I don’t think they’ll pay me to masturbate (635 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.73 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by analbuttplug (View user info) at 2006-11-10 17:58:59 EST
I'm not ashamed to admit to a bunch of people I'll never meet that I take very, very frequent - and sometimes lengthy - bathroom breaks during my work day. I have this horrible habit of being honest about shit no one cares about, however. You see we have this strange means of keeping track of how many hours we've worked in a day via little more than an online spreadsheet. We simply go in at the end of the day and put in how many hours we've worked alongside the applicable tasking. For me there's two: one for my primary job that takes up most of my time, and one for a side duty that involves some paperwork.
But there's not one for sitting around, not one for daydreaming, not one for playing endless hours of World of Warcraft (a guy down the hall... that's ALL he does). I'm afraid that if there was one in there for everything I actually did, here's how my day would break down:
Primary duty: 4 hours
Paperwork duty: 1 hour
Smoke: 1.5 hours
Flirt with secretary: 30 minutes
Masturbate: 1 hour
I work with a lot of women, and they're all hot. Today this chick that's been on maternity leave came by to show off her kid. She has had a few little shits in her day, but she looked as if she hadn't had any. She smiled at me as I walked away, so off to the can I went.
I fantasize about all of them. My fantasies are lazy though... lazier than I am. We're basically in there just to release the pressure. My brain isn't going to do any work unless there's someone else around. The fantasies are never very realistic. Whole chunks of time go missing, furniture comes and goes, people teleport in and out. It's always great right towards the end... so I got the MILF bent over her desk, then in pops the secretary. Somehow she managed to cruise the hallways naked without getting caught. No time to take her clothes off once she gets there, so she did it on the way apparently. Secretary's ass is in my face. Apparently she's either standing on the desk or floating in the air. The climax commences, they disappear, and I'm instantly clothed.
That's a normal fantasy. It gets fucked up even worse if someone comes in there to take a piss. I feel like I have to be still or I'll get caught, even though they can't see me. After they leave I rejoin the fantasy, only to find that the ladies have already finished without me. GODDAMMIT!
Veteran's Day is being observed today, so nobody is here really. So today's time card is gonna look like this:
Primary duty: 30 minutes
Paperwork duty: 1 hour
Flirt (with three ladies): 1 hour
Lunch: 2 hours
Masturbate: 1 hour
Smoke: 1 hour
Online flash games: 2.5 hours
User Reviews
Submitted by Mephisto (user info) at 2006-11-13 17:47:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Doubtful anyone is hitting this post anymore since it's so old, but I must share what just happened...
I'm in the stall taking care of business when I hear the intercom system beep. That means the secretary is doing an all-call. I just know it's me she's calling for. Sure enough not 15 seconds later, my cell phone rings. I answer...
ME: Yeah?!
HER: Where are you?
ME: I'm fine, how are you?
HER: No... WHERE are you?
ME: You don't want to know.
HER: Well the time card server is down, so hurry up.
-click-
Hurry up she says, and indeed I did.
Submitted by jfreakman (user info) at 2006-11-12 22:44:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-11-10 18:07:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
Doesn't everyone who works in an office cop a diddle at work once in a while?
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Yep, and I work in a restuarant. I hope you all have eaten there.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-11-11 19:18:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
this is an ok idea, with some interesting devices, but needed a lot more to make it really worth reading.
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2006-11-11 18:40:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Entertaining enough.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-11-11 00:27:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
nahbad.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-11-11 00:16:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was good. And there was enough toilet humor. I suppose more could not hurt but this was much better than the rating would indicate.
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2006-11-10 23:08:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
dont sperm banks pay you to masturbate?
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-11-10 23:03:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2006-11-10 22:48:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-11-10 18:03:31 (#)
Ranking: 1
This is amazingly cut and dry, try to add some musings, speculations, or tolit humor, that works well here, otherwise not horrible.
+1 spencer put me in a good mood.
__________
So Spencers gay right? and he put doodles in a good mood eh?
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Best head I ever got, and with that-I'm gone for the night.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2006-11-10 22:48:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-11-10 18:03:31 (#)
Ranking: 1
This is amazingly cut and dry, try to add some musings, speculations, or tolit humor, that works well here, otherwise not horrible.
+1 spencer put me in a good mood.
__________
So Spencers gay right? and he put doodles in a good mood eh?
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-11-10 21:31:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fleshed out, this could have been very entertaining. As it was, it was ok.
By the way, you spend a whole hour masturbating?! You're either really, really good at it, or really bad at it. But kudos for getting paid for it. You're just like Peter North, except without the sixpack or the giant schlong.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-11-10 19:03:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Not bad, not bad...not GREAT but OK
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-11-10 18:30:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
need to include pics of your co-workers for our spanking enjoyment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-11-10 18:15:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-11-10 18:03:31 (#)
Ranking: 1
This is amazingly cut and dry, try to add some musings, speculations, or tolit humor, that works well here, otherwise not horrible.
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Pretty much covered it.
-Dave
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-11-10 18:10:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Mildly humorous
Submitted by Sandecki (user info) at 2006-11-10 18:09:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-11-10 18:07:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Doesn't everyone who works in an office cop a diddle at work once in a while?
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-11-10 18:03:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This is amazingly cut and dry, try to add some musings, speculations, or tolit humor, that works well here, otherwise not horrible.
+1 spencer put me in a good mood.