Serious Statistical MVA Analysis w/ random camwhore (2761 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorLabels: Uber-related/bandwagon
Rating: 1.08 on 107 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Axolotl || ltoloxA (View user info) at 2006-10-19 10:59:36 EDT
As per my "niche" as sycophantic Uber-related-bullshit-pantywaiste-vending-machine-operator, I have spent endless hours typing up a serious, gripping analytical single-minded report on the top 25 people on the MVA. I've tenaciously prepared this data (attn: fabricated) until my fingers bled. The numbers don't lie, people.
Also:
MY Blod seeeat an ddtears?! went into this repot! do iwt welllllL!11 my profesison has bad things! professions have won pluZitzer prize in History! famous woman. not her book came out, author says thats my wokr in 8 differen tpageeages?! published piulled the bug dDIASCGEACE!
Man who woma nobel prize FALSIFIED DATA! how can they prove faking data is proven by SCIENCE.
Cheater.
Bart
Bart runs this website, and is the only moderator. He takes care of banning Goatse-posters, and dealing with the Secret Service. He is a very mysterious figure. Rumour has it Bart's semen can cure cancer. It's too bad he's never ejaculated. Ever.
Bart has over a ZILLION hits and a ten-inch penis. Sadly, though it is in disuse, he can shake it erect to rescue cats from trees. Bart's jaw is immensely strong and powerful, and he exerts his force both with rib-crushing punches and "-2nocomments." Bart lives in Chicago, with a girl, apparently. He seems like a cool guy, but I'm sure he wants to punch us all in the head for the shit we pull.
JMG114
Jared Michael Gooberfucker, born to a Middle-Eastern Jewish family in the year 114AD, is known for going onto JDate.com and taking advantage of yung ladiez therein. He chronicles his "misadventures" and "disasters" in a scandalous "web-blog" where he speaks frankly about his sexual encounters with—you guessed it—Jews.
Jared wants to upgrade to Hasidic when he grows up. He lives in New York, where he owns a gay bar called "Hot Rod's," co-operated with the owner, Rod. One time Jared saw a clitoris.
Razor
Razor is Uber's highest-ranking consistently posting user. He has a bag of Jew gold that he keeps around his neck. The only gentile to ever catch a glimpse of his bag of gold and live was Chuck Norris. Hmm...two of top three MVA are of a Hebrew descent...Conspiracy?? He's spent four years of life on Uber, and is apparently married to a lightning bug.
Forthewin
Forthewin is dyed-black-hair emo starving artist who makes a living fucking around in shitty MSPaint. This guy blew Gibberish out of the water with a single post with nearly 800,000 hits, and he consistently gets on B@W. He registered about two months after me. One time he woke up and found that an African witch doctor made his penis magically disappear, but it was back with the help of the crafty spider god, Anansi.
MickGinny
The only reason this guy is around is that he posted +60 porn pictures without NSFW, somehow earning accolades for said posts. He also managed to get away with posting pictures of people with their heads blown off for the sake of humor, for his "red on the head" series. Still, Red On the Head #12 was the first Uber post I ever saw, and what drew me to looking at this site around two years ago. I'll give him credit for that.
Loki
I know Caul and her hate one another, that's for sure. Judging by Caul's word, Loki's a fat midget pill-popper from a trailer park, but I don't think his word is canon. According to one of Caul's most recent post, Loki surprisingly enough is in a relationship with a gentleman by the name of Sam, whom she smothers with her obese pubis.
I see it as a philosophical expression. Loki is represented by the obese woman, and this undefined "Sam" character is the corpse beneath her. She is symbolically asserting the fact that she is a strong woman by smothering him in her vulva - the symbol of fertility and womanhood. Caul takes issue with the fact Loki claims to be a strong woman, and uses this art as a biting satire against the anti-French structure of South Carolinian society. It all comes together.
Jonukah
I know nothing about this guy except that he looks like a hippie, and one time his penis vomited white blood all over the place like that time that his daddy soaped up his tallywhacker and his own tallywhacker liked it so much it threw up all over his face and chest! I'm truly in the dark about him. Judging by his lovely camwhore, he is the descendent of Jesus and Mary Magdalene. Jonukah co-wrote Dan Brown's Davinci Code, but was fired for the chapter titled "If I cum now, will I impregnate this prostitute and inspire a shitty pseudo-fiction pop book two thousand years down the line?"
Tom
Well, he hates Blink-182, that's one thing we know for sure. He wrote Exploiting Peer-to-Peer messaging, one of the few posts I ever laughed out loud at. A couple years ago when I first saw it, I saved the html file on my hard drive, I appreciated it so much. Tom doesn't post any more. He's running a show by himself in Las Vegas, with a lot of props. I think his stage name is Carrot Head or something, doesn't matter. Oh, fuck, Rita Rudner, that's it.
Method
I was eagerly awaiting getting to this obese retarded spic-looking Greek East Coast motherfucker. I know where he works, but unlike this Fat-Vitoesque greaser I don't bother other users at work.. It has been proposed that nobody on Uber is real except you, the reader looking at this. We're all Method's alters. JUST KIDDDING. Method's a consistently entertaining poster, although he concentrates too much on making shenanigans with PFF and Apollo88. NyMethod.com is an invaluable host for insulting pages against ETS, Caulaincourt, and that plagiarist guy.
Method's nipples are so sharp they could cut glass, and he's an elite player in a Halo clan. He's never had a girlfriend in real life, but falls in love with anonymous camwhores and pictures on the internet. Method keeps a database of everyone's personal information (ie Jimthefiend, Eric Rice, Jewtoast) to make alters and harassing phone calls. Method has never gotten to first base with a man, but occasionally kills a basemen with line drives.
FatTony
I don't really know why this guy is alive, I think he should have collapsed under his own weight and become a black hole by now. His posts are a chronicle of wife-beating, child abuse, molestation, and obsessive-compulsive eating, his weight ballooning to 400 pounds. He's like a pigeon or a cockroach; horrific, but unavoidable. His posts are train wrecks, you just can't look away.
Sideburns
Sideburns is forever sixteen years old, and is married to a large stork, apparently. He writes formulaic but funny stories, and I have reason to believe it is all shenanigans. Inion_de_trua is Sideburns' alter. Sideburns actually doesn't have sideburns. I have Sideburns. I have three untuned acoustic guitars. I hate spiders, and I eat lead paint.
Christpuncher
A young Chicago gentleman with all the motor skills of an autistic third-grader with multiple sclerosis, Habeeb AC/DC Chickenbone Berserker Thomas PhD. is known for insightful, thoughtful political posts. He is quite skilled in graphic arts such as Macromedia Illustrator and Photoshop, and occasionally writes a concise tribute post to his favourite sports team, the Chicago Bears.
BuckeyesTHEGAME
Actually, this Tom is the Blink-182 guy. Other than that, I can't think of anything about him, so I'll just make up some meaningless bullshit and claim it's true. His user ID is 4104, he registered in 2003, and is a writer for some boring mindless fucking sport magazine. In the nicest way possible.
Maiorano84
Has never had a girlfriend less than twenty years older than him. This got him in a bit of trouble in his younger years, and whenever he sees a policeman the memories of him begging the cops not to arrest Mrs. Conroy flood back to him. He grows his own marijuana, and owns a harem of decrepit troll-women who have spent the last six months fellating him.
Rad1101
From what I gather about him, Rad is some kind of bumblebee mob boss who owns Circus Circus in Las Vegas. Rad lives outside Vegas, the shittiest, most gaudy god-awful city in the United States, and he runs the local mafia there. If there were any rivers in that whole worthless outcast state of Nevada I could make a "Paid In Full" joke, but Rad has chosen to live in a location dryer than Queen Elizabeth's twat. She's hot.
Professorfuckface
Plays the guitar, knows everything about Jews. Aliases are dategrape, squattail, zerobootfuck, and many others. I don't know how long he's had his hits taken away, but generally uses Illustrator to create beautiful images for all of Ubersite to cherish. Is a kind-hearted individual with very sincere comments.
Spooner
Certain internet tough guys have insulted Spooner by calling him gay, and I hope you're all real proud of yourselves. Questioning a young man's sexuality when he's still in his formative years could do psychological damage to him. I for one defend Spooner incontrovertibly: he is not gay, and anyone who says otherwise, even Spooner himself, is a liar.
Tigerlilly
Wrote and sings the song "Feel the rain on your lips, noone else can do oit for you et etc" and has an incorrect number of legs. Also, she is engaged to the user Fungah. Fungah enjoys anal sex with Walruses (Walri) and he also uses Tiger's severed leg to stimulate himself innapropriately. He then uses the prosthetic leg to probe chickens while giving a rim job to a sailor—While giving Fat Tony a pedicure
Hidden101
Enjoys masturbating on babies, and really, just masturbating in general. Little known fact: his taint is a lovely shade of puce. Hidden is a nationalized Kazakhi, and memorized all of Borat's routines by heart.
Apollo88
Apollo is a fat startled guinea pig, I have one in a cage in my house, I provide it with bedding, kale, carrots and timothy hay and all the little cunt does is piss on me. Apollo is an Imperialist limey who regularly oppresses brown folk, including Zulus, Arabs, Mussulmen, and of course, bog wogs.
Willzone
Hunts down other users to punch them in the face. Owns and enjoys Oprah's 20th Anniversary DVD, but cries every time she mentions something about 6th-grade prostitutes/cheating husbands/etc.
Electrictoothsyndrome
Single-mindedly obsessive and nothing if not tenacious. ETS is very intelligent and usually posts highly-heated political issues, one of the biggest supporters of Bush on this website. ETS is good at tearing down liberal propaganda in search for the truth, and retaliatory -2s anyone who disagrees with his pro-Bush stance. ETS supports concentration camps and incarcerating Jewmen and Fagmen. Pioneered the phrase "vote or die."
Jack_McCallum
Either an American living in Canada, or a Canadian living in America; a repressed closet-homosexual with a cat fetish. Writes about menstruating old black women, rape, etc, and is one of the major trolls. He writes nothing but hitwhore posts that garner hundreds of thousands of hits, such as "I'm Not Gay, or why I like to fuck men," and other worthless trash. One of the worst writers on the site, good for nothing but hitwhoring.
Zakalwe
Method now owns this account, see a couple spaces above for the profile on aforementioned fat Greek online jewelry vendor.
Bigmike
A small guy by the name of Joe. Took three tries to pass 7th grade, used to write love letters to Bob Woodward, whose man juice he obviously craved for. He had severe Van Clerambault Syndrome, and voted McKinley in the Election of 1896. One time I nearly +2ed him! God forbid me!
Bored now. Meow. Here's a gay picture of a imdb website have both webmaster kitty-cat hello-kitty stratocaster that I want for Christmas because I'm gay.
User Reviews
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-01-09 16:02:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...link whore success!
Submitted by lordofthepost (user info) at 2006-10-31 21:12:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was funny. Hell if you can't take a joke...
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-23 09:09:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-10-23 00:46:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
do not recycle your jokes
--
which ones?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-10-23 00:46:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
do not recycle your jokes
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-10-23 00:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-10-21 08:52:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-21 00:56:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd like to take this opportunity to say,
"Suck my fat one, you cheap dimestore hood."
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-21 00:55:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-19 13:57:00 (#)
Ranking: 0
"He can't be a dog. He wears a hat and drives a car."
-=
http://www.ubersite.com/m/92228
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-21 00:49:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:57:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
if you guys need me ill be under the porch digging for pennies.
-------
AND I LOVE THE BOSHMAN
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-21 00:48:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:46:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
No Ace...just you.
======
OMG I LOVE YOU TOO
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-21 00:46:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:05:51 (#)
Ranking: 0
Shame about your brother Denny.
Should've been you, Gordon.
=========
OMG
I LOVE YOU
Submitted by MouthSore (user info) at 2006-10-21 00:26:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-20 09:46:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-10-19 23:56:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:24:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
our little axolotl is growing up, every new camwhore he looks a little more beaten down by life.
------------------------------
It pains me that you appear to have more facial hair than me.
---
I SHOULD shave twice a day, I get in trouble for it due to the no-hair dress code at my school.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-10-19 23:56:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:24:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
our little axolotl is growing up, every new camwhore he looks a little more beaten down by life.
------------------------------
It pains me that you appear to have more facial hair than me.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 23:15:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-10-19 22:27:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Aww..look at you with the subtle dirty hand gestures. No no, it's good.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
aha i never noticed that before. It looks like I'm giving the finger with one hand and doing the shocker with the other
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-10-19 22:27:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aww..look at you with the subtle dirty hand gestures. No no, it's good.
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-10-19 22:16:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 Superfriend
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 21:53:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-10-19 20:50:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
This is funny!
I like how you used chuck norris jokes but then changed chuck norris to the names on the MVA!
We need you in the SUPERFRIENDS crew!
-------
I only used ONE Chuck Norris joke for Razor's Jew Gold. SUPERFRIENDS??? YYYYAAAY
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 21:53:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-10-19 20:58:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
the guitar player in my band plays a hello kitty strat
------
haha yeah I saw one last Sunday in NYC on 44th Street, my girlfriend wanted to get me one for Christmas, but I said I would never play it or take it seriously. It looked pretty cool though, pleasing on the eyes. Still, though. The Hello Kitty thongs were better anyway.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 21:51:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-10-19 21:08:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-10-19 20:46:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
oh my fucking god, you cant give an honest opinion without some fuckwit claiming its moping.
sing a new fucking tune you little ets disciple.
---
HAHA
So not only are you mopey... you still insist on hurling out these lame insults in a further attmept to what...illustrate just how much you don't care? PROVE how trivial and dumb Uber is?
bah.
I think yer acting like a giant suck-hole. 'HONEST OPINION'
Maybe you could stop being such a snively cunt and get back to being that individual you seem so convinced people actually liked.
OR continue to bore the fuck out of us. Your call pookie.
----
I like this guy more and more every day.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 21:50:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-10-19 21:21:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
LOL HEY!!!!11
TAHTS NOT WHAT IM LIEK, OMGWTFROFLMAOBRB1337HAXXORZ!!!!!!!1111
-----
pfft yeah it is, i've got the pictures, I've seen you.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-10-19 21:21:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LOL HEY!!!!11
TAHTS NOT WHAT IM LIEK, OMGWTFROFLMAOBRB1337HAXXORZ!!!!!!!1111
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-10-19 21:15:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ah fuck it, i got nothing. i know when its time to accept youre beat.
it kinda stings being beat by a new version of mystiamoon though.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-10-19 21:08:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-10-19 20:46:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
oh my fucking god, you cant give an honest opinion without some fuckwit claiming its moping.
sing a new fucking tune you little ets disciple.
---
HAHA
So not only are you mopey... you still insist on hurling out these lame insults in a further attmept to what...illustrate just how much you don't care? PROVE how trivial and dumb Uber is?
bah.
I think yer acting like a giant suck-hole. 'HONEST OPINION'
Maybe you could stop being such a snively cunt and get back to being that individual you seem so convinced people actually liked.
OR continue to bore the fuck out of us. Your call pookie.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-10-19 20:58:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the guitar player in my band plays a hello kitty strat
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-10-19 20:50:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is funny!
I like how you used chuck norris jokes but then changed chuck norris to the names on the MVA!
We need you in the SUPERFRIENDS crew!
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-10-19 20:46:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh my fucking god, you cant give an honest opinion without some fuckwit claiming its moping.
sing a new fucking tune you little ets disciple.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-10-19 20:37:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-10-19 19:58:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
he asked for some information. i let him know where he could find it.
i put those 'accomplishments' up to highlight the fact of what a waste of effort it has been.
and one of my drunken insults was pretty good, ill have you know. meh, that response was a mistake, who gives a shit. youre all still morons.
---
Honestly fella - do you need some sort of e-hug?
Your moping is tiresome.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-10-19 20:16:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was wondering what happened in that short period of my life that was completely blocked out of my mind.
Thanks for filling it in!
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-10-19 19:58:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
he asked for some information. i let him know where he could find it.
i put those 'accomplishments' up to highlight the fact of what a waste of effort it has been.
and one of my drunken insults was pretty good, ill have you know. meh, that response was a mistake, who gives a shit. youre all still morons.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-10-19 17:58:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was actually pretty funny but I'm hoping if I don't give you any + ratings, maybe you'll give up on this place, get away from your computer and go out and give "real life" a try.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-10-19 17:46:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yep. Stolen right from my biography.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 14:44:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-10-19 14:41:39 (#)
Ranking: -2
If you don't know who Adam is, you're an insignificant-n00b-faggot.
---
answer my question.
I'd rather be an insignificant noob, thank you.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-10-19 14:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If you don't know who Adam is, you're an insignificant-n00b-faggot.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-10-19 14:34:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 14:29:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2006-10-19 14:26:48 (#)
Ranking: -2
Only reason I made it on that stupid list is because I knew that one day, you would make this post.
And you forgot me.
This is why I hate Jews
----
I cut it off at 25 because I got bored and ran out of ideas. I probably wouldn't have done you anyway, because I have no idea who you are.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 14:28:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-10-19 14:26:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
I read like half but it was funny. You are a silly looking man though i must say.
-
aha. I'm eelllllll awlare of that!~
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2006-10-19 14:26:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Only reason I made it on that stupid list is because I knew that one day, you would make this post.
And you forgot me.
This is why I hate Jews
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-10-19 14:26:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read like half but it was funny. You are a silly looking man though i must say.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 14:13:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-10-19 13:12:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
I always get surprised when I see my name on uber. I read it and think "Me?". It's a weird reaction that involves my heart squeezing tight for a second.
Iddqd has a hard on for you.
------
Very evident indeed. Glad to make your heart jump.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 14:12:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-10-19 13:44:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Seriously though, is the public in thirty years going to be caring that a politician used the word "cunt" on a website when he was 16, or will they all be at the mall looking at the lights in their sneakers?
---
God bless you, kid.
---------
Ain't it the truth.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-10-19 13:42:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:18:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
ok, before i go ill just say in reply that i have a 400 post, three b@w post, two-time top-10 UM history that has put me in the top ten of the most viewed at one point and currently number 23. this site means fuck-all, and will be absolutely no aid to me whatsoever when i ask the morons here to help me earn some cash merely by clicking on some ads (hilarious ones at that) despite all the time and effort ive spent here, and the hours of entertainment i have provided (despite what people think of me personally); but if you want to find something out about me, its all there.
me personally, i wouldnt bother. in fact, not seeing my name on this sycophantic little piece of shit gave me somewhat of a laugh at the aptness.
though, i gotta thank you, this post has provided the space for me to rant enough to expel the urge to write a drunk post, and i just dont do those like i used to.
---
"TOOT TOOT!"
...you know, for someone who steadfastly declares such emphatic ambivalence towards this entire site and its current sack of wretched 'noobs' - you sure play the roll of 'desperate attention whore struggling to come to terms with his own marginalization' very convincingly.
"LOOK AT ME! ...NO! LOOK AWAY! I'M DRUNK! I'm BORING..... I'm forgotten... WEEEP!"
Maybe you should stop reminding everyone about how great and/or smart you thought you once were and start providing us with a little more entertainment than awkwardly engaging in pathetic drunken insults with an obsessed child wasting his ample free time on the inter-web.
(The fact I think that fucking kid will be King of the World is beside the point.)
Stop lauding your pointless resume of uber-accomplishments and get relevant, smarty.
-----
Even more bizarre is that even with all those accomplishments, Iddqd is still an unknown.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 14:10:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-10-19 13:51:16 (#)
Ranking: -2
You used one of my lines somewhere in this post and didn't credit me. For that, you lose the +2 I was going to give you for making me snicker... ONCE!
---
Which line was that, O Exalted Lord?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 14:08:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-19 13:57:00 (#)
Ranking: 0
"He can't be a dog. He wears a hat and drives a car."
----
????
bizarre
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-19 13:57:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"He can't be a dog. He wears a hat and drives a car."
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-10-19 13:51:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You used one of my lines somewhere in this post and didn't credit me. For that, you lose the +2 I was going to give you for making me snicker... ONCE!
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-10-19 13:44:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Seriously though, is the public in thirty years going to be caring that a politician used the word "cunt" on a website when he was 16, or will they all be at the mall looking at the lights in their sneakers?
---
God bless you, kid.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-10-19 13:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:18:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
ok, before i go ill just say in reply that i have a 400 post, three b@w post, two-time top-10 UM history that has put me in the top ten of the most viewed at one point and currently number 23. this site means fuck-all, and will be absolutely no aid to me whatsoever when i ask the morons here to help me earn some cash merely by clicking on some ads (hilarious ones at that) despite all the time and effort ive spent here, and the hours of entertainment i have provided (despite what people think of me personally); but if you want to find something out about me, its all there.
me personally, i wouldnt bother. in fact, not seeing my name on this sycophantic little piece of shit gave me somewhat of a laugh at the aptness.
though, i gotta thank you, this post has provided the space for me to rant enough to expel the urge to write a drunk post, and i just dont do those like i used to.
---
"TOOT TOOT!"
...you know, for someone who steadfastly declares such emphatic ambivalence towards this entire site and its current sack of wretched 'noobs' - you sure play the roll of 'desperate attention whore struggling to come to terms with his own marginalization' very convincingly.
"LOOK AT ME! ...NO! LOOK AWAY! I'M DRUNK! I'm BORING..... I'm forgotten... WEEEP!"
Maybe you should stop reminding everyone about how great and/or smart you thought you once were and start providing us with a little more entertainment than awkwardly engaging in pathetic drunken insults with an obsessed child wasting his ample free time on the inter-web.
(The fact I think that fucking kid will be King of the World is beside the point.)
Stop lauding your pointless resume of uber-accomplishments and get relevant, smarty.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-19 13:25:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:18:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
ok, before i go ill just say in reply that i have a 400 post, three b@w post, two-time top-10 UM history that has put me in the top ten of the most viewed at one point and currently number 23. this site means fuck-all, and will be absolutely no aid to me whatsoever when i ask the morons here to help me earn some cash merely by clicking on some ads (hilarious ones at that) despite all the time and effort ive spent here, and the hours of entertainment i have provided (despite what people think of me personally); but if you want to find something out about me, its all there.
-------
fuck off, OathMeal Senior.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-10-19 13:17:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
no, corn, youre wrong. again. i have a hard-on for me. thats why i responded.
ok thats IT im going to bed now.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-10-19 13:12:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I always get surprised when I see my name on uber. I read it and think "Me?". It's a weird reaction that involves my heart squeezing tight for a second.
Iddqd has a hard on for you.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-10-19 13:02:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you can be as hostile as you like. i merely repsonded out of sheer sleeplessness.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:59:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:48:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:44:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahha...Every time I see the words "obese/fat pubis" I crack up
darko's right..you should've included stevie...FOR SHAME
----
I was bored, and couldn't write anymore.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:58:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have no inbred hostility toward you, Iddqd. I just don't care, I don't put any stock in any of this any more. It's just a distraction.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:48:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:44:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahha...Every time I see the words "obese/fat pubis" I crack up
darko's right..you should've included stevie...FOR SHAME
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:45:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for cutting out stevie by only doing the top 25.
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:42:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
some of your comments were semi-amusing.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:32:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
actually jsut skimmed the post and "has an incorrect number of legs" is an acutally funny line.
congratufuckinglations.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:27:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:18:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ok, before i go ill just say in reply that i have a 400 post, three b@w post, two-time top-10 UM history that has put me in the top ten of the most viewed at one point and currently number 23. this site means fuck-all, and will be absolutely no aid to me whatsoever when i ask the morons here to help me earn some cash merely by clicking on some ads (hilarious ones at that) despite all the time and effort ive spent here, and the hours of entertainment i have provided (despite what people think of me personally); but if you want to find something out about me, its all there.
me personally, i wouldnt bother. in fact, not seeing my name on this sycophantic little piece of shit gave me somewhat of a laugh at the aptness.
though, i gotta thank you, this post has provided the space for me to rant enough to expel the urge to write a drunk post, and i just dont do those like i used to.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:15:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
RUIN YOU
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:14:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
19 of 46 reviews are yours.
This sort of behavior will go on your permanent record, young man.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:14:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:10:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
I am hoarding all of these posts so that when you become a public official one day, I will RUIN you.
------
At least I have ambition other than selling fake gold and cubic zirconia online, you greasy gypsy vampire.
Seriously though, is the public in thirty years going to be caring that a politician used the word "cunt" on a website when he was 16, or will they all be at the mall looking at the lights in their sneakers?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:10:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am hoarding all of these posts so that when you become a public official one day, I will RUIN you.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:07:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:57:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
I can read your fortune your cookie from here...it says YOU WILL GROW UP TO BE A LOG CABIN REPUBLICAN
------
Abrhimhalm Lillnkern
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:02:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
i bet the fortune cookie stub says "will you be my friend?"
-----
Nice one. I can dig the paper out probably.
Can you provide me with any background information on yourself? Ethnicity? Relationships? I need something to work with other than that you're on your period.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:05:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
actually i think i hit my mediocre peak with the fortune cookie stub joke, so ill stop now. besides, i need sleep.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:03:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
by the way, nice shirt.
i had one jsut like it when i was 8.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:03:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:50:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't work in manhattan, you fucking goober
----
The Lebanese exchange student just asked me "how is your mom" and "does she come with good sexing?"
Fucking bizarre.
What a clown.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:02:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i bet the fortune cookie stub says "will you be my friend?"
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:02:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:00:04 (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, shit, my bad, i saw that long, pasty, stereotypical geek neck and figured it would come standard with the usual giant eyesore adam's apple, but alas it looks like i was mistaken.
which only leaves the question, when do you reckon your balls will drop, junior?
---
Nope, I don't have that anatomical anomaly. Try again, iqqdq. Generic insults; you don't have a lot to work with?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:00:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:57:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
i bet that girl in the photo whos turned away saying "whos this gawky freak next to me, and why has he swallowed a tennis ball?" is the closest youve been to an actual real, live vagina since birth.
care to trade some more insults?
how about you try calling me a whiny bitch next, that one works a treat.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Not up to your usual standards, especially not considering that I was delivered via C-section.
Thankfully I have the latest issue of "Retorts for Retards." My cue now is to affirm that you're a whiny bitch, and furthermore to call into question your masculinity.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-10-19 12:00:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, shit, my bad, i saw that long, pasty, stereotypical geek neck and figured it would come standard with the usual giant eyesore adam's apple, but alas it looks like i was mistaken.
which only leaves the question, when do you reckon your balls will drop, junior?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:58:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:57:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
if you guys need me ill be under the porch digging for pennies.
---
I have a few, I'll lend you some.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:57:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
if you guys need me ill be under the porch digging for pennies.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:57:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i bet that girl in the photo whos turned away saying "whos this gawky freak next to me, and why has he swallowed a tennis ball?" is the closest youve been to an actual real, live vagina since birth.
care to trade some more insults?
how about you try calling me a whiny bitch next, that one works a treat.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:57:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can read your fortune your cookie from here...it says YOU WILL GROW UP TO BE A LOG CABIN REPUBLICAN
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:57:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I lafafed
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:50:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't work in manhattan, you fucking goober
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:49:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You forgot WillZone's cocaine habit.
AND YOU CALL YOURSELF OBSESSED.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:46:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:46:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
No Ace...just you.
---
Don't get these references.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:46:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:37:49 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:34:42 (#)
Ranking: 1
Anyway, didn't you get laid a week or so ago? that's enough for you to spank off to for at least 6 months
----
;)
By the way, I hope you're not engaging in filthy sex talk with a minor, Mr. Mark Foley.
------------
How does one engage in internet sex with a teenager.
I feel that I'm missing out on so much.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:46:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Method, I'm pregnant and I haven't slept with anyone in the last four months, so guess what.
<3 Corinne.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:46:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Ace...just you.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:46:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:44:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
You don't know where I work, you tard
------
Between 14th and 17th Street? I will track you down.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:44:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You don't know where I work, you tard
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:44:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:42:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
By the way, your picture eerily reminds me of the Brady Bunch season where Bobby was in puberty.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
??? bizarre, never watched that. OH WAIT i Did I believe.
I didn't think people would know what I was talking about if I said just "unwritten."
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:42:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:40:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
You got a pretty mouth on you, boy.
-----
So I've been told. Wanna hook up sometime, Berkely man?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:42:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
By the way, your picture eerily reminds me of the Brady Bunch season where Bobby was in puberty.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:40:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tigerlilly
Wrote and sings the song "Feel the rain on your lips, noone else can do oit for you et etc"...
-----------------------
Hey hey HEY! Let's get the lyrics RIGHT, now, shall we? It's "Feel the rain on your SKIN...".
And the song is called "Unwritten." Only reason I know this is because I had to sing the female background vocals on that song at a church service earlier this year, since I have a higher range than most of the altos.
What?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:40:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You got a pretty mouth on you, boy.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:37:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:34:42 (#)
Ranking: 1
Anyway, didn't you get laid a week or so ago? that's enough for you to spank off to for at least 6 months
----
;)
By the way, I hope you're not engaging in filthy sex talk with a minor, Mr. Mark Foley.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:34:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Anyway, didn't you get laid a week or so ago? that's enough for you to spank off to for at least 6 months.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:30:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:27:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
my nuts are missing some saliva, and im ahead of both zak and bigmike.
you should really find a hobby and/or a girlfriend. you desperately need to get laid.
pay for it if you have to. youll find that the 'top 25' on a tiny, tiny website have absolutley no importance in the slightest at all.
-----''
nplease, I know that, not everyone in the world beside you who uses a computer is an isolated self-abusing loner who can't go within 10 feet of a girl without running back to their house scared. I'm fulfilling an urge to write and post shit, and I respect your urge to criticise it.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:28:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:24:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
our little axolotl is growing up, every new camwhore he looks a little more beaten down by life.
-------
I'm actually pretty happy. Just getting kicked in the nuts by English class.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:27:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
my nuts are missing some saliva, and im ahead of both zak and bigmike.
you should really find a hobby and/or a girlfriend. you desperately need to get laid.
pay for it if you have to. youll find that the 'top 25' on a tiny, tiny website have absolutley no importance in the slightest at all.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:24:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
our little axolotl is growing up, every new camwhore he looks a little more beaten down by life.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:24:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:23:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
Hhahaha.....like fucking guys in the ass and causing them to die?
------
I have no aids.
Gonnorhyphiliaids perhaps, but not aids.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:23:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hhahaha.....like fucking guys in the ass and causing them to die?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:15:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:14:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
Why the long face?
----
Cross-bred with a horse. Gave me other strenghts, though.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:14:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why the long face?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:11:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Cadrach (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:10:22 (#)
Ranking: -1
I was going to say "show us your tits" until I realised doing so would probably be the illegal solicitation of a minor.
----
Age of consent is 16 in Jersey. My tits are wonderful, a/s/l?????????
Submitted by Cadrach (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:10:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I was going to say "show us your tits" until I realised doing so would probably be the illegal solicitation of a minor.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:06:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:03:59 (#)
Ranking: -2
fag
----------
limey
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:05:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shame about your brother Denny.
Should've been you, Gordon.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:04:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
at least you're honest...
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-19 11:03:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fag
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-19 10:59:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know with lists you're supposed to make the first two good and last two good, but I'm lazy. They're all shit.