Famous Last Words: What about yours? (604 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.26 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Director (View user info) at 2006-10-26 22:54:53 EDT
Fucking Orgasmatron, putting me on a Tombstone. Prison sex. HA! I'll have you know I had no sex in jail. None whatsoever. In fact, I don't think I even thought about women (except once when a chain gang of them went by my basketball gym/cell. They were all hardcore looking ho's, though. Nothing to instigate a chub.
Anyway that got me to thinking about REALLY dying. Gonna happen to us all sooner or later. The idea doesn't bother me much. I've actually lived a pretty full life, having been a sailor, a travelor, a husband, a father, a pilot, a homeowner, homeless, a student, a teacher, a professional, a farmer, a writer, a soldier, and on and on and on. I never sat at home waiting for things to happen.
But what would my last words be? What would I like my last words to be? My father's last written words were a tounge in cheek rip-off of Douglas Adams; "So long and thanks for all the fish." His last spoken words were "It's good to be the king," (from the Mel Brooks movie) to my mother, as he was being sponge bathed by a beautiful hospice nurse.
Now that I'm nearly 40, I realize that my life has passed thus far in a flash, and I've got to accept my mortality. But I don't want some stupid last words. I want something either funny as hell, profoundly wise, or intently moving. Preferably all three.
In all probability though my last words will probably be something like, "who ate all my pringles?" before getting hit by a train. We're all pretty sure, I'm sure, that it's not going to be something like "It was a far better thing...."
Please, Ubersite. Should you hear of my death, no matter what my last fucking words were, tell everyone that asks that I said, "well that was interesting," or something like that. Anything other than "where are all the popsicles?"
What would YOU like for your last words?
Here's a bunch of last words by well known people in history. My favorite is by Dylan Thomas, the poet.
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Thomas Jefferson--still survives...
~~ John Adams, US President, d. July 4, 1826
(Actually, Jefferson had died earlier that same day.)
This is the last of earth! I am content.
~~ John Quincy Adams, US President, d. February 21, 1848
See in what peace a Christian can die.
~~ Joseph Addison, writer, d. June 17, 1719
Is it not meningitis?
~~ Louisa M. Alcott, writer, d. 1888
Waiting are they? Waiting are they? Well--let 'em wait.
In response to an attending doctor who attempted to comfort him by saying, "General, I fear the angels are waiting for you."
~~ Ethan Allen, American Revolutionary general, d. 1789
Am I dying or is this my birthday?
When she woke briefly during her last illness and found all her family around her bedside.
~~ Lady Nancy Astor, d. 1964
Nothing, but death.
When asked by her sister, Cassandra, if there was anything she wanted.
~~ Jane Austen, writer, d. July 18, 1817
Codeine . . . bourbon.
~~ Tallulah Bankhead, actress, d. December 12, 1968
How were the receipts today at Madison Square Garden?
~~ P. T. Barnum, entrepreneur, d. 1891
I can't sleep.
~~ James M. Barrie, author, d. 1937
Is everybody happy? I want everybody to be happy. I know I'm happy.
~~ Ethel Barrymore, actress, d. June 18, 1959
Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.
~~ John Barrymore, actor, d. May 29, 1942
I am ready to die for my Lord, that in my blood the Church may obtain liberty and peace.
~~ Thomas à Becket, Archbishop of Canterbury, d.1170
Now comes the mystery.
~~ Henry Ward Beecher, evangelist, d. March 8, 1887
Friends applaud, the comedy is finished.
~~ Ludwig van Beethoven, composer, d. March 26, 1827
I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.
~~ Humphrey Bogart, actor, d. January 14, 1957
Josephine...
~~ Napoleon Bonaparte, French Emperor, May 5, 1821
I am about to -- or I am going to -- die: either expression is correct.
~~ Dominique Bouhours, French grammarian, d. 1702
Ah, that tastes nice. Thank you.
~~ Johannes Brahms, composer, d. April 3, 1897
Oh, I am not going to die, am I? He will not separate us, we have been so happy.
Spoken to her husband of 9 months, Rev. Arthur Nicholls.
~~ Charlotte Bronte, writer, d. March 31, 1855
Beautiful.
In reply to her husband who had asked how she felt.
~~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning, writer, d. June 28, 1861
Now I shall go to sleep. Goodnight.
~~ Lord George Byron, writer, d. 1824
Et tu, Brute?
Assassinated.
~~ Gaius Julius Caesar, Roman Emperor, d. 44 BC
I am still alive!
Stabbed to death by his own guards - (as reported by Roman historian Tacitus)
~~ Gaius Caligula, Roman Emperor, d.41 AD
Don't let poor Nelly (his mistress, Nell Gwynne) starve.
~~ Charles II, King of England and Scotland, d. 1685
Ay Jesus.
~~ Charles V, King of France, d. 1380
I am dying. I haven't drunk champagne for a long time.
~~ Anton Pavlovich Chekhov, writer, d. July 1, 1904
The earth is suffocating . . . Swear to make them cut me open, so that I won't be buried alive.
Dying of tuberculosis.
~~ Frederic Chopin, composer, d. October 16, 1849
I'm bored with it all.
Before slipping into a coma. He died 9 days later.
~~ Winston Churchill, statesman, d. January 24, 1965
This time it will be a long one.
~~ Georges Clemenceau, French premier, d. 1929
I have tried so hard to do the right.
~~ Grover Cleveland, US President, d. 1908
That was the best ice-cream soda I ever tasted.
~~ Lou Costello, comedian, d. March 3, 1959
Goodnight my darlings, I'll see you tomorrow.
~~ Noel Coward, writer, d. 1973
Damn it . . . Don't you dare ask God to help me.
To her housekeeper, who had begun to pray aloud.
~~ Joan Crawford, actress, d. May 10, 1977
That was a great game of golf, fellers.
~~ Harry Lillis "Bing" Crosby, singer / actor, d. October 14, 1977
I am not the least afraid to die.
~~ Charles Darwin, d. April 19, 1882
My God. What's happened?
~~ Diana (Spencer), Princess of Wales, d. August 31, 1997
I must go in, the fog is rising.
~~ Emily Dickinson, poet, d. 1886
Do you hear the rain? Do you hear the rain?
Minutes before her plane crashed.
~~ Jessica Dubroff, seven-year-old pilot, d. 1996
Adieu, mes amis. Je vais la gloire.
(Farewell, my friends! I go to glory!)
~~ Isadora Duncan, dancer, d. 1927
Please know that I am quite aware of the hazards. Women must try to do things as men have tried. When they fail, their failure must be but a challenge to others.
Last letter to her husband before her last flight.
KHAQQ calling Itasca. We must be on you, but cannot see you. Gas is running low.
Last radio communiqué before her disappearance.
~~ Amelia Earhart, d. 1937
It is very beautiful over there.
~~ Thomas Alva Edison, inventor, d. October 18, 1931
No, I shall not give in. I shall go on. I shall work to the end.
~~ Edward VII, King of Britain, d. 1910
All my possessions for a moment of time.
~~ Elizabeth I, Queen of England, d. 1603
I've never felt better.
~~ Douglas Fairbanks, Sr., actor, d. December 12, 1939
I'd hate to die twice. It's so boring.
~~ Richard Feynman, physicist, d. 1988
I've had a hell of a lot of fun and I've enjoyed every minute of it.
~~ Errol Flynn, actor, d. October 14, 1959
A dying man can do nothing easy.
~~ Benjamin Franklin, statesman, d. April 17, 1790
Come my little one, and give me your hand.
Spoken to his daughter, Ottilie.
~~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, writer, d. March 22, 1832
I know you have come to kill me. Shoot coward, you are only going to kill a man.
Facing his assassin, Mario Teran, a Bolivian soldier.
~~ Ernesto "Che" Guevara, d. October 9, 1967
Yes, it's tough, but not as tough as doing comedy.
When asked if he thought dying was tough.
~~ Edmund Gwenn, actor, d. September 6, 1959
God will pardon me, that's his line of work.
~~ Heinrich Heine, poet, d. February 15, 1856
Turn up the lights, I don't want to go home in the dark.
~~ O. Henry (William Sidney Porter), writer, d. June 4, 1910
All is lost. Monks, monks, monks!
~~ Henry VIII, King of England, d. 1547
I am about to take my last voyage, a great leap in the dark.
~~ Thomas Hobbes, writer, d. 1679
I see black light.
~~ Victor Hugo, writer, d. May 22, 1885
Oh, do not cry - be good children and we will all meet in heaven.
~~ Andrew Jackson, US President, d. 1845
Let us cross over the river and sit in the shade of the trees.
Killed in error by his own troops at the battle of Chancellorsville during the US Civil War.
~~ General Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson, d. 1863
Is it the Fourth?
~~ Thomas Jefferson, US President, d. July 4, 1826
Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit.
From Luke 23:46
~~ Jesus Christ
Does nobody understand?
~~ James Joyce, writer, d. 1941
Why not? Yeah.
~~ Timothy Leary, d. May 31, 1996
Now I have finished with all earthly business, and high time too. Yes, yes, my dear child, now comes death.
~~ Franz Leher, composer, d. October 24, 1948
A King should die standing.
~~ Louis XVIII, King of France, d. 1824
Why do you weep. Did you think I was immortal?
~~ Louis XIV, King of France, d. 1715
I am a Queen, but I have not the power to move my arms.
~~ Louise, Queen of Prussia, d. 1820
Too late for fruit, too soon for flowers.
~~ Walter De La Mare, writer, d. 1956
Let's cool it brothers . . .
Spoken to his assassins, 3 men who shot him 16 times.
~~ Malcolm X, Black leader, d. 1966
Go on, get out - last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
To his housekeeper, who urged him to tell her his last words so she could write them down for posterity.
~~ Karl Marx, revolutionary, d. 1883
I forgive everybody. I pray that everybody may also forgive me, and my blood which is about to be shed will bring peace to Mexico. Long live Mexico! Long Live Independence!
~~ Maximilian, Emperor of Mexico, (Archduke Maximilian of Austria), d. June 11, 1867
Nothing matters. Nothing matters.
~~ Louis B. Mayer, film producer, d. October 29, 1957
It's all been very interesting.
~~ Lady Mary Wortley Montagu, writer, d. 1762
I knew it. I knew it. Born in a hotel room - and God damn it - died in a hotel room.
~~ Eugene O'Neill, writer, d. November 27, 1953
Good-bye . . . why am I hemorrhaging?
~~ Boris Pasternak, writer, d. 1959
Get my swan costume ready.
~~ Anna Pavlova, ballerina, d. 1931
I am curious to see what happens in the next world to one who dies unshriven.
Giving his reasons for refusing to see a priest as he lay dying.
~~ Pietro Perugino, Italian painter, d. 1523
Lord help my poor soul.
~~ Edgar Allan Poe, writer, d. October 7, 1849
I love you Sarah. For all eternity, I love you.
Spoken to his wife.
~~ James K. Polk, US President, d. 1849
Here am I, dying of a hundred good symptoms.
~~ Alexander Pope, writer, d. May 30, 1744
I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.
~~ François Rabelais, writer, d. 1553
I have a terrific headache.
He died of a cerebral hemorrhage.
~~ Franklin Delano Roosevelt, US President, d. 1945
Put out the light.
~~ Theodore Roosevelt, US President, d. 1919
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist. . . .
Killed in battle during US Civil War.
~~ General John Sedgwick, Union Commander, d. 1864
Sister, you're trying to keep me alive as an old curiosity, but I'm done, I'm finished, I'm going to die.
Spoken to his nurse.
~~ George Bernard Shaw, playwright, d. November 2, 1950
I've had eighteen straight whiskies, I think that's the record . . .
~~ Dylan Thomas, poet, d. 1953
Moose . . . Indian . . .
~~ Henry David Thoreau, writer, d. May 6, 1862
God bless... God damn.
~~ James Thurber, humorist, d. 1961
I feel here that this time they have succeeded.
~~ Leon Trotsky, Russian revolutionary, d. 1940
Don't worry chief, it will be alright.
~~ Rudolph Valentino, actor, d. August 23, 1926
Woe is me. Me thinks I'm turning into a god.
~~ Vespasian, Roman Emperor, d. 79 AD
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
~~ Pancho Villa, Mexican revolutionary, d. 1923
I have offended God and mankind because my work did not reach the quality it should have.
~~ Leonardo da Vinci, artist, d. 1519
I die hard but am not afraid to go.
~~ George Washington, US President, d. December 14, 1799
Go away. I'm all right.
~~ H. G. Wells, novelist, d. 1946
Either that wallpaper goes, or I do.
~~ Oscar Wilde, writer, d. November 30, 1900
I am ready.
~~ Woodrow Wilson, US President, d. 1924
Curtain! Fast music! Light! Ready for the last finale! Great! The show looks good, the show looks good!
~~ Florenz Ziegfeld, showman, d. July 22, 1932
Garrett, Johnny Frank (?-1991)
"I'd like to thank my family for loving me and taking care of me. And the rest of the world can kiss my ass."
Haller, Albrecht von (1708-1777)
"My friend, the artery ceases to beat."
=================================
Goodnight Ubersite.
User Reviews
Submitted by Astra (user info) at 2008-05-18 09:48:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I wish you would, die like.
Submitted by maf54 (user info) at 2008-05-13 08:29:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
My wife left me and i became an alcoholic cunt... someone call me a waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaambulance!!
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-10-27 17:59:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was reading those and thought they were pretty bosh
but then...
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2006-10-26 22:57:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
Watch this
--
hahahahhahahahahahahhahhhhhhhhhhhhhaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh eich eich
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-10-27 17:23:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
RIP Shlongy
EAT ME, DIPSHITS
1960-2019
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2006-10-27 17:13:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Turn on the light it's dark in here
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-10-27 11:43:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Screw you guys, I'm goin' home!
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-10-27 08:55:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"i drank...WHAT??" ~socrates
i think
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-10-27 07:43:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As Spike Milligan, a terrible hypochondriac, came to the end, he left an envelope with strict instructions that it be openend by his family two years after he died.
Inside the envelope?
"I told you I was ill."
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2006-10-27 07:32:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i don't want to die
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-10-27 07:26:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-10-27 07:18:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool quotes. Mine would be...
'How do you keep an idiot in suspense...' *dies*
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-27 06:02:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have forgotten my umbrella.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-10-27 05:08:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2006-10-27 02:04:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i laughed
i cried.
i farted.
Submitted by Astropath (user info) at 2006-10-27 01:03:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Testicles. That is all.
Submitted by totkid (user info) at 2006-10-27 00:32:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When I am going to die, I will think of the most beautiful girl in my high school class and regret not having been able to have sex with her. Maybe I'll meet her in heaven and have sex with her then.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-10-27 00:07:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2006-10-27 00:02:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Anytime you call something of mine "crap," Oathmeal, I take it as a compliment.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-26 23:58:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
crap
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-26 23:34:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool post.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-26 23:33:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You have been selected to receive one of Borat's deleted scenes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Om7SkkN2T7c
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-26 23:28:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But in all seriousness... my last words would be either a hearty "ATTN GHEY MENZ", a frail "I will now go to -2DIE", or "~OathMeal Approved~ *die lol*"?
Submitted by Defect (user info) at 2006-10-26 23:19:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dying? Why, that's the last thing I'll do!" - Groucho Marx
Submitted by lordofthepost (user info) at 2006-10-26 23:18:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What the... stingray....crikey.... glub glub glub
- Steve Irwin
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-26 23:18:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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FOILS A HORSE MADE OF KRYPTONITE!!!
suck my COCK
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-10-26 23:13:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-10-26 23:02:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmmm...
I dunno.. Maybe it'll be something like this
"OUCH!"
*cough, cough*
*gurgle*
------
exactly!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-10-26 23:03:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I have something very important to tell you..."
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-10-26 23:02:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmmm...
I dunno.. Maybe it'll be something like this
"OUCH!"
*cough, cough*
*gurgle*
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-26 23:00:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It would really depend on the manner in which I was dying.
Would it be sudden an unexpected? If so, I may say what a friend of mine from high school blurted out when we almost got in a car accident: "Oh shit fuck Jesus fuck shit no."
Which is really symmetrical, in a sense.
Or would I have time to consider my words and think of a way to shine everyone on?
I think saying "Pull my finger..." and then dying when the finger puller gives it a good tug is a nice way to go.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2006-10-26 22:57:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Watch this