A Modest Proposal to Paul Hewson (Bono) (449 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.59 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Dominic Peers (View user info) at 2006-11-10 07:06:42 EST
"It's an amazing thing to think that ours is the first generation in history that really can end extreme poverty, the kind that means a child dies for lack of food in its belly. That should be seen as the most incredible, historic opportunity but instead it's become a millstone around our necks. We let our own pathetic excuses about how it's "difficult" justify our own inaction. Be honest. We have the science, the technology, and the wealth. What we don't have is the will, and that's not a reason that history will accept."
- Bono speaking to the World Association of Newspapers for World Press Freedom Day (3 May 2004).
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Bono,
We agree on so many levels. Nelson Mandela is also our hero. He spent 32 years in jail, and since being released has not reoffended. This proves that the prison system works.
What we'd really like to discuss with you, however, is the situation in Africa, We don't have to tell you about the horrors plaguing our planet. Even in our most downbeat moments, when the world is against us, we can still flog ourselves with the knowledge that any starving ethopian kid would love to be us - which makes us feel much worse.
Of course, none of this is helping Africa.
It's not just the present situation in Africa that concerns us; it's the future.
The population of Uganda alone looks set to double by 2025. High birthrate threatens any chance of economic development. AIDS, Ebola, Malaria, Leprosy. The continent is a stinking pot of disease. Nothing gets better. They suffer. And suffer. And it will get only worse.
The solution, for right-thinking kindhearted people, is simple: We must nuke Africe.
Nuking Africa provides instant gratification for the United States. Instant gratification is the best kind of gratification there is. Nothing beats instant gratification. Look at the Iraq war - you can't tell us that wasn't about instant gratification. We're pretty sure the battle plan there was: "Well, we gonna kick some goddamn ass - Fuck Yeah! - and then we'll just sort of
, uhhm, I dunno. Hang around, I guess. Maybe we'll get to kick some more goddamn ass. HooAAH!"
Nuking africa is the only solution, the final solution, to ending suffering in africa. The entire landmass will be converted from a demonic manifestation of shit into a radioacive Nirvana.
Mr. Bono, may we trust on your support?
Sincerely,
Concerned Ululators for the Nuking of Third-world Sovereignties (C.U.N.T.S)
User Reviews
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-13 23:21:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I wish it had just read "Fuck off" or something. You know, something like that but funnier.
Submitted by Zampolit (user info) at 2006-11-13 23:12:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Anyone who read Swift's Modest Proposal would also know that the essay does infact reflect his actual views and even though the body of the work is satiric he does present a viable solution at the end. If this is to be a reflection of a Modest Proposal, then the end of the article would express your actual views, making you one sick fuck. Also, if you want to post something under the category humor, make sure it is actually funny and not a pathetic rip off of a respected piece of literature. Don't quit your day job.
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Fuck you, I don't even have a day job. Ha ha, who's the loser now?
Submitted by Jarnjonack (user info) at 2006-11-13 10:00:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Anyone who read Swift's Modest Proposal would also know that the essay does infact reflect his actual views and even though the body of the work is satiric he does present a viable solution at the end. If this is to be a reflection of a Modest Proposal, then the end of the article would express your actual views, making you one sick fuck. Also, if you want to post something under the category humor, make sure it is actually funny and not a pathetic rip off of a respected piece of literature. Don't quit your day job.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-11-10 19:50:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2006-11-10 08:21:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
Two words for the solution in Africa: Soylent Green
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mmm, AIDS-flavoured
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-11-10 08:31:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's a joke. As anyone who'd read the original Modest Proposal (concerning turning Irish children into gloves or meat) would know.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-11-10 08:29:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Remember the nuke scene in Terminator 2? That was awesome.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2006-11-10 08:21:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Two words for the solution in Africa: Soylent Green
Submitted by Zampolit (user info) at 2006-11-10 08:17:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ShakeyBear (user info) at 2006-11-10 08:03:25 (#)
Ranking: -1
Africe?
Dumb on many levels.
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After reading your masterworks I've decided to leave Ubersite. The shame of having my spelling
corrected by someone who writes about ass photographers is too biting. Farewell.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-11-10 08:06:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Made me laugh. This is, of course - a joke.
I'm keeping an eye on that Mandela fellow when he's around money. He's a black bloke you know!
Submitted by ShakeyBear (user info) at 2006-11-10 08:03:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Africe?
Dumb on many levels.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-11-10 07:52:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The instant gratification bit is pretty funny.
Submitted by GMCrayon (user info) at 2006-11-10 07:18:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Zampolit (user info) at 2006-11-10 07:17:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
There is nothing wrong with my face.
Submitted by X-File (user info) at 2006-11-10 07:16:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Should've been done ages ago.
The nuking that is.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-11-10 07:15:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
tell me you're being facetious.