It's true, i swears it! I SWAAAARES IT!!! (381 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.22 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by LSD 420 (View user info) at 2006-11-09 08:09:15 EST
So the other day I was sucking off gorillas behind the movie theatre for cashbucks to pay for my weekly delivery of goatse monthly...I mean. You know...
I'm not a fag. For real. One time I sucked a girl's nipples so hard I ripped them off and accidentally inhaled her ribcage and heart. Her mom was pissed at me for killing her daughter, but I showed her my cock and she giggled and let me go.
Then this hairy Italian plumber with wings in a dress farting sparkles walks up to me and he's like "I'm the fairy of poppin' yer cherry, and seeing as yer a virgin pussy, I need to get that shit popped before you turn 30 otherwise you'll be the laughingstock of me and every woman you will ever meet."
"You'd make them all know I was a virgin with your fairy magic?! Bastard!" I said, cocking my hand to slap him ("cockslapping", as the ancient samurai called the technique.)
But before he had time to answer, I tied him naked to a railroad track and lubed up his asshole. Then when a train came, it shoved itself into his anus and presumably, it hurt very much. But then, he shat it back at me at double the speed it was traveling before because he had a trampoline stuck up his ass and that's why now I'm paralyzed from the cock down.
I gave my tiny, flaccid penis to science because I didn't figure I had any use for it once the paralysis set in, but then a week later I saw my penis in with the frozen hot-dogs at my local supermarket and was outraged for about ten seconds but then bought the package and sewed my dick back on just to whip out at high society dinner parties as an icebreaker but usually they just throw me out and that's why I drink a lot.
Why the fuck would they call it an icebreaker if they didn't want me to break the ice? How was I supposed to know the sculpture cost more than three tons of gold?!
The other day, I accused my five year old son of being an alcoholic, and he said,
"No, Daddy! Stop saying that!" and beat his head against the wall in frustration.
But then I wisely pointed out that the first stage of alcoholism is denial, and he said, "Fuck it" and went to the bar for the night.
User Reviews
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2006-11-09 17:31:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Booo. You suck.
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-11-09 16:43:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
fuck you all... I'll suck your shit.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-11-09 15:13:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just like the good old days
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2006-11-09 10:14:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
First four lines smelled of shit
Didn't bother to read the rest
Oh, and that picture blows cock
Submitted by Cadrach (user info) at 2006-11-09 08:57:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I think "LSD 420" says it all.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-11-09 08:44:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Lunatic
Submitted by foster (user info) at 2006-11-09 08:33:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-11-09 08:18:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-11-09 08:17:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You could be a writer for this guy:
http://fat-pie.com/jerryjackson.htm
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-11-09 08:12:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I've done better, bosh has done better than that, but this did make me smile.