Multi-Tool My Ass! (601 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.42 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by "Uber Village Idiot" Thored (View user info) at 2006-11-09 23:38:38 EST
It was an interesting morning. So interesting, I decided to pay homage to this fantastic website and share my experiences with boys and girls across the nation. Feel privlaged.
*
Prelude
In days gone by, I had used the old fashioned Corel Word Perfect. Infact, I could say that me and Corel had a pretty good relationship. I typed up my papers, Corel listened, and did it's job.
*
As I sit here among my destroyed desktop objects, broken headphones, and bent computer case, I find myself yearning for the sweet touch of Corel yet again. Oh Corel, how I miss you so. You see, a couple of weeks back I suffered a catastrophic failure of the computer. What resulted was the loss of my precious program.
ENTER- MICROSOFT OFFICE
While my computer could not be restored to its former glory, it still needed to serve its former purpose. Being a man of the present, I decided to buy Microsoft Office. I now see the errors of my ways. I wish I could repent, but that just isn't possible anymore. Needless to say, I was underwhelmed; it didn't look as sexy, it was a Microsoft product, I felt confused, I was lost, it was a Microsoft's product, ect. To be honest, it was like sex for the first time, save that the rubber in the condom is vulcanized, and she's wearing braces. Not my idea of a good time.
Get your hand off your penis and keep reading.
Anyways, the final straw was about to be drawn. Oh, you know exactly what it is. Macgyver has used this object to save the world a few times. You know of what I speak. That's right Yoda, the paper clip finally had come to town. It asked for my query, I asked it to go away, it counter proposed, I asked another question, it's like the little bastard was made to prevent me from working. I slammed my fists off the keyboard in a barbaric rage. Suddenly my desktop appeared. Somehow, even through the decimations made to this keyboard, still the stupid windows button could be pressed.
Tip of the week: To fix windows. Take a flathead screwdriver and pry the windows keys from their resting place between your ctrl and alt keys.
The clip wasn't phased by this display of pure manliness at all. Still it persisted to ask for my questions. It's beady little eyes staring at me, penetrating me deep into my soul the way that only an animated paper clip can. I could have just closed MS office, but then it would have won. I can't let that happen. As I continued on with my work, the paper clip would make small appearances, clearly it was taunting me. After the third attack made on my desk, it happened... the desk imploded. Actually, it just cracked in half, but the word imploded made that sound so much better. Lessons learned: Number one, 10 dollar desk from Ikea: probably made out of two slabs of MDF held together with cardboard. I can't even get screws to stay inside this four inch thick piece of shit. Number two, Microsoft is the devil. While that little paper clip may seem useful and friendly, don't think that it won't end up taking you out.. when you least expect it.
I wish a paperclip could get me out of a tight spot =(
The sad part is, I'm not playin'.
User Reviews
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2006-11-10 19:00:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I smiled
Submitted by Newty (user info) at 2006-11-10 13:54:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
if you were only using it on a temporary basis wouldn't it have been cheaper to use open source?
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-11-10 07:23:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You want me to multi-tool your ass? Well, ok then.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2006-11-10 07:13:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Get your hand off your penis and keep reading -> lol
thanx hour for smile no2 , genius video ...
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-11-10 04:23:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Meh, nothing happened here. This could have been called 'I just woke up in the new Millenium' or or even 'Someone did this in video many years ago'.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQkfhECqVjM
There's your link to the paperclip thingy.
Submitted by phauna (user info) at 2006-11-10 04:21:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Shhh..... don't tell him.
+1 for the pic.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-11-09 23:51:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
you do know you can turn the office buddy OFF, right?