The War of All Wars. (Pt. 2) (353 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesLabels: the_war_of_all_wars
Rating: 0.09 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by http://www.nowthatshumor.com (View user info) at 2006-11-13 11:13:50 EST
The War of All Wars. (Pt. 1) - http://www.ubersite.com/m/95667
We exit the trenches, all that stands between us and victory is 100 yards of wasted earth and there main line of defense. As I fully erect out of the trench with my comrades suppressed machine gun fire rips past me, striking comrades to my left and right. 88mm shells slam into the ground around us; an easy 20% of us are instant casualties as we exit the trenches. The horrors of this war are once again fully exposed to me.
I rush about 10 yards to what's left of a mobile armored vehicle, rip to pieces by artillery fire, but still together enough to provide decent cover for at least 2 men. There is me and 4 other comrades attempting to find cover behind this burned vehicle, it is futile. Two are easy targets for the machine gunners. The bullets enter them leaving an exit hole much larger than where they came in. Blood and screams are drowned out by exploding shells and repetitive machine gun fire.
I gain my composer and signal another group of comrades hiding in artillery holes to my right. This is the signal we are dread but someone has to do it or we'll all die here. I signal them to move forward on my mark to the first line of defenses they have setup protecting there base. I brace myself, breathing heavily and trying to get my shell shocked mind focused. I glance over and scan there defenses.
I notice 4 machine gun nests, manned by at least 3 grunts each. There are about 40 grunts dug in as well. Also I see the artillery setup for the 88mm shells that have been tearing our unit apart for weeks now. All of a sudden the rage builds in me; I remember watching last night 22 comrades suffer a fate worse than death from a chemical laced 88mm shell. They use chemical weapons not to kill but to ruin a solider. They want us to waste supplies on wounded.
I signal what's left of my advancing unit to push forward; as I exit from behind the vehicle I lob a concussion grenade into the first machine gun nest. As luck will have it I make it inside. The grenade goes off, leaving the 3 grunts inside paralyzed for a brief moment. I run up with another comrade and we rip massive rifle fire inside the nest, sparing no one. On my left I notice the other 2 nests being over run by my comrades, they as well show no mercy.
We jump into the trenches and start the yard by yard warfare. We duck In and out fighting hand to hand and close combat duels. They are doing there best to protect there 88mm artillery. As we close in I notice we have already lost almost 80% of the advancing unit, but their main trench is basically ours. As we move in on the artillery site dug into the trench they all surrender. Surrender in this war is not an option; we line them up on the walls of the muddy trench. I rise my rife to shoot them, I'm stop by a comrade, let's bayonet them, save the bullets.
After we make sure these men get what they deserve I peer out of the trench we have just occupied. We are still about 120 yards from there base and a few more defense trenches in front of it. We have successfully taken their first line of defense to this base, but at the cost of almost my whole unit. I sent a scout back to signal our advance to this trench. I would rest, but I know we'll soon need to advance again. My company commander comes up to me, odd he is this close to the fighting. He tells me he has a special mission for me.
User Reviews
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2006-11-16 16:04:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Would be +2 if it weren't for the horrific grammar and spelling...
Among other things there != their!
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-11-14 12:59:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ubmitted by Sandecki (user info) at 2006-11-13 12:36:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-11-13 12:27:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
This is an enjoyable read, but it's marred by constant typo's. Seriously, take the time to proof-read your work before you submit it. If you suck at it, get someone else to.
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Sounds like a good idea, but I don't know anyone who is really good at proof reading, I seriously do go over my work and try to do the best I can, again this is my first real attempt but I enjoy the feedback.
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Can you not type the story in a word processor first and let it spell check for you? email system even... christ my internet browser even checks my spelling for me.\
Submitted by Sandecki (user info) at 2006-11-13 17:00:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-11-13 15:32:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
If you were smart, you'd tell everyone English isn't your first language, because otherwise this is embarrassing.
If you told me you were Russian, I'd totally believe it - your syntax is Slavonic by nature.
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I just can never win, hopefully part 3 will come out much better.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-11-13 15:32:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If you were smart, you'd tell everyone English isn't your first language, because otherwise this is embarrassing.
If you told me you were Russian, I'd totally believe it - your syntax is Slavonic by nature.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-11-13 13:31:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sandecki (user info) at 2006-11-13 13:05:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-11-13 12:55:38 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sandecki (user info) at 2006-11-13 12:42:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-11-13 12:40:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
As I fully erect out of the trench
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This was unintentionally funny as shit. Is English not your first language?
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Sadly it is, but I'm marred for growing up in Chicago with the lovely urban slang, I do try my best to make sense. What would you suggest I should of used instead?
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Something that won't make perverts think of peni? I lived in Chicago for a little bit, cool town, I like the Voodoo Lounge. And Ed Debevicks.
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I ment it as he was standing up straight, damn that internet porn! It is corrupting us all!
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-11-13 12:55:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sandecki (user info) at 2006-11-13 12:42:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-11-13 12:40:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
As I fully erect out of the trench
==================================
This was unintentionally funny as shit. Is English not your first language?
----------------------------------
Sadly it is, but I'm marred for growing up in Chicago with the lovely urban slang, I do try my best to make sense. What would you suggest I should of used instead?
===============
Something that won't make perverts think of peni? I lived in Chicago for a little bit, cool town, I like the Voodoo Lounge. And Ed Debevicks.
Submitted by Sandecki (user info) at 2006-11-13 12:42:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-11-13 12:40:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
As I fully erect out of the trench
==================================
This was unintentionally funny as shit. Is English not your first language?
----------------------------------
Sadly it is, but I'm marred for growing up in Chicago with the lovely urban slang, I do try my best to make sense. What would you suggest I should of used instead?
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-11-13 12:40:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
As I fully erect out of the trench
==================================
This was unintentionally funny as shit. Is English not your first language?
Submitted by Sandecki (user info) at 2006-11-13 12:36:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-11-13 12:27:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
This is an enjoyable read, but it's marred by constant typo's. Seriously, take the time to proof-read your work before you submit it. If you suck at it, get someone else to.
---------------------------------
Sounds like a good idea, but I don't know anyone who is really good at proof reading, I seriously do go over my work and try to do the best I can, again this is my first real attempt but I enjoy the feedback.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-11-13 12:27:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This is an enjoyable read, but it's marred by constant typo's. Seriously, take the time to proof-read your work before you submit it. If you suck at it, get someone else to.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-11-13 12:00:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No probs, It's nice to see someone actually writing something original.
Submitted by Sandecki (user info) at 2006-11-13 11:48:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-11-13 11:33:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok there are a few problems.
As I said the opening typo immediatly annoyed me (i'm shit at spelling/ typos too).
Ripped/ Commrades and a few...stale words detracted from the interesting plot. I fucking hate war stories, but I see the 'Band of Brothers' potential in this.
I would reccomend two things.
1. Thesouras, never hurts.
2. If you are going to use repetitive words make them seem aplicable. The word commrades seems out of place unless used once or in anything other than a Russian soldiers war story.
3. There were parts of the story that seemed like you were trying to make it too much...or at least more than it was.
I think on the whole make it a bit longer, don't force it so much and check spelling etc.
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thanks, I'm going to use a thesouras tommorow for part 3, I'm going to try to make it longer, but hopefully you'll notice each part gets longer and longer. I'm slowly going to get more into detail about everything else and how it got to this point, but thats as the story goes on. This is my first real attempt so I appericate the help and not being slammed. I'm going to try your ideas and some others for part 3. thanks again.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-11-13 11:33:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok there are a few problems.
As I said the opening typo immediatly annoyed me (i'm shit at spelling/ typos too).
Ripped/ Commrades and a few...stale words detracted from the interesting plot. I fucking hate war stories, but I see the 'Band of Brothers' potential in this.
I would reccomend two things.
1. Thesouras, never hurts.
2. If you are going to use repetitive words make them seem aplicable. The word commrades seems out of place unless used once or in anything other than a Russian soldiers war story.
3. There were parts of the story that seemed like you were trying to make it too much...or at least more than it was.
I think on the whole make it a bit longer, don't force it so much and check spelling etc.
Submitted by Sandecki (user info) at 2006-11-13 11:24:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Should be "their" not there right?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-11-13 11:23:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-11-13 11:21:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
Firstline and there's a typo.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-11-13 11:21:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Firstline and there's a typo.
Submitted by Sandecki (user info) at 2006-11-13 11:15:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Again, I'm not to interested in the ratings but more into suggestions and comments if you don't mind. I'd like to hear ideas and things that I made have done wrong.