The North Pole (362 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.5 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Hit The Left <meeat.g.at.thehawk.mil (View user info) at 2006-11-09 21:01:32 EST
Peter North is my hero. If you are a man who has no idea who or what I'm talking about, quit reading this and go google him. He is the North Pole legend who has literally busted nuts on hundreds, if not thousands of porn stars.
Speaking of googling him, I was looking for one of his no-shirt, arms-crossed poses to blow up and print out so I could hang it on my wall when I found his wikipedia entry. It stated that he started out his career playing catcher in gay porn. I checked out other sources, which confirmed what I first read. I was totally shocked to read this; I almost turned away from praying for Peter North-sized loads (semen volumes) every night when I realized something: Is being gay really so bad?
I didn't know for sure. In order to know this, you have to try it. For example, I can't say, "I hate antelope" because I never ate it, so how am I to know I would like it or not? I know that I have no sexual attraction for men, but I also thought jerking off was a stupid waste of time before I busted air (climaxing with no sperm) when I was 12. After that I was watching Gumby and beating off, it didn't matter what was on TV.
Now then, I decided to put this experiment to work by trying something that I have not done to see if my hypothesis, if you will, matches up to the conclusion of the experiment.
For my project I tried sniffing my boxer's crotch area after a long day's work, to see if I liked it:
Hypothesis: I will not like this.
Conclusion: It's actually kind of nice.
I had the usual sweet piss scent going on as a result of putting my gun back in the holster before it finishes firing. By the way, does anyone else have that problem? I never hear anyone talk about it but it happens to me a lot, I shake and shake for about two minutes, then back into the holster it goes and I have to scream out, "Oh shit, misfire!!!"
Anyway, the way I felt about the smell was akin to the way I feel about the smell of my farts, I don't think they smell good but I just can't stop whiffing. To elaborate on my passion for this brand of smell, I once rolled up my car windows and farted just so I could sample the odor.
So, armed with thus knowledge, I had to find out if I would actually like gayness or being gay.
For the first experiment, I sat with my wife and talked about what kind of purse she should buy.
Hypothesis: I will not like this.
Conclusion: (Towelie voice:) I have no idea what's going on...
I had no clue what I was doing, my sense of "fashion" was so horrible that I couldn't tell anything apart and everything started looking like bags with trinkets/colors on them. I admit some looked completely ridiculous, but I couldn't tell the difference on most.
I was borderline on my gay conclusion when I realized I haven't tested the "prison gay" flavor of gayness, so I downloaded some lumberjack gay porn and tried to masturbate.
Hypothesis: I will probably end up throwing up through my top head instead of my bottom one.
Conclusion: Oh shit. I threw up through the bottom head after all.
I have no idea how I managed to bust, but I felt what must be what rape feels like after the fact, except it was my own hand that had just raped me. Because of this I have created the "Theory of Meat G(obbler)'s Non-Gayness", which states I am not gay through experimentation rather than observation only.
Yeah, yeah, ok, I should have known that if I was not attracted to men I would not like being gay, but at least I know for sure. You better find out on your own terms before it's too late as well.
Lastly, if you are asking, "Why didn't you go all the way and engulf a meat stick?", well friends, I figured that this sprint wouldn't give me any kind of "second wind" on any level. Self-rape is one thing, but that is where I draw the line.
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-11-10 10:02:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
bust air?
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-11-10 03:55:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-11-10 02:14:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i cup my farts to share them with friends
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2006-11-10 02:05:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ATTN GHEY MENZ
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-09 22:52:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I really like your username and I don't know why.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-11-09 22:14:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-11-09 21:57:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is funny as hell!
By the way, I'll let you suck me off, if you think that'd help.