DOOM: the best game of all time. (809 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.52 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by dave benson <misterkick.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-11-11 10:18:09 EST
Thirteen years ago, Darth Vader, Thor, and Bruce Campbell all teamed up to lend their abilities to a few nerds at id Software. No one really knows why it had to be done, but the bottom line was DOOM had to be made, if for nothing else but to give a few squares solid kicks in the teeth.
It was offensive, silly, and all-around brutal, but in the end DOOM was the best of its kind. Modern scholars were puzzled by it, and many assumed that in four years it would completely replace women as a source of entertainment. After all, DOOM doesn't complain. It doesn't even speak english. DOOM speaks only two languages, both of which are universally understood: heavy metal and violence. DOOM could also adapt to many situations, being either as hard or as easy as those who played (read: men) wanted. It was also very predictable in the end, which is a better alternative to the chaos that women offer. Yes, it's a shame these men weren't right, because DOOM is obviously superior to even the best tits.
But I regress. When DOOM first came out, it wasn't hailed by critics. It took a while for the ideas within to sneak into our society, but when they did, people weren't the same. They were changed. Idiots came out to speak against DOOM for its gratuitous violence and its "gung-ho" attitude, something that is still going on today. What morons like Jack Thompson (who tried and failed at getting Rockstar's newest title Bully pulled from shelves) don't know is that men don't want to jump from platform to platform, collecting coins. Hell, DOOM doesn't even have a jump button, and that's what makes it perfect. It doesn't need one to kick your ass.
Over the years, the DOOM community (a bold, hairy-chested one at that) has adapted to the times, offering total conversions, turning DOOM into a Batman simulation, or even a Mortal Kombat-esque fighting game. The smarter ones simply added on to the perfection that was DOOM with new maps. But really though, DOOM could last through the times without the aid of a kick-ass modding community. Over the years, DOOM II alone has given me more hours of fun than any Final Fantasy or Tekken game. It's not that these games are new-age that bothers me. It's simply that nothing can match the subtle perfection that is DOOM.
You see, these assholes try to find perfection. They try miracle creams to take the wrinkles off of their faces and they look for the Fountain of Youth. They pray to God hoping that they get to heaven, where maybe it's perfect. They fight their wars in a constant race for perfection. They've missed the point.
DOOM is perfection.
User Reviews
Submitted by Timmaaaaah (user info) at 2006-11-15 07:10:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Your dooooooooooooomed
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-11-15 07:08:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've changed my mind - fuck Battle of Britain by Lucasfilm. Ultima Underworld 1 is the greatest game of all time. It's singular, and seminal.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-11-15 06:57:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the best game ever is this:
http://www.addictinggames.com/bubbletrouble.html
Or, if that doesnt work, try just bubble trouble. Best game ever.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-11-15 04:20:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:35:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
rob, dont try and make me think youre stupid. this is twice now that youve tried to have a go at me for the obviously facetious and intentional use of a stupid word to highlight the silliness of your point. i know that, you know that, so why have you gone for this weak angle twice?
the only thing i can suggest is that you have nothing else to say. see you had me with a couple good calls, and as you also know, you rode them a bit too long and now youre havnig to go for typos and feigned misunderstanding to have a shot. if youre so dry on material, why keep up this pretense of argument?
the only possible answer is, as you said, because it entertains you, that you cant get enough of the responses i give you so you can try and have yet another crack at me. i would suggest that the only one with the e-crush, is you, my friend. if we were in a playground youd be punching my arm and running off giggling.
course, in response idve bashed you for being a fag. nothing personal.
as for your thoughts about ets, well theres no accounting for taste. if you think that the nauseating prattling of second-hand thoughts,wide-eyed conspiracy theory and self-acclaimed enlightenment is praiseworthy, and indeed, even enlightened, then i suggest you have a long hard think about it.
ets spends his time prattling his 'philosophies' to a faceless and largely careless few on an obscure website. he has read a few books, but he is uneducated, he is enlightened and the very first to tell you about how much he is.
he may well be 'more enlightened' than i, but i ask you: where is the fucking gauge for that? i would say that someone who so desperately proclaims it to the world has yet to find it. me personally, i jsut want a cold beer and a blow job.
youre just yet another faceless person whos come looking to me for a few moments of fun arguing about shit on the internet. you say you know nothing of me, and dont care - you spend more time thinking about me than i have of you. a lot more.
you, like everyone else on this site loves me.
youre wrong, *i* rule.
---
Nope. No drama being manufactured here. Poor lost and forgotten cheat code has picked his battle.
We haves ourselves a pissin' match. WOO!
-NERD FIGHT - NERD FIGHT - NERD FIGHT - NERD FIGHT - NERD FIGHT - NERD FIGHT-
"rob, dont try and make me think youre stupid."
huh?
You LED with that?
Crappy passive aggressive nonsense littered with your ever-so rebellious literary distain for punctuation?
WEAK.
Um... my 'angle' was to highlight my POINT that 'noob' is the worst internet slam out there and that 'oh noes' is painfully stupid. Both were exceptionally well presented, I felt. I totally won both of those arguments.
"Why keep up this pretense of argument?"
Because I DO find it amusing AND I am kicking your ass. You are obviously quite irritated by this whole thing and it makes me happy to know that 7 people out there are witnessing this little display... especially considering you are grasping at straws here, sunshine.
I have no issue with you. I scoot around this site and I weed out entertainment - which I invariably find. Sometimes I have been known to stumble across your poorly written, mopey self congratulatory nonsense and think "...that guy needs a hug."
Not because I'm one of them there homos...or... 'fags'.... just because you just come off as really desperate and depressed at times.
As far as ETS is concerned - I just think that kid has some really great enthusiasm and I agree with a lot of what he says. He may act like an idiot sometimes - but I also see him dealing with a lot of really irritating know-it-alls on this site that are just as stubborn as him and it exhausts the poor boy. I find the whole exchange very entertaining. The circus that surrounds him can produce some of the most interesting commentary and insights into some pretty divergent thoughts and positions. I loves it.
Oh, and if anyone should be taking 'a long hard think' about anything - it's how much time you spent in BOTH of these posts waxing poetic about him. You seem to have quite the obsession there, mate.
Oh, and Yes, I love you.
You are my 2nd favorite cheat code, ever.
XO XO x
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:35:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
rob, dont try and make me think youre stupid. this is twice now that youve tried to have a go at me for the obviously facetious and intentional use of a stupid word to highlight the silliness of your point. i know that, you know that, so why have you gone for this weak angle twice?
the only thing i can suggest is that you have nothing else to say. see you had me with a couple good calls, and as you also know, you rode them a bit too long and now youre havnig to go for typos and feigned misunderstanding to have a shot. if youre so dry on material, why keep up this pretense of argument?
the only possible answer is, as you said, because it entertains you, that you cant get enough of the responses i give you so you can try and have yet another crack at me. i would suggest that the only one with the e-crush, is you, my friend. if we were in a playground youd be punching my arm and running off giggling.
course, in response idve bashed you for being a fag. nothing personal.
as for your thoughts about ets, well theres no accounting for taste. if you think that the nauseating prattling of second-hand thoughts,wide-eyed conspiracy theory and self-acclaimed enlightenment is praiseworthy, and indeed, even enlightened, then i suggest you have a long hard think about it.
ets spends his time prattling his 'philosophies' to a faceless and largely careless few on an obscure website. he has read a few books, but he is uneducated, he is enlightened and the very first to tell you about how much he is.
he may well be 'more enlightened' than i, but i ask you: where is the fucking gauge for that? i would say that someone who so desperately proclaims it to the world has yet to find it. me personally, i jsut want a cold beer and a blow job.
youre just yet another faceless person whos come looking to me for a few moments of fun arguing about shit on the internet. you say you know nothing of me, and dont care - you spend more time thinking about me than i have of you. a lot more.
you, like everyone else on this site loves me.
youre wrong, *i* rule.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:58:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:09:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
no, rob, sorry, putting shit on typos is still weaker than 'noob'. especially given the use of 'noob' is sarcastic in this case.
oh noes! relative obscurity on an obscure website! whatever will i do? i get enough attention, and ive always distanced myself from the cliquey bullshit and stupid drama you have to wallow in to be a 'popular' person around here. you, on the other come here to ride the raggedy old coat-tails of a conspiracy-theorist, half-arsed 'philosopher' who struts around telling everyone he's more enlightened than they are, and gets his arse handed to him by 98% of the people who frequent this site.
see, the problem here is that im at a disadvatage: ive got fuck-all insults to come back at you with because i dont have the slightest fucking clue who you are, or what you do, besides nuzzling at the bloated teat of the aforementioned mental case, whereas you have a vertiable store of insults and comebacks, if not from the vast store of posts, then from the ill will ive built up with a vast slew of people over the time ive wasted on this site. go ahead, ask around. im sure you have.
write a post that doesnt disappear from the front page with nary a person noticing, and maybe we can have a chat. in the meantime, keep telling me about me, i love hearing it.
---
HAHA
I say the 'noob' card is worse... but it's a pretty pathetic argument to be having on a post that is what... 3 days old now? 4?
The term 'oh noes' - is stupid. You look stupid using it, I have now become a little stupider having typed it out and the 4 people that will unfortunately stumble across this pointless little scrap of ours are now all dumber for it as well.
You call this distance? You could have let this little exchange drop... but you wanted to prolong THIS drama didn't you? Why is that? Do you have some sort of e-crush on me?
Do you want to e-hump my mouth?
See, cheat code, you are most certainly at the disadvantage because I bug you about the things you actually type up - you rely on boring, poorly written conjecture to make fun of me.
It just so happens I think Mr. Tooth is INFINITELY more interesting and entertaining than you. He is likely far more enlightened as well - but not knowing that much about you I can't really say for sure. I do know that I care much more about what he has to say than anything that leaks out of your emo-addled brain.
In fact - I really don't care much about you at all. Certainly not enough to 'ask around'. This entire exchange is little more than a momentary distraction in a long night of scooting around this little cesspool barfing out my random commentary.
Why? Because it amuses me. Greatly.
Truth be told I have only read maybe 5 of your posts - I rather enjoyed 'skate it off' and the one about your solution to the growing...ah... "Muslim problem".
See the thing is I DO think you are an incredibly bright fellow, and I am sure you have written some really fantastic things - I just can't be bothered to read them because I think yer kind of a dick. A depressing one at that.
"write a post that (doesn't) disappear from the front page with nary a person noticing, and maybe we can have a chat."
I didn't think it was possible to come up with something worse that 'oh noes'... but that is really horrible dude. You read that over a couple times and let me know if you can spot the idiocy.
>whew<
There. I think I have pert near exhausted my knowledge of you - AND written an infinitely more entertaining comment ta boot.
I rule.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:14:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
the use of noob was facetious, not sarcastic.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:09:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
no, rob, sorry, putting shit on typos is still weaker than 'noob'. especially given the use of 'noob' is sarcastic in this case.
oh noes! relative obscurity on an obscure website! whatever will i do? i get enough attention, and ive always distanced myself from the cliquey bullshit and stupid drama you have to wallow in to be a 'popular' person around here. you, on the other come here to ride the raggedy old coat-tails of a conspiracy-theorist, half-arsed 'philosopher' who struts around telling everyone he's more enlightened than they are, and gets his arse handed to him by 98% of the people who frequent this site.
see, the problem here is that im at a disadvatage: ive got fuck-all insults to come back at you with because i dont have the slightest fucking clue who you are, or what you do, besides nuzzling at the bloated teat of the aforementioned mental case, whereas you have a vertiable store of insults and comebacks, if not from the vast store of posts, then from the ill will ive built up with a vast slew of people over the time ive wasted on this site. go ahead, ask around. im sure you have.
write a post that doesnt disappear from the front page with nary a person noticing, and maybe we can have a chat. in the meantime, keep telling me about me, i love hearing it.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-11-14 02:00:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-11-14 01:47:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
COUNTER STRIKE FOREVAH
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-11-14 01:35:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-11-13 19:52:23 (#)
Ranking: 0
oh and you also didnt realise that i made a show of not proof-reading for the majority of my time here. ask around, noob.
and 'slamming' typos is possibly *the* weakest of internet arguments. why dont you go ahead and liken me to hitler now, for good measure?
---
HAHA
Poor widdle underappreciated cheat code! I'm sorry if I offended you with my attention. I would think you would be grateful considering how relatively forgotten you are around these parts.
I'm glad you are so keen to show off how much you don't care... I guess that is why you jumped right on this review huh?
Weak? HAH!
I mean typing ;; instead of ll is the easily weakest editing mistake I have seen in a long time.
Do you not look at the monitor when you are typing? Are you STILL hunting and pecking?
Someone of your considerable writing pedigree is surely capable of touch typing? Hmmm?
Oh, and for the record - calling someone a 'noob' is by FAR the weakest of internet slams.
-and-
Likening you to Hitler would only be funny if you were important or in some way charismatic. You are neither.
Run along now... you don't want to be late for your date with relative obscurity.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-11-13 19:52:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh and you also didnt realise that i made a show of not proof-reading for the majority of my time here. ask around, noob.
and 'slamming' typos is possibly *the* weakest of internet arguments. why dont you go ahead and liken me to hitler now, for good measure?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-11-13 18:46:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Darn it...
*someone*
uhg. of course I make a slam about proof-reading and then fuck up.
doh.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-11-13 18:33:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-11-11 16:44:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
hi. i own any post relating, involved with or pertaining to that game.
you, by law, MUST refer to me if you in any way, shape or form a;;ude or refer to DOOM or any of its clones, homages, or variants.
---
Astounding how you managed to miss ';;'.
Is your emo-ness so profound that you have stopped even proof-reading now? Could some down under go give that poor cheat code a hug?
Oh, and DOOM was fair.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-11-13 18:16:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
old-skool
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-11-12 19:04:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EvolvedChicken (user info) at 2006-11-12 13:07:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
How about DOOM on the Wii? I like the idea.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How about they have been pushing for a new release since Doom 3 and this is just going to be anotyher dissapointment, just like Doom 3, where they will just put the game out to whore the title, regardless of actual content, ease of use, playability, or coherence. All they will do is say "Look at this new game. It is shiny and has good graphics. Listen to the sound. It plays metal music, because we know you kids will love whatever generic, cookiecutter music we decide to put out. Buy this game."
Submitted by EvolvedChicken (user info) at 2006-11-12 13:07:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How about DOOM on the Wii? I like the idea.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-11-12 13:04:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Doom was not that great. Quake kicked the shit out of it when it came along.
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2006-11-12 00:48:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
doom is great, but nothing will amuse me more than fallout 2
i hail fallout 2 the king of all things game!
Submitted by Thored (user info) at 2006-11-12 00:18:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I disagree.
Submitted by shinebox (user info) at 2006-11-11 22:47:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wot bout halo ya cunt
ya neva said nuffin bout halo ya cunt
Submitted by Lizz_Zero (user info) at 2006-11-11 22:37:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You don't need a jump button to kick ass! Love the game!
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2006-11-11 19:32:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ummm Halo?
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-11-11 18:14:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hilarious.
Reminds me of the first uberpost I ever read.
Submitted by mynameisandy (user info) at 2006-11-11 17:12:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
DOOM is badass. The only game to make me jump out of my seat. AND I had to play the shitty SNES version for years, you couldnt even circle strafe... or save!
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-11-11 17:05:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-11-11 16:44:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
hi. i own any post relating, involved with or pertaining to that game.
you, by law, MUST refer to me if you in any way, shape or form a;;ude or refer to DOOM or any of its clones, homages, or variants.
--------------------
god modes are for little girls and attn ghey cheaters, john carmack. And the greatest game of all time is Battle of Britain by Lucasfilm.
Submitted by Newty (user info) at 2006-11-11 16:51:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i hate video games so much
Submitted by garudave (user info) at 2006-11-11 16:47:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
iddqd, remind me when I get a time machine to go back in time and tell myself everything you just said, and it will be done.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-11-11 16:44:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hi. i own any post relating, involved with or pertaining to that game.
you, by law, MUST refer to me if you in any way, shape or form a;;ude or refer to DOOM or any of its clones, homages, or variants.
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2006-11-11 16:36:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why isn't this rated higher? Even if you disagree about how great DOOM is (I'm a bigger fan of Quake 2), its one of the best articles I'VE seen on here in a long fuckin' time.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-11-11 12:55:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice to see you're plugging away without getting the hump that your last two posts didn't go down well.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-11-11 12:13:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Personally, the two game series I've ever enjoyed were Diablo, and Diablo 2 (it fucking sucks now because everyone who plays it are rich retarded kids, who buy shit) and heroes of might and magic.
Doom 1 I liked the rest...not so much.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-11-11 11:42:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Duke Nukem 3D.
Castle Wolfenstein.
Return to Castle Wolfenstein.
Pong.
I win. While Doom is a good game, it only comes close to Duke Nukem 3D, but even then, 3D is a far superior game in every way possible.
Doom 3 was a sad excuse for a game. They put it out essentially to sell the title rather than the game itself, and is currently on par with comic book movies and the shitty remakes of old movies.
Submitted by GMCrayon (user info) at 2006-11-11 10:59:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-11-11 10:44:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
DOOM 3 is bloody terrifying
Submitted by FelizJbirth (user info) at 2006-11-11 10:21:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember making the first "Star Wars" sound mod for the original Doom. I was so proud. Now I'm just ashamed.