Grueberfest 06 R3: Dead men don't dream (442 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.46 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (View user info) at 2006-10-18 23:16:49 EDT
There is a gun by a babies head. It rests so gently by his sleeping form poised to go off.
Who makes it fire? You? So used to controlling your own universe you don't understand it is without control. It is the pressure, the looming threat that causes fear within the human form. And you will seek to make sense of it. The significance of that door and this child and that metaphor. None of them mean anything.
Look at your truth, locked in a little black box that you've lost the key to. It too rests by the babies head as his chubby arms flail weakly at it, attempting to unlock something without an opening. It is the question that makes him flail, the question that is to be human. That our world means something.
Do you read these words as they have meaning? Or do you make them into what you want them to be? Silly little sonnets and happy tales of mice and men? D th y m k s ns wh n ch ng th m? C n t ll m wh t t s th t m n?
I am the maker and you are made. Look onto me for your truth and your pain. I will put the story before you and you will take your worth from it.
It's the gun beside the babies head, yet no child is without maturity. No child isn't a man, for what is a man but an aged child? When hungry he will cry and when tired he will sleep, with no sense of reason to wait for others. There is a dead Roman in your bathtub and an ocean in your foyer, and can you tell me why I put them there?
I am the God to your Eden, and as I have given I too can take away! The baby is dead, the gun fired and it's your fault! IT'S YOUR FAULT! THAT IS A LIFE YOU FAILED TO SAVE WITH YOUR UNDERSTANDING!
Ah but who do you have to trust that the baby is dead? That the gun isn't benignly sitting there beside him while he naps, after all he's just eaten quite a lot and must be very tired.
Oh that's right. You rely on me.
I am the creator and you are created. Blessed art and holy words that spill upon a page from the jug of the gods. Yet the gods are laughing and you are laughing too. Why is that?
You are laughing because you looked and the baby is fine, the gun is where it is supposed to be and you are assured that all is well.
Who told you that?
Me.
Look again and you will see what I show you poor, blind human. Take my hand and I will lead you mercifully into my world. The world of creation you try so vainly to replicate. Cars, planes and automobiles! How wonderful! You worked so hard to make these things so you can rush from one place to the other. But the dead Roman in your bathtub crawled and dragged his way there. His final resting place, just like the baby, no more or less a human.
No more or less worthy to spend his final resting place in your lovely bathroom, his blood clashing with your beautiful paint job and decorative soaps. For a moment he wonders why humanity surrounds itself with such things before he passes into the night and into the bosom of my respects.
I am the director and you are told. I tell you what to see and feel and you follow that to the little places that I lead you to. Does that mean you will follow me to the end? Where the gun fires and the baby dies? The baby, no less a man then a billion humans who passed before it. A sexless child birthed in pain and blood to a world lacking truth and order.
And from that I was made.
I am the one who gives focus to dreams and imagination. I carve you into a form of two legs, two arms, and a head connected by some torso. I keep that blood within your body, your thoughts all your own, and your heart to whoever you wish.
Hold that thought while I ponder another.
When I tell you the baby will die do you pray for me to save it? Does the thought that his demise is inevitably coming make you cringe? Do you revel in the death and doom you sick twisted fuck? Can you comprehend the life that baby might lead if it had a year, two years, a decade, a lifetime? That is your loved one! That is your leader! THAT IS YOUR DESTINY!
All those organs that are within you and that 'you' control are as real as the thought that your life is your own. Your muscles move because I will them, I give you that dream of free will. I create the illusion of your reality because it suits my own!
And when I kill this child who is not a child but a man, who is not a man but a human, who is not a human but my creation, will you miss it?
Will you miss the meaning of it's death?
Dead men don't dream my poor little sheep, and neither will you.
Dead men.... Don't dream.
And while you were reading this paper, you missed the sound of gunfire.
User Reviews
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2006-10-23 00:52:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
THis was shit.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-19 22:32:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
But some of the wording and some of the presentation was just a little awkward.
Often times the tone was inconsistent.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-19 22:32:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The takeaway from this was really great.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-10-19 22:16:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-10-19 22:05:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm torn on this. There are some lines I really love, and others that I found very awkward. But I think you conveyed the intended feel really well.
I know you hate winning to a forfeit- this comp must be killing you, dear.
=====
IT IS! I had O-man in the beginning with more +2 votes (I was willing to look beyond shlongy's -2) and then THAT fell through! Now everyone forfeits! Curses and drat!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-10-19 22:05:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm torn on this. There are some lines I really love, and others that I found very awkward. But I think you conveyed the intended feel really well.
I know you hate winning to a forfeit- this comp must be killing you, dear.
Submitted by ColchesterDr (user info) at 2006-10-19 20:30:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-19 17:51:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are one lucky bastard, you know that?
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-10-19 10:51:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds good. It actually sparked three ideas. I'm going to try to finish all of them eventually. It's nice to actually WANT to write again.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-10-19 10:48:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-10-19 10:46:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
Your title actually did spark some cool ideas. I've got a few beginnings I can go back and work on when I have more time. So, thank you for that.
My best idea, the one I probably should have went with if I really wanted to get some writing done, probably would have been WAY too long for a single post.
=======
Hey I say go for it and write the thing at a date when you can, then just between us we can compare how the two posts do. Would that work for you?
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-10-19 10:46:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your title actually did spark some cool ideas. I've got a few beginnings I can go back and work on when I have more time. So, thank you for that.
My best idea, the one I probably should have went with if I really wanted to get some writing done, probably would have been WAY too long for a single post.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-10-19 10:33:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You deserved a better match up voltage, and I'm sorry I couldn't get my entry in on time. The truth is, even though I attempted to write something, I found it nearly impossible to do so. The thought of my schoolwork piling up was looming in my head, and I just can't justify blowing my assignments off. Not only that, but it was very difficult to write fiction when I was worried about other commitments. Good luck in future rounds. Hopefully your next opponent will rise to the occasion.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-10-19 09:39:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-19 08:12:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, I fucking think this was awesome, and I'm also still drunk. Oh, and I didn't read past the first sentence.
=======
Well that first sentence really does say it all doesn't it?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-19 08:12:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, I fucking think this was awesome, and I'm also still drunk. Oh, and I didn't read past the first sentence.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-10-19 06:35:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good show!
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-10-19 06:15:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Best.
First.
Line.
EVAR!
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-19 02:26:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-10-19 02:19:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're right mike I fucked up with babies/baby's.
My bad.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-10-19 00:24:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Somewhere in the middle seems right to me.
It's the way that it's written I suppose. Babies/baby's?
Something about this bothered me.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-10-19 00:23:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm not sure of this one. I'm not really enthralled with it but it's not bad either.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-10-19 00:06:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This produced insane and chilling mental imagery. Awesome work! I was sucked in at the opening sentence about the gun and the baby's head.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-10-18 23:18:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment