Girls seem to be getting dumber... (333 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.5 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jack Vane <CaptJackVane.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2006-10-27 08:32:58 EDT
Is it just me, or have women been getting dumber lately?
Allow me to plead my case. The other night, which happened to be the night of my 23rd birthday, my friends took me to a local watering hole. While there, we were engaged in the normal amount of male tom-foolery (read: bullshitting) that happens around men and suds; when I spied across the bar one of the most stunning women I've ever seen. As luck would have it, it was early, and the bar was not hopping by any standard. What was more, this stunning woman was sitting next to a friend who was completely engaged in conversation with a guy next to her, so said beauty of the bar was glancing aimlessly around the bar, twiddling her drink. I could only think that perhaps this was a sign from Aphrodite, sparing a young man a birthday night filled with the wee-hours red eye. (Editor's note, Wee-hours red eye is when the beer consumption to sex ratio is high, and you would kill a friend you've had for a decade just to get a handjob from a fat chick. For those women out there who don't believe it, try the following experiment: Put one hot, single girl in a room with a keg and four friends-for-life single guys, and leave them for about six hours. Just make sure you put down plastic first, because scotch-guard doesn't help with blood.) Realizing another chance like this would NOT present itself, I walked over to said angel on earth and quickly introduced myself.
Within 30 seconds we had established that we actually shared the SAME birthdays. It felt like someone had entered "IDDQD" into the console of my love life. Perfect icebreaker. No way to fuck this up! She laughed, and remarked how it must have been "more than coincidence." I was in. Visions of candle-light dinners and exotic panties danced inches from my eyes. If it was both of our birthday, then we were both entitled to extra-special birthday sex! (Extra-special birthday sex)^2! I couldn't wait. But I should have.
Because it would be considered rude to skip the foreplay, I continued to engage her in conversation. Unfortunately, beyond the initial introduction, I realized that she was both as hot and as deep as that cardboard cutout we stole from the liquor store down the street when I was ten. With a little prompting, I got her to tell me about herself. I'll convey the rest of them conversation in blurbs, to avoid drowning you, dear reader, with what quickly became a series of awkward moments:
1.) It had taken her 4 years to get an associates degree. While this did make me quiver a bit, I could potentially get past it because: A.) she was hot, and B.) sometimes when you're young it takes a while to find yourself. Fine. I dug a bit further.
2.) Her associates degree was in Children's Studies. So it took Sara four years to learn something that most kid's know by instinct? When I actually asked her that, she wasn't quite bright enough to get the irony in my voice, and she explained that it's a degree so a person can get an exciting career in either taking care of someone else's kids, or rectal thermometry. (Editor's note: I've added in the rectal thermometry part to make her seem more exciting.)
3.) She only got the degree because she wanted something to help her take care of her own kids. At this point I almost spit out my drink. "You have kids?" I tentaively asked? I knew already by then that I wouldn't be further pursuing her, but like watching a train wreck, I simply could not curb my morbid curiosity. "No," she happily replied. "I'm just looking forward to having them. I think I want six."
The worst part is while I wish I could say that this was the first time I'd heard about having kids with a woman I'd just met, it isn't. This is the third time. Ladies, while I can appreciate a direct approach and the honesty it brings, telling a man within 15 minutes of meeting him at a bar that you want six kids might not be the best way to keep him interested.
At this point I actually purposely spilled my drink directly on my crotch so that I could make a hasty retreat. So I went home. And later that night, as I was bashing my best friend's head with a rock in order to get a handjob from a fat chick, I was pretty glad I didn't go home with her.
User Reviews
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-27 10:13:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-27 08:59:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-10-27 08:50:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't suppose that women who mention wanting 6 kids within 15 minutes of meeting you could be TRYING TO DRIVE THE DRUNK FRAT BOY AWAY?
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Ahahahhaha.
Submitted by totkid (user info) at 2006-10-27 09:49:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you darn card-carrying misogynist. do you have respect for women? can you think of anything other than sex when u are with a woman? you are forever baNNED!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-10-27 09:30:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Better than I thought it would be.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-10-27 09:14:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
been there, done that
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-27 09:13:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hmm
Submitted by GMCrayon (user info) at 2006-10-27 09:09:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not too bad. Welcome to Uber, leave your soul at the door.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2006-10-27 09:02:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
(Editor's note, Wee-hours red eye is when the beer consumption to sex ratio is high, and you would kill a friend you've had for a decade just to get a handjob from a fat chick. For those women out there who don't believe it, try the following experiment: Put one hot, single girl in a room with a keg and four friends-for-life single guys, and leave them for about six hours. Just make sure you put down plastic first, because scotch-guard doesn't help with blood.)
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ahahahaha. that same exact scenario happened in my dorm room back when i was in the military. i had a keg, the hottest girl in the dorm, and three friends for life. i got laid that night and no longer talk to two of them. the other one slept with a fat chick that night and we're still friends to this day. in fact, i'm touring Europe with him next month before he moves from Italy back to Chicago.
and i can't even tell you how many times stupid, stupid, dumbshit women have blown it in the first 5 minutes by telling me something like "i want to have ten million children!" or, "i love cats! i have 14 of them!"
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-27 08:59:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If the iddqd that I know controlled your love life, you'd be a virgin.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-27 08:59:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-10-27 08:50:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't suppose that women who mention wanting 6 kids within 15 minutes of meeting you could be TRYING TO DRIVE THE DRUNK FRAT BOY AWAY?
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Ahahahhaha.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-10-27 08:50:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't suppose that women who mention wanting 6 kids within 15 minutes of meeting you could be TRYING TO DRIVE THE DRUNK FRAT BOY AWAY?
No, that couldn't be it...after all, you were 23 and gettign drunk with a bunch of tossers on your birthday. I'm fat and I had attractive women out with me for my birthday, what the fuck is your excuse?
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-10-27 08:47:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Mercy +1. You totally should've tapped it. They're called condoms.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-27 08:45:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-10-27 08:41:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha
Anyone who gives this a negative rating is bitter.
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And anyone who gives it a positive is such a sweetie.
So I guess I'm savoury, or something.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-10-27 08:42:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-10-27 08:37:57 (#)
Ranking: -2
it's been done
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leilani's right. I'll give ya +2 for a first attempt, but I'd advise you to be more original in future. There are some people round here who'd rip you to shreds if they saw this..... you have been warned. And after them, you've got the REALLY bad people.
Oh, BTW, welcome to Uber :) Dont feed the animals.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-10-27 08:41:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha
Anyone who gives this a negative rating is bitter.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-27 08:41:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
entered "IDDQD" into the console
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I wonder if he does searches on his own name.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-10-27 08:37:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
it's been done