He Did The Mash...The Monster Mash (318 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.41 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by zfx84 (View user info) at 2006-11-06 14:35:52 EST
I decided to attend a Halloween party this year and since I hadn't dressed up for Halloween in the longest while, I wore a costume that was decent but required little effort on my part to pull off. I went as Indiana Jones; complete with fedora, leather jacker, whip, and bag. I got nothing but compliments on it all night, but since it was a night filled with many events, I've decided to write about it in time line form.
7:15pm
I leave and make a quick stop at my friend Adam's house to pick up a red plastic tub for the keg at the party. He couldn't get it himself because he was already downtown at the apartment...this is the last time I will be Adam's bitch.
7:38pm
I pass by a police officer who pulled over and was arresting Spider-man, an Army Officer, a slutty Little Red Ridin' Hood, and a Terrorist.
8:06pm
I arrive at the party early only to find other people there, all of whom I actually know. My one friend Howie is the biker guy from the Village People, Adam is Dr. House, and his girlfriend Becky was a cute Bumblebee.
8:21pm
Becky stings me with her oversized stinger and I go into anaphylactic shock.
8:33pm
I come to and start drinking. Indy likes his beer.
8:57pm
I am greeted by "that guy" and he asks me what my name is, but can't remember it and resolves to calling me Indy for the rest of the night.
9:13pm
I get a picture of all the Village People together (minus the Indian) and the construction worker takes off a layer of clothing. I tell them to sing In The Navy, but they decline and do the overdone YMCA.
9:28pm
Some guy shows up in a costume that consists of nothing but a speedo with a balled up sock in the front to make his package look bigger. As if this party couldn't get any gayer.
9:40pm
Some girl mistakes my costume for Steve Irwin. It's too soon.
9:42pm
Some girl is screaming in pain because someone slashed out her eyes with a whip. Everyone looks at me and I deny it.
10:03pm
The place is starting to get crowded and hot, so the construction worker looses another layer. There is someone dressed up like a giant snake...I hate snakes.
10:14pm
I mistake another girl dressed up as a bumblebee for Becky. I get slapped and kicked in the nuts.
10:25pm
Two more guys show up as Stripper Firemen and bring their own stripper pole to dance on. As if this party couldn't get any gayer.
10:52pm
Adam explains, for the 14th time, to someone who Dr. House is. Apparently not as many people know of the show as he thought.
11:17pm
I ran out of beer and for some reason the wall was closing down...quick! I must get back to the keg! I dive roll across the floor and my hat falls off. I reach back and grab it just in time before the wall seals me off.
11:29pm
The construction worker loses another layer of clothing and is down to just a thong. I chug seven more beers just to forget the sight.
11:44pm
I use my whip to smack a naughty girl's ass. She likes it and we disappear into a room together. I stick my Staff of Ra into her Temple of Doom again and again.
12:07am
I emerge from the room with a golden idol and the cup of Christ, but leave the girl behind to get her heart ripped out by Mola Ram.
12:30am
Travis, the gay black guy, shows up as Chef from South Park. This party is now the gayest it could possibly be. The party also reaches it's black person limit of 1.
12:49am
The Indian shows up and the Village People group is complete. The place is too crowded and people are too drunk to give a shit about them, so they refrain from dancing to YMCA, again.
1:02am
I mistake another girl dressed up as a bumblebee for Becky. She slaps me then stings me with her stinger...which so happened to be a syringe filled with heroin.
1:23am
I'm trippin' balls and everything feels very dream-like, but then again, that could be because of the fog machine and the ELO music on the stereo.
1:34am
I find another one of my friends dressed up as a Blues Brother and we decide for once not to play a drunken game of Scrabble. That prison bitch Travis (Burnt Toast) would only ruin the game and it was too late to care.
1:51am
Someone finds Burnt Toast dead out back with a spatula stabbing him through the heart. The party just got a little less gayer.
2:12am (or is it 1:12am?)
Daylight savings time gives us an extra hour to party and gives me an extra hour to puke my guts out all over Cruella DeVille.
2:26am (or is it 1:26am?)
Adam tells me about some douchebag (not "that guy") that tried to give him a free coupon as an entrance fee to the party instead of the $5. I find this guy and strangle him with my whip. I then hang him from the ceiling and everyone thinks it's a pinata.
2:29am (or is it an hour earlier?)
People scream in horror as they realize that the pinata they just broke open is not filled with candy.
2:37am (or is it...who gives a fuck?)
I finally decide to leave the party and head home. But I'm not stupid; there was no way I was driving back. My helicopter was waiting for me outside. I got in and the pilot flew me home.
2:48am (or is it? maybe.)
I arrive home and collapse in my bed.
11:39am (is it still the same day?)
I awake with a dry mouth and no pants on. I roll over to find Short Round in bed with me. This does not please Indy.
User Reviews
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-06 21:50:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Just for the "I hate snakes" bit.
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2006-11-06 18:04:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
no picture? even an indiana jones stock photo...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-11-06 17:41:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I noticed that the Uber fags minused this tale.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-11-06 17:15:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Worth reading.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-11-06 16:00:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-11-06 15:07:28 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-11-06 14:56:30 (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me smile a couple of times.
Submitted by Newty (user info) at 2006-11-06 15:42:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
im sure you took the party to gayer heights
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-11-06 15:34:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
im not reading the story for fear that it would ruin the title
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-11-06 15:26:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-11-06 15:07:56 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-11-06 15:07:28 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-11-06 14:56:30 (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me smile a couple of times.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-11-06 15:19:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-11-06 14:56:30 (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me smile a couple of times.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-11-06 15:07:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-11-06 15:07:28 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-11-06 14:56:30 (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me smile a couple of times.
Submitted by foster (user info) at 2006-11-06 15:07:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for the formatting alone. It's remarkably uneasy on the eyes (kind of like scourge's wife).
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-11-06 15:07:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-11-06 14:56:30 (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me smile a couple of times.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-11-06 14:56:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me smile a couple of times.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2006-11-06 14:55:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't think it was so bad.
+2 to balance out the people below.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-11-06 14:45:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I really tried to like this, but I don't like eating glass.
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2006-11-06 14:45:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Your title gave you a chance. Then I started to read it and it sucked.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-11-06 14:41:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment