Get Your Breeding License Here (486 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.58 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Hit The Left <meeat.g.at.thehawk.mil (View user info) at 2006-11-04 03:04:08 EST
If anyone that reads this knows any politicians personally, let them know that I will vote for anyone and everyone possible that pushes for a new law that requires a human breeding license for all Americans before they make a potentially stupid and/or needless offspring. If this practice was already in effect I wouldn't be here which just proves that this law needs to be put into place immediately. If that doesn't convince the politicans, remind them that they will have MY vote, which is about as awesome as waking up on the receiving end of a knob-slobbing.
Our breeding practices are sub par (and the entire world's as well) to say the least. We are over-breeding, and because of this trouble is on the rise. I don't call for a mandatory 1 (or 2??) child policy like China had (still has??) because some good souls may slip through the cracks with a law to disable child birth by everyone. I do believe though that if we were required to be licensed to breed, maybe the air would be cleaner, places would be less crowded, and I wouldn't just get angrier and angrier every time I do anything that requires interaction with blissfully ignorant people.
Before you call me insane please think this over. One requires a driver's license to drive legally, correct? What happens if we just get rid of driver licensing? People on the streets and highways would be putting themselves and all others driving in constant danger! That's not good at all, and on the road of life I constantly see people putting myself and others in danger, which would not have happened - if their parents had properly obtained their breeding licenses.
While genetics can only play a role in a person to certain extent, I am certain that this policy will help us ten-fold in creating a better world. I know that many people with a driver's license still can't drive for shit, but if their parents had to get a breeding license they probably wouldn't be there with their not knowing how to drive but still demanding a driver's license selves.
Now then, those without the license would be given anti-breed medicine that would allow sexual intercourse, but disable the ability to conceive a child. This would make sure that people don't just duck the law and go ahead and have a kid who buys "Girls Gone Wild" videos and considers them excellent, instead of viewing them out of desperation and necessity. You know, if all you have is the Sears catalog and a Girls Gone Wild tape... well you have to get your beat material however you can I suppose.
The test for a breeding license would actually be extremely easy; the questions would be in yes/no format along the lines of:
Do you think that "Flavor Flav" (whatever that little worm's name is) is a really excellent piece of television entertainment?
Do you automatically go against anything "mainstream" because if everyone else likes it, then no matter what you can't like it?
Have you ever used your clothing or jewelry to attract women? If you are a woman, have you ever been impressed by a display similar to the one mentioned in the previous sentence?
Do you think Hulk Hogan getting a reality TV show is nice, good, or funny? If you do, do you consider his daughter being a celebrity singer awesome/good/ok? (If both yes, circle YES once, then circle YES again with a circle slightly larger in diameter than the first circle.)
Have you ever uttered a phrase or nodded in approval when someone else uttered a phrase similar to, "They just need to blow up all tham damn Middle East-ners countrays and shit"? Circle YES twice again if you heard or said this while you were filling up the gas tank in your Chevy S-10.
If you are a woman, have you ever said "I'm looking for a nice guy" while at a club wearing a short skirt, thong, and mid-cut tube top?
Do you preach Christianity without having read the entire Bible? If so, have you ever condemned others while not understanding what you are preaching? (If both are yes, Circle YES twice)
(Skip this question if no YES on above question)
If you do preach the above religion and you have read the entire Bible, do you simultaneously preach that a being of astronomical heft is completely forgiving, but will torture you for eternity unforgivingly at the same time if you try to fulfill your biological purpose reasonably?
Do you wear trench coats and black clothing because you think it makes you a brooding, deep, mysterious person?
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This list goes on and on, we just need test compliers to get the questions together. I believe that if negativepositive of http://www.negativepositive.org put the test together by using his "list of things that need to be destroyed" we would have something to pass on to our lawmakers.
Before you think I am biased with this test, I would have failed it as well. I once busted a nut in my mouth to see what it tasted like, which is without a doubt an automatic failure.
User Reviews
Submitted by ShakeyBear (user info) at 2006-11-05 03:14:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. And so true, it hurts.
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2006-11-05 01:55:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
too bad idiocy is like a fertility drug
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-11-04 21:16:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
OH MY GOD I HATE MOUTH BREATHERS
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2006-11-04 20:52:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it's nice to know i'm not the only one who busted a nut in his own mouth to see what it tasted like.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-11-04 16:50:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2006-11-04 16:00:18 (#)
Ranking: 1
This was reasonable until your proposed "questions" for license applicants
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Yeah, those questions were decidedly weak. I am all for the idea though. Too many useless mouth breathing assholes populating this world with their retarded sperm n' eggs.
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2006-11-04 16:00:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This was reasonable until your proposed "questions" for license applicants
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-11-04 15:58:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-11-04 14:07:45 (#)
Ranking: -2
If anyone that reads this knows any politicians personally, let them know that I will vote for anyone and everyone possible that pushes for a new law that requires a human breeding license for all Americans before they make a potentially stupid and/or needless offspring.
THIS IS NEW AND EDGY COMIC MATERIAL
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HA HA
As a lover of all things Flav, I am happy to say I would fail.
I do not want to breed at this point so this is not a problem.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2006-11-04 14:43:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
My only pray is they don't give you a license.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-11-04 14:07:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
If anyone that reads this knows any politicians personally, let them know that I will vote for anyone and everyone possible that pushes for a new law that requires a human breeding license for all Americans before they make a potentially stupid and/or needless offspring.
THIS IS NEW AND EDGY COMIC MATERIAL
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-11-04 12:39:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by MeeatG (user info) at 2006-11-04 03:50:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
Who is ETS and why do I need approval to post anything at all? You don't like it, you -2 it and move on. I'm not trying oh so hard, I know I'm not stellar but I just feel like posting what is on my mind. Is that good enough for you? Just remember my name and skip all my posts from now on if you dislike my boring crap.
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PUHLEASE!
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-11-04 11:44:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by mynameisandy (user info) at 2006-11-04 04:13:35 (#)
Ranking: 1
I've wanted this for years.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-11-04 09:07:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You may be on to something, but I think the only way to truly get your point across is to kill yourself.
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2006-11-04 05:04:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
forgot the rating
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2006-11-04 05:03:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ive always agreed there should be limiting offspring, like china
not that it needs to be super intensly strict, but a couple should be able to take care of themselves before attempting to take care of a child
Submitted by mynameisandy (user info) at 2006-11-04 04:13:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I've wanted this for years.
Submitted by MeeatG (user info) at 2006-11-04 03:50:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Who is ETS and why do I need approval to post anything at all? You don't like it, you -2 it and move on. I'm not trying oh so hard, I know I'm not stellar but I just feel like posting what is on my mind. Is that good enough for you? Just remember my name and skip all my posts from now on if you dislike my boring crap.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-11-04 03:46:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
okay, the last line was nice
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-11-04 03:42:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
an endorsement from ETS is no reason to think you can just show up and start posting boring crap.
Submitted by hsimah (user info) at 2006-11-04 03:38:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Before you think I am biased with this test, I would have failed it as well. I once busted a nut in my mouth to see what it tasted like, which is without a doubt an automatic failure."
Wow.