9-0 Isn't Enough Sometimes... Fucking Squeaky! (517 hits)
Category: SportsRating: 1.33 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by http://www.nowthatshumor.com (View user info) at 2006-11-05 14:07:32 EST
There was a fellow called Squeaky who used to hang out at the Stardust sport book on Sundays to watch NFL football. Each and every Sunday, Squeaky would risk precisely $20 on a 10-team NFL parlay card bet. (A 10-team parlay card at that time paid 850-for-one, making Squeaky a $17,000 winner if he won.)
Trouble was, Squeaky never began the day with a clue as to which ten teams he liked. To decide which teams to bet on, he developed a regular group of professional-level handicappers from whom he'd prompt advice. Squeaky valued these handicappers' opinions, and he'd finally form his own opinions from what they had to say.
I was one of those honored advice-givers. In those days, the Stardust was one of my favorite sport books, and I could easily be found at my favorite station, watching for line moves. Every Sunday, sooner or later, here would come Squeaky, and he'd ask me which teams I thought he should put on his ten-banger. I always took the time to do my best for Squeaky, even though I discouraged his ten-teamers. The payoff actually wasn't all that bad, but the wins were too far apart.
As luck would have it, I got on a pretty good streak for a week or two - (or, at least, Squeaky perceived me to be on a good roll) - and finally one Sunday Squeaky decided I should have the honor of picking all ten of his bets.
So I did.
Whaddayouknow, the first six games were early games, and all six teams won. Then, in the later games, three of the remaining four games were very early blowouts in Squeaky's favor. Wow. Squeaky was coming unglued. He was giggly and excited, talky and nervous. His hands were trembling and he was sweating and he kept pacing back and forth, chain smoking and shouting orders at the various television screens. He'd sit, he'd stand, he'd pace, he'd sit, he'd recheck the total amount he planned to win, he'd order another Mountain Dew from the cocktail waitress and pace some more...
Sure enough, the three blowouts went on to win, making nine of the ten games winners. My picks were 9-0, leaving one game still in the air, the Chargers -3 at home against the Raiders.
The Raiders finally beat us, 12 - 7.
Squeaky was crushed. Another losing Sunday. Another $20 lost and gone. Another $17,000 winning ticket down the drain. He sat slumped in his chair with his head bowed, sullen and withdrawn. I approached him to express my sympathy, and put a hand on his shoulder. He angrily swatted away my hand, outraged at how stupid I was, and shouted,
"The Chargers, J. R.?!...How the hell could you pick the Chargers?!"
User Reviews
Submitted by Sandecki (user info) at 2006-11-06 11:27:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-11-06 08:48:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
I guess this is a good tail, but what's the point?
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I guess there really isn't a point, just wanted to share some peoples stupidity and ignorance.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-11-06 08:48:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I guess this is a good tail, but what's the point?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-11-06 07:58:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The anti jay peg.
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2006-11-06 01:43:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
God, parlays are so stupid. One of my best friends plays two a week, one college and one pro, and my goodness...
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-06 01:31:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Ouch.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-11-06 01:08:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sandecki (user info) at 2006-11-05 17:22:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2006-11-05 16:07:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
What does 9-0 pay?
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Nothing, you need all 10 teams to win.
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*cough*
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-11-05 18:32:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha.
Fuckin' San Diego always fucks ya.
Submitted by Sandecki (user info) at 2006-11-05 17:22:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2006-11-05 16:07:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
What does 9-0 pay?
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Nothing, you need all 10 teams to win.
Submitted by cshape (user info) at 2006-11-05 16:20:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-11-05 14:15:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wonderful story. But if he knew better than you, when didn't HE pick the team?
I once had one of the scratch-and-wins where you shave off three of nine options, and if they're all the same you win that prize. I scratched two million-dollar ones and one ten dollar one, while there was another million in play that I didn't pick. Also, I had begun scratching in a certain direction, and if I had stayed in that direction, the remaining million-dollar prize would have been what I win.
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Yeah I did the same thing pretty much.
There has to be a way to cheat and see through those things or something.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2006-11-05 16:07:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What does 9-0 pay?
Submitted by Sandecki (user info) at 2006-11-05 15:47:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-11-05 15:02:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
You got a +2 from Shlongy, and he wasn't even mentioned in the post. You better
frame it, bud, it's extremely rare...
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Maybe I should run for president next! Or, maybe not. A beer will probably do just fine.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-11-05 15:30:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-11-05 15:02:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You got a +2 from Shlongy, and he wasn't even mentioned in the post. You better
frame it, bud, it's extremely rare...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-11-05 14:45:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 for an intelligent sports wagering anecdote.
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-11-05 14:24:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sandecki (user info) at 2006-11-05 14:21:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ouch, I'm into scratch tickets myself. I've never gotten close on one of those, but I have bought 5 tickets and watch the person behind me get the 6th and win $1,000..... anger!
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-11-05 14:15:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wonderful story. But if he knew better than you, when didn't HE pick the team?
I once had one of the scratch-and-wins where you shave off three of nine options, and if they're all the same you win that prize. I scratched two million-dollar ones and one ten dollar one, while there was another million in play that I didn't pick. Also, I had begun scratching in a certain direction, and if I had stayed in that direction, the remaining million-dollar prize would have been what I win.