The Darker Side You Know (794 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Fiction
Rating: 1.14 on 41 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by kaos-king (antius777) (View user info) at 2006-10-20 01:57:47 EDT
He tripped over a garbage can lid. Sprawled face first on the filthy pavement, he began to cry. Crawling to his feet, he put his hand to his mouth. Blood. Lots of it. The pain came, like a delayed reaction. Moaning through his teeth, he cupped his jaw. It was definitely broken, along with his bottom front teeth.
He realized he must look like hell, even before the addition of his smashed face. He used his left hand, the one gripped into a spasmatic claw, to swipe the hair out his eyes. His clothes had accumulated days worth of dirt, sweat, and stains. Not that he didn't have any other clothing, it was just all back at his apartment. And there was no way he could risk going back there.
Leaning against a dumpster, he looked up and down the alley. It was wide - big enough for a garbage truck. Debris filled the sides of it, and although there could be people hiding behind numerous things, he heard nothing. He sighed, and brought the sleeve down around his ruined hand, then held it to his mouth. Fortunately his flannel shirt was red, so hopefully no one would notice the blood. Not that they wouldn't miss his face. As his shirt began to get soaked, he reach into his pocket, and pulled out a bottle of Excedrin. He had managed to swipe them at a convenience store, shortly after his hand had been crippled.
He tried carefully to remove the cap with one hand. He had learned to swallow them without water very quickly the last two days. As his jaw throbbed, he was almost looking forward to that bitter taste on his tongue. Just as the cap came free, his hand lost balance, dropping the bottle, pills spilling out all over the ground.
"No!" he screamed, diving for as many as he could before they rolled under the dumpster.
Both his good and worthless hand scrambled to snatch them. Some had fell into a puddle of unknown syrup, the pills already absorbing a new color. Ten. He managed to save ten. Ten out of a bottle of one hundred, having only taken about twenty of them.
He slid down the wall, a handful of pills, the tears returning. He curled his arms over his head, his knees drawn up to his chest. He though of giving up, thought of a final release. He thought of what would happen if he were found again. He thought...
"Ah, you've made such a mess of yourself."
He didn't even look up at the voice coming from right in front of him. He knew who it was. It was like the bastard could read minds. Probably could.
"Hello, brother," he said flatly, bringing his arms down.
"Now Abel, you now how I feel about that term."
Abel watched as the young blond man patted his hair, smoothing it back at the temples. He was dressed in kaki pants, creases expertly ironed. His white dress shirt was buttoned to the top button, its tail and front tucked in evenly. He looked like an accountant on a causal lunch meeting.
"Would you prefer I called you 'sis'?"
Abel began to flail on the ground, overcome by seizures. The blood flow that he had stopped began anew. Now it also spurted from his nose and ears, too. After the convulsions ceased, through his ragged, shallow breaths, he realized his crouch was damp. His underwear was filled with blood.
Abel struggled to raise his head. More tears, probably made of blood ran down his face. "Fuck you, Cain."
"Such language from the Beloved Son!" exclaimed Cain spinning in circles, laughing. "Are you finally ready to admit I'm your better?"
"You're an abomination." stated Abel weakly.
"True," said Cain, cupping his chin with a palm, "but really, aren't all of His children? Just a little nudge in the right direction, the slightest whisper in their ear, and suddenly we have murderers, molesters and madmen!"
"And I?"
"And You? You are an eternal plaything, here for my entertainment," Cain said simply as if speaking to a child.
"How many times now? How many times have I been reborn, only to have you track me down and slay me anew? Hundreds? Are we into the thousands yet?" sighed Abel. "I've lost count over the last few centuries."
"One thousand, two hundred and three times, Abel. And while your gone to the Shinning Above, I'm free to do my work here on Earth."
"Do you truly hate them so?" asked Abel quietly.
"You still don't understand, do you? I love them, but only at their most vile. Only when they are basking in the most base of their existence do they become akin to me."
"I do it for the glory of the depravity," continued Cain. "I do it to see them wallow as shallow husks of the creatures He intended. I want their decadence to cloak the essence of this planet with filth, a violence to discharge from them so pure that it's carnal."
Abel stared at Cain for a long moment. Finally he said, "Father should have killed you at birth."
The ancient brother screamed in rage and focused it at Abel. Abel felt his skin tearing off in wet shards and slip to the ground. The small and most delicate bones of his body splintered and he felt his eyes begin to boil in his skull.
"Just so you know," Cain said reaching down to Abel, "Father begged liked a little girl when I finally caught up with him."
"Yes, but Mother spit in your face," gasped Abel. "I'll be back Brother."
Pain reached every part of Abel's body, like he was being torn apart from all angles. It was a horrible sensation, but he had grown strangely accustom to it over the millennium. Then he felt a numbness. Then he felt himself moving. Then he felt himself free of his body. Then - he felt nothing.
"I'll be waiting Brother," whispered Cain.
User Reviews
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2006-10-23 15:27:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-23 15:18:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well dude, here's some explanation/exposition...
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-10-22 16:56:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
You know what would be really nice? If the guy I just barely stopped dating after almost three years of trying to have a relationship, who was hardly ever around, came home, didn't call to say hi, and rubbed the fact that he was spending the weekend with another woman in my face by repeatedly alluding to it on a website we both visit regularly. That would be decent and sensitive.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-10-20 19:04:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-10-20 18:55:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"However, with over 200 posts to my name in fiction, series, articles, APW and other assorted things, I feel as if my pressence here should no longer be called into such question - Especially by one the likes of Lisa."
...........
Come on. Just because a doctor saved a few lives doesn't mean he can check out for an operation or two.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-20 18:40:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
kaos, you big lug...
"She brings nothing but rancor and misery to this site. She has contributed nothing of substance that has added to Uber. Her posts are sophomoric at best, and her reviews are purposely cruel and unjustified."
Dude, that's her thing - that's what she does. If she doesn't do it, she's not being 'Lisa'. That's why I like to read her, cause she's a venomous bitch.
Like me, I'm always camwhoring (sorta) hot chicks - if I dont do it, I get crap for it. Remember, you are here to entertain us, not the other way around. You already know you're talented, what do you care what some Internet construct says?
Now, since I consider you a friend, I am going to give you serious advice.
Take these two Midol, and SKATE. IT. OFF.
Have a good weekend, get the fuck off the computer and drink beer and talk to a girl, okay?
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-10-20 18:12:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Let me be straight here - No, this isn't the best work I've ever put up on Uber.
I feel a +1 score is totally appropriate for this. I wrote this out of boredom last night because I had a certain idea I wanted to get across. The Cain & Abel thing appeared after the first few paragraphs in my head. I gave it a run through spell checker, but Apple Works doesn't have one of those Grammar Checks you fucks use to cheat with. If I have an important piece of writing to submit, I have my brother (BA in English Education) go over it. Was this important? No. Was it for fun? Yes.
I'm not a Grammar Nazi. Unless a piece is woefully misdone, I could care less. I rate according to how a piece of literature makes me FEEL, just like when I view Visual Art or listen to Music. A painting done in the throes of passion is ALWAYS going to be better than a detailed piece of Graphic Design work. A singer may not gave the best voice, but if he sings with his soul, I'll enjoy the performance better than the shit on American Idol by far.
This isn't to say that I don't care about execution. I understand that there is a certain level of professional quality one must present themselves with if they hope to achieve any meassure of respect. However, with over 200 posts to my name in fiction, series, articles, APW and other assorted things, I feel as if my pressence here should no longer be called into such question - Especially by one the likes of Lisa.
She brings nothing but rancor and misery to this site. She has contributed nothing of substance that has added to Uber. Her posts are sophomoric at best, and her reviews are purposely cruel and unjustified. Lisa is the type of young woman who feels that her place in this society is a right given to her by her average intelligence and average looks, both of which she has egotistically boosted in her mind to a point beyond comprehension. The fact is, she is absolutely terrified of being average or using her term, "Mediocre."
Lisa can blather on about having two poems published and all of her scholarships. I, along with a number of other Uber users, know where my career currently stands. I don't feel the need to broadcast my achievements to get a sense of purpose or pride.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-10-20 17:04:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Worth reading.
I'm in the middle on this one.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-20 16:16:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-20 10:22:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, I'm sorry but this is mediocre. I mean this is really piss poor. I'm ashamed to have read this, and I'm embarrassed to associate myself with this post. When I have hit the 'Rank' button, I'm going to wash my hands. Such is my need to free myself of the stink of all things kaos_king.
Don't you understand that everything here should be posted as if it were about to be published? WOULD YOU ALLOW SOMETHING LIKE THIS ON A PRESS? How dare you sir!
You know what this post needs? More Johnny Depp. I can't believe Johnny Depp wasn't in this. This is fucking pathetic, and unforgiveable. Where's the list of men you'd like to go gay for? "If you were a gay," that is. And really, you can't expect people to like this if you don't have any sort of Richard Marx-esque poetry flapping about like some old woman's tits on the breeze. That really shines 'em on. Hasta la vista, baby.
Now I want you to think about this long and hard tonight. Me, I'll be sitting comfortably at home reading all of the awesome books on my shelves. They include - but are not limited to - Very Bad Poetry, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, Fisting Nancy - by Ronald Reagan, Things That Chimpanzees Have Written - by Bobo, A Million Little Pieces (OMG THE MOST HONEST BOOK EVAR), a series of Harlequin romance novels, Working in the Fast Food Industry for Dummies, and the collected works of Stink Layman. WEEP TONIGHT AS YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH BETTER I AM THAN YOU BECAUSE OF THESE.
You can read more about my greatness here: http://www.ubersite.com/u/Orgasmatron
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go work on another unsatisfying drawing of a girl. Maybe, just maybe, if I'm not too exhausted, I'll think about putting another one sentence post on the front page.
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kaos, you get a +2 for inspiring the O-tron.
You see, stuff like THIS makes Uber the best playground evar.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-10-20 14:02:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-10-20 02:57:58 (#)
Ranking: 0
I just find it funny that some no-talent whore is attempting to tell me that I'm "medicore." Now, if Jack McCallum, Big Mike, TTOM, Snark, Razor, BRDN NKD, Thecaes, Davros, Stagger Lee, Pentameter, Ghola, HV900, Inion, Beefy, Axolotl, O-Tron, Forensic, Scourge, Sacrilicious, Foolproof, Anansie, Strwbry, Crystle, or about 50 other great authors said this... it might have some meaning or value.
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You don't think Lisa can write? Pffft. When you react so defensively to light criticism, it just makes you look like deep down you're afraid she's right.
Although as an ironic aside, she may have shot herself in the foot with the phrase "very mediocre." That's like saying "very unique."
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-20 12:31:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-10-20 11:57:16 (#)
Ranking: -1
I gotta go with Lisa here...mostly because I'm holding out hope that she'll let me bend her over a couch sometime and ream her until she quotes "Danielle Steele".
--
The more I see things like this the more I see Shlongy as one of those guys with disproportionatly small, discolored gentials.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-10-20 12:14:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahaha from her lack of response I think she's still with my dead dog.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-10-20 11:57:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I gotta go with Lisa here...mostly because I'm holding out hope that she'll let me bend her over a couch sometime and ream her until she quotes "Danielle Steele".
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-10-20 11:55:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kaos scares me. That's why I luv him.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-20 11:53:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-10-20 06:45:00 (#)
Ranking: 0
Writing is one of my strongest suits, I have impeccable spelling and grammar, and I've published two poems.
--
*initiate screaming fit of laughter here*
Yeah, well, like I had 6 or 7 short stories published in a magazine up in Ottawa, Canada, and one of them was like, so gross that the issue it was in was the final issue of the magazine, so, COINCIDENCE?
You don't brag about the small stuff, sweetie.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-20 11:48:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
KAOS, MY FRIEND!!!
Welcome to The Arena, buddy-boy. You finally made it.
I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.
Now, on to the story.
I do quickies like this all the time so I won't piss and moan about litle glitches. They happen. And anyone who thinks they can do better should STFU and try doing better HERE.
There have been a bajillion takes on immortal biblical characters, but I never expected this C&A thing. It, like totally caught me by surprise. Tricky bastid.
So, the best, most simple test of a story is this - would I want to read a little more, after reaching the end? If the answer is yes, the story worked.
Yes.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-10-20 10:57:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Grammar is awesome. Why is it always used as a weapon against other people? Grammar should be a friend--one you invite over for tea and crumpets.
"Estrogenic hissy fit" made me laugh.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-10-20 10:46:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Orgasmatron: I've never really spoken to you/ had an issue/ opinion on you. You now rock sir.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-20 10:22:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, I'm sorry but this is mediocre. I mean this is really piss poor. I'm ashamed to have read this, and I'm embarrassed to associate myself with this post. When I have hit the 'Rank' button, I'm going to wash my hands. Such is my need to free myself of the stink of all things kaos_king.
Don't you understand that everything here should be posted as if it were about to be published? WOULD YOU ALLOW SOMETHING LIKE THIS ON A PRESS? How dare you sir!
You know what this post needs? More Johnny Depp. I can't believe Johnny Depp wasn't in this. This is fucking pathetic, and unforgiveable. Where's the list of men you'd like to go gay for? "If you were a gay," that is. And really, you can't expect people to like this if you don't have any sort of Richard Marx-esque poetry flapping about like some old woman's tits on the breeze. That really shines 'em on. Hasta la vista, baby.
Now I want you to think about this long and hard tonight. Me, I'll be sitting comfortably at home reading all of the awesome books on my shelves. They include - but are not limited to - Very Bad Poetry, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, Fisting Nancy - by Ronald Reagan, Things That Chimpanzees Have Written - by Bobo, A Million Little Pieces (OMG THE MOST HONEST BOOK EVAR), a series of Harlequin romance novels, Working in the Fast Food Industry for Dummies, and the collected works of Stink Layman. WEEP TONIGHT AS YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH BETTER I AM THAN YOU BECAUSE OF THESE.
You can read more about my greatness here: http://www.ubersite.com/u/Orgasmatron
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go work on another unsatisfying drawing of a girl. Maybe, just maybe, if I'm not too exhausted, I'll think about putting another one sentence post on the front page.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-20 09:39:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Decent post that got shit on. I can relate.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-20 09:32:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-10-20 02:59:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
Everything you ever wanted to know about Randy_Rottenbuckets
User id: 27527
Registered on or around: 2006-06-22 15:26:30
# Messages posted: 5
# Reviews written: 29
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 60
# Hits: 1264
Average rating of all messages: -0.27
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Haha! Okay, Method...
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Don't be a dick
Submitted by VileSin (user info) at 2006-10-20 09:19:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Love KK stories.
Lisa - get laid.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-10-20 08:50:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
HAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHWOW!!!
Wow.
I haven't seen someone owned like that since Ivan Drago killed Apollo Creed.
BOOM! HEADSHOT!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-20 08:48:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked the story, despite Lisa being the grammar police.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-10-20 08:36:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hissy fit? Bitch remove your tampon it's got shit coming out your mouth.
No one cares about your 'greatness', because if you truely are so great, why do you wallow in this tub of self pity and bathe in this pit of shit? Unless of course we're all equall....nah that's crazy. Either way the story is good and in some comments, well mine at least, we did tell him to spell check. Fucking spelling Nazis piss me off today.
Please note, there may be mistakes in the above sentance, but you can give my dead dog a rim job for all I care about your opinion.
Kindly *insert typical witty finish full of sarcasm and spite, allowing us the oppurtunity to be in the presence of true glory*
Submitted by Mike-Mc (user info) at 2006-10-20 08:34:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Lisa you good girl
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-10-20 06:45:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I love it when men overreact with estrogenic hissy fits, it makes me feel comparatively powerful. It was an honest suggestion, I really didn't expect you to flip out like a teenage girl.
Don't give me the opportunity to brag about myself, I'll take advantage of it eagerly. Writing is one of my strongest suits, I have impeccable spelling and grammar, and I've published two poems. I've never attended or applied to a school that didn't ultimately offer me a scholarship. You can read more about my greatness here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/93505#2159703
I don't like being told that I'm wrong when I'm obviously right, so now I feel compelled to point out kaos-king's mistakes.
"His clothes had accumulated days worth of dirt"
Days' worth.
"As his shirt began to get soaked, he reach into his pocket, and pulled out a bottle of Excedrin. He had managed to swipe them at a convenience store..."
"Reach" should be "reached," and since you're talking about a bottle (singular), "them" should be "it." The second comma is unnecessary.
"Some had fell into a puddle"
You should have kept the tense consistent throughout your writing. Most of your story is past tense, so the verb would be "fell" as opposed to "had fell," which isn't even proper past perfect tense.
"He though of giving up"
Thought.
"Hello, brother,"
Make up your mind--is "brother" supposed to be capitalized or not?
It's "khaki," not "kaki," and "crotch," not "crouch."
"And while your gone to the Shinning Above"
"Your" should be "you're," and "Shinning" should be "Shining."
"Abel felt his skin tearing off in wet shards and slip to the ground."
Keep your verbs consistent: "Abel felt his skin tear off in wet shards and slip to the ground."
An English major might be better able to explain the larger problems regarding the unnatural, awkward structure of the overall story and individual sentences. There's also missing punctuation, unnecessary "became" and "began" business, and several other mistakes that I haven't pointed out. I don't want to be here all morning.
In short, if you keep acting like I'm beneath you intellectually, I'm going to make you look like a jackass.
Kindly go fuck yourselves.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-10-20 06:07:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You could shit better stuff than Lisa writes.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-10-20 04:16:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2006-10-20 03:08:12 (#)
Ranking: 1
meh, I've seen worse. it's actually an interesting premise. you should do a series about all the different lives, and end with abel finally winning. just a thought.
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He doesn't need any more series to add to the list of 'unfinished but fucking rule so I definatley won't write anymore and you'll crave them'.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-10-20 04:14:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-10-20 02:57:58 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-10-20 02:03:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
Your writing is very mediocre, honestly. You should take some classes or read better books.
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What the fuck would you know about writing, literature or even education for that matter, you ignorant cunt.
What would you recommend? Some Danielle Steele or a few articles from Cosmo? Perhaps I should take some pointers from Reality TV shows? OH, I know! I should write in Johnny Depp as a character! Then at least your herpes-ridden snatch would be happy. I just find it funny that some no-talent whore is attempting to tell me that I'm "medicore." Now, if Jack McCallum, Big Mike, TTOM, Snark, Razor, BRDN NKD, Thecaes, Davros, Stagger Lee, Pentameter, Ghola, HV900, Inion, Beefy, Axolotl, O-Tron, Forensic, Scourge, Sacrilicious, Foolproof, Anansie, Strwbry, Crystle, or about 50 other great authors said this... it might have some meaning or value.
But YOU said it, Lisa. And you're just a miserable bitch. Guess the truce is off, huh?
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HAHAHAHA. What an ignorant bitch. Spell check this next time ho...I saw 1 blatent mistake! A whole one! Now = Know?! -2 Die you n00b.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-20 03:31:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Reminded me of Murder Mysteries by Neil Gaiman. You should read that if you haven't already. It's only a short story.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-10-20 03:27:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I reiterate an older comment...
'this is unfortunately the wrong audience'
The writing is excellent. It's the readers that suck. I dont think lisa would know good writing if it jumped up and kicked her in the cunt. ((no hard feelings though lisa, just my ranting)).
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2006-10-20 03:21:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
and that young man grew up to be Angelina Jolie....
+2 for the guy experienceing murphy's law...
-1 for when i stopped reading and started skimming when abel and cain came on in
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2006-10-20 03:08:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
meh, I've seen worse. it's actually an interesting premise. you should do a series about all the different lives, and end with abel finally winning. just a thought.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-10-20 02:59:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Everything you ever wanted to know about Randy_Rottenbuckets
User id: 27527
Registered on or around: 2006-06-22 15:26:30
# Messages posted: 5
# Reviews written: 29
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 60
# Hits: 1264
Average rating of all messages: -0.27
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Haha! Okay, Method...
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-10-20 02:57:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-10-20 02:03:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
Your writing is very mediocre, honestly. You should take some classes or read better books.
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What the fuck would you know about writing, literature or even education for that matter, you ignorant cunt.
What would you recommend? Some Danielle Steele or a few articles from Cosmo? Perhaps I should take some pointers from Reality TV shows? OH, I know! I should write in Johnny Depp as a character! Then at least your herpes-ridden snatch would be happy. I just find it funny that some no-talent whore is attempting to tell me that I'm "medicore." Now, if Jack McCallum, Big Mike, TTOM, Snark, Razor, BRDN NKD, Thecaes, Davros, Stagger Lee, Pentameter, Ghola, HV900, Inion, Beefy, Axolotl, O-Tron, Forensic, Scourge, Sacrilicious, Foolproof, Anansie, Strwbry, Crystle, or about 50 other great authors said this... it might have some meaning or value.
But YOU said it, Lisa. And you're just a miserable bitch. Guess the truce is off, huh?
Submitted by Randy_Rottenbuckets (user info) at 2006-10-20 02:41:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
stupid..stop trying
Submitted by jfreakman (user info) at 2006-10-20 02:26:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-10-20 02:03:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
Your writing is very mediocre, honestly. You should take some classes or read better books.
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I don't know. I kind of liked the story. Spell-check next time, tho. And I still like him better than frank.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-10-20 02:21:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I suggest you read Jane Eyre. She was all about marrying a zombie-like creature from beyond the grave, his eyes opaque and useless, buried in a hideous malformed face--a man who, in a former life, married a raving Creole woman bent on cutting her brother into bite-size pieces.
word
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-10-20 02:11:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I should'a stopped at you now how bow wow cow
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-10-20 02:05:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i didn't read it, but i like words when they are arranged in big groups.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-10-20 02:03:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Your writing is very mediocre, honestly. You should take some classes or read better books.