Sedation (127 hits)
Category: UberMadness! EntryRating: 2 on 1 review (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Chronic (View user info) at 2006-10-23 21:42:39 EDT
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This waking dream is the only world I know.
Is it fair for me to exist only in my own mind and await a distant death, or should I burn us all for what they have done to me? Should they die simply for fearing what they don't understand? Should I die for their fear, or my revenge? Or for It?
I've always tended to favor living...
I don't know how long I've been here, or even where "here" really is. I suppose it could be months, years? I've always resigned to simply never know; to someday just die. Don't get me wrong, though. I'm not in too much of a rush to meet the maker, or the abyss, or nothing. I don't know what would happen to the demon either. Whatever's out there in the afterlife will surely come to me in my own due time, but you can't blame a trapped and isolated mind from contemplating its mortality. It's all I have. And Power.
Every few hours, or days maybe, my mind wrestles its way into restlessness. I find myself in a hazy dream world, spiraling towards vividness and sharpness. Sometimes it's good, strolling on a grassy ridge at dawn, the touch of a lover's hand in my own. Other times it's terrifyingly bad; the capture, the secret trial. Sometimes it's about the Fallen Elemental who resides in my soul. Most of the time I do everything I can to accept subconscious as reality because it is the only conscious reality I still have, tattered remnants of memory and imagination. If I allow myself to awake, it will all be over again. I'll have to fade again.
Somehow, I've learned to truly love myself, to embrace the awe and amazement of what you can train your mind to do for you, on your behalf. In time, you can learn to hold onto a dream and make of it what you will. Like this very moment. Remembering what the drag of a cigarette is like, a warm tropical blue wave, the feel of a kiss, a moment of contemplation, or the power of Wildfire, are all nothing more than a thought away.
No one can hold the dream forever, though. Something will eventually be too real, too pleasurable or painful. A veritable orgasm of illusion will be too much for the mind to bear without the body's acknowledgement. It is at that moment that I feel the thick cables wired through my body. My eyes will struggle against all weight to open, but I will suddenly remember the same thing I have felt hundreds of times before, that my eyes were removed long ago. Nothing hurts. I will feel surprisingly okay. My body is weak, but I suppose it is from lying in this bed, and surely the drug. They sedate me to contain The Burn.
Admittedly, my sanity wavers and flinches at times, but is generally still of my own control. In that brief and barely conscious moment I am allowed to awaken, I fleetingly think of a family member or a long lost friend, hoping to manifest them in my next waking dream. I wait for the warmth of drug. My voice is far too weak to speak, but in a second, I know it won't matter.
The Inferno in the back of my mind begins to smolder, and I contemplate turning this room, this cell, maybe this entire building into a white hot fireball. Only a second or two to wonder. They must think I can't do it anymore, since removing my eyes. In my former life, I was only able to combust what I could see, what It could look through my eyes to see, but in this silent black sedation they have imprisoned me to, It has changed. In the myriad of waking dreams, I've come to realize that I know how. I know how to burn it all. No precision, no control. True Pyro. My mortality is all that I have, but I hold their lives in my hands as well. Everyone in this building lives only at my subconscious disposal. And The Flame? I hold its freedom. It wants a new host, and, to be honest, I've come to believe that it's better than you, and even me.
Your fear of this Elemental Incarnation has led to my captive sedation. It will avenge me.
I feel the cables. I feel The Fire. Goodbye.
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Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-05 12:24:43 EDT (#)
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