouth thing but it all worked out in the end.
I could be wrong but I dont think you used the word 'annal' in the right context at all.
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2006-10-17 17:34:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That 'retort' you did on foolproof just got you the award of "Saddest Person Alive". Seeing the entire population of IRC and such freakshows all under you in this contest, of sorts, must be great for you. Finally you excel at something. Sucking Giant Metal Donkey Penis
Submitted by LongestPants (user info) at 2006-10-17 17:03:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Meh.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-17 16:43:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Can we push it any lower?
YES I CAN!
Submitted by exposed (user info) at 2006-10-17 16:43:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You are a piece of shit. And gay.
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2006-10-17 16:16:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-17 16:12:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by DoctorWombat (user info) at 2006-10-17 15:57:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What the hell, I liked it. Poor little wasps.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-17 15:56:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*cries emo tears*
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
V
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-17 15:35:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Everything you ever wanted to know about UnderOathMeal
User id: 27791
Registered on or around: 2006-07-11 15:12:23
# Messages posted: 71
# Reviews written: 2516
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 2588
# Hits: 42910
Average rating of all messages: -0.03
====
May I repeat:
Average rating of all messages: -0.03
You are now in the negatives and I refuse to associate with you any longer.
You are the weakest link. Goodbye!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-17 15:34:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Bret, I am going to disenfranchise the hell out of you, satisfy my imperatives, and deliver a hearty fuck you.
You really need to lay off the steroids before they kill you.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2006-10-17 15:28:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Jeebus you suck, and I just keep clicking your posts thinking that maybe this one won't suck, but you suck so you write sucky posts and leave sucky comments. It sucks that this sucks so bad.
Your future posts should be Mp3's of a vacumn cleaner, or your mother doing what she does best.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-10-17 15:24:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd leave Bret alone, as I do most of the time. But then he pulls his alter shit, then WAAAAAAHHHHHs it up on people's posts.
If he kept his childish shit on his posts, he'd be better off.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-10-17 15:21:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
More like a HOMO INVASION, asswipeo.
Submitted by Psmith (user info) at 2006-10-17 15:18:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by kwame_johnson (user info) at 2006-10-17 15:17:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-10-17 15:16:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:58:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
what a sorry shit fest this turned into.
i think you're ALL fucking lame
---
...but occasionally entertaining.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-17 15:09:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:34:19 (#)
Ranking: -2
you really need to socialize a little more with the real world.
----
Oh, the irony ...
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:58:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what a sorry shit fest this turned into.
i think you're ALL fucking lame
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:38:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:18:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
FoolPoo in case you're a *complete* idiot (which you are), I'm used my alters in anticipation of the assured arrival of a few key naysayers (method, jonnybuttsex, sicosemen and yourself).
So whine all you want. This is a mere act of defense.
If it weren't for the 100% probability of my posts being shat upon by a few consistent cockfaces, I wouldn't have to resort to such childish measures.
Now kindly fuck off.
---------------
wow...Foolpoo! Genius! Pure genius!
I am sure I'm a complete idiot and that I'm whining. Although I didn't whine. I just pointed out that you used all of your alters to +2 all of your posts. Wait! Were you doing that in an attempt to stave off the "naysayers" as well?
No, i think not.
I think you show coworkers and family your posts with the alter +2s and go on about how popular you are. Then you abuse yourself whilst you scream their names.
For a "tough internet" guy, you sure can't take it, can you?
Classic case of micropenis-retard syndrome.
Now, go on about how stupid and whiny I am again. I never tire of it, well , since it's all you ever use.
Now go act like a big man again, Bret.
Your attention IV is draining.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:34:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:18:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
FoolPoo in case you're a *complete* idiot (which you are), I'm used my alters in anticipation of the assured arrival of a few key naysayers (method, jonnybuttsex, sicosemen and yourself).
So whine all you want. This is a mere act of defense.
If it weren't for the 100% probability of my posts being shat upon by a few consistent cockfaces, I wouldn't have to resort to such childish measures.
Now kindly fuck off.
----------
O MY GOD...i have been on this site for over two years and I can say with confidence that THIS is the lamest and gheyest thing EVAR posted on Ubersite.
Congratulations Bret, I didn't think it possible for you to sink to a new low, but you have succeeded. You'll be getting a phone call from the President of Ubersite to thank you.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:34:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If you noticed, Bret, I normally ignore your posts lately, mostly because I feel incredibly sorry for you, and I wouldn't have even commented on this one, except you decided to pull out your alters.
You'll also noticed that the ONLY time that happens is when you decide to raise your rating with 3 or 4 alters.
You're pathetic, and you really need to socialize a little more with the real world.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:26:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmm... it would seem that if you plan on being the very best attention whore you can be (or even the least bit contentious or 'pissy' around here) you almost need to have a few alters on your side, huh?
Bah. Alters suck.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:18:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
FoolPoo in case you're a *complete* idiot (which you are), I'm used my alters in anticipation of the assured arrival of a few key naysayers (method, jonnybuttsex, sicosemen and yourself).
So whine all you want. This is a mere act of defense.
If it weren't for the 100% probability of my posts being shat upon by a few consistent cockfaces, I wouldn't have to resort to such childish measures.
Now kindly fuck off.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:13:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by fclo002 (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:03:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastic storytelling.
~fclo002 Approved Post~
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by coontstretcher (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:02:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
I approve.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by smemma (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:00:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant!
Gotta love a "man" that uses his alters to raise his rating.
At least he has "friends" now.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:08:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:07:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hello methharbingtr4ppedzak!
You're right on time. Simon's anxious mouth has been eagerly awaiting your cocks.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:05:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This, post, sucked, almost, as, much, as, you, Bret.
Submitted by Tr4ppedunderice (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:05:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Right there, you idiots
Submitted by Harbinger (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:04:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't see any. Where are we looking?
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:04:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
rating the poster
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:04:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Where?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:03:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh, look, alters.
Submitted by fclo002 (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:03:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastic storytelling.
~fclo002 Approved Post~
Submitted by coontstretcher (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:02:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I approve.
Submitted by smemma (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:00:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant!
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:00:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Please be my friend... Pretty please? With sugar? I'll pay you. Don't walk away!" - Bret D
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-10-17 14:00:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sons of bitches.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-17 13:57:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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Home Invasion
Category: None
Rating: -2 on 1 review (Rate this item) (V) (Label this item) X
Labels:
Submitted by Please don't feed the OATHMEAL (View user info) at 2006-10-17 13:50:31
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Buzz was awoken by the sound of gravel crunching under the feet of apparent tresspassers just outside his home.
"What the..." he started, before crawling out of bed and heading down the corridor to where his mother was enjoying a fresh bowl of Honey Comb.
"Hey what's going on out there, mom?" he asked.
"Well, I'm not sure dear. I'll send someone outside to investigate."
Just as soon as Buzz' mother reached the servant's room, a deluge of foamy, pungent fluid burst into their abode. In a flash Buzz' mother was swept up by a tidal wave of the stuff, tossing her to and fro inside their humble home. Shocked and now acting on instinct, Buzz retreated to the rear annals of his residence and found solace in a corner, next to 3 of his brothers.
The smell was awful. Whatever was infiltrating their home was obviously caustic and *very* dangerous. The fumes alone eminating from the fluid were enough to make Buzz' tiny stomach turn.
A good ways down the corridor Buzz could see his father writhing in agony as the ever-increasing level of death-foam enveloped him and within seconds, left him a motionless carcass. Buzz was watching his family die right before his eyes, and he remained completely helpless.
He looked to his right and saw his brothers, still wrapped tightly in their swaddling clothes. They were barely old enough to communicate yet surely their lives would be briskly taken from them by this unexplained onslaught.
Buzz had to do something.
The fluid was seeping through the crevices surrounding him and Buzz knew his time was short. He brought his brothers near to him and held them close. He reluctantly brought his head down and, tearing into them using his mouth alone, Buzz instantly killed all three of his brothers.
Buzz was now alone. He watched the mucousy, bubbling fluid creep closer to him. Finally, in an act of Thanatos-driven revelry, he lept forward, sacrificing himself to the all-consuming sea of destruction.
===============
"I think we got 'em all," Roger said.
"Good. Sons of bitches," came Derrick's reply.
They threw their respective cans of Raid Wasp and Hornet Killer in the trash receptacle near the garage and got back to their Saturday chores.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
User Reviews
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-17 13:55:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
crap
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gee, if some snot-nosed little kid sent me to prison, the first thing
out, I'd find out where he lives, and tear him a new belly button.
-- Homer Simpson
Cape Feare
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Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2006-10-17 13:57:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought it was funny
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-17 13:55:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
crap