Downcast With Hope (701 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.05 on 60 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2006-10-24 11:00:22 EDT
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Entry 1
He saw the letter gracefully slipped under the door. It felt light in his nervous hands after slowly approaching and lifting the small parcel. He opened the unsealed envelope with his name on it and read the short phrase written in fine ink.It was "almost" the perfect crime
He set the letter on the coffee table. He turned and stared at his coat on the hangar, debating whether or not he should even leave.
_
The blue and red flashing lights could be seen through the windows of the unlaundered apartment's hallway.
Williams stride was confident as usual as he headed to the scene of the nights cruel undertakings. He had learned to stop wondering how gruesome the scene would turn out.
"Just expect everyone to be blood splattered, covered in shit, and wreaking of bile. That image will make any stomach churning site look like a kid's birthday party at a bowling alley." He would tell a rookie about to head into his first homicide scene.
His own words repeated in his head for tonight was a homicide, a nasty one too. He could smell the scene before he even saw the yellow tape blocking off the area. A stocky patrolman guarding the area looked at him with suspicious eyes. Williams flashed his badge and stepped under the tape not waiting for his approval.
He rounded the corner and turned his head into the open doorway. Crime scene investigators, police, and other emergency personnel littered the small one bedroom apartment covered in out worldly colored stains. There were stains on the walls from water damage, food stains from messy habits, and last of all blood stains on the carpet. The corpse sat in the blood like it had all the time in the world.
Williams surveyed the scene for a long ten seconds before Detective Johnson greeted him.
Johnson did nothing but nod and acknowledge his presence. Then he went back to staring at the body.
"I'm no coroner Will but my guess is that she got her fucking head bashed with that there hammer."
"Wow Johnson...you figure that one by yourself?" Williams let out a laugh and staring at the obvious scene. The head of the victim was annihilated. The pieces of her head were beaten into the carpet. Bone, cartilage, brains, and a hanging eyeball from a socket decorated the now crowded features of her face. A bloody hammer lay next to her lifeless body dressed in revealing fishnets and vagabond enticing lingerie.
"What do you make of it Will?" Johnson asked.
"I don't know, just got here. What do you think?"
"Well it's no mystery that she's a call girl. All of her valuables are gone so I'm guessing somebody rented her for the night, fucked her, then he face fucked her with the hammer, stole her shit, and got the fuck out."
"Seems reasonable? Any prints?"
"Slow down Columbo, we just got here like an hour ago."
"You the first one here?"
"Yeah...for once. Her name is Candice Kowalski. Probably went by Candy if our career track assumptions are correct." Williams listened to Johnson ramble but didn't look at him. He took a quick tour of the place wondering if anybody would find out his part in the fiasco. The "almost" perfect crime.
-
Candice hesitantly walked up to the boss in her revealing fishnets and small pink top. She only had one assignment for the night.
"Who do we have tonight?" The boss asked dragging on a cigar.
"It's the frequenter up by Northern Damen, the fucking dirty cop."
"Oh...him...hah. Have fun with that." The boss laughed. "Be careful with him hun, he can get away with a lot of things."
"Yeah, thanks boss. If it is alright with you can I just go fuck this guy and make him go home?"
"Yeah...have fun." The boss laughed again taking one more drag on his cigar. Let me log the name down again. What's his name?" The boss pulled out a small black book with names and dates on them.
"His name is..."
_
"Williams." Johnson called out breaking Will's train of thought.
"What?"
"We are done here; you want to go grab something to eat?"
"Something to eat late night in Chicago? Where ever shall we go?" Williams cried out sarcastically.
"Heh...let's go smartass." Williams followed Johnson on their way out. He stared at the back of his coat conjuring up ideas for him. Johnson turned around and looked at Will with an enticing face. "You wanna go to that pancake place up by Wells?"
"At eleven o'clock at night? Hell yeah! That's like two blocks down too. We can walk, plus I gotta smoke." Williams pulled out a cigar case from his jacket lighting one up as soon as he entered the dark night of the city of Chicago. The two detectives were cutting through an alley when Will spoke up. "Hey Johnson, I was thinking." He took another drag on his cigar.
-
He had just got home after doing the dirty deed. He threw his coat on the hangar and relaxed on the couch wanting to fall asleep. He hardly felt bad about it. He actually felt like he did her a favor. Plus with his status, nobody would suspect him. He had to just wait for the call to come in.
"Detective your assistance is requested, we have a homicide just off Joe Schmoe Street." He laughed looking at the spinning ceiling fan. A discrete noise at the front door made him lower his head.
He saw the letter gracefully slipped under the door. It felt light in his nervous hands after slowly approaching and lifting the small parcel. He opened the unsealed envelope with his name on it and read the short phrase written in fine ink.
It was "almost" the perfect crime
He set the letter on the coffee table. He turned and stared at his coat on the hangar, debating whether or not he should even leave.
-
"Hey Johnson, I was thinking." He took another drag on his cigar.
"What?" Johnson stopped and turned around. As soon as he turned Will was nowhere to be found but he was soon felt. Will grabbed Johnson's right wrist and lifted his arm up. His free hand connected with the back of Johnson's elbow breaking his arm in two. Johnson's uninjured arm was soon grasped by Will along with his mouth. Johnson fell to his knees and noticed Will had slipped on a pair of black leather gloves.
"You know I found it fascinating that you were the first one to the scene. I wasn't expecting that. But what better way to get away with a crime if your presence is expected at the scene, negating your own finger prints. Now you are probably thinking with that limited information I'm just being paranoid, but this little black book seals the deal. The last entry in this book is for a Dale Johnson on 10-15-06 at 8:00 P.M . . . probably the same time our little call girl got a little bit of home improvement on her face. Leave an obvious scene and nobody would suspect a lone detective who already contaminated the scene with his prints. Just another girl caught in the dangerous line of business. Did she mean anything to you at all Dale? You fucking asshole!" Will violently threw his arm around his mouth snapping Johnson's neck. The body fell lifeless on the ground.
With a downcast feeling he searched Johnson's jacket where he found his little scent of hope.
-
Will knocked on Candy's door but got no answer. A putrid smell was reeking from behind the door. Will opened the door and was greeted to the sight of poor Candice stretched across the floor. All of her money was gone.
It was a downcast with no hope at all. Johnson was definitely the last one at her place. Will knew it in his heart. He had a little telegram to drop of at his place. He pulled a finely dressed pen from his pocket and wrote the words.
It was "almost" the perfect crime. He then wrote the name "Johnson" on the envelope.
-
"Where's my fucken money?" Will grumbled while searching through Johnson's jacket. It was downcast once again but the slight feeling of leather against Will's fingers was the hope he wanted. The downcast with hope.
He pulled the leather wallet from the jacket and found Candy's money. Will stashed the money in his pocket. The "Boss" took a long long drag on his cigar.
"Asshole...nobody fucks with my whores." Will said disappearing into the night.
- VS -
Entry 2
Entry 1:
Allyson
august_sobriquet
awesome_face
BadAssJulie
Bigmike
BlueEagle
Bubba2341
coley
Coyote
Crystle
Davros
DrogoRoch
DudeThatsBOSH
Genko
ghola
Hirilnara
hour_man
Impassive-Digressive
intellismartness
Jack_McCallum
JMG114
JoeyG
Magicaddict
MandaPanda
nrduncan
Orgasmatron
orph
ParlorTrick
Pentameter
rad1101
redskieslookfake
Sacrilicious
Sepsis
Shaun_Rocks
sicosemen
Slighty_Obnoxious
sparkle_pink
SPECIALk
Stagger_Lee
stevie_says
The_taste_of_Monkeys
thorpe
41 eligible votes (42 total) *
Entry 2:
apollo88
Arthur_Dent
CaptainThorns
darko
EchoBoxing
HotWillie
indoninja
JonnyX
kwame_johnson
Method
polyamorousaj
10 eligible votes (11 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-27 10:07:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If this was cleaned up a little,it could be a great story.
Whitespace almost did it for me though.
I jest.
-Dave
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-10-27 09:07:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-27 05:30:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-10-26 17:53:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2006-10-26 11:27:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-10-26 10:45:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-10-26 10:02:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
impassive digressive wrote #1 and it was horrible
sicosemen wrote #2
and yes, UM is rigged
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-10-26 06:39:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the REAL downcast with hope
as written by me
http://www.ubersite.com/m/89555
Bluish smoke swirled up from the cigarette Paul Dourish was holding between his fingers, partially obscuring his view of the body laying in the middle of the dark alleyway. The coroner's assistant and a patrolman were sharing what was undoubtedly a morbid joke about the cause of death. Paul had no patience for these things. As a gold shield in the Two-Seven, he performed the job with such a precision and adherence to the book there was no room for any of this sophomoric bullshit that the young guys had these days.
Sneering as be brushed past the smiling cop, Paul walked to his car and took out his cell phone. Marie hadn't called while he was out.
Marie, oh sweet Marie; hair like golden silk, eyes like limpid pools of blue water, and a body that wouldn't quit. Paul married Marie O'Toole when he was twenty-four years old, a decision he regretted by the time he was twenty-five. Probably got married too young, he would always tell himself, it just didn't work out. Marie left him two years prior, when he was thirty seven. She told him that they had grown apart, and she needed time to figure things out. She wanted to stay with him, but he needed to go figure himself out first.
Perhaps it was the hours he spent on the job. Perhaps it was the women and the booze. Perhaps it was his refusal to give her a child. Paul considered changing some of these things in his life, things that brought him some slight glimmer of happiness in his otherwise dreary existence. Could he really consider taking away all his joy for a chance at a normal life with a wife and family?
Marie, who would call him everyday for the first year, Marie who called less and less these days. Marie, whose apartment Paul's unmarked sedan pulled in front of. He hadn't realized he had even driven this way tonight. Paul opened the door and stepped out.
---
Bluish smoke swirled up from the tip of the S&W .357 Paul was holding in his right hand. All in all he preferred the revolvers to the newly issued semi-autos that the kids were strapped with these days. Looking down upon the golden crown of the body slumped on the red-tinged floor Paul breathed a sigh of morose sanguineness. No longer would he play Hamlet in this malevolent construct of Marie's. The die was cast, the decision finally made; it was done.
This really was the only way to get control back.
---
Bluish smoke swirled up from the plastic ashtray, cigarette planted deliberately between the prongs in the center of the thing. Growing ashes of unsmoked nicotine fell to the pile, Paul's attention was otherwise occupied, balls deep in ebony.
After, spent, Paul counted out two crisp bills and placed them on the nightstand next to his service revolver. A single round remained in the wheel. The woman, a caseworker of lost souls, gathered the money and wished him luck for the evening. "See you later tonight, baby." Paul nodded without looking at her and lay back onto the stained sheets.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-10-26 06:35:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by intellismartness (user info) at 2006-10-26 06:14:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy shit, a blank entry. Is that even possible?
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-26 03:04:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
2 is blank for me?
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2006-10-26 03:00:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I must be afflicted with some sort of retard disease, because this hasn't been the only ubermadness entry that I wasn't able to understand. True, I could have gone back to re-read some passages, but I didn't feel like it.
I was pretty fucking happy to see that entry 2 was blank, because I was really sad when I initially saw how long they were.
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2006-10-26 01:00:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm a sucker for words in a story, call me old fashioned.
Submitted by august_sobriquet (user info) at 2006-10-25 20:52:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
good heavens.
some strange use of words, i suspect thesaurus.com may be behind it all.
unlaundered hallway, his partner gave him an enticing face? a discrete noise at the door? not that any of them are incorrect uses of the words exactly, but some of this was a bit clunky.
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2006-10-25 09:39:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
#1 was quite contrived, but prefereable to #2 - but then I don't go in for nihilistic minimalism or anything else that convinces me about the futility of existence and meaninglessness of the cosmos.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-10-25 07:09:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What happened to entry 2? not even the word forfeit, strange.
Submitted by Hirilnara (user info) at 2006-10-25 07:01:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2006-10-25 01:30:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry one. Just.
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2006-10-24 23:55:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm sick of the forefits.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-10-24 23:42:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-24 22:29:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Crap, I think I just got the joke.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-24 22:27:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 2, you owe me several layers of skin that I just wore off while scrolling.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-10-24 21:55:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Slighty_Obnoxious (user info) at 2006-10-24 21:16:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 2 was a little skimpy with details
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-10-24 20:06:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Lines like, "The corpse sat in the blood like it had all the time in the world," bothered me in entry one. A corpse already has all the time in the world. How else is it going to sit in blood?
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-10-24 20:00:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-24 19:41:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Deep.
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2006-10-24 19:40:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-10-24 18:28:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-10-24 18:12:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-10-24 17:56:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sublty, Thy name is Method....
<WHAT?!?!>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Arthur_Dent (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:01:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
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Submitted by kwame_johnson (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:00:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
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Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:00:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
holy shit number one was bad.
Submitted by BlueEagle (user info) at 2006-10-24 17:50:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Where was entry two???
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-10-24 17:46:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-10-24 17:34:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't have patience and I don't care.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:43:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:31:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:17:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Only because Entry 2 was more entertaining.
Submitted by Arthur_Dent (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:01:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kwame_johnson (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:00:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:00:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
holy shit number one was bad.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-24 15:58:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-10-24 15:51:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-24 15:47:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm assuming #2 was a performance piece of sorts?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-24 15:21:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
windows of the unlaundered apartment's hallway
-----
tell me, how does one fit an apartment into a washing machine?
That's one SMALL studio.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-10-24 14:06:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-24 14:01:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
AWWW FUCK I SHOULDNT HAVE USED THE WHITE FONT
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-10-24 13:49:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fucking brilliant author 2. the -2 is for author 1 who thinks this is a serious writing contest.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-24 13:34:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 of course, but JESUS it needs serious work.
Electro award for the sexiest little hammer in the world...
"A bloody hammer lay next to her lifeless body dressed in revealing fishnets and vagabond enticing lingerie."
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-10-24 13:32:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
nice try, shame it went against an, um, interesting(?) forfeit.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-10-24 13:29:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-10-24 12:46:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-10-24 12:35:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck, I made the same joke as sicoseman, what does that say about me? :(
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-10-24 12:34:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 2 was amazing, but I had to go with 1
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2006-10-24 12:01:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
1 was quite good
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-10-24 11:25:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-24 11:13:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, entry two really knocked my socks off....really tough decision.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-10-24 11:10:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
SAKE!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-24 11:09:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
YEW SHIDN'T A DONE THAT, HE'S JEST A BOY
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-24 11:03:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not a forfeit people! Congrats on moving on author 1.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-10-24 11:02:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well this was an easy choice.