Free (an attempt at describing emotion) (310 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.16 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rillins (View user info) at 2006-10-24 17:20:11 EDT
The cold of the bench crept slowly into her core, having already numbed her bottom and legs. Her hair had fallen from its place behind her ears to protect her wet face from the world. Autumn leaves fell all around her place of sorrow, floating in tiny streams of air, twisting and diving to the ground.
She held her books to her chest, slowly stroking the torn spines and picking at the "used" sticker. A breeze gathered in the court, tugging and pulling at her loose hair, baring her troubles to the world.
Quick steps and laughter trailed on the zephyr, growing and fading as the winds shifted. Startled, she looked up, her stringy locks sticking to her face. Her books tumbled to the unforgiving concrete, bouncing and landing in a heap by her feet.
Her clammy fingers groped for the wrists of her sweater, scrubbing her face clean of spent tears and melancholy. The sleeves cleansed her of him, removing what he had said and what he had done. The evils in her mind drowned in the comforting grey softness of her sweater, scrubbed from existence.
With rosy cheeks she stood, kicking the fallen books from her path. She walked to the doors of Clinton Hall, where her Economics class was held, then through it to the far door throwing her favorite sweater to the ground along the way.
She continued to walk in the direction of the blowing wind, her ears filling with its sweet music. She kicked off her brand new suede clogs into a nearby patch of mums, which gobbled them into their mists.
The wind changed pitch, urging her to hurry. She couldn't be late! Unbuttoning her jeans, she stripped them off in one swift move, leaving them on the ground. She began to run.
Whistles and open stairs followed in her wake, bouncing off of her shell. The clothes had tied her to this world, tied her in its wicked embrace. The clothes would define her, make her what she was or wasn't. They gave her unkempt promises, hopes and dreams. Guess, Levi, Eddie Bauer, GAP, they weren't her.
The wind now defined her. The air wrapped her in a chilly embrace, conforming perfectly to who she was.
She did not fear the cold, her blood pumping kept warm from within, replacing the withering cold of the bench. The discovery of freedom woke her soul and stirred her desires.
User Reviews
Submitted by lordofthepost (user info) at 2006-10-31 20:54:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And the -2 included the fact that just because you own a thesaurus and possibly took a 200 level creative writing course, does not make you a good writer. No this wasn't a retaliaton but your mindless review of my post led my curiousity to your content, the very reason why I didn't -2 you this time.
Submitted by lordofthepost (user info) at 2006-10-31 20:48:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by rillins (user info) at 2006-10-31 13:34:15 (#)
Ranking: -2
Please stop.
______________________________________________________________________________
Um, NO. Number 28 thousand and something and a less than desirable rating yourself, I will not comply with your requests. Have a nice day fuck chop.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-10-24 22:10:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mindless +2 onaccounta I closed on ma house today.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-10-24 20:49:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-10-24 18:33:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rillins (user info) at 2006-10-24 17:54:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
I really appreciate this guys. I know in my last series I felt like something deeper was missing, like little details. I agree with snark on the last line, but honestly i had difficulty ending this. I really didn't want her freedom to stop. BTW no problem with Levis, the company didn't really matter. It was more of "the company" than any particular one.
==============
I hear that, I guess my point is that no matter what you buy, it has a tag on it.
There is no "The Company" in my opinion. There are simply those who profit more off their name than others.
Submitted by rillins (user info) at 2006-10-24 17:54:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I really appreciate this guys. I know in my last series I felt like something deeper was missing, like little details. I agree with snark on the last line, but honestly i had difficulty ending this. I really didn't want her freedom to stop. BTW no problem with Levis, the company didn't really matter. It was more of "the company" than any particular one.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-10-24 17:37:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I see what you were going for, but it was almost TOO much.
Sometimes one can toss in unnecessary adverbs and adjectives, that while seem to paint a more vivid picture, actually only weigh a piece down. Certain sensations and images are almost universally understood and don't need to be described in such detail.
Regardless, I found this to be an inspired piece. However, I expect the rest of Uber will hate it.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-24 17:32:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
needs more nekkid
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-10-24 17:32:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not badly written but it comes off (to me) as pretensious despite the attempt to appear otherwise, which makes it exceedingly so.
This was gonna be a 0 then a +1 because it isn't horribly written, I think my main problem was with the last two sentences.
The last sentence should be alluded to rather than just put out there in my very un-proffessional opinion.
Now you get +2 because it reminds me of this song, which - strangely enough - I keep finding reason to post in Uber Reviews at times when people think wearing Levi's means they've sold out in some way...
I met a boy wearing vans, 501s, and a
Dope beastie t, nipple rings, and
New tattoos that claimed that he
Was ogt,
From 92,
The first ep.
And in between
Sips of coke
He told me that
He thought
We were sellin out,
Layin down,
Suckin up
To the man.
Well now Ive got some
A-dvice for you, little buddy.
Before you point the finger
You should know that
Im the man,
And if Im the man,
Then youre the man, and
Hes the man as well so you can
Point that fuckin finger up your ass.
All you know about me is what Ive sold you,
Dumb fuck.
I sold out long before you ever heard my name.
I sold my soul to make a record,
Dip shit,
And you bought one.
So Ive got some
Advice for you, little buddy.
Before you point your finger
You should know that
Im the man,
If Im the fuckin man
Then youre the fuckin man as well
So you can
Point that fuckin finger up your ass.
All you know about me is what Ive sold you,
Dumb fuck.
I sold out long before you ever heard my name.
I sold my soul to make a record,
Dip shit,
And you bought one.
All you read and
Wear or see and
Hear on tv
Is a product
Begging for your
Fatass dirty
Dollar
So...shut up and
Buy my new record
Send more money
Fuck you, buddy.
-- Tool.
--- Hooker with a Penis.