Uber Quotes - Bret D version (808 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.78 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UnderFosterMeal (View user info) at 2006-11-03 12:42:39 EST
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2003-10-12 15:16:39 (#)
Ranking: 1
I'll add this to my fountain of worthless bullshit
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Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-24 21:41:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
maybe we could talk MORE about menstration since it's a light and fun topic
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Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-24 12:33:13 (#)
Ranking: -2
This place makes me sick. I hope the lot of you die slowly, painfully and soon, you pathetic imbeciles.
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Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-05-27 21:13:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
tru dat nigga
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Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-25 18:16:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the hits.
PS> "Cock Pillow" is not, and has never been, a funny put-down. Tip #438.
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Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:36:07 (#)
Ranking: -2
A few days ago, i took a gigantic shit in my toilet. when i went to flush, i noticed a small shit smudge on the side of the bowl that didnt go away even after i flushed. every day, when i pee, i pee on the shit to try and make it go away. its still there. thats what you're like, the little piece of shit that everybody pisses on daily but just wont leave.
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Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-08 22:26:22 (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-08 21:21:49 (#)
Ranking: 0
Dear Coley,
We as the citizens who reside in your town have a very sincere and honest request of you. See, your face is shaped like a shovel. No, we don't mean that it looks like it's been HIT by a shovel; you are a spadeface. It's terribly disturbing and you are creating problems for our children and yes, even our pets fear your horrid appearance.
We humbly request that you stay indoors at all times. If ever you do have to leave your house, please kindly cover your face with something thick and flourescent, so that you are easily identified. We suggest using a construction cone.
Prompt attention to this matter will be greatly appreciated.
Regards,
Your Neighbors
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Dear Neighbors,
I appreciate your effort in alerting me to the hideousness of my appearance. Seeing as how my entire family is composed of deformed, orcish conehead freaks; I really wasn't aware of how disturbing I truly am to you "regular" folk.
I do my best to stay indoors whenever possible; hence my nearly transparent white skin. Unfortunately this does nothing to disguise me when I do venture out; for the bright rays of the sun simply reflect off of my porcelain epidermis and draw greater attention to me. I will immediately seek out a proper facial covering to protect your already damaged eyes from the travesty that is my offensive mug. I agree that something thick would be good, mostly so that my giant teeth don't poke through if I were to inadvertantly speak or laugh or something. Or neigh, I neigh too.
I am afraid, however, that a traffic cone will be insufficient for the following reasons:
1. My head is much too large and irregularly-shaped to fit inside one of those things, and
2. the combination of shovel-shaped face and construction cone may cause me to be mistaken for government equipment and then be picked up by those felons that do highway cleanup.
Regards,
shovelface coley
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Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-04-29 22:37:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
On the other hand, fuck off and die.
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Submitted by BubbaEarl (user info) at 2006-04-29 18:06:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
the only way he'll ever lose weight and be accepted in to society is if his dismembered body turns up in a dusty ditch somewhere.
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Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-04-29 09:47:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm knee deep in Grade C- vagina
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Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2005-12-21 23:45:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
You just made me Jawish. I'm off to celebrate Jawnukah.
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Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-10-05 14:06:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
NEEDS MORE RAPE.
AND MORE FUSION.
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Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2006-08-23 21:53:59 (#)
Ranking: -2
You make it so fucking easy to hate you.
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Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2006-08-23 12:41:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
What do you hit the treadmill with? A lead pipe?
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Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-06-27 14:50:44 (#)
Ranking: -1
I bet if I greased up your fat folds they'd make a lovely wife.
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Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-05-12 14:13:34 (#)
Ranking: -2
"I route for the animal"
SORRY YOU FAT TUB OF SHIT, SPELLCHECK CAN'T FIX MENTAL RETARDATION, PERHAPS IN WINDOWS 2010 THEY'LL HAVE IT COVERED
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Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-21 11:19:33 (#)
Ranking: -2
you left out the part where you blew each other and tore each others anal tissue. fag.
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Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-12-10 18:25:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Just seeing the previews for King Kong pisses me off for no rational reason.
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Submitted by mybrainisawaffle (user info) at 2005-04-11 23:05:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
If you were a boy scout, that shit wouldn't happen now, would it?
And finally ...
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-12-15 13:51:50 (#)
Ranking: 1
Needs more Skeletor.
User Reviews
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-05 04:22:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Some of these made me chuckle.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-11-03 15:46:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 me, it was true at the time too.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-11-03 15:37:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/95295
CRUMPLE SFAGNUM, BRET, CRUMPLE HIM WITH YOUR BEEFY BICEPS!
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-11-03 15:27:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/95299
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-11-03 14:36:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's it. I'm buying a shirt from "the" bar on Thursday. A bday gift unto myself.
it's a wifebeater and it says
"CLASSY AS FUCK"
Submitted by foster (user info) at 2006-11-03 14:09:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHH
I
I
I
I
V
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-11-03 14:08:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by foster (user info) at 2006-11-01 14:40:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish John Holmes was alive to fuck me hard in the ass, in overdrive mode. Honk! Hey sailor.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-11-03 14:03:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
That Retropect quote made me laugh out loud. I know people like that, oh wait.....
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-11-03 13:52:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
This proved it. SPT is extending out to the rest of the week.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-11-03 13:47:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2006-11-03 13:46:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
All very funny! Limelover.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-11-03 13:43:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for me and mah shovelface.
Submitted by fclo002 (user info) at 2006-11-03 13:40:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Everyone will think that you still own this alter, Bret, but they are just hating.
Submitted by rodyarask (user info) at 2006-11-03 13:40:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-11-03 13:39:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
These were good...
But you're still a bit gingerly.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-11-03 13:31:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Still a cocksucker.
Submitted by foster (user info) at 2006-11-03 13:30:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-11-03 13:24:07 (#)
Ranking: 0
Why are you such a brat?
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Birth defect. Take it up with my parents.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-11-03 13:24:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why are you such a brat?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-11-03 13:17:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-11-03 12:54:18 (#)
Ranking: -2
You're the only tard I know capable of fucking up THIS bandwagon.
Good luck with that, sackhead.
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Sfaggy, you're the only tard I know, period.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-11-03 13:14:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What post was my comment from? I especially like your request of Coley, her retort, and the retro quote.
Submitted by rennfahrer (user info) at 2006-11-03 13:12:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm partial to:
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-10-09 20:36:07 (#)
Ranking: -2
A few days ago, i took a gigantic shit in my toilet. when i went to flush, i noticed a small shit smudge on the side of the bowl that didnt go away even after i flushed. every day, when i pee, i pee on the shit to try and make it go away. its still there. thats what you're like, the little piece of shit that everybody pisses on daily but just wont leave.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-11-03 13:03:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Coley has class
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-11-03 12:54:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You're the only tard I know capable of fucking up THIS bandwagon.
Good luck with that, sackhead.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-03 12:52:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No, I've been having man periods since 1999.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-11-03 12:49:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and probably for the use of the phrase "man period" too.
good digging.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-03 12:48:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-24 21:41:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
maybe we could talk MORE about menstration since it's a light and fun topic
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I miss Xcuses.
I also hold reviews like this one responsible for my menstrual blood poems. All of them.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-11-03 12:48:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
gold