YouTube's Sucking, CEOs Are Fucking, And Consumers Are All Ducking: Just Another Day In Corporate America (785 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 1.06 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Maltese (View user info) at 2006-10-17 17:36:11 EDT
I remember it clearly and vividly, the day I created my account on YouTube. It was Thanksgiving Day 2005, WAY before YouTube became mainstream and was flooded with noobs. The 'Lazy Sunday' video was added, bringing delight to all, and users could comment and the like. There were no ads on the site whatsoever, and at the time, the most viewed video was the aforementioned 'Lazy Sunday', with a mere four million views (compared to the most viewed on YouTube today, Judson Laipply's "Evolution of Dance" with 36 million). This video tripled the YouTube community. Like a big-city tram, it was crowded but still comfortable.
Suddenly, the shit hit the fan and splattered onto our backs. In mid-February 2006, NBC requested YouTube to remove the 'Lazy Sunday' video from the site, which they did. That day, I lost a lot of respect for YouTube.
Then came the ads. In April, they added pop-up ads and large flashing banners at the top of each page. YouTube was now the eleventh most popular site on the web, beating out such popular sites like Wikipedia and CNN.com. The n00bs were piling up, and soon every other comment was "lol watch my movie plz *link*", or an actual comment, but mangled far beyond recognition due to the retardedness of the users there (such as: "yo nigga 50 cent dont play dawg wen he step uo 2d mik n ply da funyk $h1t yo d@t b ina HUSE". I swear, I haven't seen spelling this bad since Stok, Jeff K, and Jerry Jackson had a blood orgy with each other).
However, I was a popular user there. Among my accomplishments were:
-Being the first to comment on two featured videos
-Having 250 subscribers (a LOT)
-Having a video with more than one million views
The video I'm mentioning was a little video I downloaded from another site and uploaded it on New Years' Eve 2005. I titled it "Really Hot Asian Girl", and it was basically harmless: a really cute Asian girl kissing the camera lens for three minutes. The views came in and peaked at three thousand per day. The total views was somewhere around 1.3 million.
However, despite the harmlessness of the video, it was flagged as 'offensive' and restricted to users over the age of 18. This didn't stop the wild number of hits I was getting, however. In August, a user by the name of "ArrowedEagle88" threatened to kill me and my wife for "the unholy sin of race-mxing" [sic]. It wasn't really a serious threat, but this was the final straw. One more fuck-up and I swore to beat the fucking shit out of the YouTube executives. Then, on September 28, 2006, after ten months of putting up with YouTube's shit, I receive this letter:
Dear Mr. Hawkins,
Your video "Really Hot Asian Girl" has been rejected due to its inappropriate nature. Due to your repeated attempts to upload inappropriate videos, your account has now been permanently disabled and your videos have been taken down. If you feel your account has been disabled in error, please contact us to explain why.
Please refer to our terms of use for more information on what video material is not permitted on YouTube.
— The YouTube Team
Copyright © 2006 YouTube, Inc.
I literally stared at this for five minutes, my jaw agape. What the FUCK!? Here were my reasons for such extreme befuddlement:
1. The video was not inappropriate at all, and the sexuality of it, while quite obvious, was purely implied. There was no nudity whatsoever in the video.
2. Repeated attempts? I never made any 'repeated attempts'! That was my only NSFW (if you could call it NSFW; it's basically PG) video I ever uploaded.
3. I AM MALTESE. YOU DO NOT FUCKING DO THIS TO ME.
Immediately, I tried to contact them, but could find no contact form at all. Then, after a whole hour of searching, I located it. I typed in the reasons I believed my account should not have been deleted; five days later they responded with an automated e-mail, filled with ads. They never even bothered to look.
On October 10, 2006, YouTube, after a mere ten months of popularity, was purchased by Google for $1.6 billion. The founders of YouTube responded to the community with a video announcing that this was in fact true. The image of the shit-eating grins of the two bastards has now been burned into my memory forever.
After things are acquired by a corporations, things go downhill enormously and only add to the unbalancing of the American social system. A lot more things than you think are owned by huge corporations.
Time Warner, Inc. owns AOL, AOL Instant Messenger, ICQ, Mapquest, Netscape, Winamp, Entertainment Weekly, LIFE Magazine, People Magazine, Sports Illustrated, TIME Magazine, the Atlanta Braves, the Boomerang Channel, Adult Swim, Cartoon Network, GameTap, DC Comics, CNN, Warner Bros., Castle Rock Entertainment, TNT, Turner Classic Movies, HBO, and New Line Cinema.
Viacom, Inc. owns Nickelodeon, Comedy Central, MTV, NeoPets, VH1, Noggin, CMT, Atom Entertainment, TV Land, Spike TV, Logo, GameTrailers, Paramount, iFilm, Xfire, BET, and DreamWorks.
Pepsi-Cola, Inc. owns Pepsi, Tropicana, Taco Bell, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Pizza Hut, Long John Silver's, A&W Root Beer, WingStreet, Yum! Brands, Hot N' Now, Lipton Iced Tea, Dole, Sunny Delight, Frawg, Mountain Dew, Quaker Oats, Frito-Lay, Aquafina, Aunt Jemima, 7-Up, and Sierra Mist.
News Corp. owns MySpace, IGN, 20th Century Fox, TV Guide, half of the National Rugby League, DirecTV, New York Post, Blue Sky Studios, National Geographic, Sun Magazine, FX Network, and Star TV.
Procter & Gamble owns Gillette, Pringles, Tampax, Pampers, Oral-B, Bounty, Downy, Charmin, Braun, Iam's, Olay, Swiffer, Folgers, Tide, Febreze, Crest, Head & Shoulders, Duracell, Herbal Essences, Mr. Clean, Puffs, and Metamucil.
The Walt Disney Corporation owns ABC, ESPN, Lifetime, the Us tabloid magazine, Discover Magazine, Buena Vista Films, Miramax, Dimesion Films, the Hollywood, Mammoth, and Lyric Street record companies, Pixar, Infoseek, Go.com, Movies.com, the entire town of Celebration, Florida, the city of Bay Lake, Florida, and the city of Lake Buena Vista, Florida, and Reedy Creek Energy Services.
Comcast, Inc. owns Midcontinent Communications, G4, Sunshine Network, Style Network, The Golf Channel, the Outdoor Life Network, International Networks, the Philadelphia 76ers, the Philadelphia Phantoms, the Philadelphia Flyers, the Frederick Keys baseball team, the Delmarva Shorebirds, one-fifth of Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, two-third of TVWorks, and half of GuideWorks.
General Electric owns NBC, A&E, Biography Channel, History Channel, Military Channel, Bravo, USA Network, TiVo, and Universal Studios.
Altria Group owns Philip-Morris, Miller Beer, Icehouse, Kraft, Post Cereal, Nabisco, Miracle Whip, Maxwell House, Kool-Aid, Milka, and Oscar-Mayer.
FUCK YOUTUBE, FUCK CAPITALISM, AND FUCK OATHMEAL!
Youtube doesn't care about wack people.
User Reviews
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-10-18 16:46:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Normally, I actually like your stuff, but let me get this straight:
1. You are complaining because a website that provided content to you at no charge was supported by advertising. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A FREE LUNCH. SOMEONE PAYS FOR EVERYTHING. Last I heard, YouTube was millions in the red and getting worse. What about Ubersite, you say? Bart pays for it.
2. You are complaining that they took down copyrighted material at the request of the copyright holder. What sort of dumb ass belief system leads you to think that opinion is somehow right? Just because stealing from the record companies was in vogue in the late 90s? See item #1
3. You are complaining that a company that grew from nothing to the biggest thing on the web in approximately 14 seconds didn't have the time to deal with your complaint. So what?
4. You are complaining that GOOGLE bought YouTube? GOOGLE?!? Google is like the fucking anti-Microsoft of big companies. If you're going to complain about the man getting you down, at least pick a better target than Google.
5. Capitalism sucks, waah waah. Get used to it. You wouldn't have all the nice stuff you have if not for those very megacorps you complain about for no reason I've seen adequately explained within the confines of this post outside of a very teenage-angsty "Once it goes corporate, man it SUCKS." I hate to tell you this, BUT THAT WAS THEIR PLAN FROM THE GET-GO. Congratulations on uploading their bank accounts.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-18 08:36:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Welcome to the corporate world.
Leave your assets at the door, please. You will NOT get them back when you are ready to leave.
Submitted by GMCrayon (user info) at 2006-10-18 06:45:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck the man
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-10-18 00:55:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Needs more really hot Asian girl.
Post the original video, from your hard drive.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-10-18 00:30:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That about sums it all up!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-10-17 22:53:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OH NOES YOU GOT SCREWED OVER BY THE MAN
you fucking little twerp.
entitlements and the culture that arises from them.
*shakes head*
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-10-17 22:21:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Auto "fuck off".
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-17 22:16:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*wipes maltese's saliva from penis*
Submitted by RPharazon (user info) at 2006-10-17 22:15:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
General Electric owns NBC, TiVo, and Universal Studios?
We are talking about the same company that makes aircraft engines and owns power plants, right?
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-10-17 21:36:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck the system.
revolt.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-10-17 21:34:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You get a +1 for the picture.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-10-17 21:26:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
However, I was a popular user there. Among my accomplishments were:
-Being the first to comment on two featured videos
--------------------------------------------------
Wow!
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-17 21:03:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OH NOES MALTEZE HAS ROONT MA RATEENG!
hahaha
You're such a predictable little tool.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-17 20:29:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-10-17 20:12:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I own the earth, so in essence, all those companies are mine.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-17 19:59:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-17 19:42:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome to America.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-10-17 19:33:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Maltese this is the most intelligent thing I have ever read written by you. Good job.
Submitted by LongestPants (user info) at 2006-10-17 19:21:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait a minute, Time Warner owns the Braves?!
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-10-17 19:06:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But Google's corporate motto is "Don't be evil!" How can such a thing be???
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-10-17 18:51:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well worth the +2.
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-10-17 18:44:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've actually seen that hot asian girl video. Strange.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-10-17 18:29:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
damn the man!
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-10-17 18:28:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
jumping on Maltesesres cock below
btw capitalism rocks, its not corporations that are bad, its people.
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2006-10-17 18:16:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Maltese you rock consistently.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-10-17 18:10:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
youtube when down when they capped videos at 10 minutes.
couldnt see any athf or sealab videos or entire concerts anymore
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-17 18:05:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Youtube went down the drains for me when they deleted the brilliant Rising Sun video of the Sopranos.
I knew most of the stuff about the corporations, but it's still mind-boggling to see. I'm usually a supporter of free market capitalism, but stuff like this just makes me want to inject a bit of democratic socialism into the system. Ubersite better stay free.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2006-10-17 18:00:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's actually really creepy - one company owning all that shit.
and remember, never ever believe someone when they tell you that shaving your pubic hair will rid you of crab infestation.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-17 17:56:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
poor birdies
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2006-10-17 17:53:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Meh.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-10-17 17:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If not for the concert videos of the grateful dead, I'd have deleted mine the second I found it was sold to google. Luckily I never uploaded a video.