Sexual Harrassment Training promotes vivid sexual thoughts (506 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.61 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <mitchmarron.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2006-11-09 15:56:10 EST
My girlfriend's got this male friend, and their close relationship is really pissing me off.
Long story short, they're too close for my comfort level, and even though she says nothing's going on, I just don't think my girfriend should be that close to any straight guy.
Being a rational college-educated American male, I decided to handle the situation as maturely as I possibly could .... by with-holding sex.
It's a fine line to walk, as with-holding not enough sex will surely make you look like you're caving anyway, and with-holding too much will surely throw her directly onto the guy's crotch.
So you gotta be careful.
I understood that quite well, yet I've been with-holding it now for about 3 weeks, and not by choice.
The thought of her with that guy, or even just being disloyal to me with just words is enough (apparently) to have sent my penie into a literally downward spiraling depression.
I haven't been erect in 3 weeks, which beats my previous record by 2 weeks and 6 days.
This was becoming a problem... since I could tell she was extremely frustrated, and although I felt she'd suffered enough, I actually couldn't perform even though I felt the punishment was sufficient.
Oddly enough we had our annual visit from our HR representative today at my company.
She rounded up all the managers and she went over all the things that were considered "sexual harrassment".
"Inappropriate comments, like 'that dress really shows off your curves, Nancy', or 'you should unbutton that blouse a bit, Karen' are completely off-limits and should not be uttered no matter how innocently you mean them."
My penie twitched to the left.
Under normal circumstances that would mean it's 9:12am, time for morning ice mocha.
But today, that meant something was breathing life into my dying appendage.
"Also if you promise your subordinate preferential treatment based on going out with you on a date, or to get a drink, that is inappropriate as well."
My penie twitched to the right.
I was again surprised by the reaction. It felt like a child gasping for its first breath.
I could vividly imagine Angie, my direct report, in an excitingly compromising position. Sure she was 47 and slightly overweight... but something about promising her a promotion in exchange for performing a disappearing act involving my penis in her breasts just really seemed to make me tingle all over. This was odd since she'd been reporting to me for just under a year, and I'd never thought of her in that way.
"Lastly, any kind of sexual advance on any employee can be considered sexual harrassment, including but not limited to sexual favors in the office, or on company property, like in a warehouse or the parking lot."
DING DING DING DING... we've just tilted the pinball machine. Full erection was under way. Thank Vishnu I was wearing my trusted boxer briefs which do a decent job of covering up my (usually) modestly sized penie.... the warehouse... the parking lot... mmmmm soooo much to consider, so many ways to imagine the circumstances.
My pants felt tight. My penie was alive again.
It's 3:40pm now... i've just called my girlfriend and she seemed elated to meet me at my place at 4:00pm.
I don't care if she's cheating on me or what the hell's going on with that guy. Maybe something, maybe nothing.
But my penie's not mad at me anymore, and that's all that matters now.
Thank you Sexual Harrassment training... you are better than a porno.
And I'll never look at Angie the same way again.
User Reviews
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-11-10 10:02:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So you're saying if I worked at your company I'd have to take down the sign on my desk that says "I'd respect your mind more if it bounced gently when you walked"?
Submitted by mitchmarron (user info) at 2006-11-10 09:47:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
And you're all fags anyway. My penie felt some vajayjay last night, and all is right in the world.
And yes, withholding sex from a girl does work... if you know what you're doing in bed.
and on the coffee table.
and on the kitchen counter.
and on the hood of a chevy nova.
you little cumquats have probably never pleased a girl, so no, withholding sex from them probably wouldn't work for you.
It did for me, trust me.
And whomever said 'bad formatting' needs to take a good look in the mirror... then bash his head into it.
Fucking queerbait.
Submitted by mitchmarron (user info) at 2006-11-10 09:41:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
penie.
penie.
penie.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2006-11-10 08:36:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
"My girlfriend's got this male friend" =
1.You are clueless.
2.She is taking it up the ass from this dude.
3.Welcome Masturbationville, population-you.
Submitted by BubbaEarl (user info) at 2006-11-10 08:25:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
PENIE? you fucking girl
Submitted by ShakeyBear (user info) at 2006-11-10 08:18:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
So much stupidity, so little time.
"All women really hate sex and only pretend to like it to appease the guy."...RIIIGHT. Obvious stupid generalization.
This post was pretty shitty. Don't you people have better things to write about? Better things to DO? Maybe if you spent more time jacking off you wouldn't have trouble getting it up, and you'd spare us your stupid postings.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-11-09 19:03:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Formatting=Very bad
Plus, withholding sex from women never works. All women really hate sex and only pretend to like it to appease the guy. "Punishing" a woman by witholding sex is like "punishing" her by not letting her cook, take out the trash, pay the bills, and change the oil in your car.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-11-09 18:36:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-11-09 16:48:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
"My penie was alive again."
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-11-09 16:15:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
penie?
idiot.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-11-09 16:07:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If you watch chick tv like Buffy, then I can't blame her for hanging around other guys. She has to get a testosterone fix somewhere.
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2006-11-09 16:03:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha Ha awesome.
Submitted by Newty (user info) at 2006-11-09 16:02:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-11-09 16:00:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2006-11-09 15:58:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Let me guess.... you have some issues.