Best Texas Joke (768 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.26 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by djhurricane (View user info) at 2006-10-24 16:08:45 EDT
Best Texas Joke I've Heard Enjoy Especially all the homophobic assholes online her.
An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."
She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
User Reviews
Submitted by djhurricane (user info) at 2006-10-26 10:21:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
But where are the other jokes?
Submitted by PMN (user info) at 2006-10-26 00:55:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
we love dallas....
did you know you for dinner tonite I had a grilled cheese with fries and a Hoegarden. It was the worst meal of my life - however it was better than this post
Submitted by djhurricane (user info) at 2006-10-25 11:41:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Seussman, I'm not dissing Texas. I know how texans are. My boss is from Texas. I thought Die Faggot was the lamest ever but I could be wrong. I'll bet the longhorns miss Young this season.
Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2006-10-25 11:12:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by djhurricane (user info) at 2006-10-25 10:38:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
Underoathmeal. Honestly I appreciate your untalented feedback. I realize humor in your dark underwold is a unique concept. I've read enough of your postings to want to regurgitate (that means to throw up) over your coffin. I'm not sure where you live but here on the East Coast it's light out. You don't want to be out in the light. I'd say bite me but I dont' want to be turned into a vampire or werewolf.
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I won't retract all my +2's but dude....lamest...retort...EVAR.
Submitted by djhurricane (user info) at 2006-10-25 10:38:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Underoathmeal. Honestly I appreciate your untalented feedback. I realize humor in your dark underwold is a unique concept. I've read enough of your postings to want to regurgitate (that means to throw up) over your coffin. I'm not sure where you live but here on the East Coast it's light out. You don't want to be out in the light. I'd say bite me but I dont' want to be turned into a vampire or werewolf.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-25 10:03:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Die, faggot.
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2006-10-25 07:40:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by el_em_en_oh (user info) at 2006-10-25 07:25:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
dumb
Submitted by Tony_the_Tiger_is_a_Pedophile (user info) at 2006-10-25 03:47:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hehehe cowboysbian
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2006-10-25 02:35:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Testicles.
This is better than the majority of first posts, so I'll give a benefit of the doubt +2. Also I will share a little wisdom: Anyone with a user ID number under 1000 is automatically better than you. Oh, look at that, I'm number 324, go figure.
Tra la la...
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-10-25 02:27:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Ghey.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-25 02:02:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Perfect zero.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2006-10-24 22:50:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
faggot below
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-10-24 22:11:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mindless +2 onaccounta I closed on ma house today.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-10-24 19:43:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/93930#2196484
Submitted by djhurricane (user info) at 2006-10-24 18:16:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you had p and B I had G so what does that mean?
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2006-10-24 18:08:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
As far as you're concerned I'm the mutha fuckin Ironman bitch.
Submitted by r0fl (user info) at 2006-10-24 18:03:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hooray for n00bers.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-10-24 17:57:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not a good start - This is waht a great first post looks like - http://www.ubersite.com/m/40504
But there's always room for improvement.
The only reason this isn't a minus 2 is because GREENIE'S IN YOUR BED.
Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2006-10-24 17:31:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by djhurricane (user info) at 2006-10-24 17:11:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's your kudo. I've been to the state fairgrounds in Dallas.
Great spot.
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Thanks man!
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:59:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, about this...
... please don't do it again.
Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:57:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've had a really shitty day so I won't bash you like every newb deserves so to this :
"Submitted by djhurricane (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:24:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
First timer give me a break. "
I say this: Some of the Do's and Don'ts on Uber
http://www.ubersite.com/m/77663
Now +2 some of my shit fuckstick!
Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:53:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Being from Texas I gotta better one.....
Guy from the east coast comes to visit Dallas and decides to check out the local bar and food scene.
He walks into a restaurant he saw in a brochure and was totally amazed at what he saw. The place was huge! The bar ran the entire length of the place and looked like two football fields in length and the tables and chairs were so high you would have to climb up to get in one.
He strides over to the bar and steps up on the platform to get to the brass rail and hollers at the bartender "Hey barkeep, gimme a beer". The bartender says "you want regular or jumbo size?".
Seeing the rest of the place the guy says "just gimme a regular". So the bartender fills up a glass behind the counter and then to the guys amazement drops a glass that could easily hold a gallon of beer.
Guy says "Wow everything IS bigger in Texas!!". The bartender just laughs and nods. Well by the time the guy finishes his beer he really has to pee and is quite drunk. He asks the bartender where the restrooms is..."It's down the hall and to the right", he says.
The guy heads down the hall and turns left and immediately falls in the giant swimming pool. When he comes up he's screaming "don't flush! For the love of god don't flush!!!
That's even better and it sucks too!
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:42:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BlueEagle (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:40:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty good.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Woah woah woah....you can't "even out" your rating monkey.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:32:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome to Uber fuckstick.
Submitted by djhurricane (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:24:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
First timer give me a break.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:23:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
nurrr nurr nurrrrr, nurrr nurrrrr nurrrrrrrr nurr nurrrrrrrr your own ranking doesnt count nurrr nurrrrrrr nurrrr nurr nurrr rrrr nurrrrr grrrr frrrkk yrrrrssllllfff nurrrr
Submitted by djhurricane (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:22:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Alot of the best jokes are. And Whiskey you never did say which you were.
Shall we all speculate?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:17:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm a lesbian too.
Submitted by djhurricane (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:15:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is to balance out any negatives. Feel free to post better jokes if you know any
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:15:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Take your lil' jokes back to your lil' pussy ass biscuit eating coffee shop bitch.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:14:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i'm sorry, do I know you?
Submitted by djhurricane (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:13:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Apollo I should have dedicated that to you. HOw'd I know you'd be one of the first responders.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:12:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not bad.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-24 16:09:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
older than shlongy