Room Service (1131 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.38 on 48 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2006-11-07 10:11:10 EST
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Entry 1
The woman held her drink with both hands and watched the seconds succumb to minutes, on the clock over the bar. She checked her phone; this couldn't be happening.Maria watched from the hotel lobby as the woman from Room 341 ordered another drink. It was happening, as it had before, another woman waiting, another woman believing in things not there.
Her shift was over but she had important work to do. Six days a week, Maria delivered private dinners to hide away lovers, champagne and chocolate deserts to bloated businessmen with generous expense accounts. She had intended years ago to invest herself differently, but those desires died when Fernando quit paying attention.
Her fingers wrapped around the crumpled note in her pocket as she watched the lone woman at the bar seek her composure in a forth glass of wine. Minutes earlier Maria was paged to deliver flowers, to the woman in Room 341. The opened card read simply "Cynthia, I'm sorry ~ Richard". No one was there to receive the gift.
The apology, it appeared, was preceded by undesired news. Vanilla scented candles with tags still attached were discarded in the basket by the bed. Relieved of their contents, miniature bottles of brandy and rum had been tossed in the bathroom sink. A crumbled piece of hotel stationary lay on the floor in the corner. Maria noticed the details.
It was over a year ago when Maria had first seen the couple in the hotel lobby, kissing before the elevator doors closed. They were the giggling disheveled lovers ordering the Devil's chocolate cake in place of dinner. She unfolded the paper from the floor.
R ~ I would rather die
than spend another moment
waiting for you. ~ C
It seemed the woman had decided more waiting was in order and in desparate denial that Maria understood well, the man's rejection was pardoned.
With contrived casualness the woman from Room 341 checked her phone and tucked a dark curl behind her ear. Her face, painted by number, tilted in the direction of the door. Black heels bounced nervously on the lower rung of the stool, traitors to the calm.
Perhaps he wasn't coming.
------
He wasn't coming. Maria knew the signs. Fernando had taught her. Years ago in the most insidious of conduct Fernando laid beside her and protectively traced the outline of her lips. He placed his mouth on hers and sucked in her breath, their eyes and lips locked in a moment of infinite oneness. Beneath a winter blanket, his legs wrapped around hers and she pulled him inseparably into her. So deep her need, once he entered there was no removing him without destroying the host.
It happened gradually, a slow bleed. For Fernando, the pinnacle of their relationship happened close to its beginning. Its decent proceeded slowly. Fernando drifted and began breathing on his own. He didn't allocate the same time for the skinny hotel maid who spoke large of management and college degrees. He had new friends and associates whose dreams warranted attention. Still she had waited.
He offered himself in decreasing portions and Maria contorted as best she could to meet his changing needs. At last he needed nothing more of Maria and she sat alone at a table checking her phone. Apologetic flowers arrived the next day with a card simply stating "I'm sorry Maria ~ Fernando" She had waited into the hours; days and months that followed for him to erase the wrong. Even after his name appeared in the engagement section of the city news, Maria expected him.
The call never came and she continued her sentence fourteen years and counting.
--------
It was still before six but the lights in the bar were dim. Maria approached the woman and took the chair next to hers. Touching Cynthia's arm, Maria spoke.
"He's not coming."
Cynthia, acutely aware of the touch, turned automatically, "Pardon?" She recognized the woman's face from somewhere.
"He's not coming."
"Wha..."
"Richard is not coming."
Who are you? Cynthia granted her full attention. "Do I know you? How do you..."
"I've worked Room Service on Mondays for some time now," Maria interrupted. "I delivered some flowers to your room a little while ago. The card was open. I saw you here and thought you would want to know." She placed the small textured card framed with deceitful daisies, on the bar
"I'm sorry." Cynthia read the words aloud to the witness who seemed to understand their significance. "He's sorry. Ha!" The words slurred from her mouth as she waved her hands expansively spilling the contents of her purse in the process.
"Let me help you dear. Stop waiting. Let me save you from a fate worse than death." Maria folded the women's coat over her arm and collected her things. "I'll take you to your room and tell you about Fernando on the way."
---------
The lock clicked on door 341 and Maria guided Cynthia into the room. "I still think about Fernando. I heard his wife died about two years after they married, suicide they said. Broke his heart. He never called me though, even then. A sad ending all the way around. Can't let that happen to you my dear. We can't let that happen."
"Maria, I am so glad you're here," Cynthia clung to her shoulders for balance and kicked off her shoes. "Stay awhile, please." Her was voice thick and fading. "I feel like I'm dying."
"Poor dear. Let me get a bath ready. You've paid for this expensive tub you might as well use it. You can soak and relax and I'll tell you some stories before I leave for the night. I hate to see you suffer honey. I hate to see you go through this."
Maria watched as Cynthia slid into the foaming water, her body young and smooth as hers once was back when Fernando wanted it so. "It's a beautiful thing, love. Pure and uncut like that. It doesn't just go away with the flowers." Maria brought Cynthia a towel to fold beneath her neck. "Close your eyes honey. I'm going to help you."
"Thank you." Cynthia whispered as her eyes drifted shut. "Help me."
Maria removed the small straight razor she kept in her bag for just such occasions. She smoothed the hair from Cynthia's face. "Sleep darling. We'll get through this." Once her breath deepened, Maria held Cynthia's arm below the surface and delivered her mercy. With one sudden motion the woman was spared. Barely a groan escaped Cynthia's lips as her torment was released from a hole in her wrist. Her sentence completed in the time it took the water to become a lover's red.
Maria stayed until the waiting was over. Before leaving she placed the crumpled note by the tub where she would find it in the morning.
"You're welcome." She whispered and door clicked shut behind her.
- VS -
Entry 2
He's over at the bookshelf again. There must be something about them that really interests him. To most people they're just a bunch fancy hardcover books that they know damn well they'll never set eyes on again, so they don't care.Jason tells me that he looks at them because they don't mean anything.
Oh.
Things that don't mean anything must be interesting to him because of their insignificance; he can relate to how they feel. I try and tell him that the books are not at all like him, they have no feelings, but he just sits there shaking his head. His leg won't stop twitching and his eyes can't sit still.
---
Jason doesn't see things the way the world wants him to. That's why he sees me. I'm supposed to be caring and soothing, all the while trying to dig down and solve Jason's "problem". The only problem I see is people thinking he's got one. There is nothing wrong with him. I just conjure up some things I deem to be progress and they fork over money for my time.
I'm not in this for money. I hate the stuff. I mean, I know we all need it to live, but it certainly isn't a priority for me. Jason has become a priority for me. I'm utterly fascinated by his mind and the lack of control he has over it. In a way you could say I want control of it, but that sounds much too vile.
He comes up with stories all the time; all of them fake, of course. His care workers hardly allow him outside let alone on backpacking adventures through the Himalayas; but the stories sound so real and he tells them quite well if you can get him to focus on the telling for long enough to hear it all.
The strangest part of his stories is the detail he goes into. People's names, specific signs and landmarks, his exact encounters and conversations with people he's never even met; it's all very convincing. While he tells me these stories I write down the details; as many as I can. After he leaves for the day I start researching what he's said.
Everything - and I mean everything - that I've managed to find about his stories has checked out with what really exists in the real world. It's uncanny. Small village hostels, the people (if I get enough information about them from him), dates, times, events; everything really exists.
It leaves me dumbfounded how this man of only thirty years old, who has lived a very sheltered life, can possibly know this much about remote places he claims he's traveled to. I almost believe him, but when he leaves to go back to the Institution I know that's where he'll stay for the rest of the week; where he has been staying practically his entire life.
Today Jason told me another story, although this one was quite different than most of his stories. He usually tells me happy traveling stories from his supposed past, but today his focus was a bit off and he seemed more distressed than usual, which didn't stop him from relaying his story to me. It's like he wanted to be rid of it.
It took place "last week". Most of his travelling stories always took place "last month", so I thought nothing of it. He doesn't grasp time very well.
He was staying at a hotel in town with his girlfriend Janis Freid (I'll have to check if she exists) and just about every sentence that sputtered from his lips had something to do with a briefcase.
"I handed the briefcase to Janis", "Janis wouldn't open the briefcase", "The briefcase contained something bad, very bad", etc. He always says "bad, very bad" about the most mundane things like crossing the street by yourself or littering or swearing and the like.
Actually, the story seemed duller than most of his stories because it was quite repetitious and much more unclear than his normal tellings. Regardless, the gist of the story was that he and his girlfriend had a briefcase of some kind in a hotel room where they were arguing over what to do with it in some panicked manner; its contents were never revealed to me as he ignored me every time I asked what was in it.
"Sarita" knocked on the door while they were arguing. When he told me this I became intrigued; he slowed down considerably, stopped shaking and twitching, and just gazed at his feet. I've never seen him look so guilty and remorseful before. I pressed him to go on, but he just kept repeating "bad, very bad" and sometimes a "very very bad".
---
Our time is almost up and he's over at the bookshelf now gently rocking while staring at the books. I want to ask him more about what happened but I know he won't tell me. A knock from my office door snaps him from the books and he turns and walks up to me. Sarah's now opened the door to summon Jason from our meeting as per usual, but Jason isn't ready to go just yet.
He leans in close to me and whispers in my ear: "her death means something, though". With that he turns from me and walks out the door.
---
It's now been a week since I last saw Jason and he's scheduled to arrive at any moment. A firm knock on the door actually surprises me even though I'm expecting someone; Jason usually walks right in. Opening the door, I'm confronted by two full uniform police officers accompanying a man in a suit who introduces him self as Detective John Scott.
He's here to ask me some questions about Jason. They're investigating a murder case that took place in a hotel just outside of town that involved a staff member who worked in house cleaning. They wouldn't tell me her name, but I knew it already: "Sarita".
I'm speechless.
They ask me about possible motives, his past, everything I know about Jason. But what do I really know about him? All this time I've believed he was just a creative man with a fascinating story-teller's brain, and now? Were all the other stories true too?
Immediately after they leave my office I call the Institution for the first time ever. I had always gone through Sarah to set up appointments and arrange patients; I'd never actually called the Institution directly before.
I pester the woman on the other end of the line in desperate attempts to save my reality - save what was supposed to just be facts and fictions.
"I'm sorry, but we have no records of a Jason Maloney or Sarah Greene ever staying or working with us, sir."
Entry 1:
Amontillado
august_sobriquet
Bigmike
Biotch
coley
Crystle
FunnyAsCancer
ghola
helbling
Hirilnara
HotWillie
Impassive-Digressive
JoeyG
JonnyX
KindaNews
Magicaddict
MandaPanda
nrduncan
ParlorTrick
peckerhead
Philst82
phuzzygish
sparkle_pink
SPECIALk
Stagger_Lee
stevie_says
supadupapupa
The_Yellow_Dart
thedominator
TheUniter
27 eligible votes (30 total) *
Entry 2:
Axolotl
darko
drgoatcabin
DrogoRoch
EchoBoxing
Faith
Genko
Jack_McCallum
JMG114
rad1101
rennfahrer
Sacrilicious
Shaun_Rocks
11 eligible votes (13 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-11-10 15:12:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2006-11-10 14:29:24 (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the undeserved vote Yellow Dart, your story was more creative (sorry about the big ass picture).
__________
Yours was plenty better than mine, so it deserved to win. I got pretty bored with this competition anyways and wrote this monday night, which probably explains why it doesn't make sense. But alas, good luck, Parlor.
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2006-11-10 14:29:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the undeserved vote Yellow Dart, your story was more creative (sorry about the big ass picture).
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-11-10 12:01:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-11-10 10:45:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-11-09 22:58:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by thedominator (user info) at 2006-11-09 16:57:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2006-11-09 11:19:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-11-09 06:29:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i have no idea what #2 was all about though
it made no sense
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-11-09 06:26:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
PS: i voted for #2 because jason greening works in a hotel
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-11-09 06:25:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS CRAP
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2006-11-08 21:40:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This was a coin toss for me. Entry 1, please look for and correct the following if you plan to use this story again, publish it etc: 1. descent... not decent (clearly different meanings) 2. You accidentally transposed, "her voice was thick and fading..." into "her was voice thick..." Sorry if pointing those out seems anal to you. (see my nickname :) I do understand that you guys are not getting paid for this and I do appreciate the hard work that goes into these submissions. Good story.
Entry 2 brought back memories of "One flew over the cuckoo's nest" for me. The inmates are truly running the asylum. Great ending. Now for the coin toss...
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-11-08 20:33:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-11-08 17:21:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry, but neither of these really held my attention. Coin toss
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-11-08 16:28:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by helbling (user info) at 2006-11-08 11:58:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So close...and they were both so good!
Submitted by Hirilnara (user info) at 2006-11-08 11:28:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Just a little dark and twisted, and very well done.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2006-11-08 10:27:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2006-11-08 10:13:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
please explain #2
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-11-08 08:09:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry one was too saccharine in places and too unbelievable in others.
Entry two was a bit predictable, but it was about as long as it needed to be. The temptation to write more about this character must've been high.
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2006-11-08 08:07:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very tough choice. Both moved along at good pace and had easy to read, if very cliche, resolutions. I could choose not to vote, but I'd rather see a winner.
#1 had a little more gravitas, like something published I would read. #2 didn't quite seem that way - possibly the language being slightly more colloquial.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-11-08 06:36:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked #2 odd just odd and freaky. #1 just seemed rather predictable to me.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-11-08 06:25:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Winner by a long shot.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-11-08 02:40:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"It happened gradually, a slow bleed."
Drip.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2006-11-08 02:26:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What does entry 2 have to do with room service?
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-11-07 23:47:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Both were interesting.
I liked the idea of #1 better.
A lot of these need to be longer. I want more from the good ones.
#2 needed something, not sure what. Maybe interaction between the doctor and the patient, as opposed to just the doctor talking about him.
Or maybe not.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-07 23:13:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-07 22:43:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-11-07 22:39:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-11-07 20:33:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
just better.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-11-07 20:30:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2006-11-07 20:16:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-11-07 20:13:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Faith (user info) at 2006-11-07 19:07:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-11-07 18:39:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 was pretty freaky
Submitted by rennfahrer (user info) at 2006-11-07 17:54:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Both really good. Had to flip a coin.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-11-07 17:53:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by august_sobriquet (user info) at 2006-11-07 16:23:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by drgoatcabin (user info) at 2006-11-07 15:36:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-11-07 15:07:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-07 13:17:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
both good
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2006-11-07 12:10:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-11-07 11:51:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
it took a while for this page to load so i don't remember why i'm voting.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-07 11:18:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 was well-written but it has been done a bajillion times and there seemed to be a lack of motivation.
#2 was choppy as fuck, but it gets my vote.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-11-07 11:02:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Biotch (user info) at 2006-11-07 11:01:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-11-07 10:53:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-11-07 10:41:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Both were good, neither were brilliant.
#1 just did it for me.
Submitted by Philst82 (user info) at 2006-11-07 10:24:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment