More Shocking Predictions (854 hits)
Category: PoliticsLabels: ets_sociopolitical_commentary
Rating: 0.56 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (View user info) at 2006-10-23 16:42:19 EDT
Bush's Republican cronies have lost the Senate and House of Representatives. Hearings, investigations, indictments, and rumors of impeachment proceedings follow in the ensuing months. Struggling to maintain authority, Bush and his faltering Neocons decide they need to act quickly if they want to escape being caught up in the whirlwind.
Using the Model State Emergency Health Powers Act and secret continuity of government provisions already in place, they - through the help of Donald Rumsfeld's old company, Tamiflu licensee Gilead Sciences - decide to unleash a continent-wide, influenza scare. Manufactured incidents of deadly influenza dominate the mainstream media. Soon, the indictments and investigations are but a distant memory as the U.S. Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) begin to quarantine supposedly infected individuals in a few of their more than 800 detainment camps throughout the country.
There is some public outcry at the measures as civil rights activists file lawsuits on detainee's behalf and demonstrators flood the streets in selected cities.
The FBI and FEMA directors then issue separate statements declaring that the flu outbreak has pandemic potential and could have possibly been the result of a purposeful attack by 'Group-X', a well-organized network of internet users who have used online communications to spread their anti-government ideology and recruit new members.
As news spreads of the outbreak and subsequent quarantines, news reports air that urge people not to panic and reassure them that the president - in concordance with cold-war-era continuity of government standards - has instituted martial law and instructed that looters and rabble-rousers will be shot on sight.
The president makes a public emergency address on all the prime-time news channels. In fact, it's broadcast on every single station. Even stations like ESPN and Lifetime carry the address over their regularly scheduled programming.
PRESIDENT: "The people should rest assured that people at the federal, state, and local levels of government are doing everything within their power to see that the victims of this latest attack on America are cared for and its perpetrators are brought to justice. In the meantime, to ensure that our streets remain secure and our economy does not falter, it has become necessary at this time to secure any and all privately-owned and registered firearms in an effort to lessen the number of casualties our men and women in uniform will suffer as they continue to fight this faceless enemy. Our founding fathers gave us the second amendment with the intent of protecting the people of this country from terrors in their own government, and we have every hope of restoring that right in full once the threat has passed, but now a new terror is upon us, one that threatens to destroy everything we've built as a society, and we cannot allow it to see its objective. Our very way of life depends on it."
In the days following this presidential decree, the public is instructed to hand over their weapons at the nearest processing center.
Despite widespread compliance with the order, other groups of gunowners have resisted it, and scenes of their violent deaths have riddled the screen and front pages for days. Stories of their exploits spread, and each one is more gruesome and unthinkable than the last. Yesterday, they shot an innocent gas-station owner. Today, they've taken over a pre-school.
The news reports refer to them as "domestic terrorists" or "members of the subversive Group-X". Like some real-life Emmanuel Goldstein, a single man is credited with heading Group-X, and the few photographs of him known to exist are plastered on wanted signs, on magazine covers, and on news broadcasts. Anyone not wishing to be associated with this man willingly relinquish their firearms to the local authorities.
"Any registered gunowner not not in immediate compliance with the presidential decree," says a local reporter in a special broadcast, "will be considered an enemy combatant by military forces. Already hundreds of thousands across the country have turned up at processing stations around to hand in their weapons and do their part to fight the terrorists."
The news program shows a clip of an attractive female reporter joking with a few of the people in line at the local gun processing center, a makeshift tent guarded by armed men in full military regalia. They are all smiles as she interviews a couple of the locals.
REPORTER: "We're here speaking to the citizens of Union County who have brought their personal firearms to this makeshift processing center in compliance with the recent presidential order. Sir, how you feel about the new presidential order and do you think it will have the intended effect?"
LOCAL #1: "Well, I don't personally like it. I've been a hunter all my life. I've hunted just about everything that walks or flies at one time or 'nuther [laughs], but I guess as long as it helps keep guns outta the hands of criminals and we get to get 'em back at some point, I'll manage."
REPORTER: "What about you, sir. How do you feel about this whole ordeal?"
LOCAL #2: "Way I see it, if you ain't got nuthin' to hide, there ain't no need to worry about it. I don't plan on gettin' shot, and I don't plan on shootin' at anybody, so it don't matter to me too much."
In the following months, a treaty is signed with the EU which requires all domain name registrations to be subject to government licence and periodic review of content. Further legislation is passed in the states that disallows access to any domain originating in a country not signatory to the treaty.
Though many speak out against it, the move is touted as a victory against terrorism and child pornography. The mindless bumpkins who have never so much as typed in a web address or explored anything beyond Fox News' homepage champion the legislation as a triumph. Those who know better mourn the loss of the last great forum for free speech. Those who know better understand the larger repercussions of facing down tyranny in the 21st Century without a means of mass communicating.
Stabkill commits suicide because he's no longer able to rat people out over the internet. The whole world rejoices.
The End
User Reviews
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-10-27 01:41:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Method, Olbermann smacked him down too:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAmtBiruW5E&mode=related&search=
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-25 07:18:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdFk2jLmmwo
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-10-24 12:09:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the direction we are heading in. If George Bush doesn't take all of our rights and privalages some other slimey mother fucker will. I'm glad for you sir I truly am.
Viva la Resistance!
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2006-10-24 11:08:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ETS is actually a government conspiracy. He is actually getting paid by the government to spread this misinformation.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-10-24 10:52:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I wouldnt be surprised if this happend
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-24 08:35:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-10-24 07:00:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh man i hope so
I wanna go out in a blaze of antiestablishmentarinist hate.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-24 00:57:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bob, the "republican upswing" was based on a single nationwide poll of voters of who they favor in general.
No state race saw any measurable uptick, and there are still a good 25 Republican seats that could go Democratic.
There are 2 maybe 3 in Colorado alone. Musgrave is looking very bad, the 7th district (used to be Beauprez, but he's getting his ass handed to him in the Governors race) is looking solid Dem, and in a shock, District 4 in the Springs, (home of the USAFA) could be an upset, with a 15% gap closure in the past month, because the Republican candidate is basically mongoloid.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2006-10-24 00:32:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-10-24 00:21:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
They sure do: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEzY2tnwExs
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-10-23 23:58:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck paper ballots, Diebold gets what it wants because it earned it.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-10-23 23:27:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If the Republicans keep the House, I'll KNOW Diebold is responsible. There is no fucking way they're keeping it otherwise.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-23 22:43:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Bush's Republican cronies have lost the Senate and House of Representatives."
Counting your chickens before they hatch, eh? Check the polls, there's a big Republican upswing this week. Same thing happened back in 2004 - remember how Kerry was leading by >10%?
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-10-23 21:41:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooOOOOO
Submitted by IntangibleHands (user info) at 2006-10-23 21:39:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-10-23 21:17:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Stabkill commits suicide because he's no longer able to rat people out over the internet. The whole world rejoices.
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Plus one because this line makes me think you might be joking about the rest.
But I doubt it.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-10-23 19:26:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm counting on it.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-10-23 19:06:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You goofball...
You do realize everybody's gonna hate this, right?
Submitted by Chillax (user info) at 2006-10-23 18:26:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Maybe I'd have liked this if it was written in a tone of half-joking hyperbole.
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2006-10-23 18:21:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
yep.
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-10-23 18:07:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-10-23 18:02:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-10-23 17:56:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-23 17:04:42 (#)
Ranking: -2
oh, and another -2 for being so mentally deficient to even think that this would even work.
Brad, did you forget a large number of the military also personally own weapons themselves? Think THEY are gonna give their guns up?
I swear, I genuinely wish the United States would re-introduce the draft, if for no other reason that to beat some sense into numskulls like yourself.
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They already did reintroduce the draft. Ask my friend who has been forced into the army past his term of service.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-10-23 17:44:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ETS you have mail, it's slow to start but watch from 25 mins onwards if you have time.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-10-23 17:34:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey look...it's Captain Cut 'N Paste!
Submitted by JohnnyMac (user info) at 2006-10-23 17:17:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dug it. I would have died in this story, since nobody is taking my freaking guns away, but I still dug it.
REVOLUTION!!
Submitted by Dolson (user info) at 2006-10-23 17:15:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Bullshit. All of this is premised on the Democrats not being spineless pussies. You and I both know that one's not on.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-23 17:04:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
oh, and another -2 for being so mentally deficient to even think that this would even work.
Brad, did you forget a large number of the military also personally own weapons themselves? Think THEY are gonna give their guns up?
I swear, I genuinely wish the United States would re-introduce the draft, if for no other reason that to beat some sense into numskulls like yourself.
Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2006-10-23 16:58:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Speckles (user info) at 2006-10-23 16:55:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
Our lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I. Many of
them incompetent boobs. I know this because I've worked alongside
them, gone bowling with them, watched them pass me over for promotions
time and again and I say this stinks.
-- Homer Simpson
Homer's Odyssey
AND QUIT POSTING THIS SHIT? BTW where do you live?
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-10-23 16:57:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As long as I get to keep my blankie, then I'm prepared to face whatever be a'comin (*)
* These words are spoken in drunken stupor and may not be used in a court of law.....
Submitted by Speckles (user info) at 2006-10-23 16:55:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Our lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I. Many of
them incompetent boobs. I know this because I've worked alongside
them, gone bowling with them, watched them pass me over for promotions
time and again and I say this stinks.
-- Homer Simpson
Homer's Odyssey
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-23 16:53:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you know....as much as everyone prophisises doom on a regular basis from seemingly WWII onwards the world keeps on trucking.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-10-23 16:52:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Because you care.
Submitted by Speckles (user info) at 2006-10-23 16:51:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
qwerty
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-10-23 16:48:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Told you it was shocking
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-10-23 16:44:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
shockingly boring
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-23 16:43:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hot Willie says fuck you.