I hate nerds (plus halloween camwhore) (576 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.37 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by HotWillie (View user info) at 2006-11-08 03:57:11 EST
http://www.ubersite.com/m/95423
There are two kinds of uberers. There are those who can take it or leave it, and there are morons.
In my view, there are lots and lots of morons.
The morons argue about the size of their dicks and insist others post camwhores of their vaginas.
And the guys are even worse.
The morons pretend to know about love and life and death and hookers and gambling and drugs and pussy and everything else when they are really only experts on wanking to porn, spending their parents' money and stealing music downloads.
These are the kinds of uberers who don't think twice about acting tough on the internet but sing a different tune when you meet them in person.
This happened to me last night.
It was late and I couldn't sleep, so I went down to the cyber cafe and browsed around.
Sometimes I like to look over the shoulders of nerds to see if anyone is on uber. If I see they are, I check their screen name and rent a station nearby. Somewhere I can see their tough guy face.
I sign on and search around until I see a recent review, and I engage them.
It doesn't take much to start an argument on uber, as you all know, but it is also surprisingly easy to goad someone into making a physical threat.
Last night, an uberer, who shall remain nameless, threatened to "kick my ass" if I didn't "stfu!"
This pimply loser was typing furiously, and looked genuinely angry.
I should say at this point, if I can obviously see that the nerd is having fun, I don't fuck with him.
But if I see he's a little too serious, then I figure one of us should be enjoying ourselves, so I try and have a little fun.
Anyway, as I'm sure you've guessed, last night I got the kid to boldly say that he would beat my ass if he ever ran into me.
I said that would be fine, if he's ever in my city, which I named, to look me up.
When I said that, the kid actually looked over his shoulder, which I thought was a neat bit of ignorant foreshadowing. It's a big city, and the nerd actually looked over his shoulder!
Then I said as a matter of fact, if he was ever on the west side, he'd better watch his step.
The kid didn't answer me after that, didn't type or use the mouse, but just watched the screen in silence.
In rapid succession, I pumped out more reviews:
If you're ever on the street where the cyber cafe is, come find me.
I'm usually at this particular cyber cafe, on Tuesday nights, at this time.
All the color drained out of the kid's face, which wasn't much, because he's a nerd.
He jumped up, yanking the headphones out of the computer. It was probably Britney Spears, but those stations have no external speakers so I can't be sure.
He looked around the place frantically. I smiled at him, and pretended to go back to my computer.
The kid flew out the front door, the attendant yelling after him.
I jumped up and went out the rear door. The parking lot is around back, and you're not supposed to go through the employee area, but when you are purposeful and calm, people don't generally fuck with you.
I waited in a dark area until I saw him round the corner, and while he fiddled nervously with his keys, I put my hand on his shoulder.
The kid let out a high pitched squeal the likes I haven't heard since Bubba2341 raped jgreening in Deliverance, and turned around in horror.
I smiled and said easy, buddy. I just wanted to say you still have the headphones on.
And then he shit his pants.
Seriously.
I would've thought he would crap his pants in fear, but this was a shit of relief.
It was loud and the smell was immediate. No way was it a fart.
He handed me the headphones, not even embarrassed. Why should he care when his mom does the laundry?
I thanked him and put out my hand to shake.
He shook my hand, and told me his name.
I held his skinny little hand a little too long, until he really looked into my eyes.
I'm HotWillie, I said.
I can't tell you his name, but if one of your buddies doesn't review for awhile, you'll know why.
Here's the Halloween camwhore:
And_I_know_how_to_use_them.jpg (2 MB) [application/octet-stream]
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-28 13:28:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
fiction? about Uber? <GASP> What a surprise
fiction or not this is a mildy entertaining and plausible situation. You could have done more with it.
Submitted by jimboruckus (user info) at 2008-05-26 19:42:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by EkO (user info) at 2008-01-05 13:28:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:49:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you're a total unfunny asshole but this was quality fiction.
Because it's obvious, you couldn't beat your own meat.
But I liked this.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-11-08 12:38:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
There are two kinds of uberers. There are those who can take it or leave it, and there are morons.
---
You are DEFINATELY in the moron category.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-08 04:19:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you an alter? I won't tell anyone, honest.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-08 04:13:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm so zany.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-08 04:12:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
On the other hand, who do you think you are posting a whacked out format like that?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-08 04:04:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you generalise a bit too much, but still funny.