The Top 10 Manliest Movies of all time (765 hits)
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Submitted by Johnny Mac <wjmcintyre.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-10-20 14:52:16 EDT
10) A Clockwork Orange - "Ohhhhhh, and what's so Stinking about it?" : A clockwork Orange is the Movie that Stanley Kubrick would have been celebrated for, if he had not made Full Metal Jacket. This movie has a hell of a Cult following though, and will always be a classic bastion of manliness. Not for the costumes, mind you, but for having gratuitous amounts of violence, rape, torture, and good old fashioned british wit. I have to give it to you limeys, you can be some scary bastards when motivated, and so polite while doing so! I know I'm going to catch alot of shit for this, but I love the Brits. They may be resentful because we took the colonies, however that does not turn me off to their sense of dry humor and polite ways of saying "fuck you". This is the movie that forces us to ask, is it right to kill a woman with a Giant Abstract penis statue? I say yes.
9) Jackass Number 2 - "Are your crying?!" / "yeah" : Jackass Number two proves that a movie does not have to be "good" to be "Manly" truth be told, this movie is to cinema, what a pile of dogshit is to your lawn, if the dog shit was rainbow colors and smelled of Cinnamon. That is the only metaphore I can come up with for people who havn't seen it. Watching JA2 is like sleeping with a fat chick. It's great, until your friend's catch you. Jackass 2 is actually funny, however you will feel guilty about being entertained by it. The best part is the Man Fishing, where Steve O Pierces his cheet with a fishing hook, attatches it to a fishing pole, and jumps into the ocean with Mako Sharks and Hammerheads. I love it, the only thing that could have made it better would be if he had been bitten in half.
8 ) Goodfellas - "Go get ya Fuckin Shinebox" - Stinking up your closet like a dead hooker, is number 8, Goodfellas. How Henry Hill is still alive somewhere after writing his memoirs and having them produced into the name-droppingest gangster movie ever made is beyond me. If the Godfather is the Greatest Gangster movie of all time, Goodfellas is the silver medal winner. This movie's shining achievement, was Joe Peci. Every mafia movie HAS to have the crazy guy now, and we have Joe to thank for that. "Do I look funny to you, no, no, explain yourself, what about ME is so fuckin' funny?"
7 ) Resevoir Dogs - "I am going to torture you though, not becuase I want information, but because the idea of torturing a cop amuses me" - Michael Madison and Harvey Keitel slap you upside the head with a pistol, in this Tarentino classic. The only reason this movie is not in the top three, is the issue with Harvey Keitel dying in the end. Everything about this move is great, classic Tarentino, the banter, the realistic violence, the action, the way the movie is cut and jumps around in time, so you have to pay attention to WHEN things are happening, everything about this movie is fucking wonderful. This movie has one of the few REAL classic Cinema moments in it, the scene where Michael Madison cuts off the cop's ear to the tune of "Stuck in the middle" will stay in your head forever once you see it. If you think Mr. Blonde't treatment of LA's finest is kind of harsh, remember what we learned:
Cop: "Look at me, He cut off my ear, I'm a FREAK!" / Orange: "Hey! I'm fuckin DYING man, Fuckin DYING!".
Puts things into perspective doesn't it?.
6 ) Full Metal Jacket - "What is your Major Malfunction Numb-nuts?!" - R. Lee. Ermy should be the fucking president of the United States, That's all there is to it. FMJ is hands down, the greatest Boot Camp Movie of all time. I say that because once they get to Vietnam, the movie gets kind of stale quick. Yes, yes, it was still good after that, but every man has just turned the movie off when Pyle kills himself, at least once. ANY movie about Marine boot camp is Badass, but this one set the president for EVERY marine Drill Sargent anywhere. I am a huge fan of Kubrick, not as big a fan as I am of Tarentino, but as far as Arguments had with pretentious ass film students go, Kubrick takes the cake. My only wish is that he could have lived to complete Eyes Wide Shut, so it could have been cool. Instead, that film sucked more than the Houston Texans Football club, giving blowjobs to the Dallas Cowboys, mid game. Back to FMJ though, They kill off the "Gomer Pyle" Character half way though the movie, that is my only issue, they DO kill him off in the best possible way though, but you don't know that the movie is about Joker, until Pyle dies. Manly? hell yes, nothing says "testicles" like boys becoming men while enduring the most De-humanising experience possible. Paris Island. *shiver*.
5 ) True Grit - "Fill Your hands, you Sonnavabotch!" - John "Motherfucking" Wayne is the greatest man who ever lived, Even though he technically diddn't like Texans such as myself, he respected our mighty testicular fortitude. This movie is set in the old west, like any John Wayne movie not filmed about a war, and stars Wayne, playing the ever delightful Rooster Cogburn, a Texas Ranger, and a little girl who wants to bring to Justice the man who shot her father, fortunately John Wayne as been in a fight with this man before, and a touchning, heartwarming story about personal growth and learning, with guns, ensues. John Wayne is the Mack Daddy of manhood, and the only reason one of his movies is not # 1 is I am bias. I would have just listed 10 Wayne movies and been done with it. I think I am growing more hair on my ass just thinking about this film.
4 )Bloodsport - "You are next!" - This was the first Karate movie to have fighters from every style imaginable fight in one martial arts tournament. Don't let the fact that Van Damme stars in this movie fool you, there is enough Bolo Yeung action for you to behold to cover cover for that. Bolo still is not the best thing about the movie though, the crown jewel in this masterpiece of crap, is Donald Gibb, who plays the MMA fighter Ray Jackson, he is also known as OGRE From Revenge of the Nerds. This film shows many martial arts secrets, like if you find a random old Japanese guy, and let him cut your lat apart with a sword,he can make you invincible. This movie also shows us that if the FBI chases you, just lead them to Hong Kong, then you can just lose the fuckers in a comedic foot-race. ZAM!
3 )Terminator 2 - "I'll be back." - Arnold is the man. This was the greatest movie he did. James Cameron, you are a fucking GOD. The first Terminator movie was good, a classic to be sure, but the second one BLEW IT AWAY. T2 introduced us to Liquid metal, and the classic line "Have you seen this boy?". T2 also introduced the world to a pre-junkie Edward Furlong. I was 12 and we saw this in the theatre with my firend's dad. John Connor officially is the coolest kid in the early 90's. I wated a dirtbike I could jam around town on so fucking bad after seeing this, I am having dissapointment flashbacks just thinking about it. Arnold nails it in this movie, absolutely fucking nails it. Emotionless acting, plus An angsty teenager, plus a hot ass Linda Hamilton wearing a tanktop for 2 hours and shooting guns, equals YOUR number 3 pick : Terminator 2 - Judgement Day. No fate man, no fate but what we make.
2)Pulp Fiction - My favorite of all time. Sam Jackson in his Definative Role, Travolta in his BEST role, Uma, Ving, Tim Roth, Everyone in this movie was wonderful. This is the only movie, ever, where ever line is a catch Phrase, need an example?:
"Naw man I don't eat pork."
"are you Jewish?"
"Naw, I ain't Jeweish, I just don't dig on swine, that's all."
That is one exaple, out of a WHOLE 2.5 hour wonder-fest. If I tried to say anything in depth about this film full of them, I would ruin the review, because it would go on for 10 pages. All I will say is this, unless you are living in a butterscotch meadow, under a rainbow, riding a unicorn, you will LOVE this movie. The banter, the Acting, the setting, everything is Right on target. The #1 Greatest Move of all time. However, as far as Manliness goes, it is #2. I could have done without Ving Rhames getting anally raped.
1) Rocky Trilogy ( yes, including 5 ) - "GET UP you son of a bitch, because Micky Loves ya" - Number one, or numbero Uno for our uninvited invaders from the south ( as this movie is on Telemundo translated in spanish every day at 5:00 PM ) is the Rocky Trilogy. I could have just said Rocky 4 technically, but the rest are not to be denied. Rocky is the only movie that can make men, uncontrollably violent. After watching Rocky, do not go to a bar, or anywhere in public, because the first time someone says something to you, or even if you just hear a bell, you might knock some poor bloke out. Fuck, what can you say about a movie with so much testosterone that it will turn any woman who watches it lesbian? I have watched HAIR GROW ON THE WALLS in a living room that Rocky 4 was playing in. If you have a gay son, put him in a room with this movie, for 3 days, playing the trilogy on repeat, one of 2 things will happen: If it works, your son will exit the room, punch you in the temple, and ask "Where's the beer and the bitches." or, if your son is just too gay to be stopped, he will at least want to fuck Stallone, and you don't have to worry about him banging a checkout clerk behind the local Randals on his break. While Rocky inspires the SHIT out of me to do my best, Micky the trainer was the best part. I understand they had to ki\ll him in part 3 so Apollo could train Rocky in the ways of being a brother, but still, They could have just laid Mickey up in intensive care or soemthing.
A word on Rocky V, yes, it sucked, it was not all about Rock's quest to train and be a better fighter for an upcoming match. The fight at the end IS great though, even though it does not last long, and it also attacks through parody the biggest problem with Boxing today: Don King.
User Reviews
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2006-10-21 08:26:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's your opinion. I would have done it differently though.
Submitted by Astropath (user info) at 2006-10-20 18:04:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for this line..."a touchning, heartwarming story about personal growth and learning, with guns, ensues."
Submitted by JohnnyMac (user info) at 2006-10-20 17:09:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Army Of Darkness should have been on there, I agree, It should have taken the place of bloodsport.
No Indiana Jones though, He was named after the dog.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-10-20 17:02:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
boondock saints? the departed? indiana jones? army of darkness?
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-10-20 16:45:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JohnnyMac (user info) at 2006-10-20 16:30:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Was that supposed to be a Haiku or something?
If it was, for you to take the time to write me poetry, I really appreciate it!!
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-10-20 16:29:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
well now it looks like i was calling my own comment stupid..
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-10-20 16:28:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
stupid comment below.
and what, no Depahted??
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2006-10-20 16:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I liked your list
And I agree with most
But you can't spell
So by association, you suck
Better luck next time! =D
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-10-20 16:20:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Anyone who EVER turned the movie Full Metal Jacket off is not to be considered a man. I am officially stripping your rank as a male of the human species.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-20 16:18:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
See I'd say Tombstone wins because it not only speaks to Man as Member of Family, Man as Arm of Justice, and Man as Vengeance, but because of the Doc/Wyatt relationship it speaks to the softer side of the sex. Man as Best Friend.
Arguments aside, do keep up the good work 'round these parts.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-20 16:17:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pulp Fiction was a steaming pile of emu shit.
A REAL man's movie..."The Birdcage."
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-10-20 16:14:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-10-20 16:06:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
hey man what the hell
i dont see operation dumbo drop up there
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Hahahaha! THIS is why I love Bosh.
BTW, you don't have to have a penis to enjoy the films.
Sexist bastard.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-20 16:11:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for True Grit, a forgotten classic.
YOU SHOULD HAVE ADDED JAWS!
Male bonding + blood and guts.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-10-20 16:06:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey man what the hell
i dont see operation dumbo drop up there
Submitted by JohnnyMac (user info) at 2006-10-20 16:04:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tombstone came close....It was either Tombstone or Goodfellas.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-20 16:02:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I mostly agree.
I dunno about the Rocky movies.
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-10-20 16:00:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll give you +two because you did a good job at backing up your opinions eventhough I disagree with some of it.
I don't think you should be penalized/nitpicket for not having the same opinions as another individual.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:53:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:49:36 (#)
Ranking: -1
Hey retro -
http://dvdmedia.ign.com/dvd/image/INDIANA_JONES_RAIDERS_LOST_ARK-13.jpg
--
thanks!!! <3
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:49:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:13:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
Any Given Sunday?
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leave it to a girl to say soemthing dumb like that.
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Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:10:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
You forgot;
The Big Lebowski
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The Dude Abides. Just even thinking of that movie make me want a White Russian.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:49:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Hey retro -
http://dvdmedia.ign.com/dvd/image/INDIANA_JONES_RAIDERS_LOST_ARK-13.jpg
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:46:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
NO INDIANA JONES??
also, can anybody find me a pic of the girl from indiana jones and the temple of doom when indiana is teaching a class and his student has "i love you" on her eyelids? yeah, i need a pic of that girls eyelids.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:43:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Tombstone
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:38:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:20:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
Cool Hand Luke.
==============
This movie is most likely number 1 of all time
Cool Hand Luke is fucking all that is man condensed into a powerpack of fucking badass
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:33:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love lists. You gave reasons. You're probably wrong about a lot of that, but Rocky is awesome. I'm going to do a reproduction where he wins. And by that I mean I won't but it'd be cool if I did.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:25:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
pretend that says North Dallas Forty
but I think Terms of Endearment is more manly than Jackass.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:20:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cool Hand Luke.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:20:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:18:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok attempt. Most of the movies listed were ok, but a couple were crap (Jackass, Bloodsport).
Lists like this tend to suck because of the many notable omissions.
Dumb and Dumber
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That's a dollar.
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:20:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Boondock Saints????
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:19:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:13:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
Any Given Sunday?
=========
WHAT THE CRAP?
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:19:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Only the first 2 Rocky movies were worthwhile in any way, and Bloodsport sucked. Plus, no list of manly movies could possibly expect to be taken seriously without Apocalypse Now somewhere in the top 3. Sorry, it's just not open for debate. Plus there should probably be a Bond movie in there, for the sake of argument let's say Goldfinger.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:18:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok attempt. Most of the movies listed were ok, but a couple were crap (Jackass, Bloodsport).
Lists like this tend to suck because of the many notable omissions.
Scarface
Enter the Dragon
The Big Lebowski
Dumb and Dumber
Die Hard
To name just a few.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:13:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Any Given Sunday?
Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:10:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You forgot;
The Big Lebowski
and
Blade Runner
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:09:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
There should be spaces reserved for two quotes:
Leia - "I love you."
Han Solo - "I know."
&
Alicia - "You look fine."
Jack Napier - "I didn't ask."
Those are manlier than man hands.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:03:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A post with 75% of it's potential included. But still pretty okay.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:02:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fredrick Polowatski
Ogre you asshole
Submitted by JohnnyMac (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:00:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, you're right, I should have said Rocky SAGA.
I will not eat shit and Die, Goodfellas Diddn't have Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2006-10-20 15:00:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd put Driving Miss Fucking Daisy over Jackass, and I haven't seen either of them.
Holy fuck.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-10-20 14:58:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm sorry...Jackass The Movie...over oh say Saving Private Ryan, Scarface, Gladiator
FUCKING COOL HAND LUKE?
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-10-20 14:58:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Replace True Grit with Jose Wales.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-20 14:57:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2006-10-20 14:57:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Jackass? -2
Bloodsport over Goodfellas? Eat shit and die.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-20 14:55:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'll go along with this because SOME of this is really good, but some of it isn't.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-10-20 14:54:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and now i know what a 'man's' taste in movies are.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-10-20 14:53:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Trilogy = 3 ?