Left-Nutter (371 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: 1.06 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Hit The Left <meeat.g.at.thehawk.mil (View user info) at 2006-11-03 04:47:45 EST
When I tell people my thoughts on certain matters, most of them say "Well you must be a liberal" or "You're left-wing, aren't you?" I hate these damn labels people use like "Oh, you like to do this so you must be like Michelangelo, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle with an orange head band, because he does it" and other things little kids do that get converted into fancier words that make adults think it's intelligent and worthwhile to use.
Get your smart ass labels away from me. Oh, you're "conservative", are you? Go to hell Glenn Beck, I fucking hate you. Your stupid theme music makes you look like some asshole who's trying be cool really hard, it's like you're saying "Hey I'm Glenn Beck and I don't give a fuck! I'll say what I want, fuck them fags! John Kerry is un-American! Yeah, I tell it like I see it!" Acting like you are some kind of no-bullshit, straight from the hip, cut to the chase guy is pretty much not going to work when you have all kinds of biases and self-serving opinions.
What the fuck is that, anyway? Why do these idiots have to put their little "spin" on the news, like everyone is supposed to give two fucks and a half a shit about what they say? What makes Glenn Beck's opinions more qualified than mine that he gets to sit on TV telling me how it is supposed to be? Why don't you report something and get the fuck out of the way? You are nothing more than a loudspeaker telling me what happened. News exists without you. Without news you are NOTHING, you smart aleck piece of shit!
Just say, "This is what happened. This is what is happening now. [Your Name, Whatever News]"
If it's satire of parody, it makes sense to have a personality, because you are poking fun at shit. This so called "professional" news is supposed to REPORT FUCKING NEWS, GODDAMN IT!
Wait... you know why this happens, because no one would remember them. Instead of being fair callers of the game they need to have this shit-eating personality so that people will remember them as well as the news they delivered, and thus have impressionable morons tune into their news stations accordingly, accomplishing what matters most - lining pockets with money. You know why people remember sports announcers but don't remember referees? Same concept.
Could you imagine a football game where the scoreboard TV screen lights up dramatically, with chilling music and a waving American flag followed by "DUM DUM DUM", with the text "Pass Complete or Incomplete, a Quarterback's Moment of Truth" busting in through a brick wall graphic or similar structure, followed with a referee saying, "Incomplete pass, 3rd down. It is the responsibility and duty of the fans in the stadium to cheer this quarterback so the home team can march to victory, and fuck the away team, but what I called is still straight from the hip and fair"?
Anyone with two, hmmm... maybe three, brain cells can tell that this
Kerry attack is pretty much the equivalent of laughing harder than necessary at someone who just hit themselves in their nuts and keeled over, because you just hit yourself in the gonads earlier and want to take the attention off of yourself and be cool again.
Kerry made a dumbass mistake, but the side that is rejoicing over this mistake like the selfish chode smellers that they are actually had someone in their office that was e-mailing little kids with the intention of a booty call, and had a guy wire-tapping phone calls so we can be a whole lot safer. I know I sleep better at night now.
Both sides of this issue are full of shit. Instead of coming together to solve this fucking problem, it's so much better to point fingers and play the blame game, take sides and affiliate yourself with a goddamned donkey or elephant. Let's not say, "Hey, you're an American and so am I, let's settle our differences professionally and fix major issues." Instead, let's say, "Oh shit! You're a __________ (insert Democrat/Republican/liberal/conservative/meat gobbler), what a fucking douche bag! Don't you know this and that did this and that, or that you think this and that about this and that making your entire label one big piece of shit, unlike my super awesome label that saves the world and leaves a mint under everyone's pillow?"
I've decided that from now on I would prefer that if I must be slapped with a broad, meaningless label I want to be called "left-nut". Put quite simply, I am very much taken with my left nut.
Sometimes before I fall asleep I fondle my left nut. This is done with absolutely no sexual intention; it is just comforting to have my hands near the warmth of my groin. My left nut is so warm and soft, if you only knew. I've even starting hitting the left nut up with anti-wrinkle cream for good measure.
This is why if more people turned to their left nuts, we wouldn't be in this mess. All you right-nutters and both-nutters who cup a little of both sides here and there really piss me off, seriously.
User Reviews
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2006-11-04 21:03:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rennfahrer (user info) at 2006-11-03 13:44:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Started off good until you identified yourself as being more liberal than anything. That's why people label you that because that's what your views are.
Then again glen beck and all the other talking personalities suck and they should eat shit and die.
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2006-11-03 12:00:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You ttok the words outta my mouth...but made them a tad more colorful.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2006-11-03 09:03:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Dude, NEVER TYPE ANGRY.
Submitted by MeeatG (user info) at 2006-11-03 08:55:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah I used "fuck" to many times, I was all hot and bothered when I wrote it in a rush.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2006-11-03 08:40:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This post read like this:
Fucking fuck ass shit fuck fuck nut fucker fucking Glenn Beck shit fuckers fuck shit fuck left-nut fucking.
But, I see your point. And it's slightly above mediocre. Have a +1 so you don't think this is some retaliatory deal.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-11-03 07:07:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-11-03 07:07:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Realistically, this is a 1.5
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2006-11-03 07:00:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
people who politically label (themselves or others) need to be kicked in the fucking head
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-11-03 06:52:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-11-03 06:46:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"My left nut is so warm and soft, if you only knew."
I do know. I'm your right nut, and I'm pissed.