My secret addiction (1319 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.64 on 73 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Drew "ajanssen" Janssen (View user info) at 2006-11-07 17:55:33 EST
It started years ago. I clearly remember my first bite. I was 8 years old at a ranch in west Texas. I had spent the morning dodging tobacco spit and work and now i was perched on an old felled tree swinging my barefeet and drinking a cold Dr. Pepper. One of the real Dr. Peppers that are made with cane sugar instead of that high fructose corn syrup. While lost in thoughts of swimming in the creek and eating watermelon, a gruff voice from behind startled me and I liked to choked on the soda.
"Drew, take these wood chips out to Sal before he gets after you with that rusty axe."
I wanted no part of Sal or his axe so I grabbed the bag and headed across the field trying not to step on stickers on the way.
When I got to Sal I was mesmerized. He stood barely visible over an open pit barbecue with billowing clouds of mesquite smoke blocking both our views. I stood in awe as he reached into a cooler and pulled out giant hunks of beef and pork.
He stopped momentarily with a huge rack of ribs in his hand. It looked like something prehistoric.
"Bring them damn chip here, boy."
For a brief moment I was convinced that Sal was a caveman.
He snatched the chips from me and arranged them in the pit with the precision of a brain surgeon. I stepped back to get out of his way but couldn't leave the pit. The smell of mesquite wood and burnt animal grease had taken ahold of me. I knew my days of sitting at the kids table with peanut butter and jelly were over. I was prepared to cross the line of child/adult food.
Minutes later Sal produced a giant butcher knife and gracefully sliced off a few ribs from a rack that had been smoking for the past 8 hours. He chewed on one, disregarding the grease that was accumulating in his handle bar mustache, and tossed the other to me like I was a stray dog. If I live to be 100 I'll never forget that first bite. Before I could get it to my mouth the meat had already slid halfway off the bone. Sal must have known because he just smiled and nodded.
Several hours later when we all gathered for lunch I worked up enough nerve to ask Sal for a plate. He glanced at me then silently went back to work with his butcher knife. I waited patiently. The pride in his eyes told me I had just given him a huge compliment and a pile of meat was headed my way.
Since then it's been like a sickness. I've eaten at every barbecue house in Dallas County and many outside of it. I've assaulted people from Kansas City and St. Louis for claiming to have better barbecue than Texas. I've thrown rocks at people that pronounce it BBQ.
From Sonny Bryans to Smokey Johns to Mike Andersons. I know their barbecue better than they do. I can tell you who has the best sweet tea, the best sauce, who toasts the buns on the chopped beef sandwich the best, and who has the perfect rack of ribs. I can tell you who's side dishes are the best, whos relish bar has pickles AND jalepenos. My friends hate to eat out with me any more.
Damn you Sal.
I now judge barbecue based soley on chopped beef sandwiches and ribs. If you can perfect these two then any mistakes with the potato salad or baked beans is forgivable. If you screw these up there's no point in going any further. I've flung a glass of sweet tea across a restaurant before because I bit into a chunk of gristle in the chopped beef. It's like a religion to me.
After years of searching for perfection I have finally stumbled on it. http://www.kreuzmarket.com/index.shtml These people mean business. They've been barbecuing for 106 years. The meat is so damn good you don't need sauce. It wouldn't matter if you did though because they don't serve it. And quite naturally it's found in the barbecue capital of the world Lockhart, Texas.
All that aside I can smoke a side of brisket that would make you slap your grandfather. Yes, its an addiction.
User Reviews
Submitted by Grownasskid (user info) at 2007-06-07 11:18:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Still have 45 minutes utill lunch, and this isn't helping any.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-06-07 10:39:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 i'm hungry
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2007-01-15 23:04:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
man, i am dru-unk.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2007-01-15 23:04:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DID SOMEONE MENTION SHINER???
YOU CAN'T HAVE GOOD BARBEQUE WITH OUT A KEG OF SHINER MY FRIENDS!
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2007-01-15 23:02:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and another thing. i'm a bit torn. i'm from St. Louis originally and there's some damn fine barbeque there too, so don't knock it. but yeah, i love Texas. lived in San Antonio for four spectacular, blissful years.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2007-01-15 22:59:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i barbequed more in Texas than i ever have anywhere else. it's just a damn fine place to cook some meat.
i used to frequent the music scene in Austin. LOVE IT there. i'll see you there, Shlongy, you geriatric fuck. the drinks are on me, sir. there's nothing better than good live music in Texas.
TEXAS FUCKING RULES.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2007-01-15 22:43:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the 'q is a sacred thing. there's something naturally ingrained in the male mind:
----- We all must cook over, and eat food from, open fire. -----
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2007-01-10 21:29:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-01-03 16:15:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm starting to fall inlove with you......
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-11-15 21:22:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ever been to the Rendezvous in Memphis?
Very good dry-rub ribs.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2006-11-08 21:13:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Let me know, if nothing else Ill drink a beer with you and talk crazy about tar-heels and Cackalacky
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-11-08 19:26:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I had some "Jim & Nick's" bar-b-que tonight.
Hey, a...if Mrs. Shlongy and I come to Austin for the fucking Music Fest in 07, you gonna come hang?
We're thinking about it...depends on if there's any bands I wanna see besides Wilco and Son Volt for the 8th year in a row.
Submitted by Hypatia86 (user info) at 2006-11-08 15:43:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was born in Texas. Texas Rules, besides all the crazies there.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-11-08 15:24:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes!
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:04:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Uh.. Phuzzy, honey.... could you translate this from clicky to English, puh-lease?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-11-08 06:10:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Protein addiction. Awesome.
One day check out a good saffa braai, with a good karoo boerie grilled over a nice blitz fire, and shitloads of biltong for starters. You'd love it...
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-11-08 09:26:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
mmmmmm bbq.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-11-08 06:10:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Protein addiction. Awesome.
One day check out a good saffa braai, with a good karoo boerie grilled over a nice blitz fire, and shitloads of biltong for starters. You'd love it...
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-11-08 05:38:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was nice, you really put me in a different time and place for three minutes. I love Texas.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-11-08 05:25:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my God, you are such a yokel.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-11-08 00:41:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
shill
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-11-08 00:22:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a Drew post. I haven't seen one of these for at least a year, yet I knew it was yours because it had something to do with TX/BBQ/Convienience Stores. Some things never change.
Welcome back.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-11-07 22:56:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
poooooooooooooooooooooo
Submitted by consuelo212 (user info) at 2006-11-07 22:13:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-11-07 21:59:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-11-07 21:47:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and to the prick who said my old lady was flat, A DD isn't flat. Fuckface.....
======================================================
I meant when she's on her back.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-11-07 21:56:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Easy cowboy. Money will get you a blowjob anywhere.
I'm talking about stealing the milk before the sun comes up.
Houston is just wilder and wool-ier, emphasis on the wool.
They have the kinda wool you can pull down over your ears like a helmet.
Dallas has good clubs, though. No bout adoubt it.
Submitted by garudave (user info) at 2006-11-07 21:53:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Barbecued foods are the second manliest addiction in the world.
In fact, I'd only give up a slab of ribs for an equal amount of beef jerky.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2006-11-07 21:47:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
In Dallas you dont have to ask. A simple flash of the money and a nod towards VIP gets it done. Dont get me wrong I like Houston, but your attempting to one-up the wrong sumbitch from the wrong city
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-11-07 21:47:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2006-11-07 21:37:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
I dont know about pussy frat boys, I never went to college. I know about Lower Greenville because I live there.
Shlongy, barbecue in Cackalacky is good as shit but theyre all about pork. Find me a decent chopped beef sandwich there and Ill give you a handjob. I will give credit to their ribs, Hoppin John, and Brunswick Stew but yall dont know the first damn thing about brisket.
Apollo, make it to Dallas one day and Ill introduce you the plethora of strip clubs we love to waste our money at. Fuck it, Ill even buy you a Shiner.
Bubba, there is no such thing as a good barbecue recipe. Its all in the wood you use and how you smoke it. Mesquite, hickory, and post oak are the only acceptable woods.
****
All in how you smoke it??? I been smokin for lots of years. Doan mean shit, though.
I always cooked my barbeque over Willow tree twigs. No fucking wonder it tasted like shit.
Oh, and to the prick who said my old lady was flat, A DD isn't flat. Fuckface.....
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-11-07 21:44:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2006-11-07 21:37:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
I dont know about pussy frat boys, I never went to college. I know about Lower Greenville because I live there.
=================
Hahha. Proves my point.
Houston does have better strip clubs than Dallas, just because you can actually get a blow job if you know how to ask.
Dallas strip clubs haven't been the samer since Caligula burned down, but they still rank with Atlanta and Florida.
As a matter of fact, the best strip clubs in the states are always in Republican strongholds.
California has the worst in the nation. The only exception to the Republican/Stripper rule is NYC.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2006-11-07 21:37:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I dont know about pussy frat boys, I never went to college. I know about Lower Greenville because I live there.
Shlongy, barbecue in Cackalacky is good as shit but theyre all about pork. Find me a decent chopped beef sandwich there and Ill give you a handjob. I will give credit to their ribs, Hoppin John, and Brunswick Stew but yall dont know the first damn thing about brisket.
Apollo, make it to Dallas one day and Ill introduce you the plethora of strip clubs we love to waste our money at. Fuck it, Ill even buy you a Shiner.
Bubba, there is no such thing as a good barbecue recipe. Its all in the wood you use and how you smoke it. Mesquite, hickory, and post oak are the only acceptable woods.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-11-07 21:35:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2006-11-07 21:22:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-11-07 20:49:59 (#)
Ranking: 0
Lower Greenville is filled with pussy frat boys.
Go 200 miles south to 6th Street, baby!
Austin is the place to go in Texas for music, food, pussy and everything else worthwhile.
Houston is a swamp, Dallas is flat as Bubba's wife, and the best part of San Antone is the road out of town.
You don't even want to know about El Paso.
I apologize if I am talking to a group of pussy frat boys, which is certainly possible.
If so, my advice would be:
If you want to suck dick, go to Houston.
If you want to suck dick after church, go to Dallas.
If you want to switch teams and need a starter chick, go to Austin.
====================================================
What a fucking idiot. You need to be fucked by an elephant.
====================================================
For that you go to Michigan.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2006-11-07 21:22:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-11-07 20:49:59 (#)
Ranking: 0
Lower Greenville is filled with pussy frat boys.
Go 200 miles south to 6th Street, baby!
Austin is the place to go in Texas for music, food, pussy and everything else worthwhile.
Houston is a swamp, Dallas is flat as Bubba's wife, and the best part of San Antone is the road out of town.
You don't even want to know about El Paso.
I apologize if I am talking to a group of pussy frat boys, which is certainly possible.
If so, my advice would be:
If you want to suck dick, go to Houston.
If you want to suck dick after church, go to Dallas.
If you want to switch teams and need a starter chick, go to Austin.
====================================================
What a fucking idiot. You need to be fucked by an elephant.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-11-07 21:20:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
bollocks
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-07 21:07:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rats. I was hoping that by some miracle you'd missed that.
Anyway, you're barking mad.
Our two best players = Scholesy and Giggsy. Not playing.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-11-07 21:01:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay - Southend.
With your two best players playing.
hahahahha
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-07 20:54:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-11-07 20:49:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
fuck that
brits can out drink you poofs any day
--------
Bring it, 8th place.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-07 20:50:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmmm... do they ship it?
Out here we have "Bobby Lee's Smokehouse"
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-11-07 20:49:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Lower Greenville is filled with pussy frat boys.
Go 200 miles south to 6th Street, baby!
Austin is the place to go in Texas for music, food, pussy and everything else worthwhile.
Houston is a swamp, Dallas is flat as Bubba's wife, and the best part of San Antone is the road out of town.
You don't even want to know about El Paso.
I apologize if I am talking to a group of pussy frat boys, which is certainly possible.
If so, my advice would be:
If you want to suck dick, go to Houston.
If you want to suck dick after church, go to Dallas.
If you want to switch teams and need a starter chick, go to Austin.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-11-07 20:49:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
fuck that
brits can out drink you poofs any day
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-07 20:45:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aussies'd school the lot of you. Fake southerners that you are.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-11-07 20:39:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-11-07 20:20:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2006-11-07 19:20:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
Apollo, that does make you less of a dick-head. Im glad youve upgraded from fish and chips""
Less of a dickhead?
Don't tell people it'll ruin my schtick.
I don't like fish n chips.
I'm all about the meat.
Can I come on your drinking bout?
That's one thing English people CAN do.
*****
English people can drink? I'll buy that.........
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-11-07 20:20:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2006-11-07 19:20:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
Apollo, that does make you less of a dick-head. Im glad youve upgraded from fish and chips""
Less of a dickhead?
Don't tell people it'll ruin my schtick.
I don't like fish n chips.
I'm all about the meat.
Can I come on your drinking bout?
That's one thing English people CAN do.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-11-07 20:20:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-11-07 20:04:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know about "Kens" but you'd be hard pressed to find better pulled pork barbecue anywhere than in South Carolina.
I personally prefer beef but this stuff ain't bad.
*****
Shlongy knows all about "pulled pork." He's been pullin his for years.
Drew, hows about a good barbeque recipe??????
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2006-11-07 20:14:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
AMBUSH MARKETING AAAAAAHHHHHHH
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-11-07 20:05:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excuse me, Krews...I only had three drinks on the way home and I'm 0 for 2 in reviews.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-11-07 20:04:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know about "Kens" but you'd be hard pressed to find better pulled pork barbecue anywhere than in South Carolina.
I personally prefer beef but this stuff ain't bad.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-11-07 19:24:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you tell me when and the leave the rest to me.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2006-11-07 19:20:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Apollo, that does make you less of a dick-head. Im glad youve upgraded from fish and chips. You havent seen Texas until youve been through Dallas though. Where the beer is cheap and the whores have diseases.
Director, youll drink whatever the hell I tell you to drink.
Istaros, the drinking will start at J. Pepe's on Greenville and Martel. Put the women and children to bed.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-11-07 19:16:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*drools*
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2006-11-07 19:14:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Two weeks isn't enough to explore Texas properly. But you'll have a good time just the same. I spent the first 22 years of my life there and there are still places I've never seen in Texas.
I was just joking about the UK/Shithole thing, dude. I happen to have a great deal of respect for the British.
Drew if yer gonna force me to drink you might as well make it Tequilla.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-11-07 19:05:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm gonna go to Shiner.
This year I vacationed in Europe but next summer I'm gonna take 2 weeks and explore Texas properly.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-11-07 19:04:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2006-11-07 18:46:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Apollo is an Englishman but he lives in Houston now because he couldn't find a decent job in that shithole of a country they call "home." ""
OR
You dumbass Americans are so stupid you need to import brainy Brits.
Two sides to every coin my friend.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-11-07 19:03:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2006-11-07 18:45:24 (#)
Ranking: 0
sorry Apollo. Im trailer trash and we only drink beer like Shiner on special occasions like weddings. I thought you were in England, how the hell do you know about Shiner? ""
i work mon-thursday in calgary and friday in houston and spend my weekends in houston.
I like Texas I must say.
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2006-11-07 19:02:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kreuz is awesome stuff alright. I lived in Houston for 17 yearsand never went anywhere near Lockhart without stopping there to eat. But I used to eat at the old original place on the square. In fact I think I ate there the last evening they served at the old location.
Here's some trivia for you: I once gave a historical symposium in the Lockhart Public Library. the Lockhart Public Library is the oldest library building in Texas - still being used as a library.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-11-07 18:56:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
then you'll know where i'm gonna be, motherfucker.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2006-11-07 18:55:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
one of my many vices. There is to be a 3 day drinking binge on Lower Greenville this Veterans Day weekend.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-11-07 18:48:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i thought your addiction was to half-nig women.
i've suddenly gained a LOT more respect for apollo.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2006-11-07 18:48:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I know all about Jo Allens. Their barbecue is sub-par but their steaks are outstanding.
Director, youll drink whatever the hell I tell you to drink.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2006-11-07 18:46:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Apollo is an Englishman but he lives in Houston now because he couldn't find a decent job in that shithole of a country they call "home."
Submitted by Graham (user info) at 2006-11-07 18:46:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Joe Allens in Abilene on Treadway Street
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-07 18:45:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I could go some barbecue.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2006-11-07 18:45:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll take u up on the ribs Drew, but I had to give up the booze.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2006-11-07 18:45:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
sorry Apollo. Im trailer trash and we only drink beer like Shiner on special occasions like weddings. I thought you were in England, how the hell do you know about Shiner?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-11-07 18:42:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking bud light?
shiner is the only suitable drink.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2006-11-07 18:34:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
director, im not sure I forgive you but if you happen to swing through Texas again I'll share a rack of ribs and a 12 pack of Bud Light with you.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-11-07 18:21:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2006-11-07 18:17:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A traitor? Never. More like an expatriot. Big difference.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-11-07 18:15:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
mmmm.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2006-11-07 18:11:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, director/pecker/ebola may. It is high time, I hope you feel like a traitor.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2006-11-07 18:09:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My dad and I used to go to Kruez all the damned time. Maybe it's high time I left Michigan.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-11-07 18:06:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This is a sympathy rating for that loss the 'Boys took on Sunday.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2006-11-07 18:02:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Goddamned dickhead, making me miss home like that. FUCK YOU.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-11-07 17:57:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sure, I might offend a few of the blue-noses with my cocky stride and
musky odors -- oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called `City
Fathers' who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about
`What's to be done with this Homer Simpson"'
-- Homer Simpson
Lisa's Rival
I love me some texas barbeque