Pr0n PSA (612 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.16 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Hit The Left <meeat.g.at.thehawk.mil (View user info) at 2006-10-29 04:01:35 EST
I was watching the Jenna Jameson True Hollywood Story last night to scope out some fake tits. At the end of the program they started debating whether Jenna would get to "heaven" or not. Of course, the bible the thumpers were condemning her straight to hell, but Jenna and her entourage were claiming that Jenna is "happy with what she does" and "helps people out", so they believe her ticket to the clouds is definitely secured. Now I'm not one to debate this particularly because I find pr0n really awesome, but I haven't heard of any heaven out there that lets you get your corn hole plundered on camera as a career and then graciously invites you into the gates. Not that I give a shit, but if you believe you might need some clout to get into heaven one day, maybe you shouldn't be what millions of men have masturbated to, which is in essence a big wheel of sin. Dirty, dirty sin. I don't know about you, but there is NO way I could stand next to Jenna and not picture her naked ass getting plowed.
This got me thinking; all these bible thumpers have it all wrong. No one is going to give a shit about the "evils" of pr0n if you debate from a theological stance. No, you see the best way to condemn the big bad pr0n is in a public service announcement like this:
A gentleman, 50-something years old, wakes up in the middle of the night and taps his wife gently. She doesn't move, so he anxiously sneaks out of the bedroom and goes down to his den. He busts open the internet on his computer and types "pr0n" in a search engine. Now the camera switches with the lens being on top of the computer monitor, so all the audience sees is the upper portion of the man, complete with the reflective glow of the monitor.
The man obviously starts engaging in a certain activity, you know the one cardiovascular activity you engage in without concentrating on the health benefits it can bring. The computer speakers sing the sirens song of enticing moans and pants, which takes this part of the scene along for about 15 seconds.
The man is reaching the volcanic eruption point when he starts focusing on the screen closely with a very concerned look on his face. His face turns to shock when he retracts his non-exercise hand away from the mouse and clutches his heart. He screams out "Clara!?!?!", and at that one moment he realizes that his cup is about to overfloweth. He agonizingly tries to stop this from happening, fighting with all his might to push it down when his eyes roll into the back of his head. Falling down to the floor with a thump, we can hear his wife yell out "Honey?".
Wife comes running into the den and is shocked to find him lifeless on the floor, with complete evidence of his deeds lain out for her to see. She calls 911 and then moves to the computer to investigate what he has been looking at and plays the video stream that was downloaded. She looks long and hard into the screen, gasps in terror, and screams out "My baby girl!? Noooooo!!!!" The screen goes black, accompanied by another thud.
Words come onto the screen in white:
"John J. Doe 1954-2006" "Jane M. Doe 1958-2006"
Next time you are about to engage in a casual stroke, please think. It could turn into the kind of stroke you weren't expecting."
The PSA ends with paramedics and police outside the house shaking their heads in a pitiful, sad fashion while they load the husband and wife onto the ambulance.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-30 19:26:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-29 09:59:09 (#)
Ranking: 1
Not a +2 because "Pr0n" annoys me. I know you are trying to be s3xX0rz cool and everything, but it made me feel like piece of corn in a hay baler. It doesn't belong.
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not too much 1337 talk is okay, here, alright?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-30 01:06:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Pretty much what St Jimmy said, but with a look of disgust at where Green Day are headed.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-10-29 16:32:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Two things:
1. I agree with sicosemen, Pr0n just got too damn annoying after about the second time you used it.
2. Also, the whole theme of this thing is too close to that urban myth where the guy orders an escort and it turns out to be his daughter. Not very original.
But you did make an effort, so have a "worth reading".
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-10-29 15:02:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
interesting
Submitted by garudave (user info) at 2006-10-29 14:25:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha.
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2006-10-29 12:18:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-10-29 11:41:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-29 10:04:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Habeeb should make something about this.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-29 09:59:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not a +2 because "Pr0n" annoys me. I know you are trying to be s3xX0rz cool and everything, but it made me feel like piece of corn in a hay baler. It doesn't belong.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-10-29 09:29:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i went to the avn show with alexis amore and her mom. a lot of the parents know what their kids are up to.
cute though.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-10-29 05:57:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice but i think you're going to hell for it
Submitted by MeeatG (user info) at 2006-10-29 04:37:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What? You're thinking along the lines of seeing your significant other engaged in porn? Blowing your load to your own daughter HAS to be ten times more devastating that that man.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-10-29 04:18:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If they do anyway I'm sure they'll be more along the lines of a guy watching a porn and then either showing his relationships being destroyed or him off raping someone
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2006-10-29 04:14:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
this needed a MS Paint of the old guy in front of the computer clutching his chest