I Work for a Student Loan Company (675 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.89 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Nomad <Drainoe.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-10-25 09:04:03 EDT
I work for a student loan company. Non-profit, which acctually makes me feel alot better about working there. And I like the fact that we are alot like the DMV - you need us alot more than we need you. I have the pleasant ability to speak with a borrower that is angry and swearing at me and acctually be able to say,
"John, here are the facts. You were given $10,000 over two years to attend Basket Weavers University. Swearing at me and telling me that you aren't going to pay because you majored in philosophy and cant get a job in your field does not bother me. When you default we will take your tax returns for the next thirty years, garnish 15% of your wages and put a lien on everything including your toaster. So just send in some payments okay?"
"FUCK YOU."
"And you have a nice day." *click*
The thing about student loans (federally funded) is that there really is no excuse to default on a loan. On stafford loans you have 3 years of forbearance time (usually means you call your lender and say "I cant afford to pay my bill this month", at which point your lender will say "okay no problem, we will postpone payment and you wont have to send a payment in for three months"), 6 years total of unemployment and economic hardship deferment time.
You also can miss 10, thats right, TEN payments without defaulting. Try that on a car loan or a mortgage.
Now in my opinion that is pretty damn generous. That's why I don't think that it so wrong for the government to take your tax returns and garnish your wages.
I make collection calls. I get some good ones. I had one account that had a monthly payment of 3 dollars. I make the call:
"Hi, is Jen there?"
"This is."
"Hi jen, I'm calling regarding your student loan account. It's currently past due-
"You're calling me over 8 dollars? Are you fucking serious?"
"Yes, I am serious. Are you seriously telling me that you can't send in a 3 dollar payment every month? And unfortunatley, I seriously have to tell you that you have seriously been reported to the credit beareaus."
*click*
See, that's the good part. I CAN SAY THAT SHIT, AND I LOVE IT. Most jobs in customer service you have to be super nice to the point of licking someones ass. NOT ME!
Now, most of the time I have pleasant conversations. But simply the fact that I can just be BLUNT with the people I speak with makes me like my job.
And, belive it or not, I help alot of people financially. Reducing payments, deferments and forbearances.
Student loans. You hate them. But without them, you would miss out on years of sex and drug abuse. You should be thankfully paying these loans back.
User Reviews
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-12-14 22:34:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
They are unbelievably easy to wkr with to pay back. You can send 5 bucks a month and
they're happy.
Submitted by jfreakman (user info) at 2006-10-26 00:14:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious...i loved it. I so so so wish I could tell people what I really think of them when they can't order shit right. (I work in a restaurant...it's amazing how many people there are who don't grasp the basics of a fucking MENU)
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-10-25 14:55:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Nomad (user info) at 2006-10-25 09:38:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
She had a twenty year term on a balance of about $500.
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Are you fucking kidding? What a dumb cunt.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-10-25 14:53:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You are correct, sir.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-25 14:12:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I need... NEED your job...
Oh man, think of the frustrations I could vent, and the people I could annoy.
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2006-10-25 14:01:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I smiled
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-10-25 13:59:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-10-25 09:08:35 (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't have my fucking loan yet. I'm living on stale spaghetti. Yum.
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Dont underestimate Tesco value, it saves lives
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-25 13:48:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Student loans. You hate them. But without them, you would miss out on years of sex and drug abuse. You should be thankfully paying these loans back.
good ending
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-10-25 13:45:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just lacked that little zing I was waiting for.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-25 12:30:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I didn't have any student loans. I didn't need them because I worked a night shift job and used my army benefits.
Submitted by Nomad (user info) at 2006-10-25 11:11:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Cadrach (user info) at 2006-10-25 10:53:35 (#)
Ranking: 1
So, you live in India? What's the weather like in New Dehli today Rajneesh?
Really though, even though you are brown I don't hate you. You are just doing a job that decent American workers just wont do (cheaply).
I hate the people you work for. I hate the people competing with the people you work for, who want me to consolidate my loans with them for BIG, BIG savings even more.
There should be a special place in hell for loan sharks, and to a lesser degree their helpful customer service representatives.
+1 for not kissing people's asses though. You keep that kind of attitude and the Pakistanis won't stand a chance.
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I live in the USA. Non-Profit student loan company. We don't advertise consolidations. We don't sell loans. And the "consolidate with us now or else" tactics of other companies piss me off too.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-10-25 10:55:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Enjoyed but felt like something was missing. Maybe a bit more content or a single event with more focus. Quite cool though
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-10-25 10:54:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're right.
Submitted by Cadrach (user info) at 2006-10-25 10:53:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
So, you live in India? What's the weather like in New Dehli today Rajneesh?
Really though, even though you are brown I don't hate you. You are just doing a job that decent American workers just wont do (cheaply).
I hate the people you work for. I hate the people competing with the people you work for, who want me to consolidate my loans with them for BIG, BIG savings even more.
There should be a special place in hell for loan sharks, and to a lesser degree their helpful customer service representatives.
+1 for not kissing people's asses though. You keep that kind of attitude and the Pakistanis won't stand a chance.
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2006-10-25 10:43:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lovely
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-10-25 10:20:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I seriously pay about $100 every 3-6 months on my loan. The just keep hooking me up and I honestly forget to pay them because they're so forgiving.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-25 10:19:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
$3 a month is about $0.10 a day. TEN CENTS A DAY! THINK OF THE CHILDREN! THINK OF SALLY STRUTHERS! FOR TEN CENTS A DAY YOU CAN TURN MUBUTU PUDUTU'S FROWN UPSIDE DOWN WITH THE GIFT OF SWISS MISS PACKETS AND RAMEN NOODLES!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-25 09:57:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What happened to all that workout talk? Don't you want to bang hot girls without your shirt on?
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-10-25 09:55:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Solid Meh
plus one for effort
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-25 09:42:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-10-25 09:08:35 (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't have my fucking loan yet. I'm living on stale spaghetti. Yum.
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They reach into your shirt and twist your nipple 'til it's purple
*grumbles*
*returns to surfing random sites*
Submitted by Nomad (user info) at 2006-10-25 09:38:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hi Method!
It's good to be alive! And I'm still fat to boot!!
And you can't get in on the $3 a month racket. She had a twenty year term on a balance of about $500.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-25 09:27:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF 3 Dollars??? I have two student loans and I have to pay 50 bucks to each every month. HOW DO I GET IN ON THIS 3 DOLLAR RACKET????
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-25 09:25:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good to see you're still alive, you bastard
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2006-10-25 09:24:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, I am like sixty grand in debt. And I hope I only have to pay 3 dollars a month.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-10-25 09:21:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I paid off around 30k in my first 18 months out of college.
I really think the govt shouldn't give loans, at least as many loans to people with BS fucking majors. they should also throw a GPA limit on those bad boys. I don't think tax money should go to johnny finding himself.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2006-10-25 09:19:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Student loans are a sign of how backwards your country is. You are richer than anyone else but deem it more important to spend money slaughtering innocent iraqis (a fact i genuinely believe GW Bush doesnt accept) than on education. For the price of Iraq you could all spend twice as long getting high and still not have to pay for it with student loans. I know thats not your fault but have a -2 anyway.
PS your job rules man, seriously, you can feel good about that at least
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-10-25 09:08:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't have my fucking loan yet. I'm living on stale spaghetti. Yum.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-25 09:06:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Meh. But I did smile.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-25 09:06:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Goddamned Philosophy majors are WORTHLESS, I tell you!!
You hear me? THEY'RE WORTHLESS.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-10-25 09:06:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Meh. I liked the story...kinda it was just missing something....like length....and stuff. Nothing seemed to happen, just 2 little extracts...just meh.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2006-10-25 09:06:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
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