My first and im sorry (611 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.65 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Nick Sancho (View user info) at 2006-10-20 03:58:32 EDT
08:23 hours..Just got into work, its a friday morning, the next 24 hours are crucial
Let me describe my office. There are 8 of us, myself a young up and coming nobody, the lady next to me who is either trying to seduce me or simply disgust me so much I swallow my own vomit. Ellen is in her mid fourties, brown hair, hazel eyes, a voice like a bum and a stomach similar to the marshmallow man from Ghostbusters. She stands so close to me when im sat down, I feel like I want to scream, cry and bat her away with a massive pom pom, spitting in her eyes so she never EVER tried it again. But she will I know it, what do I do?? How can I stop this crazed women forcing her belly and boobs into my ear, she has a big lady chunk but no normal lady chunk, it swells out as if she has gobbled a baby bear and is storing it on her belly till she can release it upon an unsuspecting public area. Her breastage......well to be fair its huge like a rhinos fart.. impressive yet revolting , possibly if I chopped her belly and head off I wouldn't mind seeing.....The only reason I like working in my office is there is a dog, a guide dog. But even this distraction is starting to have its flaws, he smells. Barney sits still all day, doesn't have anything to eat, doesnt do a single thing. I have to help him out, he's wasting away. The other day he was sick twice in the office and his owner asked me to help her outside so the dog could recoup. But whilst I was doing this I had a worrying thought and this is why I posted........We went outside via the lift as for some reason the stairs were a no no. When we reached the large corporate bar next door, I suggested we went inside as a way to relieve the stress of the poor animals experience. I had a sparkling water and bought Jennie (the blind lady) a coke, revelling in the fact I was meant to be at work I decided to try and address the smelley dog problem, whilst discussing the finer points of our favourite superhero i edged my drink nearer the edge of the table towards the dog then with one fould swoop i swished it off the table.....a little to hard.....I had shattered the glass directly into the wooden menu on the table, covering Jennie with water and the dog with none. My hand was cut open with blood dripping onto the table, the dog went crazy and started barking for everyone to look round and there I was sat at a table with blood over my hand and a sopping wet blind women.
She hasn't been in work since and I am with a bandage around my right hand.....
User Reviews
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-07-03 07:00:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Apology accepted.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-18 05:33:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-10-20 05:51:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Mike-Mc (user info) at 2006-10-20 05:30:43 (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad just try no to listen to paint it black the he/she is a bit fecked up keeps calling and emailing so if he tries getting your email trust me just say NO . Peace
___________
Fuck off dickhead you have been emailing me, I'm the one who has their email address listed for all to see you fucking twat.
And its a good idea not to send emails from your work account you fucking wanker, unless you want me to reply to your HR and fwd them the emails you have been sending.
BTW most people will not click on www.tubgirl.com EVEN if you say : "chek (sic) out the mad tits on this bitch she (sic) totallys (sic) hot man"
SO get back to work at Aldi you fucking dickhead
mike.mcdonagh.at.aldi.co.uk
________
aldi are you fucking serial?
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-10-21 00:11:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-20 23:38:56 (#)
Ranking: 0
-2HOLYSHITBIGBLOCKOFTEXT
+2GM/PiB arguing with someone on his own level of intelligence (2nd grade) and losing.
____________
Fuck Jaypig,
Just leave me alone - this constant bickering and tribute posts about me are just ... sad and pathetic.
Seriously dude, get off my nuts.
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2006-10-20 23:47:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Timmaaaaah (user info) at 2006-10-20 07:36:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
Please explain this camwhore business! and yep spaces next time, to be fair this was written in 10 minutes when I arrived at work this morning with said dog and women sat opposite me.
_______________________________________________
you have to post a pic of yourself. and make sure it's a digital pic, not a webcam. I got yelled at for that.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-20 23:38:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
-2HOLYSHITBIGBLOCKOFTEXT
+2GM/PiB arguing with someone on his own level of intelligence (2nd grade) and losing.
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2006-10-20 23:26:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-20 08:31:54 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2006-10-20 06:50:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
also, don't listen to/trust/bother woth mike mc, sicosemen, or any of oathmeals alters, they can get a little mean!
----
THIS IS HERESY!!
HOW DARE YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON A SUPERFRIEND FRANKTHEWANKER.
PiB, I HEREBY CALL FOR A SF TRIBUNAL TO DETERMINE THE OUTCOME OF THIS.
_________________________________________________
what? I only specified your alters! you did use them to burn me after all! I'm cool with you otherwise
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-20 08:31:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2006-10-20 06:50:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
also, don't listen to/trust/bother woth mike mc, sicosemen, or any of oathmeals alters, they can get a little mean!
----
THIS IS HERESY!!
HOW DARE YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON A SUPERFRIEND FRANKTHEWANKER.
PiB, I HEREBY CALL FOR A SF TRIBUNAL TO DETERMINE THE OUTCOME OF THIS.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-10-20 08:15:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2006-10-20 06:50:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
sorry about all that down there
welcome to ubersite friend!
as a founding member of the SUPERFAGS, I extend the throbbing cock of friendship!
also, don't listen to/trust/make out with woth mike mc, sicosemen, or any of oathmeals alters, they can get a little rapey!
anyhoo, take PIB's advice and use dildos in your ass, it helps. don't forget your gay experiences in your second post!
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2006-10-20 07:47:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you ever heard of paragraphs?
Submitted by Timmaaaaah (user info) at 2006-10-20 07:36:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Please explain this camwhore business! and yep spaces next time, to be fair this was written in 10 minutes when I arrived at work this morning with said dog and women sat opposite me.
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2006-10-20 06:50:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sorry about all that down there
welcome to ubersite friend!
as a founding member of the SUPERFRIENDS, I extend the hand of friendship!
also, don't listen to/trust/bother woth mike mc, sicosemen, or any of oathmeals alters, they can get a little mean!
anyhoo, take PIB's advice and use spaces in your posts, it helps. don't forget your camwhore in your second post!
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2006-10-20 06:40:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is the kind of thing I'd expect to find scribbled on a napkin in a serial killer's glovebox
Submitted by Mike-Mc (user info) at 2006-10-20 06:23:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok paint it pink il keep this simple Fuck the hell off . I have changed my mined about paying for you and your wifes dinner tonight he`ll proberbly eat yours anyway shitfuck . Ahh Paint it Pink with your aldi email address go get a wash and clean your smelly little ass .
I bid you a good day my freind .
Peace .
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-10-20 06:16:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Deposit funds into my paypal account for dinner then you stupid fuck.
and since when did I get married, being a faggoty bum boy and all.
And if you don't work at Aldi then why the fuck do you have an Aldi email address ?
Don't tell me they have their own ISP?
and you were stupid enough to use it?
Submitted by Mike-Mc (user info) at 2006-10-20 06:06:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Paint it pink your ghey rat boy i dont work in aldi you must of had an hallucianation when you were buying you pink waffle biscuits . Listen waster me no fined you funny i think your a retard a fooool a skinny 8 stone bum boy (with a very sad life) Id happaly pay for a meal for you and your wife so whenever your ready Turd get in touch! . Peace
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-10-20 05:51:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Mike-Mc (user info) at 2006-10-20 05:30:43 (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad just try no to listen to paint it black the he/she is a bit fecked up keeps calling and emailing so if he tries getting your email trust me just say NO . Peace
___________
Fuck off dickhead you have been emailing me, I'm the one who has their email address listed for all to see you fucking twat.
And its a good idea not to send emails from your work account you fucking wanker, unless you want me to reply to your HR and fwd them the emails you have been sending.
BTW most people will not click on www.tubgirl.com EVEN if you say : "chek (sic) out the mad tits on this bitch she (sic) totallys (sic) hot man"
SO get back to work at Aldi you fucking dickhead
mike.mcdonagh.at.aldi.co.uk
Submitted by Mike-Mc (user info) at 2006-10-20 05:30:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad just try no to listen to paint it black the he/she is a bit fecked up keeps calling and emailing so if he tries getting your email trust me just say NO . Peace
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2006-10-20 05:08:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
not bad... needs more hedgehog
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-10-20 04:32:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
08:23 hours..Just got into work, its a friday morning, the next 24 hours are crucial
Let me describe my office:
There are 8 of us, myself a young up and coming nobody, the lady next to me who is either trying to seduce me or simply disgust me so much I swallow my own vomit.
Ellen is in her mid fourties, brown hair, hazel eyes, a voice like a bum and a stomach similar to the marshmallow man from Ghostbusters.
She stands so close to me when im sat down, I feel like I want to scream, cry and bat her away with a massive pom pom, spitting in her eyes so she never EVER tried it again. But she will I know it, what do I do?? How can I stop this crazed women forcing her belly and boobs into my ear??
She has a big lady chunk but no normal lady chunk, it swells out as if she has gobbled a baby bear and is storing it on her belly till she can release it upon an unsuspecting public area.
Her breastage......well to be fair its huge like a rhinos fart.. impressive yet revolting , possibly if I chopped her belly and head off I wouldn't mind seeing.....
The only reason I like working in my office is there is a dog, a guide dog. But even this distraction is starting to have its flaws, he smells.
Barney sits still all day, doesn't have anything to eat, doesnt do a single thing. I have to help him out, he's wasting away.
The other day he was sick twice in the office and his owner asked me to help her outside so the dog could recoup. But whilst I was doing this I had a worrying thought and this is why I posted........We went outside via the lift as for some reason the stairs were a no no. When we reached the large corporate bar next door, I suggested we went inside as a way to relieve the stress of the poor animals experience.
I had a sparkling water and bought Jennie (the blind lady) a coke, revelling in the fact I was meant to be at work I decided to try and address the smelley dog problem, whilst discussing the finer points of our favourite superhero i edged my drink nearer the edge of the table towards the dog then with one fould swoop i swished it off the table.....a little to hard.....I had shattered the glass directly into the wooden menu on the table, covering Jennie with water and the dog with none.
My hand was cut open with blood dripping onto the table, the dog went crazy and started barking for everyone to look round and there I was sat at a table with blood over my hand and a sopping wet blind women.
She hasn't been in work since and I am with a bandage around my right hand.....
_______________
Okay so none of the paragraphs are in the rigt place but it makes it a fuck load easier to read.
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-10-20 04:29:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Mike-Mc (user info) at 2006-10-20 04:20:08 (#)
Ranking: 1
Hey try leaving some spaces , make`s it a little easyier to read +1
___
Welcome FRIEND.
Don't take advice of this fuck, have a look at how shit his posts are.
Submitted by Mike-Mc (user info) at 2006-10-20 04:20:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hey try leaving some spaces , make`s it a little easyier to read +1
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-10-20 04:17:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
ouch!
format it nicely and add a picture of a badger or something- you'll instantly improve your rating.
Welcome!
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-10-20 04:10:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
mine eyez mine eyez!!!!
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-10-20 04:08:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Check the formatting before you ever post anything. Big blocks of text don't sit well. Write a bit more...there wasn't really anything here. Welcome to Uber.