The Frost Line (163 hits)
Category: UberMadness! EntryRating: 2 on 1 review (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by coley (View user info) at 2006-10-23 14:43:32 EDT
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"When I was a little girl, we lived kind of out in the country," She said. "There were three streets. . . We lived on the middle one. . .and one street joining them at the top of the hill. We lived off of a highway, off of another highway, a few miles down the road from the ranch with the horses - the horses that my mom promised me she'd take me to ride and never did, and then those people moved away, taking the horses with them."
"One thing I remember about living out in the country is how the sky was so CLOSE. It's like there is nothing between you, an insignificant little speck on the earth's surface, and IT - big and blue in the daytime; dark and filled with glistening stars in the nighttime.
"I remember how I used to ride my bicycle - my yellow, banana-seated Schwinn - down to the bottom of the hill with no hands. I remember how I always hated reaching the bottom; after that I knew it was work work work to pedal back up to the top.
"When there were clouds, a few fluffy clouds, they would move across the sky, momentarily blocking the sun. You could track their movement on the asphalt . . . You could see the shadow grow - darkness overtaking light, spreading, like night smothering day, coldness conquering warmth. I used to race that line up the hill - to see if I could stay just ahead of it, in the warmth. I was afraid of what would happen if it overtook me.
"It never overtook me, that line. I thought if it did, I would freeze. That I'd be cold and stopped in my tracks. Frozen solid. But the line never overtook me. I always stayed a few steps ahead of it.
"I didn't realize until many years later that there was more than one shadow to run from; more than one line I had to stay ahead of.
"We met when I was young. Well, when WE were young. I as a senior in high school, and he would have graduated the year before. Except he didn't. He had dropped out his junior year, awhile before I met him. It's kind of strange, really. I grew up thinking that college wasn't even questionable as an option; and here I was, with this guy who didn't even finish high school.
"I didn't really look that far ahead. I never did. I guess I just sort of figured I didn't have to if I didn't want to. It's like I was crossing my fingers that it would all, somehow, just take care of itself.
"Time flew by, we moved in together, he and I. Yeah, I moved in with him straight out of my mom's house. I never lived alone. I think I should have. I figured it wasn't a big deal - things would work out. We moved a few times, and I started school. I didn't even know what I was going to school FOR. After that first year of generic prerequisites and skipping class in favor of going to the park with friends, I took a year off.
"One year turned into five years, punctuated by fourteen roommates, three new addresses, two new pets and a marriage proposal. And there I was.
"It's a scary realization when you really come to figure out that things DON'T just 'take care of themselves'. It's even scarier when you realize that the way things have worked out, where your life has taken you, is NOT where you want to be. I felt like I was frozen in time and all of a sudden I was thawing out. I don't feel that warmth like I used to. He tried, he really does. I knew he adored me. He told me, one day, 'I'd do anything for you'."
"Anything."
"How do you respond to that? When do you stop everything and say HEY wait a minute this isn't right? Or do you stop at all? Maybe you're just supposed to keep busy and stay distracted while the warmth that was once in your heart leaves, millimeter by millimeter . . . While your heartbeat slows and your skin turns blue and the frost line creeps its way upwards; choking out any sign of a chance of the life you thought you would have."
"Or maybe you're supposed to pedal harder and faster and head up that hill, leaving that life behind - pedal until your legs are on fire, until your heart feels like it's going to burst. Pedal hard because there's only one bike and you'll be damned if you're going to let the shadow overtake you and make you cold. Pedal hard because you'd rather make it to the sunshine than settle in the shadows."
She lit a cigarette, taking a deep, heavy drag; leaning back in her chair.
"Shoulda tried harder to make it to the sunshine."
She closed here eyes, exhaling a curling, thick, gray ribbon of smoke.
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Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-05 12:25:47 EDT (#)
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