Divine Constipation (453 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.41 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rodion Raskolnikov <rodyarask.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2006-10-26 16:16:44 EDT
It was the average of times. The poor were still getting poorer, but at least it was illegal for rich people to beat them with golf clubs, and the rich were still getting richer, but they had to give some to charity.
Things looked fine on the surface and since people don't like to look beneath it, protests were few in number and the American Dream was still a goal for many. The town idiot with "President" tattooed on his forehead used that goal to lower taxes for his rich peers and the poor seeking that goal - in an effort to not be hypocrites - did not cut off his head.
That was exactly 7 years before shit hit the fan; before Jesus came to Earth for the 32nd time.
Having learned from the previous 31 executions he came armed with a rapier, pepper spray, and a shotgun and held up a bank for national media attention. He told the world that he quit and to "go fuck itself" and then turned on the giant fan.
As it spun faster and faster and people were glued to their TV sets, God took a crap so big that even he could not lift it and that giant mound of holy shit briefly blocked out the sun upon its descent from the heavens. The fan was at full speed at the moment of contact and North America was immediately covered with 12 feet of glowing manure. The oceans were saturated with the stuff and Europe received a 6 foot layer.
Jesus wiped his face clean and climbed to the top of the Empire State Building as 90 stories beneath him people drowned in sacred excrement. He surveyed the brown landscape with a devilish grin and lit a match.
The apocalypse was Earth being turned into a giant, incendiary turd.
The all-mighty works in mysterious ways.
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-27 05:49:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hmmm
Submitted by Mike-Mc (user info) at 2006-10-27 05:36:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Didnt read it but i feel good today so here`s a +2
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-10-27 03:52:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-10-26 22:07:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2006-10-26 18:18:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rodyarask (user info) at 2006-10-26 17:12:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
What is special about the #1337?
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I think it's fag for 'leet' which in turn is homo for 'virgin'
Submitted by RPharazon (user info) at 2006-10-26 17:41:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not since Diesel Jesus (COUGH) had there been such an amazing religious story.
COUGH.
Submitted by rodyarask (user info) at 2006-10-26 17:12:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What is special about the #1337?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-10-26 17:03:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
poop.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-26 16:54:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Auto +2 for having exactly 1337 hits
Everything you ever wanted to know about rodyarask
User id: 28807
Registered on or around: 2006-09-28 20:09:21
# Messages posted: 5
# Reviews written: 18
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 55
# Hits: 1337
Average rating of all messages: 0.73
-1 for blasphemy
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-10-26 16:42:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Interesting
Submitted by Gunslinger (user info) at 2006-10-26 16:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HOLYYYYYY SHIIIIIIIT.
Fucking awesome.
Oh yeah, pun intended.
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2006-10-26 16:38:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dont know how to rate this, so this +2 is temporary
Submitted by JohnnyMac (user info) at 2006-10-26 16:22:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish there was something above +2.
Any time you mention Deities taking a shit, I'm automatically giving it a +2 anyway.......